I apologise (a note to the Arizona Legislature)

[tw: violence]

I apologise that my personal journey weakens your twisted milieu.  That my existence threatens you so completely — you in your big white castle — that you send little hits out on me; memos of hate; tiny, secret legislations to remove me.

I apologise that you must spend so much of your time and my money trying to forget the pain I cause you when you see me on the street.  I’m sorry that you have to expend so much energy, filling your stares with all the contempt you can muster, because I obviously don’t know that you would rather me dead than alive; that you’d rather me kill myself than be happy.

I apologise for not succeeding in that regard; for being so persistently attached to my mental health as to seek help when you obviously didn’t want me or others like me to find it.

I apologise for when we turn down your solicitations for sex saying, “you haven’t quite forced all of us to prostitution, yet.” It must be hard for you to imagine someone finding your flippant use of power so abhorrent.

And for all the hurt we’ve caused your knuckles as they brushed ever-so-lovingly across our faces, I apologise.

I apologise, too, for the blood we leak out onto your pristine carpet.  A carpet which you have obviously cleaned so diligently to hide the blood of the people of colour, women, and gays that it seems only yesterday you would beat here in the open with me (but are now forced to abuse in the basement).

Please accept this sincere apology even though you won’t accept me.