saudade :x

Saudade Masterlist (COMPLETED)

Hey guys! So to make it easier to navigate, I’m making a masterlist for Saudade (please be gentle with the pic, if you’re up to make a better one for me, that’d be great)! All the parts will be posted here!

Saudade: (n.) Portuguese for a melancholic nostalgia for someone or something from the past.

Summary: She’s willing to do anything to keep Bucky out of harm’s way, that’s why she’s so expendable, and expendability is dangerous.


Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10


Saudade: Ch1

Dating Josh was honestly everything you could ever want it to be. Two years of the greatest moments of your entire life. You couldn’t even imagine being with anyone else. All your other boyfriends and girlfriends, small flings, stupid one night stands, it meant nothing. Josh was like your modern day Prince Charming. While he might not be the typical fancy haired, twinkling eyed, sharp dressed, perfectly postured gentleman, he was just as special. He had hair that changed color almost as frequently as the weather, mocha eyes that squinted and widened in just the right ways, a rather edgy and modern punk fashion sense, a cheesy humor, and a kind heart. You still remembered the moment you met as if it was just yesterday.

“What the fuck?” you cursed, tripping over your own feet and spilling the coffee cup in your hand to the floor, toppling onto the sidewalk, your palms skidding with the pavement.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” a voice cried behind you. Before you knew it, two hands were helping you to your feet, sputtering out apologies. “I didn’t look where I was going, oh my goodness, I am so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you muttered, brushing yourself off before looking up, staring into the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. You were face to face with a guy who looked about your age, blue semi-curly hair, nose ring, gages, a snapback, NASA t-shirt, ripped jeans, and sneakers. He stared at you for a moment before reaching down to grab his cellphone, which you assumed had fallen out of his hand when he had bumped into you, as well as his skateboard.

“Texting and skateboarding,” he explained, turning red with embarrassment and letting out a nervous laugh. “Probably not the best decision.”

“Yeah,” you nodded slowly.

“I’m super sorry about that coffee,” he cringed. “You okay? You took quite the fall.”

“I’m fine,” you reassured. “Don’t worry about me.” You glanced at the spilled coffee on the ground.

“You sure?” he inquired.

“I’m good, I don’t know about my coffee,” you chuckled.

“I’m really sorry about that,” he sighed. “Um, how about I make it up to you? There’s a coffee shop down the street. If you’re not in a rush to get anywhere, maybe we could get you another one? It’s on me.”

“Sounds great,” you gave a light smile. “I was just heading to my apartment anyways.”

“I’m super sorry,” he repeated.

“It’s fine, stop apologizing,” you rolled your eyes. “It was just an accident. I’m quite the klutz myself, so I can relate.”

“Got it,” he relaxed his shoulders. “I’m Josh by the way.”

“Y/n,” you introduced, shaking his hand. You both exchanged a grin before walking towards the coffee shop, spilling out your life stories piece by piece, not knowing what great future destiny had planned for the two of you.

A small accident on the sidewalk transformed into an exchange of numbers in a coffee shop, which transitioned into regularly grabbing breakfast together each week, eventually evolving into attending a couple of his shows, and after a bunch of teasing from Tyler and several of your own friends, an official first date.

“A carnival,” you smirked when he led you towards the Ferris Wheel. “Leave it to someone like Josh Dun to take me someplace strange for a first date.”

“Why? You don’t like cotton candy and popcorn?” he raised an eyebrow teasingly, squeezing your hand he had been holding as you traveled down the boardwalk.

“I don’t know, it’s just unusual,” you shrugged. “I was expecting the whole fancy restaurant dinner or adorable little park picnic or something like that.”

“That’s so cliché,” he rolled his eyes. “Come on, we already exchanged numbers in a café. Isn’t that textbook enough for you?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” you giggled. “I love unusual.” You kissed him on the cheek and watched as he blushed, glancing at you and giving a small smile before you stepped in line to ride the wheel.

Josh spent the entire evening with you, winning you small plush animals, buying you funnel cake, traveling with you through a mirror maze, taking pictures of you riding the carousel, painting your faces, and even getting some animal balloons from a clown. You both ended up straying away from the boardwalk and sitting down by the beach, taking off your shoes and going for a late night walk by the shoreline, holding hands and talking about your favorite things in the world.

“I really like sunsets,” you explained. “The streaks of color and how they settle in the sky, the way the sunlight filters through the clouds, the entire peacefulness of it, it’s beautiful.”

“I like cats,” Josh added. “They’re so fluffy and they make adorable purring sounds and I think they have super cool eyes. They’re neat.”

“Finding money in the pockets of your jeans,” you laughed. “Like when you’re doing laundry or putting on an old pair of pants and you reach into your pockets and find money you forgot was there. That’s a great feeling.”

“You know what else is a great feeling?” Josh asked. “Spending an evening with a lovely lady like you, being able to hold her hand and look into her eyes, walk with her alongside the ocean, and know that you truly love her.”

“Yeah?” you wondered, pausing your walking and looking at him for a moment.

“Definitely,” he nodded. There was a pause. “I love you, y/n.”

“Well that’s lucky for you,” you grinned. “Because I’m pretty sure I love you too, Josh. And that’s one of my favorite things in the entire world.”

“What?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Loving you,” you rolled your eyes. You stared at each other, as if searching for something, before he cupped your face with his hands, studying your face for a second before kissing you, placing his lips to yours and letting the rest of the world fade away.

Since then, your small bud of feelings for Josh blossomed into a passionate flower of love. You started to spend all your time together, going to almost all of his shows, watching entire television series together, falling asleep cuddling on the couch, accompanying him to interviews and award shows, and even dying his hair red and pink. You spent hours drinking iced coffee, singing Blink-182, shopping for beanies and snapbacks, watching Stranger Things episodes, going to the pet store just to play with the cats, making occasional trips to the tattoo parlor, and eating countless amounts of burritos. It was the smell of bubblegum and having sweet sex and wearing his sweatshirts and silly texts and late night city walks and open mouthed kisses and trying to learn to skateboard and penny fountain wishes. Loving Josh was everything you had hoped it to be and more.

“Good morning,” he greeted in a sing song voice, kissing your forehead that morning. “Wake up sleepy head.”

“Ugh,” you groaned, fluttering open your eyelids. “It’s way too early. It’s like seven in the morning.”

“You know it’s our two year anniversary,” he smiled. “Big day.”

“I know,” you chuckled, pressing your lips to his. “How could I forget?”

“I was thinking, I don’t know, maybe we could go to Disney World?” he raised an eyebrow.

“What?” you widened your eyes.

“I sort of already got tickets,” he grinned. “Our flight leaves at ten.”

“You’re crazy,” you rolled your eyes, pulling him in for a kiss. “Wait. Are you serious?”

“Definitely,” he nodded. “I scheduled everything. We can stay for three days, go on all the rides, pose with the characters, watch the fireworks, the whole experience. It’s going to be great.”

“I fucking love you,” you beamed. “I also can’t believe you.”

“Surprise,” he laughed.

“You’re the best,” you kissed him again.

“I just wanted to take my very own princess to the magical castle,” he shrugged. “Special occasion.”

It was days like these that reminded you just how much you loved Josh. The adorable plans and surprises, his childlike awe and innocence, his contagious laughter and smile, everything about him. He even bought you matching Mickey Mouse ears to wear and took you to see your favorite Disney princess. A couple weeks after, you were sitting on the couch when the topic came up.

“I think you’re hiding something,” you murmured as you were cuddling on the couch, just having finished a season of X Files. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

“I’m fine,” Josh dismissed, but you turned around to face him, looking him in the eyes.

“You’re not telling me something,” you insisted. “Josh.” There was a moment of silence.

“I didn’t want to tell you until it was official,” he sighed. “I still don’t really know for sure.”

“You’re leaving for tour,” you stated flatly. “Aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I mean, Tyler and Mark are still working out dates, but yeah.”

“When are you leaving?” you asked.

“Next month,” he explained. His voice went soft. “Or next week.”

“Next week?” your eyes went wide. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he sighed. “We wanted to surprise the fans with a tour and we’ve been practicing and stuff and we’re releasing dates tomorrow but-”

“But you just didn’t think it was important to tell me,” you muttered, obviously agitated with him.

“Y/n, it’s not like I was keeping a secret or anything,” he argued. “I just didn’t know. Okay? Please don’t be angry at me. I just, well, I was afraid to tell you. I didn’t want you to be mad, but I guess you already are, so, I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you took a deep breath. “I overreacted. I’m just sad to see you go. I’m going to miss you.”

“You know I’d take you along if I could,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to your lips. “If Ty would let me, I’d wrap you in my arms and carry you everywhere I go. Even on stage. I’d let you sit on my lap as I play the drums, be up there on stage with me, right next to my heart.”

“You’re silly,” you rolled your eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he gave a small smile.  “You know what else I’m going to miss, though?”

“What?” you raised an eyebrow.

“This body,” he smirked, grazing his hand against your side. “The way your lips feel against mine, how sweet they taste, what miracles they perform when they’re all over my skin…”

“Yeah?” you flickered your eyes up to meet him.

“Yeah,” he nodded. Josh slipped a hand underneath your shirt and up your back slowly, sliding his fingers underneath your bra and beginning to unhook it. “I think we better do a little something special before I leave, right?”

“Definitely,” you whispered.

Everything with Josh was sweet. Being with Josh was a warm cup of café coffee or a sugary tuft of carnival cotton candy. Each touch of his hand was a brushstroke of a painter, every kiss a spoonful of honey, all of his movements as if the light breeze that blows on a sunny spring day. So of course, sex with Josh was always just as sweet. “Lift your arms for me, baby,” he mumbled, slowly inching the fabric of your shirt up your arms, then taking the time to kiss you on the lips again. He trailed his mouth down your jaw, your neck, and towards your breasts, swiftly unclasping your bra and delicately sliding it from your arms as well. Undressing each other was as if performing a graceful waltz, each move just a part of the dance, every thrust of the hips a simple sashay, each roll over a graceful twirl, all movements combined in a beautiful choreography, intertwined with the symphony of your heartbeats and breathing. It was slow and simple and so raw and pure, the most amazing feeling in the world simply compacted into one human being, and he was in your arms, against your body, within you, overwhelming you and taking over, and you savored every second of it.

