…well, that escalated quickly. I posted it way back at the end of 2014, it got reblogged by several BNFs in quick succession yesterday, and then it proceeded to rack up like 2,000 notes in one day, so apparently it still needs to be said:

Yes, you are allowed.

You are allowed to write the fic you want, rather than the fic you feel obligated to write. You’re allowed to write crack, crazy realism-defying stunts, self-indulgent trope fic, fucked-up fic about problematic people doing unhealthy things. Fic that doesn’t go through the pre-flight safety check for every swordfight and every BDSM scene, fic that glosses over the ugly real-life fallout of psychological trauma and/or jumping out of a quinjet without a parachute. Or, hey, if that’s your thing, fic that dwells on psychological trauma in loving, messy detail and has at least three punchlines about characters not being able to defy the laws of physics. Any of those things! All those things! We contain multitudes!

Any fic you write is probably going to be a net positive for fandom. The people who were looking for something in your niche get it, the people who didn’t know they wanted something in your niche discover a new thing they like, the people who don’t like it click the back button, the people who really really hate that entire genre of fic get to stroke their hateboners and get high off their own self-righteousness.

If it upsets people? The back button is a failsafe and instantaneous safeword. If it’s not as ~quality~ as other people’s fic? Don’t make me break out that “holy shit! TWO cakes!” comic. If someone takes away a disturbing, unhealthy, or otherwise less-than-wholesome message from your fic? You are not responsible for their failures of critical thinking or reading comprehension, to say nothing of those reading with outright malice looking for something to pounce on after interpreting it as uncharitably as humanly possible. Jesus fucking christ, it’s fanfiction, if people legit want sex ed they should be on Scarleteen. It’s not your job to educate them, certainly not with your fic. It’s not. It’s not. Fic serves so many other purposes. You are allowed to write what you want.

anonymous asked:

I am a little confused on what might make or break someone being asexual. I know Libido is not sexuality. But sometimes it is really hard to figure out the difference. (At least for me) Especially having a higher libido. Many things can and do turn me on at random, but when it comes down to actual sex... I just loose interest. I feel like its almost a strange limbo between being Asexual and not, because the line is really foggy for me on what makes or breaks it.


SENSUALITY: your physical senses & your awareness and experience of them

INTIMACY: the ability & desire for emotional closeness with other people

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: your sense of being straight, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual

SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH: one’s capacity or ability (or lack thereof) to reproduce & feelings and experiences with reproduction

SEXUAL BEHAVIORS & PRACTICES:  what we or others actively do sexually to enact or express our sexuality

POWER & AGENCY:  Power is the ability or capacity to do something, and can also be about strength or force, or the ability or capacity to exercise control over oneself or others. Agency is a sociological or philosophical term that addresses a person’s capacity to act: what a person has the right, ability or power to do.

more here (above, summarized)

SO BASICALLY: your sexual orientation can cross with your libido/sex drive (sexual & reproductive health/hormones) but it doesn’t determine it. If you experience sexual attraction to other people, you’re allosexual. If you experience no sexual attraction, you’re asexual. I have a fairly high libido myself (although it has definitely calmed down now that I am no longer a teenager), but I don’t experience sexual attraction, so I am asexual.

-Mod L

anonymous asked:

Wow. So you honestly think a woman who seeks out relationships and sex with men can be lesbians? Unfortunately for you words have meanings. Lesbians are only attracted to other females. The term you were looking for was bi.

I think that people who identify as lesbians sometimes fall in love with men, yes. It happens. Sometimes people can be deeply invested in the queer community and in identifying a particular way, and then something happens that makes them realise they need to widen or change their identification. I think the important thing is that the original asker feels empowered to pick a label that describes their desire accurately, and also helps them feel comfortable making relationship decisions that truly make them happy. I’m not interested in policing their usage.

Since this is a historical blog, let’s look at the historical context for a bit:
There is certainly a long history of women who are primarily or exclusively attracted to other women seeking out relationships and sex with men for a variety of reasons, such as protection, cover, income, children, a desire to fit in, and so on.

