sauce cup

The neural network has bad ingredient ideas

I’m training a neural network to generate recipes based on a database of about 30,000 examples, and one great (not great?) thing about it is it comes up with new ingredients that I’m pretty sure aren’t in the list:

1 ½ teaspoon chicken brown water
1 teaspoon dry chopped leaves
1/3 cup shallows
10 oz brink custard
¼ cup bread liquid
2 cup chopped pureiped sauce
½ cup baconfroots
¼ teaspoon brown leaves
½ cup vanilla pish and sours
½ cup white pistry sweet craps
1 tablespoon mold water
¼ teaspoon paper
1 cup dried chicken grisser
15 cup dried bottom of peats
¼ teaspoon finely grated ruck

And this is a thing that it came up with repeatedly for some reason, and was quite adamant that I use:

1 cup plaster cheese

The Domestic Garden Witch: Not So Jarring Kitchen Herbs

So maybe you’re a college witch with limited space and money, limited to the one window in your dorm. Or, maybe you’re a witch without extensive backyard space who wants to start up a magical garden. Perhaps you’re a kitchen witch who wants the freshest herbs right at her fingertips.

For many witches, having a garden seems to be a bit of a no-brainer. After all, plants and magic go hand-in-hand. Plus, when thinking of a witch, it’s hard not to think of a cottage in the woods with a little vegetable garden out front. Unfortunately for the majority of us, our cottage in the woods is a tiny flat, and our garden out front is a windowsill with limited space.

This is when it comes time to embrace your craftiness and bring your garden indoors! Not only does it place your garden in a convenient location, it also allows you to freshen the air, recycle what would otherwise harm the earth, and embrace your witchy green thumb!

Apple Sauce, Jars, and Kitchen Herbs

Let’s face it. I work in an Italian kitchen, and much of the cooking I do at home is also influenced by Italian cuisine. As a result, I find myself constantly in need of herbs such as parsley, basil, rosemary, oregano, and thyme. While all of these plants are fairly easy to grow in various gardens, sometimes you need something inexpensive, easy, and within arm’s reach when cooking.

For this project, all you need is a few mason jars (if you don’t have any lying around, mason jars are very inexpensive and sold at most grocery stores in the canning aisle), some apple sauce snack cups (preferably consumed and cleaned), some wooden wicks (easily purchased online from companies such as the Candlewic Company), water, soil, seeds, and a box cutter or Xacto knife.

Make an incision in the center of the bottom of the apple cup long enough to fit the end of the wick. Insert the wick and fill the cup with soil and seeds. Remove the lid from the mason jar, discard the topper disc, and fill part way with water before resting the edge of the cup on the rim of the jar. Screw on the fastening ring, and voila! You have a very simple, very cheap herb garden to place in the windowsill. Since the wick passively draws water, the only time you’ll need to add water is when the jar runs out or when the water level isn’t high enough to be in contact with the wick.

Pro-tip: Be sure to trim the plants regularly - this is a garden meant to be harvested from regularly so that it doesn’t get too large. If needed, the roots can also be pruned and trimmed to help keep the plant small. If your plants begin to bud, pinch the buds off to encourage large, flavorful leaves.

How Can I Witch This?

When it comes to incorporating witchcraft into a simple garden like this, the possibilities are aplenty! Consider enchanting the water or using moon water in the jar, or if you’re into using crystals, place amethyst or clear quartz into the jars to help empower the water. Decorate the jars with sigils, runes, and symbols for growth, health, and prosperity!

The soil itself can be worked with, incorporating eggshell, ashes, or other magical substances that can help encourage the plants to grow healthy and large. You can also label the jars for their respective herbs and incorporate decorations on the label that correspond with the herbs you’re growing!

Consider different ways where you can incorporate magic into growing your herbs with this type of garden, and how it can help you with your kitchen witchery!

May your harvests always be bountiful!