“I want you,” you mumbled against his neck as you bunched up his shirt and slowly slid it upwards, over his head, tossing it to the side before traveling your lips down his chest. You tugged down his shorts and he lifted you up for a moment to kiss you again, his hands finding your hips and gently sliding his thumbs underneath the waistband of your leggings, hooking his fingers around your panties and inching them both down your thighs, his hand traveling towards your core and making you hum with delight. He brushed past your folds for a second to slide his fingers through your wetness before tugging down your leggings and panties to your ankles, helping you kick them off and then climbing on top of you, slowly grinding down on you through the fabric of his boxers. Both of you let out a slight moan and you reached for the fabric, tugging it down and letting his erection spring free, sliding them down his legs.

“Condom,” he reminded and you sighed, chewing on your lower lip as he reached towards the drawer of the nightstand and pulled one out, your eyes fixed on his movements and the pool of wetness between your legs growing as he ripped the foil open with his teeth and rolled it on over his length, repositioning himself above you and kissing you softly. “So. Fucking. Beautiful.”

“Please,” you murmured and he nodded, lining up with your entrance and slowly sinking in, making you inhale sharply, wrapping your arms around him as he went deeper inch by inch, finally filling you up to the hilt and letting out a soft moan.

Both of you began to rock back and forth, small slow thrusts making you close your eyes and tilt back your head, giving Josh access to your neck, his lips carefully placing kisses on your skin and down to your breasts, each movement so sweet and graceful. He held you in his arms as if you were fragile glass, a porcelain doll meant to be treated with upmost care, a precious jewel uncovered from the depths of the ocean. It made you feel warm and special and safe and so happy, the way his skin brushed against yours making your body relax against his, both of your movements combining into pure bliss. “Baby, I’m close,” he whispered.

“Me too,” you bit down on your lower lip and nodded, both of you starting to shake and quiver in each other’s arms, each thrust of your hips gaining momentum until you both reached your climax, moaning loudly and riding out the waves of orgasm, your bodies pressed so close together until finally it settled. You were wrapped in each other’s arms for a moment before he pulled out, untangling your sweaty exhausted limbs from each other and letting Josh slide off and tie the condom, tossing it into the trash as you reached for the blankets that had fallen off the bed, covering yourself in them. Josh smirked and wrapped you in his arms, sighing.

He stared at you for a moment before closing his eyes tight. “God I’m going to miss you,” he sighed. You kissed again, pressing your lips to his for a moment before pulling away. “I wish I didn’t have to go.”

“Don’t say that,” you frowned. “I want you to have fun. I want you to play your heart out on stage every single night. I want you to smile. And if not for you, then for me. Promise?”

“Promise,” he agreed, kissing the top of your head. He sighed. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I am too,” you mumbled. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

saudade - ⅰ

i know this took such a long time lol, but i was so insecure with my writing that i would rather take a terribly long time and update something pretty good, than do the opposite and update something bad. regardless lol, i hope y'all enjoy this chapter. any feedback is appreciated! 💓


WARNINGS : MATURE CONTENT LATER ON, SMUT, ANGST, DRAMA & VERY SLOW BURN. (*aka, y'all ain’t getting smut for a long time lmao)

↣ ↣ ↣








↣ ↣ ↣


I felt frozen in place as I looked out into oblivion, only seeing darkness and blank space. My body was numb as I tried to make the smallest of movements, but even moving a finger proved to be impossible. My vision transformed from blank space to a blurry scenic overlook of a beach. As I blinked, my vision cleared completely and bold colors took the place of darkness.

The beach I was standing on was completely deserted, overlooking the deep royal blue ocean and beautiful, bold sunrise. The sun peeked through the heavy clouds, illuminating the sky in a dazzling orange glow. The ocean waves were painted orange as the sun reflected off of the water. I saw small crabs crawling along the edge of the shore, towards the water.

The beach was quiet except for the soft crash of the waves against the shore and the faint call of hungry seagulls.

The strong winds blew my long, dark hair in my face, prompting me to run my hand through it. The air was salty and very humid.

I look away from the ocean to study the rest of my surroundings. Fields of tall palm trees casted broad shadows onto the sand, the darkness was a stark contrast against the tan. I heard harsh hissing from the forest, and watched as snakes slithered along the tree branches and long leaves. Exotic birds were perched along the tree branches, letting out chirps that echoed throughout the forest. Bugs flew in the air, buzzing quietly.

I was interrupted from admiring the scenery by faint whispers, but as I looked around me, I couldn’t place the source of them. I was convinced that I was just hearing voices, considering there was no one else nearby that I could see.

My heart jumped in my throat when I felt a strange, distinct presence near me. I gulped and my eyes widen, feeling my chest tighten and fill with panic and dread. My body tensed and I found myself frozen in my place as my legs lock from fright.

“Joe,” An unfamiliar, muffled voice echoed from a distance. I noticed that the voice was feminine, having a melodious ring to it. Her voice was warm and inviting, like silk. It reminded me of melted chocolate and dripping, warm honey.

Her voice reminded me of laughter, cool nights next to a fire, home. As seconds passed, I found myself less frightened and more comforted by the voice. I wanted to hear more of the mysterious voice, even after hearing only one word.

“Joe,” the same voice called out my name for a second time, as if it were beckoning me to them. I love the way my name sounded in the soft, yet commanding voice that had entranced me. This time the voice sounded closer, making my eyes dart in search of the source of the voice.

“Come on, baby..” The sweet nickname made my stomach fill with butterflies, a feeling of relief replacing the heavy weight of anxiety.

A warm feeling spread throughout my chest and a blush paint my cheeks.

“Find me,” it spoke again, with the same commanding tone from before. I felt an overwhelming, desperate need to obey the voice, a need to please them.

“Find me, Joseph,” it continued, using my full name this time, “ Find me! ” Her harsh demand gave me chills as her voice grew in volume, yelling angrily now. As her voice was furious and brash, it had undertones of desperate begging.

I hungered to give her what she wanted, no matter what it was - no matter how big or small.

“I can only wait so long for you.”

↣ ↣ ↣

I gasped, jolting awake in shock, sitting up in my bed as I listened to my heartbeat race, in tune with my rugged breathing. My eyes searched my surroundings as a reflex, finding that I was in my bedroom as I saw the familiar scenery.

I had sweat through my wife beater tank and my short hair was tangled from me twisting and turning in my sleep. I had shifted positions completely from when I fell asleep the night before. My sheets and comforter were tangled throughout my legs, and the rest was falling off of the bed.

I ran my hand through my messy hair with a deep breath, still not believing that was only a dream. It was so vivid, I could swear I smelled the salt in the air and feel the wind against my skin.

I could almost still hear the waves slapping against the shore and the birds singing.

“Find me, Joseph,” her melodious voice still echoed quietly in my mind, repeating the same commands from my dream, “find me, before it’s too late.” Her words struck a cord inside me.

I shook my head, in hopes to wake myself up and get her voices out of my head for the time being.

I groaned lowly in slight discomfort as I moved to get out of my bed. Stretching my body as I did so, I walked across my room to look out my window. Pulling my curtains across, I saw that I woke up hours ahead of time since the sun hasn’t risen and it was still pitch black outside. Stars were scattered in the sky and the moon shone bright, casting light onto the earth below. The full moon was hung high in the sky, hidden behind the thick, billowing blanket of clouds.

It was complete silence except for a few birds, the ruffling of trees in the nearby forest and the whistling of the strong wind.

As I admired my scenery, my thoughts drifted away. I began remembering how my nineteenth birthday was closely approaching, it was only a few days away on the twenty fifth of May.

I sighed, looking down to the ground and pursing my lips. Another birthday, another day to get my hopes up about finally meeting my mate.

I was supposed to meet my mate on my sixteenth birthday a few years ago, but I received absolutely no signs of her. No scent to track, no voice to go off of, no information about her or her family that would help me find her… nothing.

Those years afterwards, my family and I searched high and low for unmated females in Pensacola that were around my age, using any information we could get our hands on. We looked through state records, we spoke to other alphas of relative packs near by, but to no avail.

I sighed staring out into the sky, depressed, knowing that I would go another year without my soulmate. Another year feeling empty and cold inside without the woman that was meant to spend the rest of her life with me.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud, harsh howl that echoed throughout the nearby forest. There wasn’t supposed to be any other wolves out at this time of night besides my family’s pack, so the wolf’s call took me by surprise.

Howls from more wolves continued to echo in the forest, sending chills down my spine and making me shiver. The repetitive calls from the animals suggested that they were an entire pack instead of only a single wolf.

I felt a strong tug at my heart as they howled, sending warmth throughout my body and tingles along my skin. My instincts gave my mind a strange command to find the wolves, as if they were more important than the average wolf.

I heard a sharp scream echo in the distance as the scent of pain filled my nostrils and the stench of fear hung in the air. The cry of pain struck a chord deep inside me, making my gut sink in strange anxiety.

Suddenly my protective instincts were ignited, making me desperate to put the person out of the misery they were enduring.

↣ ↣ ↣

A scream of agony echoed throughout the forest, alerting the birds and other animals that took shelter in the trees.

Genesis panted as a layer of sweat covered her skin, forcing her already warm clothes to stick to her body. The strong wind blew her long, dark curls in her face but she didn’t bother brushing them away, she was in too much pain.

She was leaning back against a tall tree, letting her eyes clamp shut as her jaw clenched tight.

In her heart, Genesis knew what she was feeling, she knew what this unbearable pain was. For years, her parents had prepared her for the night of her first shift. They told her of how her wolf would beg to be set free, how it would desperately claw at her insides causing her terrible agony. She had taken their words a little too lightly at the time, but she had no idea how right they were.

Her muscles were sore and aching, but she persevered, ignoring her discomfort. She felt her wolf beg to be released as it tore away at her muscles, spreading a white hot pain throughout her body. Flames lick at her skin and through her veins, the unbearable heat causing her to scream out in agony. Beads of sweat continued collecting on her skin as her body temperature rose.

Let me out. Give in to the hunger. A voice suddenly commanded, their determined yet frustrated growl echoing in her mind.

Her knees buckled and she fell to the forest floor, making contact with the dirt and grass. Her hands claw and fist through the dirt in hopes to cope with the pain. Her eyes clenched shut as the pain traveled behind her eyes. Tears bit at her eyes, threatening to spill over as her chest tightened and constricted. The fire spread to her ribcage, making it impossible for her to take in any breath.

Her chest was heaving. Her vision was dark and blurry. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t see. She couldn’t think clearly, only the same voice repeating the command constantly, like a mantra.

Let me out. Give in to the hunger.

White hot pain traveled to her neck and jaw, then to her mouth as she suddenly tasted something bitter and metallic. Bringing her shaking hand to touch her lips, she brought her hand back to see her fingers stained with blood.

