it gets easier to talk about but it also gets harder to talk about. i have to unfold things carefully, but the map shows better. here’s the first time i got hit by a parent, here’s the first time i got hit by a partner. they’re around the corner from each other, mirror images or hands holding or two sides of a blade. the look on people’s faces always is the same when they find out. like the words hurt them in the pit of their stomach. i feel bad when it does that; i know what it’s like to be suckerpunched. often i comfort people right after: oh, no, it’s okay, i’m okay now, it’s fine, i’m all in one piece, i got out, i’m a resilience child, i learned kindness, i found inner peace, i meditate twice a day, i do yoga and drink kale shakes and eat as if nobody ever made my teeth bleed. some of these are lies, but that is fine too, because it’s better that people don’t know an ugly truth.
sometimes i forget who in the room knows. i laugh about what happened like a punchline (get it) and people stare at me with mouths open like moons. oh my god, did that really happen to you? i don’t know. sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else, out on a distant planet. sometimes it feels like it never happened at all. sometimes it feels like it’s still happening. how can you laugh at that? and is that true? how do i say “because if i don’t laugh it’s serious” because of course it’s true. for proof: raise your hand a fraction too smooth. watch the shadow pass over my face. watch me curl away. watch me change. like a chameleon girl, i shift my shape. someone who doesn’t know laughs. you’re certainly jumpy. the girl at the table who helped me cover the bruise stares at me, watching my chest, trying to figure out if i’m panicking. he’s confused when quiet are you okay questions touch my skin - only those who know, only those who are watching.
and i smile, because it’s easier to talk about but it’s harder to admit it still effects me. memories should be left in the kingdom of dreams. sometimes i feel like i should be done with it already. i stare at a picture of cartoons that says if you don’t know these, you didn’t have a childhood. i know all but two of them. some of them i watched after it happened. i really liked scooby doo. in the end, the mask comes off and the bad guy is revealed and he goes to jail. in real life, i wait for someone to come take his mask off. it just makes him mean. the blue lights of the law never show up on the green of our lawn. i had a pretty good childhood, i think. it made me interesting, at least. i picked blueberries.
i laugh about it a lot. talk about how it’s funny that if you got abused there’s just, like, a second round of partner abuse, sitting out there, waiting for you. that you’re the most likely to pick an abuser from the crowd - or worse, like beauty and the beast, watch yourself become her. see your rotten hands and think of your father. isn’t that funny! that i can take a hit and i’d rather take a lifetime of them than be the one doing the giving just once. i talk about how you walk in the eclipse of it. that it confuses you when the sun comes out. that when you find someone who won’t hurt you, you still walk on eggshells, waiting for them to hurt you. i say it through a smile, because if you bend yourself the right way, your life looks more like comedy-drama than just plain tragedy. i watch fantastic beasts and where to find them and when the abused child turns out to be beyond saving, i hear myself laugh in a bark. or it was a sob. i can’t tell. it doesn’t matter. in my world, children like me learned about magic early, and how our own actions can turn a man from a gentle person into a savage beast.
okay, i say, smiling, maybe if you put it that way, yeah, i was abused and it wasn’t funny. but come on. think of the puns! you could say my life was really a hit! now don’t be upset. it’s funny. it’s funny. it’s funny.
The popular notions that “a woman’s love can tame the most savage beast” and that “love conquers all” reveal an attempt to exercise control in a situation in which women otherwise feel powerless. A logical outcome of these notions is that, since it is women’s love and influence that allegedly tames men, the failure of a relationship, even a brutal relationship, must be the woman’s fault. The woman simply has not done a good enough job of taming her savage partner. And many people do draw that conclusion, as battered women’s testimonies reveal.
I just wanna educate real quick everybody about tardigrades, OK? They can survive a few minutes at 304° Fahrenheit. They can survive 30 years at -20° celsius. They can survive a few minutes at -1000°kelvin. They can survive a few days at -326° Fahrenheit. They can go without water for 10 years. These are savage beasts, and I’m going to haunt them with the only thing that can stop them–their own fears. What does a tardigrade fear? I can’t fathom it. Because it’s un-killable.
