satan was with us

  • Boss: Most Hated Client brought something of interest to my attention in regards to their reports of incomplete files they give us in the software & they all appear to be file issues you've touched.
  • Me: I have logged every issue they generated, are they saying I missed some?
  • Boss: It is more HOW you have highlighted the issues in their broken files... Did you seriously use the number of Satan to autofill the blank spaces in their broken files?
  • Me: Yes, I have been doing for the last 4 months. I can't believe they are just now noticing, I get at least 12 broken files from their office every day.
  • Boss: Ok, that shit is funny.
  • Me: I was told to use a "unique signature" to highlight the issues & I figured if they were tired of seeing 666 all over their work then they'd actually do their work instead of letting me do it.
Piercing the Dragon

Why does Isaiah describe the exodus in terms of God “piercing the dragon” and “cutting Rahab in pieces” (Isaiah 51:9)? This is a reference to pharaoh. In Exodus 4:3-4, Moses puts his staff on the ground, it becomes a serpent, and “Moses ran from it.” Moses’ flight from the serpent is an allusion to his flight from Pharaoh, who sought to kill him- that Moses then takes up the staff by the tail is a sign to the elders of Israel that God through Moses will defeat pharaoh. The defeat of the sea dragon in the exodus is the drowning of Pharaoh and his armies.

This is a type of God’s crushing of the Satanic dragon in the New Testament, as Isaiah 27 tells us will happen: Yahweh grasps His sword, slays the dragon that is in the sea, and brings Israel back from exile. The reference to Yahweh’s sword is a theme throughout Isaiah, and goes back to Deuteronomy 32, where Yahweh grasps His sword and defeats the rebellious members of the heavenly council, ultimately bringing them all prostrate before Him. In Isaiah 34, then, His sword first drinks its fill “in the heavens”, leading the “host of heaven” to fall (cp. Revelation 12:7-9). The reference to stars falling from heaven is also linked with Isaiah 14, where it is the king of Babylon who falls as a star from heaven: this is one of many features of Isaiah 14 vindicating the traditional identification of the king of Babylon with Satan (cp. also Revelation 9:1). This network of biblical associations links up the Dragon, Satan, and the fallen members of the divine council, providing a theological backdrop to the demonology of the New Testament. When the law and the prophets are read properly, then, early Jewish (and apostolic) concepts of Satan and his demons are not an innovation influenced by Persia and other cultures, but thoroughly grounded in the Hebrew Bible.

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 4

It’s amazing to see how much we can create together, my amigos. Here’s part 4.