If you look back over the history of the term lesbian (we’re talking the noun, not the adjective here, so ‘a lesbian’ not ‘lesbian’ as a descriptor for behaviour), it originally meant ‘person from Lesbos’ in English (and indeed, that’s still one of its meanings). In the late 19th century it began to be used as an oblique way to refer to Sappho (who came from Lesbos), and through her, to sexual and erotic desire between women. This became less and less oblique as time wore on. By the early 20th century it had become a blanket term applied to any woman who felt that kind of desire (although still less popular than other terms like invert and sapphic). How these ‘lesbians’ felt about men or what they did with them went unmentioned or was seen as irrelevant.

In the second half of the 20th century, as the queer community became more public and experimented with language and reclaimed words, it became an identity label, and the meaning became more specific. It was usually applied to women who exclusively or primarily felt attraction to other women, and had romantic relationships with other women. (Or women who wanted to identify that way). Some pretty heavy policing went on in some circles, with terms like ‘gold star lesbian’ gaining currency. But the term has always been a bit woollier than some people would like to admit, mainly because human sexual behaviour is woolly and complicated. As sexual researchers will tell you, almost no one fits neatly into one box.

My preferred definition of lesbian is the one Scarleteen uses: “The sexual orientation of a woman who is sexually and emotionally attracted only or mostly to other women.” It honours the historical and modern meanings of the term, the flexibility of desire, doesn’t police who we’ve had sex with, and keeps the focus on who we’re attracted to, not who we’re excluding.

anonymous asked:

Do you guys have any recommended reading for someone who's having a really hard time moving beyond sexual shame? I don't believe the purity culture stuff anymore, but I'm still afraid of sex and of talking about sex with future partners. What has helped you?

The best place to start is Damaged Goods: New Perspectives in Christian Purity by Dianna Anderson.

Sex ed: Scarleteen has lots of comprehensive info on sex ed. It’s geared towards teens, but can be very helpful to those who grew up in purity culture.

Blog: Tell Me Why the World is Weird does a great job of breaking down the nuances of how purity culture causes sexual shame.

For more, check out the Resources tab on this page as well. 

anonymous asked:

Hi, I was wondering if you know if taking a birth control that spans 3 weeks with 1 week of mothing versus a 4 week with the last week containing no hormone has any effect causing you to be more likely to be pregnant since you have no pills that week?

according to scarleteen:

“When you take the pill, the synthetic hormones send a different set of signals to your reproductive system entirely, so that you do not ovulate – release that egg – so that your vaginal secretions become and remain thicker (to make it tougher for sperm to get to an egg in the case something went amiss there), and so that that endometrial lining doesn’t build up as much (in the case that the other two modes go awry, that would make it really tough for a fertilized egg to implant). That’s three different ways to protect you from pregnancy, and even just one of those ways is often enough.

The reason why you don’t have any extra risks during that placebo week is because of all of the things the pill has done in the three weeks prior, and which it will do once you start taking it again. During that week, you don’t need pills because they’ve already prevented ovulationand fertilization, so you couldn’t become pregnant during that period of time, as without all those preceding signals to be fertile, you can’t suddenly become fertile in that week.”

I can’t find any information as to whether taking constant hormones would be /safer/, per se, but birth control that has a placebo week is still safe. I would ask an ob/gyn or @themidwifeisin if you have further questions.

anonymous asked:

@ the ally: also maybe avoid "so how does... like... lesbian sex work??" If you're wondering, I'm sure you can't find out via the Internet instead of having an awkward convo with your cousin.

I may or may not have had that conversation with Rae when I thought I was just an ally. ^.^; Scarleteen is a good source for those kinds of questions.

Adults have a tendency to view the feelings of teenagers as unreal, fleeting, exaggerated or half-baked, even though when they were young people themselves, they experienced and felt hurt and disrespected by this treatment from adults. This is the core of adultism, and it’s just as noxious as any other kind of -ism is.