Context: After an ill-concieved jaunt across an ocean on a now sunken air ship, the party bard lost all of her instruments. She now only has her voice. Currently, the party is on it’s way to assassinate a zealot halfling who is about ready to start a race-riot. Sneakiness is of the utmost importance. The party bard has a handy spell song called ‘song to soothe the savage beast’ which acts as a song of stealth.
DM: What do you use to play the song? You lost all your instruments in the ocean remember?
Bard: My mouth. I hum and sing a wordless spy tune. I mean like, a song you’d hear in a 007 movie. You know the one. DO-NAH-NEWWWW, DO-NAH-NEW, DUN-DUN. DO-NAH-NEWWW, DO-NAH-NEWWW, DUN-DUN. Do-Doo-DAH-Doo-Doo, DO-NAH-NEW, DO-NAH-NEWWWW-
a tale as old as time. her eyes are brown like mine.
beauty, with your soft voice and your pretty cheeks: does he kiss your bruises after he’s finished screaming? belle, princess of patience, lady who simply loved until he came around to it - can you teach me how to tame him? how to make him never raise a hand to me again?
true love changes him. which love do i give him, bella. in the morning when i am up early to make him breakfast and silent when he yells at me, is this the music that soothes the savage beast? in the black of night, when my eyes are closed and he is panting at my neck, is this the love that put him to sleep?
when he turns twenty-one the spell will be forever. the last petal. he will remain a horror forever. you must shape him into a better man by then, beauty. must carve out your own heart and feed it to him gently. must spoon him your own bones until he stops being hungry.
youthful indiscretions are forgot. you cover up the scars from his claws. it is not the man, it is the curse he lives under. you are his one. his only chance. i come back like you, belle. i return to the castle no matter how battered i become. i think i see the man you saw once, bella. i think i see the man i fell in love with.
we, que linda, are strong girls. my nose, yours, bella, we keep ours in books. i too am the strange girl, running until her feet tire. i too am lost in the woods. we ran from our houses and found monsters, or maybe we were always fated to. we love a challenge. we have hearts that are mountains.
beauty. i kiss him but the spell never breaks, i sit myself in pretty dresses at fancy tables with meals i made just for him. even the grey stuff is delicious. he still throws the dishes.
later when he is apologizing i feel your ghost hope in me - did we at last get through to him. did we reverse the curse. this time, does he mean it. if i am better will he open up. if i am better will he stop. if i am better could i beat him. if i am better can i leave him.
“Why was it, she asked herself, that ‘animals can sometimes subdue their predatory ways in only a few months, while humans, despite centuries of refinement, can quickly grow more savage than any beast.” ― Diane Ackerman, The Zookeeper’s Wife
The Alliance doesn’t need any more monster, beast, savage, barbaric or “horde-like” races, please keep your dark trolls, vrykul, nerubians, eredar , “smart ogres” -or whatever silly new race ideas pleople are coming with nowadays- away from the Alliance. we don’t need to mirror the horde to be cool. Thanks
Syn - You’re right, you’re gunna need way more than that for Alliance to be considered cool :D
He loves the voice. That’s one of the things he loved about McCartney. He never talked about McCartney’s voice. He said he hated his own, but I think Lennon loved his own too. He just liked to fuck it up because he fucked everything up. [McCartney’s voice] was soothing. I think when he heard McCartney singing ‘Michelle’, singing these beautiful songs (“I Will”, whatever it was), I think it gave him great peace. I think it was one of the reasons he loved him and stayed with him so long. It was comfort, it was home. That voice, that “Goodbye” voice, soothed him. It soothed the savage beast. And then he had to throw that away and go to her shrieking like a maniac, like the Manson murders.
No onslaught more fierce was ever seen in the savage world of beasts, where some desperate small creature armed with little teeth, alone, will spring upon a tower of horn and hide that stands above its fallen mate.
Hi there c: Could I request a Eren, Levi and Erwin Modern AU Headcanons of romantic relationships with they're s/o? How would it be and what kind of s/o for them? c: Thank you very much! Keep up the great work!
Even in a modern AU, Eren would still be traumatized by the events that plagued him as a child. There’s no way fate would let him escape experiencing loss and heartache, no matter how that came. That being said, he is still going to need a s/o that is kind and affectionate and loves him despite his various faults; that can calm down the raging storm inside his heart.
