savvy interior design

44. FBGP

Maya’s POV

Last night, I spent the night with Avery. Of course, I slept in the spare bedroom that he had. Rather, sleep wouldn’t be a word that I would use. I more so stared up at the ceiling, all night long my mind had been cluttered with thoughts of us. August and I. The good, the bad, the ugly. Old memories, a few daydreams about what could’ve been. As bad as I want to want this, I can’t. I love August but, not enough. We can’t be together anymore.

Sluggishly getting out of bed, I made my way to the creme colored bathroom. Avery had exquisite taste for a man. I’m not saying that men can’t be savvy with interior designing. I just think Avery exceeds in that category. After cleaning up my tired look, I trailed back into the bedroom to fix his bed to the best of my ability. A few knocks at the door stopped me short.

“Come in.” I replied to that, still tucking the comforter into the bed neatly. The door creaked, Avery strolling inside. In his hands, was a tray of food for two.

“Leaving so soon? I figured you wanted to have breakfast.” he chuckled, sitting the tray down. Smiling at him, I took in the sight of him. Shaking the thoughts away, I went back to what I was doing before. Avery regularly checks into hotel Heartbreak and I’m the woman who leads men on. I would not forgive myself if I did the same with him.

“Um, sure. Living room?” I suggested, straightening out the shorts that he gave me to sleep in. He nodded and picked up the tray of food. I followed behind him, taking in the sight of his brightly lit living room. Chocolate and creme colored furniture decorated the room, sun rays bouncing around due to the glass pieces he had placed around. I just love his decor.

“Where’d you learn to decorate so well, Av?” I asked after sitting down beside him. He smiled, chuckling afterward. I reflected his expression, awaiting his answer.

“My mother is very into renovating and decorating. It kinda came with me, you know?” he replied, taking his first bite. I did likewise, literally slipping into bliss for the first time in a long time.

“And where’d you learn to cook? This is good.” I mumbled, eating more of the cheesy quiche that he made. I swear he makes the best dishes ever.

“Thank the woman that raised me. You know, I never had a father figure. Never even met the dude. So, while each and every little boy was out playing football and shit, I was with my mama. She taught me to cook, grammar, manners, just how to be a man. Listen, women are amazing. Like, she did all that shit alone. I like to think I turned out well, just a little too vulnerable.” he admitted, reaching for his OJ.

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked.

“What kinda man wants to be sensitive and soft? Or, that’s what people perceive me as. Growing up around all those women did this.” he chuckled heartily.

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Women prefer a man who’s in touch with his feelings, opposed to one who don’t give a fuck.” I shrugged, eating some of the fruit salad.

“Thanks, Maya. So, you figured out your life as far as August?” he asked curiously. I huffed, nodding my head so tiredly. This whole situation was draining me mercilessly. It was kinda fascinating actually, how shit like this can mess a lotta shit up physically.

“I’m breaking up with him. We don’t see each other until… next week. So, I have a few days. I’d hate to do it over the phone.” I mumbled, pushing away my finished breakfast.

Breaking up with August would be the toughest thing that I ever had to do. But all in all, he should thank me. This is too heavy for me to drag out without him knowing how I feel. I just don’t like the idea of facing him and letting that exit my mouth. It’s not his reaction I’m afraid of; it’s knowing that it will officially be over once I say that. No more August. And that hurts me to no ends. I don’t want to let him go but I do have to. I love him too much to keep this going on.

“Hey, stop crying.” Avery mumbled, pulling me into a hug. I hadn’t even noticed that I was crying the whole time.

“I’m doing the right thing. I need to keep reminding myself that.” I murmured, face buried in Avery’s hold. Avery was a great person to have around right now. Especially since he is the only one who sees where I’m coming from. If things got hard, I could always turn to him. He gave me feedback that was honest and genuinely cared.

“You’re both going to be hurting after it all but, it’s for the best. Unless, you try harder. It’s only been three days, My. How do you know this is how you really feel?” he asked. I pulled away from the hug, looking up at him.

“I don’t know but, do I deserve him? I mean, I’m crying and I’m clearly not happy. He’s doing all that he can to make us happy. His career and this relationship. He’s juggling a lot. I just don’t want to be a burden.” I admitted. Before, I had so much confidence in us when he hit it big. Every thing is just more demanding, especially his career. I’d hate to block his dreams of becoming a bigger name.

“When he sees you handling it better, it’ll be easier for him. Again, you overanalyze so much. You feel like you’re being a burden but, you’re probably not. Why would he piece this back together if you were a pain?” he asked, making a very reasonable point.

“I thought you didn’t approve of this.” I mumbled, glancing at his expression. He heaved out, breaking eye contact. He seemed to be thinking about something.