  1. “Look, I might be evil but even I have standards.”
  2. “Do your parents know you’re dating Death?” “No, I promised we wouldn’t get back together after he broke up with me the first time.”
  3. “Wait why am I naked and covered in cheese?”
  4. “Good god, that cake is fuckin stale and dry mate!!” “Just like how you are recently? Gee, thanks.”
  5. "There is always time for a high-five.”
  6. “Karen, what would ever posses you to find me here.”
  7. “Oh my god, put that man down! Come on, let’s go get you some REAL food.”
  8. “A demonic sugar glider?”
  9. “People always say they never thought they would be here but I absolutely did.”
  10. “And I thought I was a bit weird. But you! You are insane!”
  11. “So your hair knows kung-fu? Ha, that’s nothing! MY hair knows HAIR-ATE!” (You know, as in karate) (This used to be an insider between me and a friend…)
  12. “One day, darling, you and I are going to conquer the Universe not just our world.”
  13. “Did you seriously think they wouldn’t notice when their humans went missing?!”
  14. “Well, maybe next time you should consider that not everyone wants to be woken up at four in the morning by a- what IS that, anyway?!”
  15. “Now, how exactly did your foot get stuck in the barrel?”
  16. “I hope you realize what you’re doing. This forest never ends, you know that, right?”
  17. “You can’t just kill someone and then make it all better by saying sorry!”
  18. “Why the fuck is my cat levitating?!” “He said he wanted to feel what flying was”
  19. “You’re trying to tell me you killed three men…with a microphone?”
  20. “Hang on, are you a John Wick fan?”
  21. “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING!” “And?” “ I have a strict no murder rule until eight. Call me then.”
  22. “I did realize you were going to be naked the whole time”
  23. “Ok, I understand you like animals, but you can’t just bring a tiger into the apparent without asking!”
  24. “I…I didn’t want you to find out like this. I’m so sorry.”
  25. “OH MY GOD CATHERINE! I JUST SAW A NARWHAL! I’M TELLING YOU, I SAW A FREAKIN’ WHALE UNICORN!”
  26. “I gotta go, I left my toaster in the oven!
  27. "Why is there a gaggle of fancy buisness men on my front lawn?”
  28. “Can you please stop referring to me as ____! That’s not my name!” “Then what is?” “I don’t know!”
  29. *Sarcastic* “Yeah, sure. I won’t at all mind being your footslave.” “Oh, goody! I knew you’d agree!” “Wait, what?”
  30. “When are you going to give up on this whole ‘evil’ thing?” “When it stops being so much fun!”
  31. “You didnt say to KILL the man!” “WELL I DIDNT SAY NOT TOO”
  32. “Mum, Dad… I’m gay.” “That’s nice, honey, but now is not the right time!”
  33. “Take a look at your soul and consider your life choices! Oh wait, that’s right! You don’t fucking have a soul!” “Oh, god, just go drown in a bathtub of syrup why don’t ya?”
  34. “I kindly ask you to please quit making your heart stop. It’s creeping me out!” “So… Y-You were sleeping in a coffin” “Yeah I’m used to it” “Are you a vampire or what?! How can someone get used to sleep in a coffin?” “No I’m used to sleep I never said that I’m used to sleep in a freaking coffin!”
  35. “Darling I love you, more than I can ever express in words…. But please stop teaching chickens necromancy.”
  36. “I wanted to know why you stole souls, not your melodramatic backstory…”
  37. “I really wish that old white man would stop rubbing his nipples at me”
  38. “You know it is written: Do not summon Satan, right ?”
  39. “Look around, what is this?” “My room?” “No, this is pathetic.”
  40. “I’ve been a professor for 20 years, and yet still my greatest secret hasn’t been revealed–I can’t read.”
  41. “Our souls don’t belong in these 'human’ bodies, every one of us is implanted here from another galaxy, and this has been the case for a thousand years. No one knows what 'actual humans’ are like without us inhabiting them.”
  42. “Did you just create a portal in time and space to pull another version of yourself into this world so I have to deal with another annoying idiot?” “No but thanks for the idea.”
  43. “You’re bleeding?!” “Nah, I’m frolicing in a field of flowers - yes I’m bleeding!”
  44. “Let me get this straight. I tell you that I make a decent omelette and you somehow equate that to qualification for piloting a spaceship?”
  45. “It’s the weekend! Let’s hit the town! See a concert, redo our wardrobes, get high, start a crime ring, I don’t know.”
  46. “Keep running, you’ve only got 4HP!”
  47. “This is clearly your first time. Stop screaming already, you’ll wake the neighbors!”
  48. “Has anyone seen the outdoors?” “What the fuck is an outdoors?”
  49. “Why do I feel like this again, I thought we were done with this?”
  50. “Look, as much as I like to hang out with you, I’ve gotta go and save the earth. Toodles!”
  51. “Have you seen?… oh shit”
  52. “Two questions: one, how many matches do you have, and two, where do you keep your socks?”
  53. “Because fuck surveys, that’s why!”
  54. “Stop yelling out the window or the koalas will rip your face off!”
  55. “I guess when I heard 'Night of Debauchery’… I didn’t picture muffins on your pajamas.”
  56. “Honey, you can’t keep throwing people to the pit of pain and despair just because they don’t like choc mint ice cream.”
  57. “Oh, no honey, put that back…”
  58. “It’s going to be too late, you know. It’s always too late.”
  59. “Hey, so, uh… I’m in trouble…” “What did you do this time?” “I got stranded in Wales….. again…”
  60. “OK, but… how do we get the dog out of a hole in space in time exactly?”
  61. “Aren’t people supposed to grow instead of shrink ?”
  62. “Wait. You’re aroused?” “Why would that surprise you?” “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  63. "I pay your taxes”
  64. “No, ____. We did not raise our hamster like this.”
  65. “You can’t run from your own shadow(s), what makes you think you can run from theirs?”
  66. “You adopted… a dog?” “Mate, that’s not a dog.”
  67. “And at this moment, he decided to punch himself in the face.” “Narrator, listen, I know you’ve been with me my whole life, but you’re a huge jerk.”
  68. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a portal BEFORE we ended up here?”
  69. “Is that…the Mona Lisa.” “…Yes…” “What did I say to you about stealing priceless artifacts!?” “…That I had to take you with me next time.” “Exactly!”
  70. “Yes, I agree, magic is pretty cool. But did you really have to use it for THIS?”
  71. “Despite the fact that was epic, you’re still suspended”
  72. “Chill, dad it’s not what you think it is!” “Well it looks like you’re making out with the demon your grandma banished to cellar…WHY IS HE IN YOUR ROOM?”
  73. “If you truly love me you’ll let me-OH FUCKING HELL DID YOU JUST STAB ME!?”
  74. “Spoon”
  75. “What began as a conflict over the transfer of consciousness from flesh to machines escalated into a war which has decimated a Million worlds.The ___ and the ___ have all but exhausted the the resources of a galaxy in their struggle for domination. Both sides, now crippled beyond repair, the remnants of their armies continue to battle on ravaged planets, their hatred fueled by over four thousand years of total war. This is a fight to the death. For each side, the only acceptable outcome is…“
  76. ”… I’m going back to bed. You brought it here, you can deal with the mammoth yourself.“
  77. "Is the food supposed to be moving?”
  78. “You mean to tell me that in the two minutes I was gone,  you bombed a minor country,  got married to a stripper,  and assassinated a world leader?!”
  79. “Is that a unicorn???? EATING MY BEEF JERKY?!”
  80. “Do I get to dream about you again tonight?”
  81. “Well now I have to change clothes AGAIN!”
  82. “All of this was because of a… OF A PLUSHIE?!” “Well…Yeah?” “Great, how are we going to get out of jail now?!”
  83. “So…you gonna tell me why my brother is upside down and why you’re wearing my purple thong?”
  84. “Did you really have to burn down another Cracker Barrel?”
  85. “Sir, that’s impossible, you can’t do that.” “IS THAT A FUCKING CHALLENGE?!?!”
  86. “We need to invade Portugal.” “…Sure, why not?”
  87. “Did you divide by zero?! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL”
  88. “Stand down, Milady, this is a matter between gentlemen with mustaches.”
  89. “Next time you get arrested I am NOT paying your bail” “That’s a lie and you know it.” “….”
  90. “I thought you were dead.” “So did I”
  91. “John dont flush the dog down the toilet”
  92. “What did I say again about resurrecting dictators??”
  93. “Cucumbers are NOT pets… what do you mean, you ate him??”
  94. “Are you and God seriously fighting right now? And what happened to Satan?”
  95. “Are ferrets supposed to be blue??”
  96. “I’m the protagonist? Well I guess that explains why I look like about a thousand other people.”
  97. “Why do I do this to myself?”
  98. “Stop eating your tortilla chips with ketchup. It’s unattractive.”
  99. “How do you eat an entire cheese wheel in one sitting?”
  100. “Why are God and Satan moving in with us?”