They meet randomly, more than likely at a coffee shop or perhaps at a university-sponsored course they both decided to take to expand whatever skill. They end up partnered together for a class project and so they end up spending quite a lot of time together, getting to know one another.
There’s more time for the simple things in a modern AU, so I could definitely see Eren and his s/o going on dates, his hand intertwined with theirs as they did something fun like explore the old downtown part of their city. He has a sweet tooth so they’d often visit ice cream shops together, trying out new flavors and laughing when they happened to get a pretty gross one.
His sleep is still full of nightmares, so his s/o would always be waiting there next to him, curled against his side so they could feel the first shiver that indicated his pain. They’d comfort him until he felt safe enough to fall back asleep, running their fingers through his hair soothingly.
Over all, there would be a lot of love and affection between the two, and he wouldn’t be ashamed to flaunt that love in public by kissing his s/o’s nose when they were being particularly cute, or capturing their lips with his when they’ve said something incredibly sweet and touching.
Eren, being as passionate as he is, is often completely overwhelmed with emotions so he tends to be quite impulsive. Though his s/o might be completely caught off guard, Eren would find himself wanting his hands all over his s/o’s body even in the more inappropriate places, and it’s all his s/o can do to calm the savage beast until they get home and Eren can continue touching exactly where he wants to.
Being in a relationship with Levi in modern AU wouldn’t change that much–he would still be very distant and closed off, and just like Eren there is no way fate would let him escape the tragedy he’s destined to experience as a child. He has issues trusting and letting people in, so getting to know him would still be a feat in itself; he would need someone very determined to break down his walls.
More than likely his s/o would need to work with him because Levi so rarely goes out in public to do anything but work, so establishing a relationship with him would be very hard unless they saw him every single day and had reason to talk to him.
They’re more than likely his assistant, and they’d have to have a pretty dedicated work ethic in order to keep up with his expectations. He finds himself attracted not only to their physique but also just how hard they work to achieve not just results, but nearly perfect ones.
It would still have to be them who pursued him in the end, not the other way around, but I do believe Levi in a modern AU would be a little–just a little–more lax and less rough around the edges. For example he could appreciate when someone looked attractive, and he would be less inclined to hide his approving stares, though he still wouldn’t make it completely obvious.
He might flirt, in a very Levi-esque way, by bantering with them a little more and finding small ways here and there to spend more time with them. His self-confidence would still be lacking for him to make the final move to establish a relationship, but lingering glances and touches here and there would give them a clear enough picture of what he wants.
There would definitely be office sex since Levi more than likely has a fancy, large office to compensate for the lack of things he had as a child. Levi tends to get impatient, and there’s no way he’s waiting to get home to wash away a stressful day at work when there’s a perfectly good desk right there.
Erwin would, no matter the time period, find himself still as busy as he’d ever been–he takes up difficult, strenuous work and finds some martyr-like goal in order to distract himself from his darkest thoughts.
He would be just as charming as ever, except this time there’s not the looming threat of death on every horizon so he would use that charm in more efficient ways. He’s a very good public speaker, and can convince even the most stubborn of individuals to flip-flop to his idea, so he’s more than likely in something like sales or law.
He’s probably working himself to death with paperwork, though, and often finds himself drowning the stress of his job with a glass of bourbon at the closest bar to his work. It’s the only thing that he knows can calm his racing heart and infectious worries about his future.
He’d probably meet his s/o there–they’re bartending and serving him drinks nearly every night during the week that they end up just knowing what he likes and even have it ready for him when he walks in after a tough day at work.
They talk whenever the shift isn’t too busy, first about his work, then onto deeper subjects like his childhood and his regrets. They form a bond that has each of them looking forward to speaking, Erwin realizing that it’s no longer the drink that’s calming his anxious mind but rather the silly bartender he’s decided to open up to.
When Erwin doesn’t show up one night, they more than likely get worried, and decide to visit his office during their break to check up on him. They find him hovering over mountains of paperwork at his desk, completely alone in the dark building and totally surprised to see them. This inevitably ends up in intimacy, both of them overwhelmed by the thick sexual tension and spurred on by the meaningful bond they’ve developed over the past few months.