Blessed Be! )O(

The neural network invents fancy new ingredients

I’m training a neural network to generate recipes based on a database of about 30,000 examples, and although it sometimes comes up with ingredients that sound like a bad idea, sometimes it invents some that you could plausibly ask for at Whole Foods and act all disappointed when they don’t have any:

¼ cup coconut fluff rings
1 teaspoon cooked buster grapes
½ cup shanked whipping peanuts
6 tablespoon lemon turn beans
1  seeds of the chocolate cheese
1 cup milk bat leaves
1 ½ cup sherry stick
¼ line phempherbly ice
½ cup shrimp white pine baking powder
1 teaspoon baking curny sauce
¼ cup milked salt
8 oz canned pomegranate crescents
12 oz can canned and chopped pistachio stock

Samoa Cookie Cupcakes


Yields 1 dozen

The things you’ll need

Ingredients
  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • ½ cup cake flour
  • 1 ¼ teaspoon baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 1 cup granulated sugar
  • ½ cup butter, room temperature
  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ½ cup + 2 tablespoons coconut milk
  • ¼ cup sweetened shredded coconut
Frosting
  • 1 cup butter, room temperature
  • ½ cup caramel sauce
  • 4 cups powdered sugar, sifted
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 2 tablespoons heavy cream
Equipment
  • Large mixing bowl
  • Medium mixing bowl
  • Spatula
  • Hand mixer
  • Whisk
  • 12 purple silicon cupcake liners
Decoration
  • Cutting board & knife
  • Samoa cookies
  • Melted chocolate in decorating bag
  • #829 tip

Let’s get started!

  1. Preheat oven to 325°F.
  2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flours, baking powder and salt until evenly combined.
  3. In a large bowl, use a hand mixer to beat butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
  4. Add in and egg and vanilla and beat well. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.
  5. On low speed, alternate adding the flour mixture and the milk to the butter mixture, beginning and ending with the flour mixture.
  6. Gently fold in shredded coconut.
  7. Line a cupcake tray and fill two-thirds full with batter. Bake for about 14 to 16 minutes.
Frosting
  1. Beat butter until smooth. Add caramel and mix until well combined.
  2. Slowly add powdered sugar and beat until smooth.
  3. Add in vanilla and salt and then beat in cream until frosting is smooth and fluffy.

Time to decorate!

  1. Cut each Samoa cookie in half.
  2. Scoop frosting in decorating bag fitted with a #829 tip.
  3. Once cupcakes are completely cool, pipe two swirls of frosting on top of each.
  4. Drizzle melted chocolate and top with a half of a Samoa cookie.

NYC Street Cart Style Chicken And Rice by Tasty

Serves 4

Ingredients

For the white sauce:
1 cup plain yogurt
1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar (or white vinegar)
1 lemon, juiced
½ teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt

For the chicken:
2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs
1 lemon, juiced
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons ground coriander
1 ½ teaspoons salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
4 cloves garlic, minced
¼ cup olive oil

For the rice:
2 tablespoons butter
1 ½ teaspoons ground turmeric
1 teaspoon ground cumin
2 cups basmati or long grain white rice
2 cups chicken stock
½ teaspoon salt

Additional optional ingredients:
Sriracha, harissa or your favorite hot sauce (optional to serve)
Fresh parsley (optional for garnish)

Preparation

1. Whisk together all sauce ingredients in a small bowl. Refrigerate until ready to use. 

2. Toss chicken with lemon juice, oregano, coriander, salt, pepper, garlic and olive oil. Marinate at least 15 minutes, an hour is ideal.

3. Heat a large pot over high heat and add enough oil to coat the bottom lightly.
4. Cook the chicken in batches until done. Remove from pan, set aside and keep warm. 

5. In the same pot you cooked the chicken, add the butter, rice, turmeric and cumin. Stir to coat, cook about 1-2 minutes. 

6. Add chicken stock and salt and bring to a boil.

7. Turn heat down to low, cover and cook 15 minutes. Fluff with a fork when finished and remove from heat.

8. When everything is done, dice the chicken. 

9. Serve chicken pieces on top of rice, drizzle with the white sauce and add hot sauce if desired. 

10. Enjoy!

So I’m the one who posted about the unreasonably angry guest at the mouse theme park that got mad at me for putting his sauce on the side.
So I was working at the same location yesterday (4/28) and it was a nightmare because the Mexican restaurant in the area was closed. These are some of the things that happened:
These 2 blonde soccer moms came up and were honestly the most needy guests of the day. They both took like 10 mins each to order their huge orders. Then they decide they want to pay seperately. Ok no big deal, I’ll just delete everything and start over. Meanwhile the line is enormous. After their transactions were complete, they both disappeared and were nowhere in sight to pick up their food when it was ready. When they finally come back, they angrily say it took too long and walk away. Ok whatever. Throughout the next 20 mins, they keep sending their kids back to my window to bother me for more plates, sauce, cups of water, etc. Finally, they slam their messy ass trays on my counter and say they didn’t like the food and demanded a lead to refund them. My line is huge! I don’t have time for this shit. I had to apologize to all the people in line while I had my lead do their separate refunds. Like can you not do this while we’re super busy?

