sauce barbecue

richie as things ive done

-maxed out my phone storage because i saved too many pictures of flags after deciding that i was going to text exclusively in semaphore

-walked up a 2-story railing because i was bored and then did it again because the first time my friend didnt get pictures

-crawled underneath a train because i dropped my flip flop

-spent too much money on thrift store knick knacks with cursed energy (puppets, garden gnomes, ceramic figurines, other peoples’ family photos, etc)

-spent too much money on awful thrift store clothes

-made a valiant attempt to bring silly bandz back

-ate over 100 rolls of smarties in a 48-hour period

-ignored the fact that i had the flu or something for a week. just genuinely did not realize until someone pointed it out

-locked myself in a school bathroom stall with my friends so i could draw sunglasses on her nipples with expo marker

-got in trouble for holding a baby doll like a real baby in english class

-filled said baby with chocolate milk and barbecue sauce “to feed it” and punted it across the bathroom

-bought my friend a custom life-sized body pillow of her fav actor for her birthday and hid it in her locker for a terrifying morning surprise

-bought a ball gag at goodwill

-gave a chemistry presentation to my entire class and forgot to remove the slide with a picture of a frog with a speech bubble that said “hnnng… i need… your spit”

-ate a lock of wig hair for a video that we were filming

-accidentally yelled “FUCK” in french class as soon as the room had gone silent

-kept loose cheese puffs in my desk drawer

-kept a dixie cup of chocolate chips in my desk drawer

-accidentally came into possession of 78 decorative gourds and didnt know where to put them so i left them in the top of my locker and they rotted

-got in trouble in sixth grade on valentines day for giving a boy a small potato instead of a paper valentine

-tried to wriggle my body through a saint patrick’s day wreath at a thrift store and got very, very, very stuck

-was the ringbearer for a wedding and said “oh, swag” on reflex when i dropped the rings

-challenged myself to write all my in-class essays so that they could be read to the tune of ‘two trucks’ and no one ever found out

-brought pot brownies to an anime convention

-stayed up for days on end until i was so tired that i fell asleep while writing an in-class essay and kept writing gibberish while fully asleep

-got an a in a class where i literally never turned in the homework

-changed my text tone to an audio recording of my best friend saying something embarrassing

-went through a phase where i would write several pages of notes on one page in different colors until it looked like just horrible scribbles “to save paper”

-bought parchment and a quill pen on amazon and used them to take notes

-had to leave a party early but i was eating fishsticks and i wasnt done so i put them all in my coat pocket

-kept loose dumplings in my hoodie pocket

-wore a fanny pack with a speaker in it and blasted ‘two trucks’ and also used the fanny pack to carry a bag of gummi worms and give them to people when they were upset that i called ‘emotional support worms’

-bought a whole-ass rocking horse and then took it home on the bus

-drank monster energy out of my parents’ wedding-gift wine glasses

-babysat some kids and helped them turn the entire first floor of their house into a fort for a brutal nerf gun war

-started a black market in third grade where the primary trade was colored pencils and cap erasers

-made direct eye contact with my teacher and said ‘because i am a dumbass’ when asked why i didnt have the homework

-went to a burger place where the workers yell out the order numbers and when they yelled “69!” muscle memory took over and i yelled back “NICE”

-tried to convince my friend to chug a glass of dairy free creamer until i got tired of waiting and grabbed it out of her hands and chugged it myself

-bought an animatronic bear at a thrift store and spent an hour trying to pry open the battery case to discover that it sings When I’m 64. like the whole song all the way through

-got lost in best buy for two hours and ended up leaving with a Dory backpack that was on sale

-kept a headless antique mannequin in my room at the foot of my bed to train myself out of feeling fear

-in fifth grade i attempted to physically fight another fifth grader over our minecraft fanfiction

-skipped swimming class for an entire trimester and somehow faced no repercussions

-stole a girl’s hair out of her hairbrush in fourth grade and used it for crafts

-pinned my friend to the floor and rubbed a gluestick on her face i don’t remember why

-got my friends to pool all our money at sky high so we could put cotton eyed joe into the jukebox as many times as possible

-started an uprising against our lunchtime therapist in fourth grade by convincing all of my friends to make warriors ocs with me instead of participating in the activities (this culminated in the four of us getting kicked out of lunchtime therapy)

-made my first friend in high school because she saw me secretly eating twizzlers out of my sleeve in english class

-found loose jelly beans in my school bag and ate them without question

Phil’s Liveshow // 5.28.17

He’s wearing his Star Wars shirt

Hes still mildly jetlagged

“Wake up Phil” “Actually wake up now” “Oh my god Phil” 

He feels like a withered cactus

His houseplants survived 

He thought he was going to turn into an American because they were in Florida for so long

The black wall is consuming his hair he looks bald

He didn’t have pancakes at Playlist because room service didn’t have any

Pancake shakes

He did finally get them though

Dan’s Bahamas experience 

Phil and bald guy at security had some proper bants

Heatwave jingle

He’s a 23 degrees kind guy

His frecks are dense 

He burped

Dig Down is growing on him (nice but not his fave)

They were going to see Muse in Orlando but ended up not

They got loads of stuff at Playlist 

His dad is an artist but that didn’t get passed down to him

NASA haul

His mug broke in his suitcase #rip

Dan got a mug too though so he can steal Dan’s

He also bought Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue sauce ??

