If ever I am still your home.
At first, I was scared to death that you are just like him— fleeting; someone who will temporarily patch the void I have been trying to conceal for a long time but then, maybe first impression lasts because now, you will just be a name carved in my heart— a scar, a history. That night, when you let me let go of you, I think I heard the church bells ringing. I think I heard the song we could’ve picked if we ever reach that state in our lives as a couple. I almost uttered the vows I have been trying to silence every time we go through hard times because that makes me want to envelope you in my arms, be strong for you and me and not let go of you. I almost envisage you in a tuxedo wearing that panty-dropping smile of yours and that look in your eyes that keeps my feet tethered to the ground. I almost felt the touch of a cold, gold ring in my annulus finger and it made me flinch. Tears started to run down my face and I can’t breathe. I pushed you away because you gave me reasons to, I pushed you away because I don’t deserve you, I pushed you away because I always think you would go back to me like a kid on a trampoline but baby, you surprised me. You never came back. But I waited. Thinking that was just spur of the moment kind of decision and until now, I am still waiting. If coming home ever cross your mind, my door and windows are closed but remember that you have the key and access through mine’s so I’ll be at the sofa, drinking a sweet caffeinated drink, waiting for you. Do not be afraid to come back. Swing the door open, embrace me with your cozy arms, kiss me and I will not hesitate.