Let’s make one more ‘100 Dialogue Prompts’ list together. Leave a comment with your prompt below. Don’t forget the double quotes “”. And as always, only one prompt per amigo! Also, here is your random Dutch word of the day: pindakaas

Kitchen Counter (M)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Genre: Smut.
Word count: 2.4k

Part two: Laundry Room. Part three: The Club.

Summary: “Baby, we’re in your parents’ kitchen.” You muttered, squeaking softly, trying to push his arm away with both of your hands, but he just kept pressing those fingers into your core. “That’s what makes it so naughty.” He whispered against your neck before his mouth wound up back against yours.


Keep reading

why you must be extra careful when speaking Finnish

example 1:

Tapaan sinut huomenna. = I’ll meet you tomorrow.

Tapan sinut huomenna. = I’ll kill you tomorrow.

example 2:

Vauvalla on tikkari. = The baby has a lollipop.

Vauvalla on tikari. = The baby has a dagger.

example 3:

Saatan käyttää sitä. = I might use it.

Saatana käyttää sitä. = Satan uses it. 

The Devils handwriting, is the only known “Satanic calligraphy ” in existence. The writing dates back to the 15th century, and was found in a book about a mans encounter with Satan. According to the legend the man summoned Satan, and asked to be used as a vessel to record answers to complex questions. The Devi refused, and wrote the answers in an illegible script. The script cannot be deciphered, and there is no evidence that it is a hoax. Modern scholars have pointed out that the characters have similarities to Amharic, a language spoken in Ethiopia. However the script is written in an unknown language, and the mystery of what it actually says is unsolved.

When I have children:

Friend: So what are their names?
Me: Mark, Bishop, Jedikiah and Lucy.
Friend: So all names from Mark Pellegrino? Lucy is the only normal name, is that because she’s a girl?
Me: Oh honey no
Friend: ??
Me: Her middle name is Fer
Friend: Lucy Fer?
Me: …
Friend: Lucifer oh my god

6

Hell is overflowing. And Satan is sending his dead to us. Why? Because you have sex out of wedlock. You kill unborn children. You have man-on-man relations. Same-sex marriage. How do you think your god will judge you? Well, friends, now we know. When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth. 

Dawn of the Dead (2004) dir. Zack Snyder

10

The man who broke into Lana’s home, stole one of her books. The book was ‘The Satanic Witch’ by Anton LaVey. Anton was the founder of The Church Of Satan and he made Marilyn Manson a Minister of The Church of Satan.

Lana use to hang out a lot with Marilyn Manson.

Her fascination with the dark arts goes back some years.

Just adding the dots together.

A group of level 1 half-human half-animal people (two meerkats, an owl, a vampire, a mouse that turned into a mouse-angel, a coyote and Satan) are trying to take over Heaven. A short wall separates us from Heaven.

Vampire: “I roll to cut through Heaven.” *rolls a 1*

DM: “…. You take out your sword and start sawing at the short wall, screaming ‘FITE ME!!!’”

Meerkat 2: “I roll to launch the TnT cake into Heaven.” *rolls a 3*

DM: “You launch the TnT cake into Heaven. It lands on an angel’s head and the wet cake extinguishes the fuse.”

security guard: you can’t come in the show’s already started

liam: if i don’t satan cowbell will accept our award for us

security guard: shit man that’s fucked up go ahead