Vriska Serket, age 15.

plays as a troll known as arachnidsGrip, Thief of Light in the guild/“session” Alternia.

she lives with her parents, sister, brothers, and pet tarantula.

she has vision problems in only one eye (farsightedness, the left one), so her glasses have one corrective lens and one that doesn’t do anything.

Vriska’s hobbies include roleplaying (tabletop and LARPing), fortunetelling, and pirate lore. 

her tendency to retaliate more strongly than she really means to has landed three of her friends in the hospital at various times, including her brother Tavros, whose legs still haven’t quite healed.

I came up with trolltags for the prescratch trolls

Kankri: clericalGarnet
Damara: anachronicAnarchist
Rufioh: aerobaticTrailblazer
Mituna: telekineticAmentia
Meulin: apostlesCompassion
Porrim: gynecicActivist
Latula: gnarlyCockatrice
Aranea: atheneumGangplank
Horuss: cavalierTinkerer
Kurloz: taciturnComedian
Cronus: cadillacAristocrat
Meenah: crownedCondescension

Dave Strider, age 14.

plays as a human known as turntechGodhead, Knight of Time in the guild/“session” Beta.

‘this swag-ass little mofo lives with his two older brothers, the older of which may or may not actually secretly be their father. we just don’t know.

because of his ocular albinism, Dave wears his shades as much out of necessity as out of “irony”.

Dave’s a fan of rapping, DJing, obscure music, crows, and dead things preserved in jars, and making purposefully horrible comics. he also may or may not have rescued an injured crow, named it after himself, nursed it back to health, and adopted it. and by that I mean he totally did.

in all honesty, Dave is cool in the way that pugs are cute. his facade of unshakable coolness is working, just… not in the way he thinks it is. and that’s perfectly fine. 

Aradia Megido, age 15. 

she plays as a troll known as apocalypseArisen, Maid of Time in the guild/“session” Alternia.

she lives with her mother Hannah and her sister Damara in an apartment attached to the funeral home the Megido family has owned and run for several generations.

Aradia’s family is of mixed Romani/Greek/Japanese ancestry.

she spent a week in the hospital as a result of one of her LARPing buddies accidentally taking revenge a bit too seriously, and emerged with a renewed appreciation for life.

much like her canon counterpart, she enjoys archaeology, roleplaying, and the occult.

  • Mr. Vantas-Leijon:public speaker, social justice activist (the good kind, unlike his eldest son)
  • Ms. Megido:funeral home director
  • Mr. Serket-Nitram:air traffic controller
  • Mr. Captor:CrockerCorp Sysadmin and part-time chauffeur
  • Mrs. Vantas-Leijon:biographer and painter
  • Mrs. Maryam:grandmother
  • Ms. Pyrope:prosecuting attorney
  • Mrs. Serket-Nitram:manager of a tabletop rpg store???
  • Mr. Zahhak:horse rancher
  • Mr. Makara:CrockerCorp head of security
  • Mr. Ampora:we don't know but he has a yacht
  • Mrs. Sassacre-Peixes:CrockerCorp CEO
  • Col. Sassacre-Peixes:humorist, prankster, published author
  • Mr. Sassacre:stay-at-home dad
  • Ms. Lalonde:sexy science lady
  • Strider:Internet pornographer
  • Mr. English:adventurer
  • Mrs. English:retired

Dirk Strider, age 17.

plays as a human known as timaeusTestified, Prince of Heart in the guild/“session” Alpha.

