sassy doctor is sassy

WHY AREN’T MORE PEOPLE IN THE SEPTIMUS HEAP FANDOM

I JUST

GUYS

LISTEN


-DRAGONS
-magic????!!!!
-it might have taken place in the FUTURE and it’s not DYSTOPIAN
-literally everything is a character
-including the coffee pot
-Marcia freaking Overstrand
-pointy purple python shoes
-time traveling
-Jenna ‘I don’t give a fuck’ Heap
-Sleuth??? Literally world’s most helpful tennis ball
-also Dark! Simon
-also Light! Simon
-DRAGONS
- “Don’t go to the circus”
-It’s seven books and the second series is amazing incredible 10/10 recommend
-the epilogue is the best part
-no I swear Angie Sage is the best thing to happen to anything ever
-Jenna literally eats her way to freedom
-Nicko Heap omfg ♡♡♡
-Ullr?? A shape-shifting cat? Who wouldn’t want him as a pet?
m̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶o̶p̶l̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶
-literally there’s a dragon boat. You’ve seen them in real life? Great. This one’s better
-pink paddle boat to the rescue!
-LUCY GRINGE
-basically all the female characters are sassy and strong and the males just better run
-like even Septimus Heap, most powerful boy wizard ever, seventh son of a seventh son, ExtraOrdinary Apprentice, master of the Dragon boat, this mother fucker literally saved the castle from a dragon that was too bad ass to even exist in this dimension, yeah, he’s terrified of Jenna Heap w̶h̶o̶ ̶d̶o̶e̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶g̶i̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶p̶o̶w̶e̶r̶s̶ so if you’re missing Donna Temple, guess what
-SPIT FYRE
-Aunt Zelda
-Aunt Zelda giving no fucks about gender roles
-also basically a giant walking tent?
-SYRAH SYARA
-they literally flushed Septimus down a river toilet so he could go to the ghost land???
-also Alther being petty af
-no he legit follows the Bad Guy around all day just enlarging his hat to piss him off.
-CHICKEN BOAT
-guys I just really love this book please read it
-also ice tunnels
-anthropomorphic ice sleds
-you need this book
-also the covers are aesthetic like they’ll make your home 93% prettier just by being there
-also elevators are literally the Wizarding kryptonite I don’t know why
-OH I FORGOT WE EVEN HAVE A DARK! NICO AU HE’S AMAZING HIS FAVORITE FOOD IS BANANA BEARS

-fin-

i am still thinking about how River Song is married to 428 different people, “one for each gender”. she’s pansexual, polyamorous, absolutely badass, intelligent, rules her own life, goes on adventures, is endlessly amazing and epic and i love her a lot