“I’ll be honest with you, I don’t. But, your happiness is what matters to me. I wish that I could be the one that can make you happy though. We’ve been friends for awhile now, I’ve always liked you. I respected my boundaries and right now, I wanna say fuck it. You’re never going to be content being with August, I’m sorry. It’s true though.” he sighed deeply.

“I feared this happening.” I mumbled, getting up. His hand reached out for me but, I dodged it. He couldn’t do this! I trusted him as a friend. No more, no less. Now, he fucked it up by expressing his feelings to me. I knew he harbored feelings for me, I just never thought he’d profess them.

“Maya, it’s how I feel. What happened to all that vulnerable shit you said?” he inquired, standing up too.

“Don’t you think this is an inappropriate time? Avery, I have to break up with my first love soon. You’re the only friend I have! Jess is a friend but damn it, you’ve been around. I am furious that you would jeopardize our friendship like that. I like you, a lot. But—”

“But, what?” he interrupted.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Avery. I did that too much to the other men. I hurt Donovan, Tyler, Dorian, and now August. I’m not doing that to you. Maybe those guys weren’t deep in love with me — except August — but, they all thought we could be something. I led them on and I can’t do that. This can’t happen.” I explained, pointing between us.

“Hm, nah, I understand.” he replied dryly. The moment had quickly became awkward and I didn’t know how to fix it up. Walking away from him, I went back into the bedroom. We probably need to keep a fair distance between us so, I’ll be on my way. I care about Avery but, I can’t hurt him. It’s like I don’t know how to love anyone.

Tears fell down forcefully as I redressed in the outfit that I was wearing yesterday. Once I had everything, I went back outside the room to see him sitting on the couch. Sighing, I sat beside him and placed my hand on his. He kept a heavy gaze faced on the blank TV, ignoring my presence.

“I’m sorry, Avery.” I mumbled, intertwining our hands. When I looked up, he was already looking at me. I couldn’t tell his emotion based on the blank face that he was sending me. I just don’t want to alter this friendship.

“It’s aight. I shoulda never said that. I shoulda kept that in. It was selfish of me to even say that during this moment. The shit that you’re going through needs to be sorted out. I can understand your reaction to that.” he apologized. I’m sure I can tell when Avery doesn’t mean something and, he didn’t mean that. Even in the slightest.

“Don’t think that I don’t feel the same. I do. I mean, we had a friendship before all else. We have foundation, you know what I mean? I just think… it’s inconvenient right now. But, I love you a lot, Av. You’re the best.” I smiled, reaching over to give him a tight hug. We stayed like that for awhile after those words left my mouth. Parting words were shared before I took the ride home. I had so much on my mind but, I had a plan. I knew what I had to do.

Niko’s POV

Maya recommended that I talk to Kim just to get insight on what was going through her head. While we agreed I’d wait for a couple days, I couldn’t. Sitting at home, not getting all this shit messed me with me even more. I needed answers. So, that led me to Kim’s house.

“Hey, Ms. Tran.” I greeted as soon as she opened the door. Kim’s mother came down to visit and this is the first time it would be a meeting between us. But, I wasn’t here to get a seal of approval from her. I needed to speak to Kim.

“Hello, Niko. This is Kevin, Kim’s brother.” she introduced. I waved lightly at the boy, getting a simple head nod back. In this family, they all took after their Asian genes heavily. Not Kim though.

“So, where’s Kim? We kinda got into it n’ I need to talk wit’ her. You know, make it right.” I sighed. She pointed up the steps, telling me that I was welcome to stay for dinner.

I took the hike up, opening her bedroom door when I was face to face with it. She was curled up in bed and I had no idea if she was asleep or not. Taking my chance, I trekked to the bed and shook her lightly. She jolted up, sighing out loud when she saw me.

“You scared me.” she mumbled, rubbing her tired eyes.

“Ma’ bad.” I muttered. No matter how much Kim frustrated me, I still had love for her. I mean, we can never be back in the good place that we were. Every time I look at this girl, I have to be reminded that she tried to kill my seed. And, my baby didn’t even make it, to make matters worst.

“You wanted to talk, huh?” she asked knowingly, reaching toward the nightstand to turn on the light. I nodded lightly, trying to gather my words. I tend to erupt and as of lately, I’ve been working on that. I think my reaction was justified the first time but now, I want to simply talk.

“I need to know why. Like, why did you wanna do that? It’s not processin’ for me.” I mumbled.

“I don’t want kids, Niko. I really don’t. You were happy and assumed that I was too. I wasn’t.” she answered.

“You couldn’t say shit? We coulda spoke about this, Kim. It just fucks wit’ me that you were willin’ to that n’ not tell me shit. That was ma’ baby too.” I grumbled, staring at her.

“I’m sorry, Niko. I don’t know how to make that any better. It was stupid and honestly, I’m glad I caught myself before I even did it. Still, I should have said something to you. This involves you too. I understand that.” she responded. I kinda forgive her but all this ‘understanding’ shit seem fake. She’s not that remorseful about it. Not even grieving about it.