Then this lady came up with a bunch of kids. I feel like it was a self-run daycare or something. But she just says she wants the chicken. I politely ask her what kind of sauce. She looks at me like I’m stupid and says “teriyaki” as if this was the most obvious answer. Ok whatever. I ring her up. And guess what!? She has to do a separate transaction for each snotty kid! She asks for the chicken again and I read her mind since that’s obviously what she wants me to do and I ask if she wants teriyaki as well. She gets this disgusted look on her face and says “EW NO!” She then goes on and on about how low quality our food and drinks are. THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE!??!?!?!

So that was my day. I hate that location.

Tldr; needy guests suck.

Monday baking therapy✨👌🏼 including these Raspberry Vanilla Muffins with @tableofplenty muesli crumble top🍓🍓they came out so soft, fluffy + perfectly sweet, made with only natural, wholesome ingredients. Just the way a muffin should be!😌
RECIPE:
-1.5 cups flour of your choice (I used buckwheat, brown rice + spelt)
-½ cup pitted dates, soaked
-¾ cup plant milk
-1 tbsp flaxmeal soaked in 3 tbsp water
- ½ cup apple sauce
-1.5 tsp baking soda
-1 tsp apple cider vinegar
-1 tsp vanilla bean
-1 cup frozen raspberries
-¼ cup @tableofplenty Velvety Vanilla muesli

METHOD:
1. Preheat oven to 180°C + line a 6 hole muffin tin with baking paper
2. Blend dates with a splash of water to form a smooth paste
3. Sift together flour, baking powder + vanilla
4. Mix together apple sauce, date paste, flax gel, plant milk + vinegar, then gently stir into flour mix
5. Fold in raspberries and pour evenly into muffin tray
6. Sprinkle muesli on top + bake for 35 minutes or until golden✨

IG: @naturally_nina_

CANNABIS CONCOCTION from CANNAWITCH

Consuming cannabis for magickal purposes has been done for thousands of years, and now you can experience some of the same magickal effects with this tasty creation.

BUTTERBEER is a very popular magical potion in the wizarding world, that tastes very similar to butterscotch. This CANNA-Butterbeer ice cream is a close comparison in taste (if not even better).

CANNA-BUTTERBEER ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS:
Butterbeer Sauce:
½ cup dark brown sugar (it is important that it is dark and not light brown sugar, it tastes better that way)
1 TBSP water
3 TBSP CANNA-BUTTER (if you desire more medication, you can simply melt your butter and add the desired amount of keif and stir until it is well incorporated)
¼ tsp Cider Vinegar
¼ tsp salt
1/8 cup heavy cream
¼ tsp imitation rum extract

Ice Cream Base:
½ cup 2% milk
1/3 cup granulated sugar
½ cup vanilla cream soda (not diet!)
1 cup heavy cream

Tools Needed:
Candy thermometer
Heavy saucepan
Ice cream maker (freeze drum at least 24 hours before churning for best results)
Freezer-safe airtight container for storage

DIRECTIONS:
Part 1: Butterbeer sauce:
1: In small heavy saucepan combine brown sugar and water.
2: Bring to boil over medium heat.
3: Stir frequently until mixture reaches 240 degrees on the candy thermometer.
4: Remove from heat, and stir in CANNA-BUTTER, vinegar, salt, and heavy cream.
5: Set aside to cool to room temperature. Stir in imitation rum extract once cooled.
6: Transfer to airtight container and cool in fridge for 2-4 hours or until cold.

Part 2: Ice Cream base:
1: Whisk milk and sugar together in a large bowl until sugar is completely dissolved. (about 2 minutes)
2: Stir in cream soda, heavy cream, and vanilla extract.
3: Cover with foil and cool in fridge 2-4 hours.

Part 3: Butterbeer Ice Cream:
1: Thoroughly mix the Butterbeer sauce into the ice cream base using a wire whisk.
2: Get your ice cream maker drum out of the freezer. Put in mixer piece and pour in the ice cream mixture.
3: Cover and churn for 30-45 minutes or until desired consistency. Ice cream will be best if past the soft-serve stage.