Genesis let out a gut wrenching scream as the pain in her mouth moved to her canine teeth, almost as if someone was slowly wrenching her teeth out one by one. The pain near her teeth quickly grew to be the strongest pain in her body, surpassing the pain in her muscles, eyes and ribcage.

Quit fighting us, pup. Give in to the hunger. The voice in her head commanded for a third time with a loud, menacing growl.

She felt her strength weaken further, and the last of her control and perseverance wither away as the voice finally roared. You can’t hold it in anymore. Give in. Give in!

Her face contorted in agony as she felt her body finally give in to the dominant voice in her head.

Her eyes opened to reveal striking golden orbs, instead of the warm brown eyes from only a mere few seconds before.

Originally posted by fandomnationwhore

Her jaws loosened, her fangs elongated and her lips pulled back above her teeth, as she lifted her head and let out a long, animalistic roar.

↣ ↣ ↣


As usual, I’ve read way too much - but it’s all good. By the way, I’m trying to hunt down some Hobi and Jin fanfics! So please feel free to recommend me some~ 

(M) - Mature Content

♣ - Recommended




















Like what I usually say - remember to give the authors and their works lots of love! They were all really amazing! 

Saudade (5)

Bucky x Reader

Summary: She’s willing to do anything to keep Bucky out of harm’s way, that’s why she’s so expendable, and expendability is dangerous.

Word Count: 2.1k+

Warnings: swearing, angst, violence

Russian words are in italics



Originally posted by snowtrooper

She’s always so damn cold.

Her memories were fading rapidly now. She couldn’t recall the last time she saw Bucky. Time was irrelevant now. She felt immune to the pain now. Yeah, it hurt still, but it wasn’t like it was before.

Keep reading

Saudade: Ch16

It had been so long since you kissed Brendon, you almost forgot what breathing was. Your head was spinning and it felt like everything else was fading around you, the sensation of his body and lips pressed against yours making you feel alive, the recklessness and desperation of how he held you and kissed you only making you want more. When he pulled away he took a deep breath, still staring at you, both of you not speaking any words. Adrenaline was rushing through your veins, your heart racing beyond belief, the craving in your mind growing stronger and stronger. You were about to kiss him again when he took a step back, arms resting to his sides, swallowing uncomfortably. “No,” he shook his head. “I can’t do this.”

“Why not?” you wondered. “Come on Brendon, I thought we were already over the entire back and forth thing, let’s just do this-”

“I can’t just do this!” he shouted. “Okay?” Your body froze at how loudly his words were, terrified of what he might do next. He closed his eyes, lowering his voice. “If I kiss you one more time y/n, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop.”

“Then don’t stop,” you begged, closing the space between you and taking a step closer to him. “I need this so fucking bad, you don’t understand. Please don’t act like you don’t want this too.”

“That’s it,” he tightened his jaw, grabbing you by the shoulders and pushing you back, taking you by surprise, shoving you into the couch. “You want to be a little slut, then I’ll treat you like one.” Your body made contact with the cushions, startling you at the force he had used to shove you back, your heart racing at the ever-growing frustration and lust in his eyes.

“Bren-” you began to protest but he climbed on top of you, pressing you back into the seat.

“Last I checked, that’s not what you call me,” he warned. “Be a good girl for daddy and maybe then I won’t have to treat you like such a whore.” He gripped your hips tight, legs straddling you, leaning in close to your face.

“I’m sorry, daddy,” you apologized, locking eyes with him and watching his breath hitch at your response. “It won’t happen again.”

“You’re a fucking slut, you know that?” he chuckled darkly, eyeing you up and down. “God I can’t wait to feel that pretty little cunt of yours around my cock again. I bet you’re so tight. I mean, Josh goes easy on you anyways, you probably don’t even work up a sweat when you’re fucking him, huh?”

“Stop talking,” you whined. “I need you to fuck me.”

“Whatever you say, babygirl,” he smirked, kissing you roughly and trailing his hands behind your back, fumbling with the zipper before tugging it down, the fabric of the dress falling off your body. He chuckled at the sight of you not wearing a bra or panties. “Now who might you have done that for?”

“You,” you blushed.

“Sweetheart, you didn’t even know I was going to be here,” he clicked his tongue. “Tell me the truth.”

“Maybe I just wanted to be naughty,” you admitted, eyes glancing up to meet his for a split second, sensing his amusement.

“You really are a filthy slut, aren’t you?” he sighed. “God, if only Josh could see you now.”

“Enough about Josh,” you insisted, annoyed at how much he brought up Josh’s name, but also feeling the slightest pang of guilt. “This is all about me and you, okay?”

When you kissed Brendon again, you were sliding off his suit, unbuttoning his shirt, unbuckling his belt, unzipping his pants, and tugging down his boxers. You were craving for his body to be against yours, for him to fuck you so good. When you were both finally naked you caught Brendon with a slight smile on his face, as if a nostalgic remembrance of what once was or how things used to be, that small desire that had been pestering his mind finally fulfilled. “I really did miss you, sweetheart,” he mumbled, lining his cock up towards your dripping wet pussy, glancing up into your eyes, hesitating for a moment. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” you bit down on your lower lip, looking up to meet his gaze. “Come on, don’t tease me any longer.”

“But maybe we should-” he began but you had already grabbed him by the shoulders and tugged him towards you, gasping as he slid inside you, your fingernails instinctively digging into the flesh of his back, watching his body tense at the sudden movement.

“Enough talking,” you sighed, starting to roll your hips up to meet his, both of your bodies relaxing, your legs wrapping around his waist, lowering your mouth down to whisper in his ear. “Just fuck me already.”

“Oh god,” Brendon moaned, rocking back and forth inside of you. “I’ve n-never done this before, you know, sex without a condom.”

“Mmm, I’m sure,” you murmured, closing your eyes and trailing your hands down from his shoulders to his chest.

“It feels so fucking good,” he gasped, continuing to thrust into you. “Your body is unreal.”

“Don’t hold back,” you insisted as he went faster, his hands with a firm grip on your breasts, giving them a squeeze and making a moan escape your mouth. “Fuck me as hard as you can daddy.” You bit down hard on your lower lip, him moving in and out, making your body tremble, your orgasm slowly creeping on as he pushed you to the edge.

“Shit I’m going to-” he began to say but you pulled him closer to you, your bodies clinging onto each other, both of you moaning and shaking as he came inside you, the new sensation making euphoria rush through your veins. You came, your orgasm making your walls tighten around his cock, only making the bliss feel twice as amazing. “Holy fuck.”

“God,” you hummed, riding out your orgasm for as long as possible before he finally pulled out of you, cum spilling from between your legs, dripping down your thighs.

“You’re such a pretty mess for me,” he smirked, eyeing you up and down. “Fuck.” He scooped you up so you were standing in front of the couch with him, kissing you rough, messy, desperate. When he pulled away, a worried expression crossed his face for a moment, looking at you.

“What’s on your mind?” you wondered, cupping his face.

“Are you uh, are you going to be okay?” he asked awkwardly. “I mean with-”

“Yeah,” you reassured, rolling your eyes. “Don’t stress about that.”

“Okay,” he took a deep breath. “Let’s get cleaned up baby and then get back out there.”

Brendon was really sweet and caring, picking you up in his arms and setting you on the counter of the dressing room, taking a wet towel and cleaning you off gently, telling you how much he loved and missed that beautiful body of yours, how well he’d take care of you if you were his, how he had been dying to fuck you ever since he left. After the two of you were cleaned off and redressed, you agreed to keep all of this strictly between the both of you, exchanging numbers once again, but swearing only to contact each other as long as Josh was very far away and not able to figure out whatsoever. It was sort of thrilling, the entire experience, especially keeping Brendon a secret. But somehow, within you, you didn’t want it to be. You wanted to be able to not lie about it, to just tell people, to shove Josh aside and take Brendon for yourself. But Josh didn’t deserve that, he didn’t deserve any of this. So you owed it to him to stay with him. He didn’t do anything wrong, and the least you could do was fake it in order to make him happy. You couldn’t even imagine what Josh would do if he found out. Thoughts of the nightmare from before lingered in your mind and you fought to push them out, instead, looking up at Brendon, who was adjusting his tie. “You look amazing,” you gave a small smile, fixing your now very messy hair into a simple ponytail. Maybe you could tell Josh you were just having a panic attack and freaked out or something.

“Me?” Brendon raised an eyebrow. “Oh honey, you better look in the mirror.”

“Nah,” you shook your head. “You’d outdo me any day.”

“I love you,” he laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your lips softly. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you,” you whispered, hugging him tight.

“Now let’s get out there and hope we didn’t miss too much,” he cringed, taking you by the hand and leading you out of the room. You closed the door, beginning to walk down the hall when you bumped into someone.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t-” you froze when the person looked up, eyes locked with yours.

“Y/n?” Jenna questioned, glancing from you to Brendon, to both of you holding hands, back up to you. “What the hell?”

“I can explain,” you quickly reassured, letting go of Brendon’s hand, but she just stared at you, horrified.

“Look, y/n was feeling queasy, she went to go get a breath of fresh air, and she fainted,” Brendon lied. “I saw her fall and I caught her, took her to that dressing room you saw us come out of. I let her relax, got her some water, made sure she was okay. That was all.”

“That was all,” Jenna repeated, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve been looking for you for the past half hour, y/n. As for you Mr. Urie, everyone’s been looking for you. Congratulations, you won the rock album of the year award.”

“Oh,” Brendon blinked. “Wow, that’s uh, that’s great.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to escort y/n back to her seat,” Jenna sighed. “We’ll see you at the afterparty.”

“Yep, sure thing,” Brendon flashed a toothy grin. “See you later, y/n! I hope you feel better.”

“Bye,” you gave a small smile, meanwhile, Jenna practically dragged you back to your seat.

She didn’t say anything, which you were half paranoid, half thankful for. Maybe she actually bought Brendon’s lie and left it at that. Or maybe she knew about everything, all of this, and just decided not to tell you about what she planned to do about it. Maybe she would tell Tyler, who would obviously tell Josh. On second thought, that wouldn’t be so bad after all, would it? That meant you could be with Brendon, stay with him forever, smoke as much weed and drink as much alcohol as your heart desired, lounge on the couch with Bogart and Penny, dip your feet in the pool and listen to him work in the studio… it sounded like a dream come true.

“Hey babe,” Josh’s voice reeled you back into reality. “How are you doing?”

