sassmaster!blaine

2

Things people don’t talk about enough:

Blaine wasn’t researching his own symptoms before injecting himself with the cure.

He was donating the money he made through the brain business to charity.

This particular one was to fight Muscular Dystrophy… which was implied to have been his grandfather’s condition.

He got his affairs in order. Told Don E. and Chief to stop dealing Utopium, for their own safety. He thanked them for sticking by him.

He asked them to keep the brain business going, for the sake of humanity.

Why would he care, if he was (pardon the quoting of the theme song) already dead?

Getting his throat slashed by Mr. Boss was a wake up call, he should have died then. 

So when he thought he was actually going to die? Either from reverting to zombie form, or injecting himself with an untested cure?

Honestly? ….Blaine started to change his ways even before his amnesia.

EDIT: While you could blame this behavior on the last brain he ate, a man who was bicycling cross country for Jerry’s Kids, a MD charity…

I honestly like the vagueness of it all. You think Jerry’s Kids would then be the charity he’d have in mind. Pun intended.

He also had the papers for Chief and Don E. drawn up before he ate the brain, which implies he had a plan.

I still say it’s a plan he thinks of gets it as Major is leaving Shady Plots.

His expression is kinda telling.

It’s almost like Major inspires him to not be a dick? >.>

anonymous asked:

“Look person, I’m sorry I ran you over with my car but maybe you should stay in the bike lane DON’T EVEN THINK OF TAKING ME TO COURT I DON’T CARE IF YOU’R E A LAWYER… shit” AU for Klaine, pretty please?😇

OMG I had so much fun with this one. So…

Klaine / Rated T

“So you know how we joked about me being able to ace law school after all the studying I helped you with back in undergrad?” Blaine’s voice carries to Sebastian’s ears as he slides into his seat at their high top table, situated in their usual corner at the bar about a block or two from the apartment they share. Blaine figures they’ll move to their own places once things get serious with romantic partners or something, but for now… well, they can afford a much nicer place together than they would alone, and to be honest, it’s kind of nice living with your best friend.

Sebastian raises a brow as he takes the beer Blaine slides to him, steadying the glass before opening his mouth to speak. “You better not have dragged me out to the bar just to tell me you’re giving up on your dreams to follow in my footsteps, Anderson. Cause I swear if you throw in the towel just cause that douchebag didn’t like your fucking wonderful composition, I will kick your ass myself-”

Before he can get too riled up, Blaine cuts his friend off with a laughing grin. “Whoa, Bas, calm down! I’m not giving up on my dreams. For the record, I don’t really care what Mr. Hafton thought of my proposal. I’m going to polish it a bit and present it to a different director when the opportunity comes. Anyway…” he lifts his own tall draft and takes a swig before continuing. “Let me tell you how I proved just how much of your schooling my musical brain retained, shall I? It all started with a shitload of traffic…”

Blaine knew better than to ride his bike on such a day. The weather wasn’t the problem- in fact, it was absolutely beautiful out- which was causing the actual issue that Blaine faced. It was the first nice day in a solid two weeks of terrible weather, and everyone was hell bent and determined to enjoy it. That meant that everyone was traveling, trying to get out in the sun, and leaving work as early as possible to boot.

Being a composer for Broadway, Blaine didn’t have a set work schedule, However, Blaine’s clients did have a certain schedule to follow, and Blaine had to fit himself into those schedules. It was best for him to squeeze his meetings into the time between sleep, other meetings, casting calls, and actual performances. Usually, Blaine found himself traveling home just before the early crowd left work, but today…

Well, today people were leaving earlier than usual, which meant Blaine and his bike were hitting all the congestion leaving the city. And New York didn’t have the nicest drivers. Or pedestrians, to be honest.

Even as Blaine had made it out of the main city and into the outskirts where he and Bas shared their apartment, he was still surrounded by traffic and eager pedestrians who didn’t want to share an inch of the sidewalk with his narrow bike path. Of course, the traffic was mostly stand-still, so he wasn’t too worried about being hit, but there was always that fear when the traffic did shift.

During a big shift in traffic, Blaine came up to a jogger with a double-wide stroller on the sidewalk. His narrow path was encroached upon by the stroller, and the woman jogging wasn’t paying any attention to the width of her precious cargo. Blaine panicked. He jerked his handlebars, pitched sideways, and next thing he knew he felt the hot impact of metal before sliding to the ground in a heap, landing painfully atop his bike, a handlebar poking sharply into his gut.

“Hold up, hold up,” Sebastian interrupts, throwing Blaine an incredulous look. “You swerved into traffic instead of side-swiping the stroller?!” Forest green eyes flash with a sort of hunger for justice, and Blaine looks at his friend as if he’s lost his mind.