Dirk is the middle of three brothers, or the older of two, depending on whether or not the rumors that Broderick “Bro” Strider is actually the father of his “brothers” and not their brother at all.

he’s a master of snark, strategy, swordplay, sick rhymes, and robotics, and is nearly the senior Strider’s equal in the art of puppetry.

humanstuck ancestor names

Signless: Samesh
Handmaid: Hannah
Summoner: Sumner
Psiionic: Psimon
Disciple: Dessie
Dolorosa: Dollie
Redglare: Regina
Mindfang: Minnie
Darkleer: Darius
Grand Highblood: Graves
Dualscar: Duncan
Condesce: Connie

Caliborn Ulysses English, age 11.

plays as a cherub known as undyingUmbrage, Lord of Time in the guild/“session” Ophiuchus.

lives with his grandfather and siblings Jake, Jade, and Calliope in a big ol’ mansion with a butler and everything.

do you see this little shit right here? he didn’t even want to take his grandpa up on the offer of getting to play as an exclusive character class and species until he found out that his sister really wanted to play as a troll. he set up their session before Calliope even got the chance to complain about it.

spends most of his time watching the Saw movies, making thoroughly caustic and  highly offensive Let’s Plays of Professor Layton games, and ruining his twin sister’s life one day at a time.


i remade the thing!!!

i’d suggest using skype when playing sburbonline (if it ever actually existed HAHAHHAHAHA) or something 

so when you register you go to the dreamer test (which will probably be pretty accurate) then you will take another godtier test (it would probably have to do with your four-letter personality type)

and there’d be only around 100 beta testers at first (DONT GET ANGRY WE’D WANT TO BETA TEST BEFORE WE’D GET IT OUT!!!) or maybe a little more but i dunno

man idk how the frick this thing would work i cant even code this im sorry

Meenah Peixes, age 17.

plays as a troll known as crownedCondescension, Thief of Life in the guild/“session” Beforus.

Meenah and her sister Feferi, unlike their siblings Jane and John, chose to take Grandma Connie’s last name.

she distinctly takes after her grandmother in appearance, unlike most of her other siblings.

Meenah loves punk and rap music, especially with female vocalists. she’s kind of a rebel, really.

Aranea Serket, age 17. 

she plays as a troll known as atheneumGangplank, Sylph of Light in the guild/“session” Beforus.

she lives with her parents, Sumner and Minnie, and her siblings Rufioh, Vriska, and Tavros.

the Serket-Nitram family is a mishmash of heritages, but Aranea distinctly takes after her mother, who is Russian.

Aranea’s interests largely revolve around literature, lore, and tales of adventure.

Terezi Pyrope, age 15.

plays as a troll known as gallowsCalibrator, Seer of Mind in the guild/“session” Alternia.

she lives with her mother, sister, and iguana. the Pyropes are Azerbaijani/Welsh.

Terezi has had poor eyesight ever since an incident in her childhood involving her friend Vriska. she’s completely forgiven her, oddly enough. at any rate, her synesthesia renders Terezi’s view of the world more vivid than it is for most people, even though everything’s a bit blurry, even with her glasses.

Terezi enjoys LARPing, dragon lore, and courtroom dramas. she intends to follow in her mother’s footsteps and become a lawyer.

SburbOnline AU preview/sample/concept drabble/?????

Your name is John Egbert, and you’re getting ready to play a new game with your friends. You’ve finished creating your character and you’re getting ready to select a title for him.

“Name him zoosmellPooplord,” Dave whispers conspiratorially over Skype.

“Dave, no.”

The character (who looks a lot like a heavily stylized version of yourself), receives the username “ghostyTrickster”.

His character class is Heir, his aspect is Breath, and he’s going to be the leader of your guild, or, rather, “session”. The Sburb dev team sure did go all-out to create unique terminology for everything.

“And…done!” You announce to your webcam’s microphone attachment. “Rose, you’re next. Once you get your character made, I can get started, then it’s Dave, and finally Jade.”

“ghostyTrickster?” Jade’s familiar giggle pours from your computer’s speakers. “Isn’t that the chat handle you used when we were in middle school?”

You decline to answer that.

A few moments later, a message box appears on your screen: “Accept server connection from tentacleTherapist?”

You click okay, and ghostyTrickster/mini John is whisked away to the Land of Wind and Shade, a dim, blue-gray planet covered in glowing trees and mushrooms and little yellow bipedal salamander NPCs.

This is going to be awesome.