“Better,” you nodded your head, unable to suppress the simper that appeared on your lips with thoughts of your little day dream. “A lot better.”

“We didn’t win the award,” he sighed, giving a small shrug. “But we’ll get em next year, right?”

“Right,” you agreed.

“Brendon won,” he explained. “And I have to admit, his album was pretty great. I hear he’s already working on his next one too, got a couple songs done, that’s insane. Me and Ty are barely even finished with one for the next record.”

“Don’t worry about it, just give it time,” you reassured. “I mean, I bet it’s easier for Brendon to work on songs anyway, having a studio in his backyard and everything.”

“H-how did you know that?” Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Know what?” you laughed, confused.

“The studio in his house,” he responded.

“Oh,” your face went red. “Uh, I read an article like last month or whatever about the houses of rock stars, Alternative Press or Rock Sound or something. His house was in it, I thought it was pretty cool. I thought maybe you and Tyler could do a similar set up in his garage.”

“Yeah,” Josh mumbled, losing interest in the conversation. “I guess that’d be cool.”

The rest of the award show, Tyler ended up talking to Josh about some new music video that dropped and how they could manipulate similar techniques in some future music videos of their own. Jenna was engrossed in her Instagram account and cheering on the winners of the other categories. And you, well, you kept trying to ignore the fact that Brendon was still staring at you for the rest of the night. You tried your best not to glance back as much, if at all, especially now that Jenna probably knew something was up. But it was irresistible not to, especially how every so often when you did turn your head, he would shoot you a wink or a smile. When the awards show was finally over and you all got up from your seats to leave, you decided to take one last look at Brendon, giggling as he blew you a kiss, blush unwillingly rising to your face. You were so caught up in the simple gesture that you almost didn’t even notice when Jenna nudged your arm, narrowing her eyes.

“Something happened in the dressing room, didn’t it?” Jenna inquired.

“What?” you played dumb.

“Come on,” she insisted. “You’ve been staring at each other for the entire rest of the award show, and you were bright red when you were in the hallway, and don’t think I didn’t see you two holding hands.”

“It’s nothing, just a stupid boy I guess,” you looked down at your feet.

“I know he’s your celebrity crush and you’re probably all frazzled since you finally got to meet him, but it doesn’t mean you have to have your head in the clouds all day,” she teased. “Come on, Josh is going to know something’s up.”

“I don’t have my head in the clouds,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m just sort of spaced out.”

“Same thing,” she argued. “What did you do? You were gone for half an hour.”

“Nothing,” you persisted.

“Did you guys…” her eyes went wide and you held your breath, terrified for what she was about to say next. “Did you kiss?”

“What?” you couldn’t help but turn bright red.

“I knew it,” she laughed. “Oh my god.”

“Jenna,” you became nervous, looking around for Josh. Maybe if you just kept it at that, just one kiss, she’d finally drop the whole thing. “Be quiet about it.”

“Holy crap y/n, did he kiss you on the lips?” she gave raised eyebrows. “What did you talk about? Are you going to tell Josh? Did anything else happen?”

“It was nothing,” you sighed. “Look, I told him I maybe had a teeny tiny little crush on him, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek, that’s it. He helped me get hydrated and caught me when I fainted and fell. That’s it. He talked me down, then led me out of the dressing room, and that’s when we found you.”

“Okay,” she decided. “I won’t tell Josh. But that’s hella cute though.”

“I guess,” you shrugged, the blush in your cheeks finally subsiding.

“Oh well, I think Ty and me are going to go. I’ll see you at the afterparty!” she waved goodbye as Tyler took her hand, giving you a small wave as well, and then both of them walked away.

“Ready to go?” Josh wondered, startling you from behind.

“Huh? Oh yeah,” you swallowed uncomfortably.

“Hey! Over here! Josh Dun! Y/n!” a flood of paparazzi and interviewers rushed towards you and Josh as you moved away from the building. “We’ve got questions! We want to know the truth!”

“Do you mind?” Josh asked.

“No, go ahead,” you decided.

“I can answer a couple,” Josh chuckled. “But just a few and then we’ll get out of here.”

“They aren’t for you, Mr. Dun,” the interviewers shook their head. “They’re for y/n.”

“Oh,” Josh’s eyes widened, him caught by surprise, chuckling. “Well feel free to ask. They’re all yours, babe.”

“Questions?” you laughed nervously. “For me?”

“We have evidence!” an interviewer handed you a paper, several photos printed out on it, depicting you tugging Brendon down the aisle, shoving him in the dressing room, and then holding his hand while exiting, Jenna talking to you both. There were at least five, blown up to a good proportion, and you felt sick to your stomach knowing Josh was right beside you. “Explain what’s going on! Why were you with Brendon Urie? What happened in the dressing room? What was Jenna asking you?”

“Yeah…” Josh drew out the word slowly, looking at you, confused. “We need to go.”

“Wait, Mr. Dun-” they insisted, but Josh shook his head. “We’re leaving, now.”

Josh took your hand, guiding you out of the paparazzi and interviewers, even shoving a few of them away, then taking you down the street, grip on your hand growing tighter as you got towards the car. He didn’t say anything, just stayed silent, until you were both in your seat, the key inserted into the ignition, but he didn’t start the car. You were terrified, heart racing, palms sweaty, scared to death. He knew, there was no way he didn’t know, especially after Jenna, and the pictures. “I thought you were going to get a breath of fresh air alone,” he murmured.

“I was,” you insisted.

“Those pictures say otherwise,” he argued.

“I can explain,” you promised. “Jenna can too, she was there, you know the media Josh, they love drama and they like to exaggerate things.”

“Look, I know you’d never cheat on me,” he sighed. “I’m not even worried about Brendon, okay? I trust you. I can’t even imagine you kissing another guy, I know you’re not like that.” You grew silent at his words. “I’m just saying, next time you need to catch a breath, take me with you, yeah? I can help. Or I’ll try to at least. I don’t need the press ruining your reputation, babe. I could’ve gone with you to get a drink of water or whatever, not some stranger. I don’t mean to scare you, I just want to help you. Understand?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, relief washing over you.

“Now come on,” he laughed, easing the tension in the air. “We’ve got an afterparty to go to!”

Saudade - Steve Rogers x Reader

: Steve Rogers anon here! would you maybe do one where the reader’s grandmother used to be one of his friends before he was frozen, and she has powers so she’s involved with the Avengers, but not like working with them. she attends one of Tony’s parties and Steve thinks she’s her grandmother for a second before he realizes she’s a different person, and from that moment on he’s mesmerized by her? you can make up the rest!
Warnings: My English, language, my first Steve fic!! Gifs aren’t mine. Credits to their original owners. Also, Pietro is alive. I don’t care. He is alive. Oh, and your grandmother is called Meredith. I don’t know why, tbh. 
Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return. 
“The love that remains”
Word Count~3.3k
Pending Requests

His past felt like ages ago. Probably because it was. He had missed out a couple of things, that was for sure. But the truth was, he was missing one person in specific, other than his best friend.
A girl. Not just any girl. She was special. She wore flowers in her hair, the cold air blowing against her skin, making him wish that he could just hold her closer. She was different, delicate, elegant, loving and sweet. And she was beautiful. Stunning. And he, just like any other guy, fell for her. But he never learned that she had indeed fallen for him too.
Doesn’t it always come down to the love of a woman? 

