Okay, so our D&D party played with the Deck of Many Things tonight.
First up, the Sorcerer that stole the Deck drew four cards:
Comet - If you single-handedly defeat the next hostile monster or group of Monsters you encounter, you gain experience points enough to gain one level. Otherwise, this card has no effect.
Gem - Twenty-five pieces of jewelry worth 2,000 gp each or fifty gems worth 1,000 gp each appear at your feet.
Skull - You summon an avatar of death-a ghostly humanoid Skeleton clad in a tattered black robe and carrying a spectral scythe. It appears in a space of the DM’s choice within 10 feet of you and attacks you, warning all others that you must win the battle alone. The avatar fights until you die or it drops to 0 hit points, whereupon it disappears. If anyone tries to help you, the helper summons its own avatar of death. A creature slain by an avatar of death can’t be restored to life.
Whoa, shit. He wins though, and as per the Comet card he drew first, gains a level.
Donjon - You disappear and become entombed in a state of suspended animation in an extradimensional sphere. Everything you were wearing and carrying stays behind in the space you occupied when you disappeared. You remain imprisoned until you are found and removed from the Sphere. You can’t be located by any Divination magic, but a wish spell can reveal the location of your prison. You draw no more cards.
FUCKING BYE. So our characters are all pretty scared of this deck now. Our bard is happy that it left the money behind. We collect his belongings and head back across the desert and magical wilderness to the town we were traveling toward.
So a few days travel later we reach the town and my Monk, hoping to draw something to save the Sorcerer, draws one card:
Skull - An avatar of death appears and attacks. I win, but I didn’t have a Comet, so I gain nothing.
Our Oath of Conquest (i.e. Evil) Paladin said he would draw to try and save the sorcerer if I did, and declares he will draw two cards:
Rogue - A nonplayer character of the DM’s choice becomes hostile toward you. The identity of your new enemy isn’t known until the NPC or someone else reveals it. Nothing less than a wish spell or Divine Intervention can end the NPC’s hostility toward you.
So he has a new enemy we don’t know anything about, somewhere.
Jester - You gain 10,000 XP, or you can draw two additional cards beyond your declared draws.
TWO MORE DRAWS! TWO MORE DRAWS!
Gem - 50,000gp of gems appear at his feet
So our money troubles are pretty much over with.
Knight - You gain the service of a 4th-level Fighter who appears in a space you choose within 30 feet of you. The Fighter is of the same race as you and serves you loyally until death, believing the fates have drawn him or her to you. You control this character.
His character is driven by his diety/patron to amass power and followers, so this is pretty cool. The first of his army.
Our Bard gets over his fear and declares he is drawing three cards:
Flames - A powerful devil becomes your enemy. The devil seeks your ruin and plagues your life, savoring your suffering before attempting to slay you. This enmity lasts until either you or the devil dies.
Well, shit. The bard, and by extension the party, have been trying to build a trading company in addition to performing around the world as a travelling band, so this angry devil has a bunch of ways to ruin us before killing the bard and maybe all of us.
Star - Increase one of your Ability Scores by 2.
Always good. 20 Charisma now for the Bard.
Vizier - At any time you choose within one year of drawing this card, you can ask a question in meditation and mentally receive a truthful answer to that question. Besides information, the answer helps you solve a puzzling problem or other dilemma. In other words, the knowledge comes with wisdom on how to apply it.
Okay cool, he’s hanging onto it for now, but we’re pretty sure we’ll end up using it to find out how to stop that devil that wants to destroy him.
Did you notice anything about the Knight card? Oh that’s right, the player controls the fighter. So next up, the 4th level fighter, ordered to draw from the deck by the Paladin, draws four cards:
Key - A rare or rarer Magic Weapon with which you are proficient appears in your hands. The DM chooses the weapon.
He gets a +2 cursed weapon that one of the components of the curse is that he won’t give it away. No free loot for the Paladin.
Fool - You lose 10,000 XP, discard this card, and draw from the deck again, counting both draws as one of your declared draws. If losing that much XP would cause you to lose a level, you instead lose an amount that leaves you with just enough XP to keep your level.
He literally just magically materialized here at level 4, so he has no xp to lose. He draws again.
Vizier - Ask any question and receive a truthful, useful answer.
The Paladin lost his memory just before the start of the campaign, so he’s going to have the fighter ask later about that.
Moon - You are granted the ability to cast the wish spell 1d3 times.
Hot damn. He gets 1 on the roll for number of wishes, and grants the entire party permanent fire resistance. Our DM even decrees that the resistance will stack with the Paladin and Fighter’s tiefling fire resist and make the immune to fire, because hey, it’s the Deck of Many Things, it’s real fucking powerful.
The Fates - Reality’s fabric unravels and spins anew, allowing you to avoid or erase one event as if it never happened. You can use the card’s magic as soon as you draw the card or at any other time before you die.
Jaysus. The Paladin and I had agreed that we were drawing to save the sorcerer, and he decides that applies to his servant’s draws also. We use this power to undo the Donjon draw that banished the sorcerer. So he appears alone, naked, in the desert where he had drawn the card. He starts walking, quickly becoming exhausted by the heat and his complete lack of any clothing, food, or water.
But he had declared he would draw four cards. We had undone the draw that banished him, and per the rules of the Deck of Many Things, he must draw all the cards he said he would. An hour after he reappears, a new card flies off the deck, and its effect immediately applies.
He’s lying face down in the desert sands, when suddenly, a 4th level fighter appears, offering him a waterskin and some clothing. They believe that they have been drawn to him by fate, and will serve him loyally until death.
He is saved! But there’s one more thing about the Knight card.
He controls this character. Next week, he’s going to have them draw from the goddamn Deck.