satan bug

The Digimon Movie is so great because it uses an up-beat poppy soundtrack and back-to-back silly quips to cover up how terrifying and high-stakes the story actually is.

Seriously, here’s a brief summary:


1. Kari receives a mysterious egg out of her computer, which starts out cute but quickly gets out of control and starts destroying the city while this toddler rides on its back, horrified and pleading for it to stop.

2. Another monster appears out of the sky and the two fight to the death. The world forgets it ever happened.

3. On the other side of the world, another child named Willis tries to create a digimon, but it is immediately corrupted by Internet Satan/a Y2K bug.

4. When some other kids try to stop Internet Satan from destroying all the digital data in the world, it responds by HACKING INTO THE PENTAGON AND LAUNCHING A NUKE AT THEM. And launching another at his old pal Willis BECAUSE HEY WHY NOT?

5. Willis is happy when Internet Satan is defeated, until it comes back to possess one of his other Digimon, Kokomon, slowly turning it into a monster over the course of four years.

6. Possessed Kokomon obsessively follows Willis across the world, attacking him and making anyone who interferes “disappear”.

7. Movie ends with Satan-possessed Kokomon asking to die. He gets his wish.

8. *Smashmouth plays*

2

A sinful couple that slays The Powerpuff Girls together; stays together.

I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I HATE SUMMER

Which YW Character Should You Fight?

Nita | Your chances of victory: 10%

Okay. I don’t know what the fuck you have on your mind, but this is a girl who was going to voluntarily be eaten by a shark to save like, metropolitan New York? Why would you even consider fighting someone who isn’t afraid of megalodons? I’m only giving you ten percent in the event that she’s just using you to train for a more important fight, probably with a shark. Don’t do it. Don’t fight Nita Callahan. 

Kit | Your chances of victory: 80%

He’s on the tallish side and a wizard, but it doesn’t even matter; he’s still a nerd. When he squares up to fight you, just say something about scantily clad lady Martians and watch him blush and trip over his own feet while you take him out at your leisure. Do it. Fight Kit Rodriguez. 

Dairine | Your chances of victory: 0.0000001%

Listen. This girl was laying down the law with jujitsu before she knew wizardry was even a thing. The chip on her shoulder could be mined for fucking titanium. She’s been waiting for someone like you to fight her so she can make an example of you for the others. Your only hope of victory is to nuke everything in her solar system and pray she wasn’t awake when you did it. But do it anyway. We’ve all been waiting to see this fight. Good luck.

Ronan | Your chances of victory: 100%

You’re probably thinking something stereotypical about the Irish and fighting, but you’re 100% wrong. This is the kind of kid who hangs out with fellow emo teens at Irish KFC. His reaction to having a drink poured over him is to open and close his mouth like a pimply white fish. So do it. Fight Ronan Nolan.

Carmela | Your chances of victory: -100000000000%

She took one look at bug alien Satan and pulled the fucking trigger. You aren’t ready. You will never be ready. Don’t fight Carmela Rodriguez.

Roshaun ke Nelaid | Your chances of victory: 60%

The key to fighting Roshaun is to get him with the phantom left while he’s still saying his name, which takes about fifteen minutes. Unfortunately, past that point you’re fighting the hominid equivalent of a fucking brontosaurus. He’ll probably just neck whip you. But still, I’ve never seen an alien fight and you’d probably be the first to try it. So do it. Fight Roshaun.

Darryl McAllister | Your chances of victory: You poor soul.

Why…why would you do this? Is there no love in your life? Go home, eat some ice cream, and reevaluate your life choices. Don’t you dare fight Darryl McAllister.

The Lone Power | Your chances of victory: ???

This is very conditional. There are only two incarnations of the Lone One that it’s safe to fight. First, if he looks anything like a certain British actor, you owe it to the world to punch him and hope his cheekbones get pushed into a more humanoid shape. Second, if it’s Esemeli, do it and put it on WorldStar. Whichever of you gets dragged, it’ll be hilarious. Do it. Fight the Lone Power.

Okay guys, so I’ve noticed something on Tumblr. So I’m gonna call you guys out on it. So, we all know that misogyny, transsexism, and racism against people of colour is wrong. But what tumblr doesn'tquite get is the inverse, misandry, cissexism, and racism against white people, can get just as bad and damaging. Instead of giving back what you get, try and be nice, it does wonders.

“Hi. I know it’s late, and you might’ve been eating dinner or something, but – there’s a huge moth in my apartment and I can no longer call it my home. I must take refugee somewhere, and no one else was home. I would offer you sweets or something but they are in said apartment and I will not walk in there until the Satan-Bug departs.”