It had always been difficult but you were always up for the challenge. You had to evolve and excel as everyone kept telling you. You never really took a break from the whole ‘I have to muster my powers and kick ass’ thing but tonight it was an exception.
You had powers, you didn’t really want, mainly because they were forcibly given to you by a crazy scientist who worked for HYDRA. That was why you wanted to train and become physically capable of doing what your powers could do.
That was how you met them. The Avengers.
You had been training with Natasha and Clint, beating the hell out of many punching bags and with Wanda, trying to catch up with your abilities. Speaking modestly, you were good.
But you never let that fact get into your head and stop you from becoming better. You knew the others as well, but you had never met Steve. Actually, that was a lie. You felt that you knew him better than you knew yourself. How was that possible? Your grandmother.
She had been his friend for as long as she could remember. She had even fallen in love with him at some point, but then he had left and joined the army. The rest was history.
She loved and fell in love again, but he always held a special place in her heart. You understood that much.
You took a deep breath and entered the Avengers Tower that tonight was packed. You felt like you were entering a club or something and truly wished you were back in the gym, with your sweatpants on. Instead, you were walking in black heels and wearing a lacy, backless and sleeveless, floor length, light champagne pink dress with three strands pearls framing loosely your exposed back. It was beautiful and you were thankful to Pepper. You just felt weird. You weren’t really that kind of girl-in all honesty, it felt like something your grandmother would wear. She was all about dresses and elegance. You favorited jeans and knives. But you didn’t really have a choice. Tony had made it very clear that it was a formal party and nothing less was expected of you. With Pepper’s outfit, Natasha’s makeup skills and Wanda’s hair tricks, you were more than presentable.
You tried not to play with your hair- it was a nervous habit of yours- because you would ruin the beautiful waves. ‘Okay, you got this’ you kept repeating over and over again.
Once you reached the floor that hosted the main event and stepped inside you froze. Tony had gone big. Even bigger than before and that said something. This was so extra… even if you were talking about Tony Stark. You couldn’t see the walls or much of the decoration because of the dim light but the music that was playing was loud enough for you to not be able to listen to your own thoughts. It wasn’t the kind of music you had been expecting, though. It was soft and melodic and… jazz? What happened to rock?
And then it hit you. The reason why Pepper had chosen that very dress, which resembled the vintage style; the reason why Nat had insisted on that bold dark red lipstick and the winged eyeliner; the reason why Wanda had chosen that hairstyle.
But then everything seemed to blur; time stilled and your eyes were fixed on a very familiar face and magnetic blue eyes. It was like electricity ran through your veins.
“You look spectacular” Pietro told you while his eyes were roaming your figure. That snapped you out of your daydream. You blushed at his obvious flirting. Where was your confidence? You didn’t blush.
“You don’t look bad yourself” you answered truthfully. He was a handsome young man and the black, three-piece suit really did make him look ravishing. Especially that silver tie that matched the exact shade of his hair. He wasn’t exactly arrogant, not to you at least. He offered his arm and you took it, sending him a thankful smile.
“I’m afraid, you win this time” he admitted as you were approaching the other Avengers. Your eyes took in their outfits. Tony had been serious about this one.
“You did listen to me” he commented a bit sarcastic but impressed as well. You wanted to roll your eyes but you stopped yourself. It wasn’t polite. You had manners. You grandmother had taught you well.
“It’s nice to see you too, Anthony” you said, calling him by his full name. He hated that and he knew that he was annoying you every time you called him that.
“Yeah, whatever. This is Capsicle. Capsicle, this is-” he was cut off.
“Meredith?” Steve breathed out. Oh, no. Your eyes went wide for a second. You knew you looked like her but you never understood just how much.
“No. Y/N, her granddaughter” you kindly told him as you extended your hand. He didn’t react immediately but when he recollected himself, he grasped your hand in a firm but gentle handshake. For the second time in just a few moments, you felt a jolt of electricity through your body. And you were pretty sure that it was caused by his touch.
When you removed your hand, you realized that you had been staring at him as he had been staring at you all that time. If you thought that Pietro looked ravishing, Steve looked enticing, bewitching and tantalizing. He too wore a total black three-piece suit with silky shawl lapels. And his eyes… God save those eyes.
“I am sorry ma’am” he apologized and your heart melted when he called you ma’am. You always liked the old-fashioned ways, they were far more polite and … well, romantic.
“No need to. I understand” you told him sincerely. He must have been shocked to death. He smiled, obviously relaxed but very intrigued by your presence. You thought that he must have wanted to know about your grandmother but honestly, it wasn’t just that.  
“Okay, let’s leave the Capsicle to make a fool of himself, shall we? Here, dear. You’re going to need it to survive this fossil” Tony remarked, every word oozing with sarcasm, as he handed you a Millionaire Cocktail. It was basically, Rum with Gin, apricot brandy and lime juice served in a fancy glass and given its name by the Billionaire. With that, he and Pepper left; Wanda winked at you and dragged an annoyed Pietro with her but as soon as spotted Vision she left him with Clint, Nat flirted with Bruce and Thor was drinking like a mad-man with Sam.
“I have heard awfully a lot about you, Steven Grant Rogers” you lightheartedly informed him, leaning against the bar counter and tasting your drink. Surprisingly enough, it was nice. He slightly blushed. The more he was looking at you the more he spotted the differences. You were a bit taller than her. You had a fuller um… chest and more defined curves. He wanted to facepalm. He was being a perv. But he couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering. You had a nice body but you had an extraordinary face. Big, captivating eyes, full, plump lips…
“All good things, right?” he joked as he took a sip of his drink. You laughed and it felt genuine. He was nice to talk to.
“Quite the opposite, really” you chuckled and your smile sent him a pleasantly warm feeling, making him smile widely. Your whole body was leaning closer and you had to hold back. He was like a magnet, even though he didn’t seem to know.
“How is-Is she…?” he trailed off, not knowing how to convey what he wanted to ask you but you got it. After all, it was only natural for him to want to know about his friend.
“She passed ten years before you wake up” you quietly told him. His face fell but he expected it. He had lost seventy years. Not seven.
“I’m sorry” he said honestly in a small voice. You smiled softly and shook your head.
“I should be the one saying that to you” you simply yet truthfully informed him. You didn’t pretend to understand what he had been through but you had your share of losses and you knew how that felt. He took in the brutal honesty of your tone and the soft gaze in your eyes and felt entranced.
“And your mother?” he asked again but regretted it when he saw you looking away from him for a second.
“She died when I was ten, in a car crash, along with my father” you admitted, hoping that he won’t realize what had truly happened. You were proven wrong. He was clever.  
His face fell and his eyes widened in disbelief.
“Bucky?” he questioned, his voice dropping an octave.
“No, no. Bucky has never hurt me or my family. That person was the Winter Soldier. It’s not the same” you firmly told him. You were aware of the whole Bucky-deal. And you truly believed that Bucky could be ‘saved’. You had been experimented on by HYDRA as well. You knew how that felt like.
He didn’t answer. You just sipped your drinks in silence, appreciating the music and trying to relax. You had had a long day and alcohol was helping. He, however, was mesmerized by your demeanor. You were sweet like Meredith but you were fierce as well, stronger in a way. It was something about you that made him want to get to know you. Not because you were her granddaughter but because he truly wanted to … befriend you? Not exactly.
The music slowed down and a lot of people-most of them, you hadn’t seen before- started dancing to the rhythm.
You were about to make yourself another drink when his voice brought you back to reality.
“Would you like to dance?” he asked shyly but seductively. At least, it was to you. You bit your bottom lip.
“I don’t know how to” you sheepishly replied and looked down as a blush was very visible.
“You don’t have to” he softly explained, taking your hand and leading you in the middle of the room. He was being bossy. In a nice way. In a very nice way.  Authority suited him.
He placed his hands around your waist, pulling you closer as you rested yours loosely around his neck. This was one of the most surreal things you had ever done. But hey, here you were, dancing with Steve Rogers, the guy your grandma liked, the guy who had woken up seventy years later, the guy who was Captain America. The guy you found so charismatic.

You had left the party after that dance. You had excused yourself because you couldn’t possibly believe that you sort of liked the same guy your grandma did. You felt guilty, even though you had done nothing wrong. Little did you know, that he felt the exact same way. He didn’t know if he had taken a liking to you because you were you or because you reminded him her.
That was three months ago. You were hanging around the Tower more often than not, training with everyone including Steve. That was weird. He would go easy on you, at first. But you had shown him that you could take a hit and throw ten more back. He used to beat your ass up but lately, he struggled and that only meant you were getting stronger.
You had talked a couple of times about a numerous of things. He asked you about Meredith, about your life and your ideas. You had told him about your powers something that you thought would freak him out but he was so kind that you felt your heart breaking. You truly liked him and he was off-limits.
You hadn’t asked much about him because you didn’t want to pry but he had found himself telling you almost everything. He hadn’t told you about his crush on your grandmother because it would just make everything so much more difficult. He didn’t want to believe that you wouldn’t like him if you had met him back then, but then again, no one did. He didn’t know this, but you had seen him in pictures, being all adorkable. It wasn’t his body that made you like him. It was a bonus but it wasn’t necessary.
You were currently in the kitchen. It was 3:26 AM. You hadn’t slept because you kept thinking about him and considering the possibilities. He probably didn’t even like you.
“You look so much like her, yet you are nothing alike” he had stated once. And you didn’t know how or what to answer, so you tried to play it cool as you replied: “I’ll take that as a compliment”. Boomerang.
“It was meant as one, ma’am”. You had to admit that whenever he was calling you ma’am you were melting. He was such a gentleman and-no… you couldn’t. Were you? You were falling for him, for fuck’s sake. God blessed America, you thought bitterly.
You were making hot cocoa with a hint of honey instead of sugar. It was something you had come up with when you were just a child. It reminded of you of serenity.
Someone was coughing, trying to make their presence known. You glanced up from your cup. Just your luck.
“What’s wrong?” he asked you, concerned. You sent him a tired smile as you shrugged it off.
“Everything’s fine” you tried to lie. You really tried but you were worse than him. He raised a questioning eyebrow. You rolled your eyes, finishing your hot cocoa and placing the mug in the sink before giving up.
“Can’t sleep” you simply told him. He furrowed his eyebrows. You were too tired for this. He didn’t answer, he just nodded his head, gesturing you to follow him. You debated with yourself. Fuck it, what could go wrong, right?
He walked all the way to his room and you were left puzzled. What was the meaning of this? Maybe, since you were tired, you couldn’t understand. Maybe you had interpreted him the wrong way. Or maybe –
He opened the door and stepped in, before he turned to you, patiently waiting. His room was bigger than yours but it wasn’t the reason you were left speechless. One of the walls was just glass. You could see everything. The city lights were spreading like lava. It was captivating. Everything seemed to be moving and to be frozen altogether. You found peace in chaos.
Slowly you stepped inside, too fascinated by the view.
“When I first… woke up, I didn’t know who I was. I wasn’t the person who I used to be, that was for sure. But then I kind of found myself in late night drives without a destination. Just driving through the city. I felt so small and I have to admit that when people look up to you and see this ‘big guy’, feeling small is actually rather appealing” he softly said as he sat down on his bed, eyes glued to the city outside.
“There is nothing prettier than a city at 5 AM with its empty streets and cold wind” you whispered but it was loud enough in the stillness of the moment. The lights were brightening up the gloomy night but they were also consumed by it. You could feel the circle of life.
“There is” he said under his breath but you heard it. You looked at him only to find his eyes fixed on you. Your heart skipped a beat. He had wooed you since the very first moment.
“She talked about you, you know” you kindly said, changing the subject and walking over to him, plopping down beside him. His face softened, a warm smile appeared on his lips.
“She would always tell me how stupidly brave you were. But the look on her face told me a different story. She liked you. I think she had a crush on you. Who would blame her?” you finally admitted. He had the right to know. His smile widened but it held a bit of sorrow. You realized why.
“You liked her too, didn’t you? Well, who could blame you? She was radiant and elegant, sweet and caring… She had this photo of you… you looked so adorkable and she would always laugh because even though you had become… this, she truly believed that you were the same stupidly brave good guy. And she was right”. You were rambling but he seemed to enjoy it. He even chuckled at the last part but then his eyes pierced yours with such intensity that you wanted to avert your gaze. You couldn’t.
“You think I was adorkable?” he questioned you and under any other circumstances it would seem playful but right now it only felt like a burning need to know. You just hummed in agreement because you truly didn’t trust your voice.
You were so close to him. His hand was resting on your knee. He smiled and you felt like you could literally die. Unfortunately, you couldn’t keep quiet.
“You’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town” you breathed out. Suddenly, you became very much aware of the proximity and the way he kept looking at you, the way he had turned his body towards you, the way his breath was falling on your lips, the way his scent was intoxicating you. You were no longer someone who was trying to save the world, you were just a person who was about to risk a friendship, to say a big ‘screw it’ to everything and just kiss the guy.
And you did.
You slowly leaned forward and paused for a second or two, giving him time to pull away. He didn’t.
When your lips touched his, you understood that to live was a beautiful way to die. It felt right. His soft lips were too gentle upon yours but they were fire. The faint taste of sugar and spice was making it too hard to break apart, even when your lungs were screaming for air.
“I am not her” you simply murmured against his lips. You felt the soft smile.
“I know” he whispered back. He knew that you weren’t her. At first, he thought he liked you because you looked like someone familiar, someone he liked but he soon realized that it wasn’t the similarity that mesmerized him. That was you. You as for who you truly were. Not you as a clone. You as the sweet and fierce woman, the shy and bold the personality that kicked in whenever you witnessed injustice. You as one of the most enthralling people he had ever met. You as his present and hopefully, his future.