Serve in your favorite bowl, in a cone, or any way you want. Store remaining ice cream in the freezer for up to two weeks.


if you have any questions… feel free to ask
Enjoy! - CW

9

Baked Chicken & Zucchini Rigatoni

Ingredients

1 box (1 lb) rigatoni noodles

1 lb boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into bite-sized pieces

1 large zucchini, cut into bite-sized cubes

Seasoning blend (for both chicken and zucchini) - ½ tbsp Herbs de Provence, ½ tbsp dried basil, ½ tbsp dried oregano, 1 tsp lemon granules, 1 tsp smoked paprika, 1 tsp kosher salt, 1 tsp ground black pepper, 2 tsp granulated onion, 2 tsp granulated garlic, and a pinch of red pepper flakes.

2 cups pasta sauce of your choice

Olive oil

1 - 1 ½ cups cheese of your choice (I used parmesan)

Directions

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil and cook your rigatoni noodles so that they are 2 minutes from being cooked to al dente.

In two small bowls, toss your chicken and your zucchini with olive oil and the seasoning blend

In a pan/skillet, heat a tbsp or two of olive oil over medium heat.

Cook the chicken thighs over medium heat until they are fully cooked.

Remove from pan into a large bowl.

Par-cook/soften the zucchini in a tbsp of olive oil.

Remove from pan into the same large bowl.

Once the pasta is 2 minutes from being al dente, drain and rinse under cold water.

In the same large bowl, combine the pasta with the chicken and zucchini and incorporate the sauce.

NOTE: Use as much or as little sauce as you would like.

In a baking dish or cast iron pan, layer the pasta, layer the cheese, layer the pasta, and finish with a layer of cheese.

Allow the pasta to bake for about 10 minutes at 400 degrees and in the last minute or two, turn your broiler on high and allow the cheese to completely melt.

Remove from oven and let cool for a few minutes before serving.

Garnish with fresh parsley and serve.

Enjoy!

4

Scallion Meatballs with Soy-Ginger Glaze

As I stood in the shower this morning contemplating what to write about these tender, tasty meatballs, I decided to focus on this recipe’s versatility. The recipe comes from The New York Times, and as I read through all of the rave reviews, it seems that there are all sorts of creative ways to serve them. Here are a few possibilities. Consider serving these meatballs…

  • As an appetizer, which is what is suggested in the original recipe. Drizzle them with the amazing Asian glaze, and then serve on a platter with a toothpick stuck in each.
  • As a main dish, with some rice and a crisp green salad. That’s how we enjoyed ours last night.
  • Turn the mixture into a meatloaf! Yep, I read that one person tried that and it became a family favorite!
  • As a sandwich filling. With some pickled carrots, cilantro, paper thin slices of jalapeno wrapped up in a soft baguette, this could be epic. (Think, bánh mì.)
  • Cold, straight from the frig. Confirmed to be delicious. I wolfed one down this morning just as a test, and I could barely keep from eating the entire container.

One of the things that I like so much about this recipe is that it uses ground turkey rather than beef or pork. With so many people I know staying away from red meat, this is a welcome alternative. 

I tweaked the recipe somewhat, based on some of the reviews. Many thought the mixture was a little too soft, which made it hard to roll into balls. I added panko bread crumbs to the recipe and chilled the mixture for thirty minutes, and I had no problems whatsoever. Also, the glaze never really thickens, despite the time spent cooking it down. I made a slurry of water and cornstarch, and whisked that in at the end.

Scallion Meatballs with Soy-Ginger Glaze, makes about 24 meatballs.

Ingredients:

For the sauce

  • ½ cup dark brown sugar
  • ½ cup water
  • ½ cup soy sauce, preferably Japanese or reduced sodium
  • ½ cup mirin sweet rice wine, or ½ cup sake with ¼ cup sugar (I used the sake, and skipped adding the ¼ cup sugar. The finished sauce was pleasantly sweet without it.)
  • ¼ cup chopped peeled ginger (yep, that’s not a typo!)
  • 1 teaspoon ground coriander
  • 4 whole black peppercorns

For the meatballs

  • 1 pound ground turkey
  • 4 large or 6 small scallions, finely chopped
  • 1 bunch cilantro, finely chopped (about 1 cup)
  • 1 egg, lightly beaten
  • 2 tablespoons sesame oil
  • 2 tablespoons soy sauce
  • ½ cup panko bread crumbs (my addition - the original recipe doesn’t call for it)
  • Freshly ground black pepper
  • Vegetable oil

Directions:

Make sauce: Bring sugar and ½ cup water to a boil in a saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring until sugar melts completely. Reduce heat to medium-low and add soy sauce, mirin or sake, ginger, coriander and peppercorns. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until reduced by half, about 30 minutes. Strain through a sieve. I then thickened mine with a slurry of water and cornstarch. (Can be made up to 2 days ahead and refrigerated.)

