sauce tv

Unfortunate Events Pasta Puttanesca

Yields 2-4 servings

The things you’ll need


  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 clove garlic, peeled and well smashed
  • 2/3 cup strained tomatoes (or tomato paste)
  • ¼ cup pitted black olives
  • 2 tablespoons capers
  • 1/3 cup cherry tomatoes
  • 2 tablespoons chopped anchovies
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 tablespoon Italian parsley, finely chopped
  • 2-4 sprigs of fresh basil to garnish
  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • ¼ cup water
  • Large pot
  • Large sauté pan
  • Tongs
  • Rubber spatula
  • Pasta maker and cutter
  • Food processor
  • Liquid measuring cup
  • Bench flour
  • Cutting board & knife
  • Baking sheet lined with parchment
  • Clean towel for resting pasta

Let’s get started!

  1. Heat olive oil in a large sautè pan over medium heat and sautè the garlic.
  2. Add tomatoes and lower heat slightly.
  3. Add olives, capers, cherry tomatoes, anchovies (optional), and a pinch of salt. Reduce heat slightly and simmer for 3 to 4 minutes.
  1. Pulse flour and salt in a food processor until well combined.
  2. Make three small holes in the flour mixture and crack an egg into each well.
  3. Pulse the mixture until it starts to form pebbles and then drizzle in olive oil.
  4. Add water while pulsing until dough starts to come together.
  5. Remove dough from machine and knead a few times until smooth.
  6. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and let it rest for 30 minutes.
  7. Cut the dough into fours, and roll each quarter through the pasta maker starting with the largest roller. Roll it through each number 2 to 3 times before making the number smaller.
  8. Roll the sheet through the pasta cutter attachment to create fettuccini.
  9. Toss the noodles in flour and let dry under a towel for about an hour.
  10. Bring a large pot of water to a boil with a pinch of salt and cook pasta for 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from water immediately and serve with sauce.
  11. Top with chopped parsley and basil.
  12. TaDa! Here’s a savory dish that the Baudelaire children would be proud to serve up!

If you’re stupid enough to pester a minimum wage worker at McDonald’s for a sauce because of a television show, you honestly don’t deserve a goddamn thing.

ok look Hulk takes a lot of energy and all I’m imagining now is everyone is expecting Bruce to have somehow normal, if a bit staggered after transformation, eating habits.

This man does not. He orders extra of everything. He orders a large pizza for himself and finishes it in the time it takes Natasha to eat three slices with no small talk. 

“What.” Bruce just shrugs. 

“You know how most people grow out of their teen metabolism?” Tony nods. “I did not.” Well, okay. 

He wins eating competitions. They host one on TV. The Avengers know what Bruce is capable of doing. They were going to have it between Captain America and Thor, and Tony insists that Dr. Banner join in on the fun. Bruce tries to say no, but hey. They convince him. Besides, it’s not meat, it’s pasta. 

“Does the pasta have sauce?” He asks. The TV host smiles and says “of course!” (Because if u do not have sauce on pasta generally u are screwed) and Bruce meekly agrees. 

He wipes the floor. He uses Thor’s cape as a napkin. (Thor is not offended, because he has done the Exact Same Thing.) He demolishes the pasta in a matter of about five minutes. Steve is too neat. Bruce is, to put it shortly, an animal when left to eat without abandon. Sauce covers his shirt. But he can pack it away. 

America is floored. The world is floored. There’s this shy man who doesn’t talk much, and he just…eats. Like a boss. He can eat anything. 

Hulk has a much larger appetite. Tony screams when Hulk downs an entire hot dog cart. (He has no qualms about meat, Bruce does.) When Bruce wakes up, he is horrified by the fact that Hulk ate hot dogs, but eventually looks up to Tony. 

“Were they one hundred percent beef?” Tony laughs. 

Variety has an exclusive look at Hannibal’s season premiere and it is simply bellissima.