Tags: @kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage @orionsirivsblack

Saudade: Ch2

Sure, you knew Josh leaving for tour would be bad, but you never thought it would be this bad. The apartment was so empty and quiet without him. Everything felt so sad and gray, as if every bit of sunshine within your life was swept away, leaving you all alone. The bed felt so much bigger without him there to cuddle you and there was an ache between your legs that your fingers just couldn’t seem to satiate no matter how hard you tried. Every time you called Josh, more than half of the time, it went straight to voicemail. You blamed it on bad luck, knowing very well it was just the time zone changes and his busy schedule, but secretly in the back of your head, you worried if maybe he didn’t even miss you at all. The only time you were able to see him was through the old photos in your phone, and the only chance you could get to hear his voice was through that stupid cheesy voicemail of disappointment.

“Hey,” you greeted a little to overexcitedly one time a call actually got picked up. “How are you doing baby? I’ve missed you so much.”

“Tired,” a weak, miserable, quiet voice responded. Josh must’ve been exhausted. “I’ve had a super busy day.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” you mumbled, instantly picking up on the way he wasn’t nearly as excited to talk to you as you were with him. “How have things been going?”

“It’s great,” his voice perked up and you frowned a little bit at his sudden show of enthusiasm. “Tyler and I have been selling out almost every show. It’s so much fun and our fans make us the coolest art, I swear. The merch has been going like crazy, life’s been good on the road, it’s insane.” There was a pause and you waited for him to tell you the part where he wished you were there with him or how much he missed you or that he wanted more than anything for you to be there in his arms, but it never came.

“So-” you began to ask another question when you got cut off.

“Ty is going to bed and I am too, it’s really late,” he yawned. “I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

“Love you,” you murmured back before promptly getting hung up on. That had been the last call you had with Josh in two weeks.

It was a late Friday night when it all began. Josh had been gone for about a month now, and you were sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, watching your favorite TV show and trying to take your mind off things. But it didn’t help. You missed the way Josh would wrap his arms around you or kiss your neck or play with your hair or try to distract you from the screen. You closed your eyes tight before staring at your phone. You knew he probably wasn’t even awake right now but you tried to call him. Of course, he didn’t pick up. You bit down on your lower lip and pressed the button again, and again, and again, and before you knew it, you had ten missed phone call attempts.

“I hate this,” you groaned, angrily tossing your phone to the ground and feeling frustrated and exhausted and sad. Tears began to form in your eyes and so you took a deep breath, heading to the kitchen. Maybe all you needed was a little wine. You opened up the cabinet where you kept the drinks, bottles that you had received for holidays but never touched since neither you or Josh drank often, and picked up a red wine. You fumbled in the drawer for a corkscrew and then began to get a glass when you decided fuck it, you probably needed the entire thing. So you walked over to the couch, wine bottle in hand, and began to drink.

Vision growing hazy, more than half of the bottle gone, you tried to fix your eyes to the television. That’s when you started to think over things. Just because Josh was gone shouldn’t have meant that your life should go downhill all of a sudden. You could be independent and happy and confident without him. You didn’t need him in order to have a good time. So you took several more gulps of wine, feeling a nice buzz, switching off the television and picking up your phone, switching it to one of your favorite songs and dancing around the house, singing at the top of your lungs. You pranced into your bedroom, not really thinking right, and slid open the closet, picking out a fancy dress and changing into it, then admiring yourself in the mirror. As the final notes of your song played, you switched off your phone, deciding to leave it home and go for a nice stroll, stepping into a pair of heels and fixing up your hair, then walking down the street.

It didn’t take but less than ten minutes before someone stopped you. “Woah there!” a lady laughed. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling great!” you tried your best attempt to cover up your overzealous bubbly behavior. “Just super excited.”

“Okay,” she gave a small smile. “Just wanted to make sure you’re fine.” She began to walk away and you put on a confident smile.

Quickly, your eyes were drawn to the street signs, bright lights, the way the city seemed so much more alive at night time. A small bar caught your eye. You hadn’t really been to a lot of bars before, except for a couple occasions with Josh, which were usually just small celebrations with friends or for business. Then again, you didn’t drink that often either. But with Josh gone and the aftertaste of red wine on your tongue, you decided to push open the door and walk in, smug smile on your face, strutting towards a chair and ordering a shot of tequila. “Just you?” the bartender raised an eyebrow.

“Yes sir,” you nodded. “I’m a lone ranger tonight.”

“I admire that,” he chuckled, pouring your drink. You downed it, instantly wishing you hadn’t. Unlike the wine, this was much more strong, and you forced yourself to swallow it, feeling the odd sensation tingle down your throat.

“Hey there beautiful,” a gentleman sat beside you in the bar, lips tugged up in a smirk. You eyed him carefully, noticing he looked somewhat familiar. He had his hair gelled back, dress shirt and pants, and a fancy tie. Wide lips, handsome face, dangerous eyes, everything about him looked like trouble. You loved it.

“You talking to me?” you inquired.

“I did say beautiful, didn’t I?” he reminded.

“Charming,” you rolled your eyes.

“We’ll take two margaritas,” he told the bar tender. “And her previous drink’s on me.”

“Definitely charming,” you chuckled.

“It’s what I do,” he winked. “Brendon, by the way.”

“Y/n,” you introduced yourself.

“Lovely name for a lovely lady,” he nodded. “You come here alone?”

“Lucky for you, I did,” you replied.

Just like that, the two of you struck up a conversation. You talked for what seemed like just a couple seconds, when really, hours were passing between the both of you. Brendon gave off a nice vibe, the sort of quirky yet handsome guy everyone would want to be friends with, and he was even kind enough to pay for you. He showed you some of his tattoos and you both talked about one of your favorite TV shows, the time flying as you conversed between each other. Several drinks, a lot of laughs, plenty of flirting, until finally, the long waited question was presented. “So, you single?” Brendon inquired.

“Nah,” you shook your head. “My boyfriend’s out of town.”

“Is he now?” his eyes lit up, his lips parting slightly to let out a dark chuckle.

“Yeah we’ve been dating for a couple years now,” you explained. “He’s really nice. But he’s been gone for a really long time.”

“How long?” Brendon wondered.

“A little over a month,” you sighed. There was a couple seconds of silence that passed, as if he was thinking hard about the next thing he was going to say.

“Well if you ever get lonely…” he flickered his eyes up to you. “I’m always available.”

“Are you now?” you gave a sly smile at the sound of his offer.

“Well, only for you,” he admitted.

“I don’t have any plans tonight,” you mentioned. “Wouldn’t want to be lonely either.”

“I’m sure,” he chuckled. “Mind if we take this back to my place?”

“Not at all,” you replied. “In fact, I’d love to.”

Honestly, you never intended to meet anyone at the bar, especially anyone half this charming and good looking, but you did. Even more so, you wouldn’t ever have thought yourself to be the kind to continue the night with the mysterious stranger back at his home, getting even more drunk than you already were, cuddling up with him on the couch and listening to chill music, a blanket wrapped around the two of you, his arms loosely wrapped around your waist. “So you’ve been all alone lately,” he murmured, glancing at you, casually placing a hand on your knee. “Do you ever take care of yourself?”

“What do you mean?” you raised an eyebrow, looking up at him.

“Do you ever have a little fun?” he rephrased the question, sliding his hand up your thigh, leaning in closer to you. Brendon’s voice dropped low. “I bet you do.”

“Maybe,” you admitted, flickering your eyes up to meet him. “So what?”

“I could offer a little assistance perhaps,” he smirked. “I mean, with you being all by yourself these days.”

“I think I’d like that,” you bit down on your lower lip, studying his eyes, your entire body still buzzing from the amount of alcohol in your system. You leaned in closer, lips barely pressed against his. “I think I’d love it.” Before you could even process what you were doing, you kissed him and closed your eyes, it instantly heating up as you grabbed handfuls of his shirt and began tugging it off, his tongue slipping into your mouth, his hands getting a firm grip on your thighs, kissing you passionately.

“Y/n baby, get on your knees for me,” he murmured and you nodded your head, sliding to the floor and working at his belt buckle, sliding off his pants before palming him through his boxers, causing him to let out a moan. You tugged down the waistband and widened your eyes, then flickered your gaze back to Brendon. “What? Too big for you, sweetheart?” You returned your attention back to the task at hand, grabbing onto his hips and kissing the head of his cock before taking it into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down, closing your eyes and hollowing your cheeks. You hummed, making a moan spill out from his mouth, his hands tugging tight on your hair. “That’s right baby, suck me real good.” He jerked at your hair, fucking your face roughly before pulling out, lifting you up to your feet and sloppily kissing you again.

“Fuck,” you gasped when you felt his hand squeeze one of your tits, and he trailed his lips down your neck, nipping and sucking hard at your skin. He trailed his hand down your stomach, then below your dress, snaking up towards your underwear and higher, lifting the dress up your stomach and then pulling away to tug it up off your head and throw it to the ground. He then unclasped your bra skillfully, sliding that off and tossing it aside, using both hands to grab your breasts, rubbing small circles over your nipples with his thumb, then kissing his way down to suck on them, moving his hands towards your stomach and hips, hooking his fingers around your panties and tugging them down your legs, helping you step out of them.

“So beautiful,” he mumbled, kissing you and grabbing your ass tight, pressing up closer to you and causing you to wrap your legs around his waist. He slid his tongue into your mouth, carrying you to his bedroom and kicking closed the door, laying you down on the bed and kissing your breasts, your stomach, your thighs, but before even pressing his lips to your folds, he glanced up at you, sensing the desire and desperation in your eyes, smirking and then lifting himself up.

“Please,” you begged. “Don’t tease me like that Brendon.”

“Why? What do you want?” he continued, his soft breath brushing against your core.

“Fuck me,” you pleaded. “I need it.”

“Need, huh?” he raised an eyebrow, chuckling softly. “You stay right there, spread those legs for me, and don’t you dare even think about touching yourself.” You did as told and watched as he quickly opened the drawer of his nightstand, fumbling for a condom, ripping it open and sliding it on in no time before climbing on top of you and kissing you again. His hands and lips seemed to be everywhere all at once, his rough, quick, desperate movements making adrenaline rush through your veins, his intense eyes luring you in and filling you with lust. Brendon seemed to have the magic touch. Every time his skin came in contact with yours it was as if being ignited, engulfed in flames, melting and burning and incinerating all at once. It was so reckless and amazing and dangerous and you loved it. Then again, you were drunk as fuck, so you didn’t even process half of what was happening, but all you knew was that you never wanted this feeling to stop.