Make meatballs: mix turkey, scallions, cilantro, egg, sesame oil, soy sauce, optional panko breadcrumbs, and several grindings of pepper in a bowl. Refrigerate for 30 minutes, and then roll tablespoons of mixture into balls.

In a skillet over medium-high heat, generously cover bottom of pan with vegetable oil. Working in batches to avoid crowding, place meatballs in pan and cook, turning, until browned all over and cooked inside, about 8 minutes per batch. Arrange on a heated platter, spoon a little sauce over each meatball, and serve with toothpicks. If desired, keep warm in a 200-degree oven until ready to serve. Garnish with sliced scallions, if desired.

Here are a couple of pictures of the meatballs before they were cooked.

Macaroni and Cheese

Josh Keaton once said in a tweet that he figures one of Shiro’s favorite foods was the Garrison mac and cheese.

Don’t know how they would make it at the Garrison, but here’s a nice homemade mac and cheese recipe for you all that’s a family favorite for mine.

Macaroni and Cheese

Ingredients

  • 2 cups of dry elbow macaroni (regular or whole wheat)…if using larger noodles like rotini or egg noodles, use 3 or 4 cups of dry noodles. Cook in boiling water until tender.  Drain
  • ½ cup of margarine
  • ½ cup of flour
  • 4 cups of 2% milk
  • 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • ½ tsp. pepper
  • ½ tsp. nutmeg
  • 2 tsp. yellow prepared mustard (like you put on sandwiches)
  • 2 and ½ cups of grated medium or old cheddar cheese (2 cups for the sauce and ½ cup for the topping)
  • 1 cup of breadcrumbs

Directions

Melt margarine in large saucepan.  Stir in flour until smooth.  Add milk and whisk constantly over medium heat until it comes to a gentle boil.   Add all spices and 2 cups of the grated cheese.  Continue to whisk over medium heat until cheese is melted into the mixture.  Remove from heat.  Add cooked pasta and stir until it is all coated.

Spray a 9 by 13 pan with non-stick spray.  Put in macaroni mixture.  Mix bread crumbs and remaining ½ cup of cheese.  Sprinkle on top of casserole.  Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

You can add cooked pieces of ham or bacon to the casserole if desired.

9

Peri Peri BBQ Wings

Ingredients for Wings

2 lb chicken wings, separated into drums and flats

Seasoning blend (you may or may not use all of it) - 5 tbsp of each: smoked paprika, cayenne pepper, black pepper, granulated garlic, granulated onion, Indian red pepper, hot paprika, cumin + 2 tbsp kosher salt, + 1 tbsp baking powder

Ingredients for Sauce

½ cup Honey Chipotle barbecue sauce (purchased from Williams-Sonoma)

¼ cup Peri Peri sauce

3 tbsp sweet chili 

2 tsp raw honey 

½ apple cider vinegar 

Dash salt 

Directions 

Preheat the oven  to 420 degrees Fahrenheit.

Clean and completely dry your chicken wings using paper towels. 

In a large bowl, toss your chicken wings into the coating mixture and ensure that each wing is evenly coated. 

Using a baking sheet (preferably with a wire rack), place the chicken wings in a single layer and cook for 20 minutes, flip and cook for an additional 15 minutes. 

After the last 15 minutes, remove the wings from the oven, turn on your oven’s broiler, brush the chicken wings with the sauce and broil for 1-2 minutes until caramelized. 

Repeat on the opposite side of the wings. 

NOTE: using a wire rack helps with the air circulation and ensures that the entire wing gets crispy. 

Remove from the oven, garnish with fresh cilantro, and serve. 

Enjoy!

I just found out that lorde is only 20 what the fuck
here I am roughly the same age and my only accomplishment so far is eating three apple sauce cups in under a minute when I was 6