sayings friends

PSA - screenshots last forever

1. In the light of being publicly accused of being a sexual predator, I have several things to say. Contrary to the person accusing me, I have screenshots supporting my side of the story. Bear that in mind when you send me hate. I find it very disturbing the number of people that have asked me to kill myself without even bothering to ask if the accusations were even true or not.

2. Someone is accusing me of being a sexual predator. I don’t know why she’s hiding behind an anonymous blog now, everyone knows the only person I co-wrote fics with, is her. She used to own the urls rhuubarb/anhcor/antihetharry/stylinscripts/paynet-ed. I’m saying this for clarity’s sake as I’m about to post screenshots, so you know all the posts are coming from the same person.

3. this is the posts where she admits she lied about her age all along and that I didn’t know about it. (contrary to what she claims in the now conveniently deleted post)

This is the screenshot of our last conversation (I was the one to put an end to it, contrary to what she claims)

4.  When we met, I EXPLICITLY had told her I didn’t want to interact with minors and she disregarded my wishes and built herself an imaginary life that she fed me (and our friends and betas) daily. She admits to it here too. I have tons of people who know about my age policy and know that I don’t want under any circumstances to interact with minors. That discovery, months after our falling out, led me to orphan our fics. Which I explain the circumstances of here.

5. I have sought legal counsel and I will be pressing charges against that person. This is not a game, this has gone too far.

Etiquette and Consent in Emotional Exchanges

When we’re emotional, we want to connect with people. And it’s usually taken for granted that the other person is physically available to talk, then they are emotionally available as well, because as a culture we tend to assume that emotional labor has no cost.

However, human nature is to care. And that means investing in others’ emotions. When my friend tells me he’s sad, I feel a fraction of that sadness with him. I want to help him feel less sad a) because he’s my friend, but also b) because I don’t want to take on more sadness in my life if I can help it.

For normal sadness, this is fine; it’s occasional, it’s usually not on a huge scale, and usually the friend is more than willing to accept responsibility for their feelings and physical well-being. In other words, when people are mentally healthy, they tend to reflexively do a lot of the emotional work. Some examples of the emotional work being done here:

  • identifying the problem
  • validating emotions
  • identifying solutions
  • challenging distorted thoughts/perceptions
  • empowering / encouraging the person to take the steps they need to take
  • ensuring immediate and long-term mental stability
  • ensuring immediate and long-term physical stability
  • taking turns holding space

For those with chronic emotional issues, there needs to be a different approach; it is unfair to expect someone in crisis to do the same amount of emotional work as someone who’s not. However, it’s ALSO unfair to expect others to take on a bunch of labor just because you’re not up to doing it yourself. What’s more, this difficulty gets used as a justification for isolating and letting an emotional issue fester.

But there is hope!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Help! My friend who began her transition about four years ago, who I thought was really thriving, recently confided in me that she regrets coming out and transitioning and is afraid that it was a huge mistake. How do I help?

Lee says:

The best thing to do when supporting friends is to ask what they want you to do to help them. Going on walks together and letting them vent can be nice too. Remind them that you support them no matter what they know they decide to do and that you care about them and won’t judge them if they end up changing things up.

Ultimately you can’t figure out their gender for them, you can just try to support them while they try to work it out.

When I looked it up, I got:

  1. Be available to listen, or just be there for them. Sometimes you don’t need to say a word. Don’t offer opinions or advice; don’t judge them; be patient and understanding; be empathic, gentle and compassionate.
  2. Take them out of their environment as a change of scenery can help to change our mood. It doesn’t have to be wildly exciting – just a walk by the river or a coffee at the mall is often enough to shift things a bit.
  3. Encourage your friend to seek professional help. A friend or family member can be a real lifeline; but objective support from a professional counsellor can help them cope in a more effective way. (Source)

i am pretty sure i’ve made this exact same post before, but chatting with @ladytharen just reminded me of it anew:

minerva mcgonagall and sybill trelawney are totes the grace and frankie of hogwarts, and i firmly maintain that there blossomed between them a delightful, grudging odd-couple style friendship that harry just didn’t really pay attention to because he had his own stuff going on.

a-pup-named-spoopy-doo  asked:

Rewatched the two Dirty Minds videos that they did on GTLive and what gives me life is how Matt would look at Steph when a really dirty sounding clue came up. They always have great chemistry but in those streams it's so on point. It's also really fun seeing them react to raunchy things and knowing that they have a little devious side to them, even if they are mostly PG. I have a huge crush on them both. but I like them best together.

Matt and Steph’s chemistry together is frankly amazing. It’s why I love the less conventional streams when they’re doing challenges or reaction streams or whatnot! I love seeing them bounce off each other and banter and compete or work together. Some of my favourite streams are ones where they’re not playing a typical game and are more interacting with each other (1 2 switch, dirty minds, try not to ______, the AMA stream, etc). They’re just such a great duo and I love seeing how great they work together in all facets of their life!

You know that episode of Brooklyn 99 where Jake is telling someone that he can’t stop Amy from going on dates just because he’s too chicken to ask her out?

Whenever I watch that scene, all I can think of is Ross Geller,

  • telling Paolo that Ross and Rachel ‘have a thing’, when they don’t
  • stopping Rachel from flirting with a cute guy by claiming he was 'protecting her’ from the guy, by telling the guy she was a hooker, with the excuse that they’re each other’s lobsters
  • hiding a message from her because he didn’t like that she wanted to date, because they had a child together, even though they weren’t dating each other
  • Other scenes

And I think that Brooklyn 99 did unrequited romance right. Because Jake knew he had no right to stop Amy from dating other guys, even though he was in love with her. And they said it out loud, that Jake can’t make a woman’s choice for her.

They acknowledge a woman’s right to choose what she wants.