The Borowitz Report: New Scandal Not up to Clintons’ Usual Standards

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new poll indicates that the American people are deeply disappointed in Hillary Clinton’s State Department e-mail flap because it does not live up to the high standards of sordidness set by Clinton scandals of the past.

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Photograph by Mike Segar/Getty

smile and you smile alone

life is a burlesque
a yearning lusting seething
punch line
of strained absence
too long the hand leads the heart
with thorny wreath atop
a downhill catastrophe
worms caroling the Joker
and anvil nightmares
rouging the earth with blood
grinning serpents wringing the grail
to flow manna through the rivers
and all who embrace the sun
are cindered to dust
the irony of life
is the irony of death
as we eat ourselves raw
with bony chops
slapstick vengeance
of the final course
won’t you dine with me
in this Jester paradise
of open gashes down the middle
spilling candy
to the knee-slapping
side-splitting
diabetic children
groping for a luminary
with painted lips
how innocent the play
to the audience seems
the program lauds an intermission
blink once and miss it
blink twice and die alone
to the exuberance of Fools
filling their seats
and their diapers
with magnificent putrescence
cue rimshot
take a bow
exit, stage left

FSU Preview offers accepted students and their parents the opportunity to receive an in-depth tour of everything the university’s okay with families seeing before they write any big checks. One of the most anticipated parts of Preview is residence hall open house, in which families can see the inside of active dorm rooms, and get a feel for where their student will be living. Residence hall open house is also great for the students themselves, because it assures them that every horrible rumor they’ve ever heard about dorm life is true.

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here’s my process on how to draw something as complex as the mona lisa by leonardo dicapprio. you will learn how to draw anything in less than 2 minutes, look no further artists

9

Pawel Kuczynski, (born in 1976 in Szczecin) is a Polish artist who cleverly uses satire to portray today’s social and cultural reality.

I have graduated Fine Arts Academy in Poznan with specialization in graphics.
Since 2004 I deal with satirical illustration, and so far I have been rewarded with more than 100 prizes and distinctions.

Btw. don’t forget to visit our Facebook!

posted by Margaret.

This is satire too good not to publish here. The Onion reports:

"Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America’s uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon. "Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran," said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi, adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and "everything they need" to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material. "Obviously, the prospect of this happening is very distressing to Iran and all countries like Iran. After all, the United States is a volatile nation that’s proven it needs little provocation to attack anyone anywhere in the world whom it perceives to be a threat." Iranian intelligence experts also warned of the very real, and very frightening, possibility of the U.S. providing weapons and resources to a rogue third-party state such as Israel." 

Watch on wonder-meathead.tumblr.com

so it was a really real thing, and it was every bit as gloriously stupid and incompetent as you could imagine


>redchannit

>darknet

>THEY LEVELED UP

>GO HOME GAMER GIRL

>Civilization 5: Brave New World expansion pack

>”gamers are literally ISIS”

>They’re playing a game. We gotta play to.

>Rape is a mod in level 16 of KOBS

>TERRORISTS WIN


my sides are in orbit, I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time

The Borowitz Report: Bush Says He Will Harm Nation Differently Than His Brother

As an example, Bush said, he was unlikely to invade Iraq for a third time, calling such an action “too derivative.”

“George already did it, and Dad did it before him,” he said. “Call it my independent streak, if you will, but I want to spawn some disasters of my own.”

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Photograph by Bill Pugliano/Getty