"Phil Robertson." March 29th, 2015. Self-published #98. #199 overall.

From The Washington Post - Phil Robertson slammed for imagined tale of an atheist family’s rape and murder

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Good evening, gentlemen! Please pay attention. I am a reformed vampire, which is to say, I am a bundle of suppressed instincts held together with spit and coffee. It would be wrong to say that violence does not come easily to me. It’s not tearing your throats out that doesn’t come easily to me. Please don’t make it any harder.
—  Maladict, from Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment (2003)
  • *show has a minority character*
  • half of tumblr:OMG I CANT BELIEVE IT THIS IS GREAT OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS LOOK AT IT
  • other half of tumblr:WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO PHOBIC THIS ISN'T RIGHT WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY ARE BEING SO DISRESPECTFUL LOOK AT THAT THING THEY DID RIGHT THERE THAT IS A STEREOTYPE FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERYONE INVOLVED IN MAKING THIS SHOW
signs and their tendencies

Aries- The type to have a deep, dumb conversation with, make plans with you the day before and then ditch to watch porn, most undependable. 

Taurus- The type to keep arguing after they’ve been solidly proven wrong, then eats all your food and jerks it in your bed.

Gemini- The type that prefers online relationships to physical, so they can dedicate themselves to painting or some shit.

Cancer- The type to complain all day that no one likes them while they radiate arrogant sexiness and raw talent.

Leo- The type to buy you a shitload of alcohol just so you can listen to them talk about how great they are.

Virgo- The type to verbally express their fondness of you, while at the same time expressing their preference of someone else over you in present company.

Libra- The type to go above and beyond to please everybody and then get pissed off when everyone gets too comfortable.

Scorpio- They type to act like they’re having a magical time on a date and then not call you back.

Sagittarius- The type who babysits you when you’re drunk, gets in a fight and then sings pagan folk songs to the moon

Capricorn- The person who will fall for anything even though they make straight A’s and stay level headed, will probably grab you by the collar of your shirt if you try to fight someone while drunk.

Aquarius- The type to fall in love with their best friend , abort the lovechild and then get knocked up by a coke dealer at a phish concert in a port a potty, then have that baby.

Pisces- The type to secretly fill your water bottle with vodka when you’ve obviously had too much to drink.