“Holy shit,” you moaned, scratching your fingernails into his back as he rocked in and out of you, thrusting harder and faster each time. The feeling was overwhelming, each inch sinking into you making your entire body shudder, and he was gasping as the two of you came, clinging onto each other desperately. Your hips rolled upwards in perfect syncopation as you rode out the waves of your orgasm, and when he pulled out, you were both struggling to catch your breath.

“That was fucking amazing,” he breathed. He rolled over to the side of the bed, leaving you to try and slow your heartbeat, your entire body still shaking from the intensity. He returned to your side several short moments later, wrapping you in his arms, tugging up a blanket and wrapping it around both of you.

“Brendon,” you whispered, rolling over to face him and kiss him again, sliding your tongue in his mouth. When you pulled away, he smiled at you. “That was one of the best fucks of my entire life.”

“Same here,” he smirked. “I don’t think I want it to end.”

“Me either,” you sighed, hugging him tight. The entire room smelled like alcohol and sex. The lights were off, moonlight filtering through the blinds, the whole room calm and still and peaceful. Just to think that moments ago you were both noisy as hell, fucking each other relentlessly, causing all the ruckus in the world, and now it was so silent and quiet, it sent a shiver down your spine. He must’ve sensed your uneasiness, because he let out a soft exhale, tilting his head slightly.

“Take it easy, babe,” he reassured, kissing your forehead. He rubbed small circles on your back, calming you down. “It’s probably just the alcohol in your system. Just get some rest.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled sleepily.

“It was my pleasure,” Brendon chuckled. “Believe me.”

“I don’t know,” you yawned. “I mean, I had quite the night.”

“I think we both did,” he laughed softly. There was a pause. “You don’t have to leave right away in the morning, uh, if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t think I’m going to leave anytime soon,” you giggled, placing a kiss to his lips.

“I like the sound of that,” he grinned. “But it’s late baby, you should get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Brendon,” you murmured, nuzzling up to his chest, closing your eyes.

“Sweet dreams y/n,” he replied.



Despacito: (Jake x MC)

  1. Part 1 (NSFW)
  2. Part 2 (NSFW)
  3. Part 3 (NSFW)
  4. Part 4 (NSFW)

God damn it (Zahra x Craig) (NSFW)

Powerless  (Raj, Quinn & Diego NOT ROMANTIC) (ChoicesCreates)

Chase (NSFW)  (Jake x MC) (ChoicesCreates)

Mirror (Jake x MC) (ChoicesCreates) 

I love you the most (Jake x MC)

Red (Quinn x MC)  (slightly NSFW?)

five things you know and the one thing you don’t.  (Jake x MC)

Different doesn’t mean bad   (Jake x MC, Grace x Aleister, Michelle X Sean, Zahra x Craig, Estela x Quinn & Diego x Raj) (ChoicesCreates)

Blood is thicker than water (Diego & MC NOT ROMANTIC) (ChoicesCreates)

Mother’s little helper (All) (NOT ROMANTIC) (ChoicesCreates)

Pull (Jake x MC, ROMANTIC) (Diego x MC, Mike x Jake, NOT ROMANTIC) (ChoicesCreates)

Senses (Jake x MC, Sean x Michelle, Zahra x Craig, Grace x Aleister) (Mention of Quinn, Raj, Diego & Estela)

Itaidōshin (Diego x MC, Jake x Mike, NOT ROMANTIC) (Jake x MC, ROMANTIC)

Together In Tandem (Jake x MC) (slightly NSFW?)

Yours Truly (Michelle x Quinn)

Hips don’t lie  (Jake x MC) (NSFW)

Bailando (Sean x MC) (NSFW)


  1. “KILL ME! KILL ME IN THE EYES!” (Jake x MC)
  2. “Liam Neeson would do it” (Estela x MC)
  3. “I’m pretty good at distractions”. (Jake x MC)
  4. “Is that all you’ve got?” (Jake x MC) (NSFW)
  5. “If you’re going to keep running your mouth like that, i can think of a few ways to make you shut up.”  (Jake x MC)
  6. “If you’re going to keep running your mouth like that, i can think of a few ways to make you shut up.”  (Zahra x Craig)
  7. “You’re the only one”. (Jake x MC)
  8. “Don’t touch me”. (Jake x MC)
  9. “I loved you. Past tense”. (Jake x MC)
  10. “Why do you even care?” (Jake x MC)
  11. “Now, not to be forward, but I love you”. (Grace x Aleister)
  12. “Friends don’t get each other off”. (Jake x MC) (NSFW)
  13. “You make me nervous, and happy, and horny, all at the same time and it’s confusing as fuck sometimes”. (Jake x MC)
  14. “I don’t want to go to bed angry”. (Jake x MC)
  15. “Put me down!” (Jake x MC)
  16. “Please refrain from shooting her, we need her for later”. (Jake x MC)
  17. “Well that was unsettling”. (Jake x MC & Zahra x Craig)  
  18. “Where are your pants?” (Jake x MC) (NSFW)
  19. “Is that- blood?” (Jake x MC) (NSFW)
  20. “You know, I would help, but making fun of you is so much more satisfying”. (Jake x MC)
  21. “Oh, I know. I’m a goddamn masterpiece - but it’s nice to hear you say it”. (Jake x MC)  
  22. “Where are your pants?” &  “Are you even listening to me?” (Jake x MC)
  23. Making the relationship public for all LIs
  24. Angst break-up headcanon for all LIs
  25. “Well obviously nothing is going on here!” (Jake x MC)  
  26. “That’s french for ‘go away’“. (Jake x MC)
  27. “What did you just do?!”, “It was all me, by the way.” & “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” (Jake x MC)
  28. “Can I help you?” (Zahra x Craig)
  29. “I may have mildly panicked…” & “Ooh, that must’ve hurt!”  (Jake x MC)
  30. “You have no idea what you do to me”. (Jake x MC) (Slight NSFW)
  31. “Liam Neeson would do it”. (Craig x MC) (NOT ROMANTIC)
  32. “You’re special to me” & “Shut up and kiss me already”. (Jake x MC)
  33. “You’re cute when you’re angry”, “You’re one hell of a girl” & “Are you jealous?” (Jake x MC)
  34. “I lost the baby”. (Jake x MC)
  35. “Can we cuddle?” & “You’re one hell of a girl”. (Jake x MC)
  36. “I’m so in love with you”. &  “I wish we could stay like this forever”.  (Zahra x Craig)
  37. “I wish I’d never met you”  (Jake x MC)
  38. “I fucked up”. &  “Can I kiss you right now?” (Zahra x Craig) 
  39. “You’re a monster”. (Jake x MC)
  40. “I’m pregnant”. (Jake x MC)
  41. “Can I kiss you right now?” (Jake x MC)
  42. “Let’s have a baby” & “Can we cuddle?” (Jake x MC)


Passion (Chris x MC) (ChoicesCreates)

Saudade  (Chris x MC, Zig x MC, ROMANTIC), (Kaitlyn x MC, James x MC, NOT ROMANTIC)

Yes, Captain (Zig x MC) (NSFW)


  1. “Does that feel good?” (Becca x MC)
  2. “Quick, blend in!” (Zig x MC)
  3. “Let’s keep this between us”. (Zig x MC)
  4. “It’s four o'clock, don’t you think you should fuck off?” (Chris x MC)
  5. “Where are your pants?” (Zig x MC)
  6. “Now, not to be forward, but I love you.” (Zig x MC)
  7. “Is that my shirt?” & “Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you?” (Zig x MC) (NSFW)
  8. “I’m pregnant”. (Zig x MC)


Confessions (Mark x MC/Dani)


  1. “You make me nervous and happy and horny all at the same time and it’s confusing as fuck sometimes.” (Ben x MC/Dani)


“Poor, unforunate souls”.  (Empress Azura)


  1. “Is that - blood?” (Kenna x Val)


Dive (Sam x Dave):

  1. Part 1 (NSFW)
  2. Part 2 (NSFW) 
  3. Part 3 (NSFW)


Burnin’ Love: (Maxwell x MC)

  1. Part one (NSFW)
  2. Part two (NSFW)
  3. Part three (NSFW)

Drowning Your Goodbye (Drake x MC)

Twisted Crown (King Constantine x Queen Regina):

  1. Part one 

Much Better (Maxwell x MC) (NSFW)

Saudade (1)

Bucky x Reader

Saudade: (n.) Portuguese for a melancholic nostalgia for someone or something from the past.

Summary: She’s willing to do anything to keep Bucky out of harm’s way, that’s why she’s so expendable, and expendability is dangerous.

Word Count: 1.8k+

Warnings: swearing, violence, angst


Part 2 

Originally posted by ariesw1493

She fell off the train first.

She died, or she at least thinks she did.

She remembers hearing Bucky scream after her as he clung to the loose metal bar on the train. She remembers him fall off right after she did. His screams echoed off the mountain tops as they both plunged further and further to their deaths. She wanted to scream out to him. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much he meant to her, but her voice was gone. Instead, it was filled with gut wrenching screams.

Keep reading

Saudade: Ch19

 Ever since Tyler and Josh started working on the new album, they had been hanging out nonstop. Which also meant, Jenna had been hanging around you more often as well. She never brought up the subject again, unless you two were for sure alone. She wasn’t as bold about suggesting other ideas either, but instead stayed more quiet, and served as someone to vent to or propose ideas of your own.  Josh was extra caring and sweet, always having his arm wrapped around you or letting you lean on his shoulder, holding your hand or letting you sit on his lap, cuddling you up to his side or having your legs draped over his. Tyler was even starting to be more vocal with you, which made you suspicious at first, but later happier. He took time to ask you how your day was going and check up to see how Josh was treating you, and even occasionally brought you over some cookies or a cinnamon roll to share with Josh in the early morning. You assumed this sudden change was due to the whole week of isolation, but a small voice in your mind still tempted to convince you that it was Jenna exposing the information instead.

Spending so much time with Jenna freaked you out at first, mainly because she knew your secret, but later, you learned that it wasn’t that bad, but instead really helpful. She was able to assist you in sorting out all the crazy thoughts and voices inside your mind, especially when they pertained to Josh and Brendon. Although she strongly disagreed with your decisions, and the choices you wished to complete in the future, she was respectful of your own opinions and what you had to say. Honestly, you had no idea where you were going. While you did truly love Josh, your heart ached for Brendon as well. It also didn’t help that all week you felt miserable.