For instance, there’s the popular adult sentiment that when people are young, they can’t possibly know what love is or feels like (because apparently love is only real for older adults, which also suggests young people can’t love their parents, either!), or that whatever feelings of love they are having are part of a phase they will outgrow, and whatever comes after, once they’re adults, will be more real. It’s a Velveteen Rabbit setup, where only someone external, with powers they don’t have, can make them real.


Scarleteen Confidential

An excerpt from our Big Five.  If you haven’t checked the whole piece out, you can find it here

anonymous asked:

Our sex ed teacher told us that masturbation, porn, and having multiple sexual partners depletes your dopamine and oxytocin levels so you will have trouble bonding with others and finding pleasure in sexual stuff ever again. It made me really afraid to try masturbation and sex. Is what she said true?

Nope not at all. There are so many things that cause a release of oxytocin and dopamine. Not only sexual activity, intimacy, child birth and breast feeding but also hugging, being charitable, being in social situations, laughing, exercising, talking to people, certain foods, deep breathing, petting and playing with animals, getting a massage, singing, competition, gambling, playing games, yoga, acupuncture, the list goes on and on. I’d like to quote an article on scarleteen ( that if that teacher’s logic was true then these statements would also be true: 

  • Mothers who deliver by C-section or who do not breastfeed will not be able to bond to their children.
  • Post-menopausal women have a decreasing ability to bond with other people. (Grannies are gonna love that one.)
  • Massage therapists can’t pair-bond because they touch too many people.
  • Mothers who deliver or breastfeed more than one child will be less and less able to bond to subsequent children.
  • Because birth apparently creates the biggest oxytocin surges we know of, women may bond with anyone involved in their birth. Good news for obstetricians!
  • People who have and care for pets will be less able to bond with other pets or people.
  • People who sing in choirs or bands may as well be having orgies for all the oxytocin they’re hurling around.
  • People with autism may not be able to bond to anyone, ever

Masturbate and have sex as much as you want! Hug all the people! Get all the massages! Pet all the animals you can find! Smell all of the babies! Laugh all the time! None of these things will “deplete your hormonal levels” whoever thinks that really needs to take a class on biology.


dystopiance  asked:

I have a question I'm not monogamous / poly in a relationship with cishet dude but I'm queer and have a crush on a femme person any advice how 2 talk 2 crush about being non-monogamous but in a relationship slash genuinely open/want 2 know her

Hmm, that’s a good question. This is something that probably most poly people will have to face at some point? – the whole “Hey cute person, I’m in a relationship, but lol don’t worry it’s cool” conversation that feels so much more awkward because society hasn’t set a precedent for it yet.

Unfortunately, I don’t have personal advice, since that hasn’t happened to me yet. My general advice is always “Be open, be honest, etc.”, but that’s pretty vague and so much easier said than done.

So instead, I’m going to turn you over to some of my favorite resources. Scarleteen is a wonderfully real resource about sex, health, identities, dating, etc. intended for teens and people in their early 20s. I used this website all the time when I was younger, and I loved it because it doesn’t bullshit young people. Seriously. It gives young people the advice they need in a language that works for them. If you’re under 18, definitely check them out.

The Poly Weekly podcast is my other favorite. Readers – this is one of my favorite poly resources. It’s a free podcast that you can access online or on the Podcast app, and it’s hosted by a lovely, charming, quirky woman named Minx. It’s intended for adults, largely because the types of relationships they discuss are relationships that adults (and usually not teenagers) tend to have, like marriage and cohabitation. Definitely recommend for anyone in their early 20s or older. From quickly scanning a few titles, hopefully at least one of these will be relevant to your situation:

  • #470: “Do I have to date my species?” (On dating someone who is monogamous)
  • #439: “How to come out to your social circles” (I’m like 99% sure from listening to this before that this addresses your problem)
  • #405: “Testing the poly waters with a monogamist”
  • #390: “How to date a girl” (For bi/pan/queer girls who are already in a relationship with a cisdude)
  • Some slides on Poly Dating

Lastly, the website More Than Two is super legit, and they have a whoooole bunch of info on lots of different topics.

