I like to imagine Neil giggles a lot when he gets tipsy. Imagine: Andrew and Neil sitting on the roof, sharing a bottle of whiskey, Andrew’s bitching about Kevin and Exy and Neil is just lying with his head on his lap, staring up at his stupid face and losing his shit. Andrew alternates between glaring at him and shutting him up with a kiss.
“BAD VIBES FOREVER”
I don’t know what hurts more, losing people or losing myself,
I hear things ya know? and talk to myself, I try not to be crazy, keep my composure and be strong, I am strong, but weak at the same time, if that even makes sense, the mystery behind me isn’t anything cool, or exciting it’s depressing, it’s sad, I’ll always be alone in my mind, with my actions, lies, motives,
I’ll always lose people because I’m at never ending war with myself, I lean on people to save me from myself, when in reality the only way to save me is to kill me,
my depressions comforted me for so long, I’ve to some degree become fond or even used to it, I can’t blame my mom , or the girls who loved me for leaving, in the end all there is, is me, it’s not rewarding or suprising , this character I’ve become , is it even me? is this what I wanted? I’m not sure,
the nightmares, sleepless nights, crazy thoughts, they all play a role, I had someone who could ease it ya know? and I made it my goal to ruin it, literally, she was so good to me, she was my heroin, or “heroine” I broke her, completely, but not only to ruin her, to build her, and she hung on , for so long, for so fucking long,
now I’ve reached a point where I can no longer progress, I’m in a pond with a canoe rather than in the ocean around me in a sailboat,
nothing excites me, nothing will give me joy for to long, only pain and sorrow is what has made me feel or comforted me,
being suicidal dosent exactly help these habits either, I had a drug stage where I would pop pills on pills, just to not feel anything at all, I’d get lost, and than create a motive,
the problem now is that my motives are always surrounded with these evil intentions, I’ve come to think I’m literally a villain at heart,
the thing is , villains are necessary for a story to go about, but, they never find love, or comfort in reasonable motive, just the craziest the things, when im good im sad, when im bad I feel alive, but than I hate myself after,
my insanity has been feeding on me since I could walk, I’d only prayed I’d found someone who figured it out and had the patience to keep me, to disregard the pain and only feed me love, it’s selfish of me, I know, but where are you, angel, my wing ridden angel,
I had always assumed that the Beast heard Belle say “I love you” before he “died.” But no, your hearing doesn’t miraculously stay or something weird like that. Adam didn’t hear her say it.
So imagine him fading away thinking that even though his life had been horrible, there was one small light that really truly meant the world over and more to him, and that he was glad that her face would be the last thing he’d ever see…
…then suddenly he’s feeling less cold and much more warm, and there’s a golden light at the end of a tunnel, and he’s still not sure if he’s alive, but then there’s more and more of it and he’s back in the West Wing, standing upright, his bare feet cold on the tile floor, his hair tickling his face and neck, claws absent from smaller, thinner hands, fingers, and it’s not a dream, it’s not a dream, it’s not a dream
And then he turns around and sees Belle standing there, shocked into silence but unafraid, fearless. He stares at her incredulously because there’s only one way this could be happening: she loves him. He used to think such an emotion was impossible and yet here he is and she loves him
He wants to run into her arms and laugh and cry and jump but he can only convey this with a look, an expression. The night is over, the sun has risen, and the curse is lifted, but he did nothing, it was her, his beauty, his angel, his saving grace.
She smiles in realization, their lips touch, and his world is ablaze with life, love, color. The ground shakes beneath their feet and dawn breaks across the castle. This is his new beginning, his rebirth into a better life, a better man, and he is not alone anymore, he will never be alone again.