And stuff from Bath and Body Works

Aloha beaches

He didn’t love Split

Him and Dan didn’t fly back together and he almost had to sit next to an old French woman

“Clean us daddy”

Returning to the place of the squirrel incident was symbolic 

“Too much maple syrup in that blood”

He found ASMR very enlightening

He got locked outside and Dan didn’t let him in what a bitch

A paperboy laughed at him locked out of the house

He didn’t think throwing newspaper boys were an actual thing

He’s usually really bad at prank but the banana one was pretty good

New anime themed video with Shawna on his channel this week if you’re interested in that or whatever lmao

“Headline: I love space”

He was enthralled with his Superman ice cream

Martyn is a troll don’t trust him in a kayak

He’s hyped for Vidcon

He was talking to Dan about making noises when someone did something wrong at school 

Where does it come where does it go 

His family all watched Eurovision together 

He couldn’t handle himself in a prank war

Everyone is getting dogs 

Riverdale graph 

He has a full box of Haribo that he’s going to try make last until next week

Next liveshow may be on Sunday watch his twitter from updates

Dan and Phil shop newsletters will be out soon

He’s missed doing liveshows this has been very nice

Ode to Broken Mug

Goodbye

Mentions of Dan: ||||| ||||| ||||

Companions as vines that give me the will to live

Cait

“YOU READY TO FUCKING DIE!?”

“WHAYSHSH I’M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN’T KILL ME!”

Curie

“Happy birthday raven!”



“i can’t swim”

Codsworth

“ALL MY LIFE MAN FUCK SAKE”

“no”

“n o”

“LET HIM EAT MY ASS LIKE A CUPCAKE”

“N O”

Dogmeat

“THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU”

*intense bork*

Danse

“Boo!”

*defensive stance*

“i’ll kill you, i’ll kill you, i’m not even worried about it.”

Deacon

“So I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties..”

Piper

“When there’s too much drama at school all you gotta do is


walk awayayayayayayayyyyyyy”

Preston

“hey i’m lesbian”

“i thought you were amurcian”

Nick

“Is there anything better than pussy? yes, a really good book”

*intense piano*

MacCready

“Excuse my potty mouth




SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Hancock

“Miss Kiesha? Miss Kiesha!? Miss Keisha!


oh my fucking god the bitch dead”

Strong

“He need some milk!!”

X6

“Who’s the hottest Uber driver you’ve ever seen?”

“Uh I’ve never went to Ovoo Javer”

got7 on a road trip

jb: the driver like always

- plays his bomb playlist

- takes pit stops here and there

- can never focus because of the dysfunctional men in the back

- “can you guys calm down back there?”

- gets stuff thrown at him (mainly by bambam and yugyeom)

- holds back the curse words

- thinks about food and his cats

jackson: the one who keeps everyone up

- gets upset when everyone tries to go to sleep

- “hey! you guys should give me attention. im bored.”

- makes the members do gay things for fun

- takes his shirt off when he’s hot

- talks about how boyfriend jb looks when he drives

- the truth or dare games begin to get kinky

- goes to sleep after a while

mark: the silent one

- has his earphones in most of the time

- participates in the conversations when he feels like it

- goes to sleep and hates being bothered when he’s asleep

- usually stays in the car when they take a stop since he’s trying to sleep

- mind is somewhere else tbh

- wants to throw a suitcase at bambam

jinyoung: the reader

- brings some type of book with him to keep himself occupied

- needs iced coffee whenever he’s on the road

- sits in the passenger seat next to JB

- gossips to him about the other members

- “jb im telling you, jackson is gay!”

- wants to kill yugyeom

bambam: the wild one

- annoys the hell out of everyone

- doesn’t know how to shut up

- dabs wildly

- harasses everyone

- gets yugyeom to dance with him

- sings random songs at the most random times

- “and im sitting here, with barbecue sauce on my titties…”

yugyeom: the performer

- “wESt sIde, WEsT sIde!”

- throws up gang signs

- pokes jinyoung’s neck and acts like he isn’t doing it

- gets beaten by jinyoung with his book

- giggles a lot

- talks casual to the members older than him

- sings and raps

youngjae: the goofy one

- laughs at the most randomest things

- nearly bursts everyone’s eardrum

- says random things in English

- “hey jb, what are doing?”

- shows off his vocal skills

- has a hoodie on and looks fluffy

- jackson fangirls over his cuteness