I hope one of those resources helps you out! Good luck!

anonymous asked:

hey do u know any trans friendly sex ed resources?? preferably not like obviously sexual from the url because i have to use a school computer. i just 1) dont know where else to find sex ed that doesnt make me dysphoric and 2) when it comes to non p in v sex i have no idea what im doing. thank u!!

@hellyeahscarleteen, @outforhealth, @plannedparenthood

they all have their own websites under the same name (except the first, that is just scarleteen). scarleteen is more sex-ed focused, outforhealth and planned parenthood are more reproductive-health and safe-sex focused, but they are both still really great resources.


anonymous asked:

I'm 14& my bf is 26 & we had sex and ever since we did it he's been really distant and rude and keeps presurring me to do it again even though I don't do it talk to him about it?

Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.

Your 26-year-old boyfriend is a gross creeper who needs to get his shit together and date people his own age when and if he gets out of the prison he should be in. I know it probably seems to cool to have his attention now, but when you’re older please please don’t stop listening just because I said “when you’re older” because this is a real thing it will seem immature at best and, more likely, predatory.

Look, you may or may not already know or care about this, but Bad Advisor needs you to hear it: if you are an American person: when 26-year-olds have sex with 14-year-olds, that is not generally considered to be “sex” but rather a creepy crime called “statutory rape“ almost everywhere in the country, if not absolutely everywhere in the country. Bad Advisor can’t speak to the technical terms that might or might not be used elsewhere in the world, but Bad Advisor bets shit is illegal there too. Bad Advisor isn’t saying this to scare you, but to illustrate the gravity of the situation: people have made laws to protect teenagers like you from people like your boyfriend.

But aside from the fact that this dude is way the fuck too old for you once again please do not stop reading, this is not about the fact that you’re 14 it’s about the fact that he’s twenty fucking six years old here’s what:

"he’s been really distant and rude and keeps presurring me to do it again even though I don’t wanna”


Good, healthy relationships do not EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES include “pressuring” anyone to do literally anything they do not want to do. Good, healthy relationships do not EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES include tap-dancing around the feelings of someone who is “distant and rude” because when that happens, the “distant and rude” person is putting you on the train to Emotional Abuseville and you will not enjoy being on that train and it is a hard-ass train to get off of and the view sucks and there’s not even a shitty food cart and it’ll be hot and un-airconditioned in the summer and fucking freezing with no heat in the winter time. 

You never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have to have sex—or do anything with your body or anyone else’s body—if you do not want to. Nothing you can ever do or say obligates you to have sex with someone else. Sex is not a deal, a prize or a transaction, it is something enthusiastically consenting humans do with other age-appropriate enthusiastically consenting humans.

What the Bad Advisor would love for you to do are three things:

  1. Join up at some online communities for teenagers where it’s safe to talk and read about sex, healthy relationships and other fun shit to do that is not worry about the 26-year-old grown-ass man you are about to kick to the curb. You might like Scarleteen, Sparklife, or gURL.
  2. Consider talking to a trustworthy adult about your relationship with this man, bearing in mind that some adults (like teachers, counselors, or doctors) may be required to report what you tell them about this man to the proper authorities, again, not because you are a bad person but because what he is doing to/with you is not only gross and inappropriate, but illegal. (EDITED TO ADD: Anon, this means your boyfriend gets in legal trouble, not you! You have not done anything wrong. You are fine and you deserve better.)
  3. Send one piece of communication to your boyfriend telling him that your relationship is over, and that you will no longer be seeing him, talking to him or communicating with him in any way, and block him in every way possible and stick to it forever. If he continues to pursue or harass you, or attempts to contact your friends or family, or shows up at places he knows you’re going to be, document everything he does (writing it down in a notebook will work just fine) and tell a trustworthy adult (youth director? teacher? coach? theatre club sponsor?) or, if you feel comfortable, the police directly.


anonymous asked:

So I've been reading a lot about asexuality recently, and from other people's account and my own experiences, I think I'm asexual. However, I don't really have anything to base it on, and I'm having trouble telling what I'm feeling in comparison to others... I was wondering if you knew where I could find allosexual accounts of sexual attraction?