“Kim, I lost ma’ mother. I ain’t wanna lose ma’ baby as well. No matter how much you apologize, that shit was foul. I’m understandin’ of ya’ point but, that shit moved me. I think it neva’ mattered to you how I would feel. On that note, it’s a good move if we just ended this shit altogether. To be real, I was only stickin’ around ‘cause you was pregnant.” I said.

Her expression seemed blank, almost as if she didn’t care. I honestly don’t think Kim ever loved me that much. She was in love with the competition that she put up against Chanel. Or, maybe that pregnancy changed her feelings for me.

“Running back to Chanel?” she asked bitterly. Standing up, I straightened out my attire. This wasn’t a conversation that I came to have. She’s the last person I want to talk about.

“Nope. I’on see why you two battle ova’ me. I ain’t special.” I chuckled, watching her look up at me with watery eyes.

“I don’t know why you feel that way. But, it’s whatever. We are done and that’s fine. I didn’t want to end this but, I have respect for you and your decision.” she sighed, getting out of bed. She hugged me tightly and just because, I gave her a hug back. We walked downstairs together, going in other directions. Although I was invited for dinner, I’m not tryin’a put her under a false impression and rope myself back into her life. I’m officially done with Kimberly.

August’s POV

| One Week Later |

Luckily, my schedule was in sync with my life and I made it my job to drop by to see Maya. She’s been kinda distant on me and I have no idea why. I hate whenever she gets in her emotions and refuses to tell me wassup. But I’m in H-Town and I’m here to see what’s on her mind.

Opening the front door with the key that I had, I sauntered in her house. It’s been forever since I been here, I ain’t see my house in a minute either. Taking the flight up, I peeked into the bedroom to see that she wasn’t in there.

“Where is this girl?” I mumbled, pulling out my phone. She was home, her car was outside and she told me to pull up to the crib. I texted her, getting a reply back in a second.

“Outside.” I sighed, jogging back downstairs. I went inside the kitchen, exiting out the double doors. Finally, I saw her sitting in a chair, sipping on alcohol, probably.

“Hey, baby.” I smiled, bending down to peck her lips. I felt literally nothing, no urge to kiss me back. That was off but she looked drained. Maybe she tired or some shit.

“How’s everything going?” she asked, smiling some. I saw so much built up distress on her face, making me worry. I mean, what the hell is going on?

“I’m good. You?” I returned, sitting beside her. I draped my arm over the cushion of the couch, pushing her bangs out of her face. She shrugged, placing her glass down.

“August… we need to talk.” she mumbled, playing with her fingers. I tensed up some, expecting the worst. I kinda had this idea on my mind and I was gon’ blame myself. Is Maya pregnant? That’s what it all points to in my head.

“What about? Us?” I questioned rhetorically. She nodded, a shallow sigh leaving her mouth.

“We never communicate so, I’m going to be straight with it and can only pray that you understand. I wanna break-up. If you don’t get why, I’ll explain.” she rushed. With a clenched jaw, I aimed my attention on her.

“Yeah, explain.” I gritted.

“I-I don’t wanna do this anymore. I’m not happy and it’s not you. You make me happy, August. It’s just… this dynamic. It isn’t working out for me. We’re better off apart and I know you’re mad at me. But baby, please—”

“Get the fuck off of me.” I grumbled lowly, pulling my arm away. Her sniffles were audible now but, I didn’t care.

“August, just—”

“Shut up! I’on need this shit, Maya. I tried to piece this back together, I tried makin’ this work. Ya’ ass ain’t ever satisfied wit’ what I do! I neva’ do enough for you! Well, fuck it then. Fuck you, fuck this relationship. Gimme the ring.” I ordered as she cried. She looked up at me with hurt festering in her eyes, tossing the ring at my chest. It fell on the concrete in the backyard, making me grill her.

“You didn’t even listen to me! I’m doing this for you! Yes, I need this for me but really, for you!” she screamed.

“Nah, you doin’ this for you! This time doe, I’m done. Like I said, fuck you. Ya’ll bitches ain’t shit, man! This what I get. I been cheated on, lied to, every fuckin’ thing! All I do for ya’ ass goes unnoticed. It’s funny ‘cause I swore you were the best outta them all. Ma’ mama loves you, the girls do, shit, I do! You were different. I guess not. This shit— I shoulda saw this comin’ from a mile away.” I sighed, storming away from her.

Leaving her in the backyard, I went back into the house. So much I had to say but, I restrained myself. I wanted so bad to curse her ass out. Ugh! I might fuck around and hurt her feelings for real this time. Hopping in my car, I turned it on and sped down the street without caution. Chuckling with bitterness, I shook my head.

“Shoulda known, Aug. Can’t fuck wit’ these bitches.”