“I think you should go to the doctor,” Josh insisted at the breakfast table one day, cutting into his stack of pancakes. “You can’t just keep taking pain killers and expecting it to magically go away.”

“I’m fine,” you insisted, drizzling syrup over what was now your third serving. You had been particularly hungry lately and you didn’t know why. Josh didn’t question it, but you had made note of the strange change of diet. “It’s probably just a bug.”

“It’s been since before the awards show,” he argued. “Remember? You almost didn’t even go, and then it’s now, what? Like a week or two later? And you still feel like shit.”

“I told you, I’m okay,” you sighed, scarfing down your pancakes. “Maybe I just ate something bad, that’s why my stomach hurts and I feel so dizzy.”

“Well let me know if anything else changes,” he instructed. “I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled. “Me too.”

Later that day, you went over to Tyler and Jenna’s for lunch. They insisted on having a barbeque since it was getting sunnier outside, and Tyler also wouldn’t shut up about his new grill, so you both complied. On the way there though, you felt nauseous, head spinning, chest sore. Josh glanced over at you from the driver’s seat. “You okay?” he asked, putting a hand on your knee. “You don’t look too hot.”

“Can you roll down the window?” you whispered, closing your eyes, trying to get a grip on the situation. You felt like the world was spinning.

“Yeah, of course,” he bit down on his lower lip, worried eyes lingering on you before doing as requested, the cold breeze hitting your face.

“Thanks,” you murmured, easing back into your chair, taking a deep breath.

As soon as you arrived, Josh helped you out of the car. “You sure you don’t just want to lay on the couch for a little while?” he insisted, rubbing small circles on your back. “I’m sure Ty won’t mind.”

“I’m perfectly fine Josh,” you chuckled softly, pushing away your headache. “I just got a little overheated and had a bit of motion sickness, that’s all.”

“Josh! Y/n!” Tyler grinned, greeting you both with a hug. Jenna followed behind him, giving out hugs as well, before looking at you, catching a glimpse of something wrong in your eyes.

“Can I uh, use the restroom?” you asked awkwardly.

“Sure,” she nodded, grabbing you by the hand and leading you inside. “We’ll be back boys!”

“I don’t know why,” you sighed. “But I’ve felt miserable lately.”

“Maybe you just need a glass of water,” she shrugged. “Are you hungry?”

“Very,” you responded. “God, I’m starving.”

“Good,” she laughed. “Tyler made way too many hot dogs and hamburgers and we need someone to devour them, although, I wouldn’t be too concerned seeing as the boys eat like pigs.”

“You got that right,” you rolled your eyes with a small laugh. “I’ll be out soon, don’t worry about me. You don’t have to wait.”

“It’s alright,” she reassured. “I’ll just be out in the living room.”

You gave a small smile before locking the door behind you, walking into the bathroom, taking a deep breath. You didn’t understand why you felt so terrible all of a sudden. You ran a hand through your hair, closing your eyes, then reopening them to look in the mirror. You could see the ghost of dark bags underneath your eyelids, signs of how tired and exhausted you were. You hadn’t gotten much sleep lately. You used the restroom and then decided to join Jenna and the boys back out in the lawn for the barbeque. “How you feeling?” Josh wondered, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Better,” you lied, trying to brighten up for the sake of the special occasion. “Can’t wait to try some of those delicious burgers.”

“I bet,” Josh chuckled. “You’ve had quite the appetite lately.”

“Thought I’d eat a little more recently,” you shrugged. “Wouldn’t hurt.”

“Well tonight, you can feast as much as you’d like,” Tyler announced proudly. “I’ve got enough food to fill the fridge with leftovers, so eat your hearts out.”

It wasn’t like you meant to eat that much, you weren’t even keep track. But it was pretty obvious you were going through hamburgers and hot dogs so fast you could barely count them all. Tyler even laughed, warning you to slow down, but you were so hungry you could barely keep yourself from relenting at the pace. “Geez Josh, do you ever feed her at home?” Jenna teased.

“I swear, she ate like twelve pancakes this morning!” he laughed.

“I’m just hungry,” you muffled out through a bite of hot dog. “Plus this food is really good.”

“What can I say?” Tyler beamed, ego shinning through and through. “I am the barbeque expert.”

“Oh shut up,” Jenna rolled her eyes, kissing him on the cheek. “You burnt like three hamburgers before you finally got the hang of it.”

“They don’t need to know that!” Tyler narrowed his eyes, making both you and Josh laugh.

“Hey uh, I hate to bother you, but I’m going to go to the restroom again,” you quickly explained, sliding out from the picnic table. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.”

“You alright?” Jenna inquired.

“Yeah, yeah,” you nodded. “I’m fine.”

Truth be told, you were anything from fine. The rest of the night you felt absolutely sick to your stomach, having to go to the bathroom constantly, and even hours after Tyler had turned the grill off, you were still craving some more hot dogs. “You should let Josh take you to the doctor’s tomorrow,” Tyler insisted. “It’s for the best y/n. We don’t want you to suffer like this.”

“I’ll be fine,” you argued. “Trust me, it will come and go like everything else.”

“Come on,” Jenna decided, getting up and beckoning you to follow. “I think I have something that might help.”

“O-okay,” you stammered, deciding to go follow her.

She led you into the house, then took you to the back bedroom, opening up a closet and searching through a basket full of prescriptions. “Here,” she decided, picking out a bottle and handing it to you. “This will help soothe your stomach and hopefully stop your migraines.”

“It’s just a pain reliever,” you glanced at her.

“Yeah I know,” she rolled her eyes. “But it’ll help.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you sighed, screwing open the bottle and pouring two tablets into your palm. Suddenly, you felt your stomach doing flips. “Oh god.”

“What?” her eyes grew worried. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to use the restroom,” you muttered, staggering up off the edge of the bed and heading towards the small one in the bedroom, not getting far before Jenna helped you there, rushing you towards the sink, where you vomited. “Oh fuck.” You felt your gag reflex kick in, making you hurl up more disgusting puke. “Shit I’m so sorry.” You turned the faucet on and let the rushing water clean up your mess.

“It’s okay,” Jenna handed you a towel, rubbing small circles on your back. “Just take it easy.”

“Too many hamburgers I guess,” you gave a pained smile, wiping off your mouth and gathering water in your palm, bringing it up to your lips to swish out the nasty aftertaste.

“I don’t think it’s from the food,” Jenna shook her head slowly. “Y/n, I think I know what it’s really from.”

“What do you mean?” you swallowed uncomfortably, putting down the towel on the counter, turning off the running water.

“Come here,” she guided you towards the bed and let you sit down, then returned to the closet where she had gotten the medicine.

“What are you looking for?” you narrowed your eyes.

“When you uh, had sex with Brendon, at the awards show…” she paused. “You said that was the only time in your entire life when you didn’t use protection.”

“Well yeah but,” you forced out a laugh. “You don’t think that I mean, you know, I could…”

“Your frequent urination, sudden change in hunger, dizziness, fatigue,” she began to list all your symptoms. “It would make sense.”

“What are the odds of him knocking me up the one time he doesn’t use a condom?” you chuckled nervously. “Come on Jenna, you’re being ridiculous.”

“It never hurts to check,” she shrugged, pulling out a small box from the back of the counter.

“There’s no way I’m pregnant,” you shook your head. “I’m telling you, I’m sure this is just a bug.”

“Then let’s find out,” she sighed, turning around and handing you the slender box. “One line means negative, two lines means positive.”

“I am not doing that,” you insisted. “I’m not pregnant.”

“Just please,” she took a deep breath. “Trust me on this.”

“Fine,” you grumbled, opening it up and taking out the thin stick, staring at it. You felt your stomach tied in knots as you walked towards the bathroom, closing the door, reading the instructions on the back of the box, your hands shaking.

There was no fucking way you were pregnant. Not at all. The chances of you getting pregnant that one time were like one in a billion, right? Probably not, but you forced yourself to believe it anyways. Maybe you could just take this little test, show Jenna that she’s full of bullshit, go home, take a nap, and then wake up just fine the next day. You’d feel much better and this stupid cold or flu or whatever it was would go away, and everything would return to normal. You carefully set the stick on the counter, washed your hands, and then opened up the door, watching as Jenna chewed on her lower lip, looking at you. She must be so disappointed and embarrassed to have to deal with a mess like you. You felt even more sick knowing how much shit you’ve had to put her through.

“Did you do it?” she whispered.

“Yeah,” you nodded slowly.

“Okay, we’ll leave it there and then check it before you go home with Josh,” she decided. “Let’s go out before the boys get too worried.”

The rest of the night, you couldn’t seem to focus. You were so caught up in that tiny little stupid stick sitting on the bathroom counter. What the fuck would you do if it was positive? No, don’t think that. It couldn’t be positive. There was no way. How the hell were you supposed to explain that to Brendon? Much less Josh? You decided to keep quiet and instead focus on the delicious s’mores that you all were concocting by the campfire. Josh’s arm was wrapped around you, cuddling you close to his body on the lawn chair. You watched as your marshmallow turned a perfect golden brown, smiling with satisfaction, about to pull it out of the flames, when you heard the loudest scream, startling all of you. Josh jumped in his seat, you dropped your stick with the marshmallow on it, and Jenna’s eyes widened. “Holy shit!” you heard Tyler scream again from inside, rushing out to the backyard where you were all gathered, running towards Jenna with something in his hand.

“What the hell?” Josh stared in confusion.

“Oh my god!” Tyler shouted, in tears, racing towards Jenna and hugging her tight. You were afraid he was going to suffocate her he was holding onto her so tight. “Fuck, why didn’t you tell me? Holy shit. Oh my god. Jenna, I’m without words.”

“What are you talking about?” she wondered, watching as he released the embrace, still teary eyed and emotional.

“We’re going to have a kid!” Tyler laughed, bright eyes, happier than ever, holding up the positive pregnancy test for her to see. You froze as soon as you saw the two solid pink lines, your stomach doing flips, head spinning as you watched Tyler break into a toothy grin. “You’re fucking pregnant, we’re going to have a baby, we’re going to be parents, I’m going to be a dad-”

“Uh Tyler…” Jenna’s voice trailed off. “That’s not mine.”

“What?” he stared at her, blinking several times, confused.

“That’s not my pregnancy test you found on the bathroom counter,” she repeated, swallowing uncomfortably.

“W-what do you mean?” Tyler looked at her, twice as puzzled.

“I’m not pregnant,” she explained. “Y/n is.”