Actually, yes!  It’s amazing, all the stuff that crosses my dash that I save away on the off-chance that it might be useful some day.

I have a few options for you, Anon.

First, from my very favorite sex-ed website, Scarleteen, there is this article on understanding desire. One of the types of desire that they talk about is what I would label sexual attraction, but they also touch on a lot of other different ways that desire can work.

The second description I have comes from a thread on AVEN about what sexual attraction feels like. A user who has experienced sexual attraction before chimed in here to describe what it felt like for him. (In case that permalink doesn’t work properly, I’m talking specifically about post #6, the rest is mostly asexual people speculating and/or very brief descriptions.)

There is also this thread on Reddit. Of the three, it is definitely the most crude, but if you can wade through that (gloss over any of the comments that are only one or two lines long, you won’t be missing much) there are a pretty good variety of descriptions there.

Last, but not least, a couple of ace-spectrum resources for you. This is a page that I’ve linked to as recently as yesterday, from Demi Gray, explaining sexual attraction and romantic attraction. While the mod of Demi Gray isn’t allosexual (she IDs as demisexual), she is still definitely more of an expert on what sexual attraction feels like than I am.  Also, the mods at Asexual Advice have an FAQ that includes some answers to the question “what is sexual attraction?” You can find that page here, and the second section is the one you’ll be looking for.

I hope that helps, Anon!


Hive mind! I need website recs. 

The situation: 9-yr old daughter maturing physically, still emotionally a kid. They don’t get sex ed at school until next year. 

The current status: have had Talks, will continue to have Talks. Also have the ‘It’s So Amazing / It’s Perfectly Normal’ books, have looked at Girlology together. 

The request: I hit puberty long before the interwebs, and only know a little of what’s out there. Her laptop is locked down like Fort Knox, but I’m whitelisting some sites for her to do her own reading. I’ve got Scarleteen, Girlology and Planned Parenthood bookmarked for her - what else is out there? 

1. Must not be Christian-based. We’re Jewish, for one, and I don’t believe in forced premarital chastity. Anything theological re: Purity is deeply inappropriate. 

2. Must be LBGT friendly. Must. 

3. Must be factually based / fact checked.

4. Emotionally appropriate for a kid whose body is moving a lot faster than her brain. Scarleteen is too advanced, really, but I want her to have access to explore - nothing more heavy / higher age range than that. 

5. No Tumblrs or Facebook communities, please. She doesn’t have social media access yet. 

Any recommendations? 

anonymous asked:

could you explain why when you take your placebo pills you are protected (I might be wrong) and when you skip a pill you're not?

Because your birth control pills work as a combined effort to disrupt your cycle.

In the placebo week, you bleed because of withdrawal from the hormones, not actually because you are having a “real” period. All the time up until then your hormones are preventing you from ovulating and your cycle from doing its usual business, and continue to protect you for your placebo pills because of this disruption.

This Scarleteen article explains in details.

- damegreywulf

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm 15 and I've recently kind of realized I would be open to being in a polamory relationship. Atleast I think so But I think I should do some research 1rst. Is there any websites I should read? Or any specific questions I should ask? Thank you!

I’m a big fan of and the polyamory tag on Tumblr. There’s also some basics on Scarleteen, Wikipedia, and Everyday Feminism. If you can get your hands on a book, I recommend Sex From Scratch and Opening Up. There’s all kinds of resources and communities for exploring this stuff online and off.

Also, just keep thinking about what you want! Be in relationships and see what works for you and your partners! Don’t feel like you have to know right now exactly how you want every relationship for the rest of your life to work! And don’t feel bad if you think you know and find out you actually want something different! And take “life advice” from people who are still in their twenties with a grain of salt.