When Sebastian doesn’t relent, Blaine rolls his eyes and sighs, giving into his friend’s need for more information. Bas always does demand all the details so he can figure out the full case. Oh, what Blaine wouldn’t give for the pompous teen who was only concerned about getting a little action. That Sebastian was so much easier to deal with. Lawyer Sebastian takes himself so much more seriously, and it’s absolutely exhausting sometimes…

“Yes, Bas, I avoided the fucking stroller with two small children inside. I’m not a monster like you!” Blaine mutters darkly about his horrible taste in friends even as Sebastian opens his mouth to retort.

Thankfully, their appetizer platter comes out then, so Bas is interrupted by the waiter asking if they need anything else. “Not just yet,” Blaine answers, kicking Bas under the table when the lawyer snickers at him.

Back to business, Sebastian eyes Blaine seriously even while the composer struggles with a mozzarella stick, cheese oozing out in a lava-hot string to attempt to scald Blaine’s lips off. “It’s a man-eat-man world, Killer. You have to be ruthless to survive. That woman should have paid better attention and kept her kids safe. Not your problem if she failed as a mother.”

Blaine spares a disgusted look for his best friend before directing Sebastian’s attention back to his story. “Right. Like I said, there can only be one devil incarnate, and you already filled that role rather perfectly. Anyway…”

The sound of brakes straining in the new warmth of the weather made Blaine groan in a sort of mutual frustration before a honking horn sounded in the not-so-far distance and Blaine actually cursed a little under his breath. He’d just been hit by a car for Christ’s sake! He’d have thought that might trump getting home a little earlier than normal.

Apparently Blaine had forgotten how heartless New Yorkers starved for sunlight could be, though, as he shifted to sitting only to stare at a haughty looking man in a very nice three-piece suit, staring down at him with a quirked brow visible just above reflective sunglasses that Blaine was sure were very designer and very expensive. “Oh for the love of…”

Blaine’s muttering was interrupted by an irritated exhale and a quick spout off about how Blaine was the person in the wrong. “Look, uh, you,” the guy started, tone like a wasp but voice smooth like Blaine thought he’d like to hear in a bedroom setting. It was very confusing for his body and brain, to say the least. It didn’t help that Blaine was pretty sure his left elbow and possibly shin were bleeding and the stinging was becoming distracting. “I’m sorry I hit you, but, maybe you should have followed the law and stayed in the bike lane?”

It was like the man was speaking to a toddler, and that made something in Blaine’s brain snap. He didn’t care how hot the pissed off guy was, what with his gravity-defying hair and daring fashion sense- that suit wasn’t even a shade of blue that Blaine had a name for!- the guy was being a dick. It wasn’t Blaine’s fault that he’d been in too much of a hurry to get home from… whatever swanky city job he did and wasn’t paying attention to the pedestrian traffic.

So, Blaine told him as much.

“Uh, how ‘bout no?” The man gaped at him, sunglasses perched lower on his nose so he could stare at Blaine with stunning eyes of the greenest blue. Blaine wouldn’t be distracted, though. He had a diva to dethrone, it would seem. “The bike path here is very narrow and often crosses routes with both pedestrians and vehicles. It is the responsibility of all parties to be aware of each other. I was well aware of my surroundings, but a jogger was not paying attention and ran me off my path with her double-wide stroller. Which, I might add, had two babies in it.”

The man didn’t look as bothered by that as Blaine had been, but he didn’t look like he didn’t care at all, as Blaine suspected Bas would were he present. At least this guy wasn’t completely heartless. “Traffic was stopped, thus you should not have been going very fast at all once it started up again. You shouldn’t have had any problem reacting to my falling into your lane, and yet…” Blaine angrily motioned to his bike, and his leg which was awkwardly positioned under him and somewhat inside of the bicycle. It was starting to get rather sore, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to un-pretzel himself without some help.

Tall, poised, and prissy gave him a once over and licked his lips before responding. “Are you some kind of law-student or something?” he asked, that brow quirking even higher. “Whatever. I don’t care. You still don’t have an argument here! I didn’t do anything wro-“

“Oh tell me you started throwing random data at him,” Bas interrupts, a gleeful light in his eye. He’s getting really into the story and Blaine can’t help but grin. He has to admit, he had no idea if he even had any sort of case against the guy, but he knew how to bullshit like he did. Thanks to all that studying with Bas.

Cracking his knuckles, Blaine smirks almost as good as Sebastian as he nods his head proudly. “Of course I did. Told him about law four fifty-seven A of chapter sixteen in the New York Vehicular-Pedestrian code that states how any vehicle driving under ten miles an hour is responsible should it collide with a pedestrian, including cyclists.”

Sebastian is howling now while Blaine explains a couple more laws that he made up, and even a fictitious court case, only to be interrupted by a clearing throat.

“Are you quite finished celebrating your dastardliness?” the voice asks, and Blaine opens his eyes to stare into the greenest blue he’s ever seen, again cocking that brow at him, but this time looking amused rather than angry or intimidated.

Kurt pulls his chair out and joins the pair at their table, less dressed up than the previous day. “Sorry, Kurt,” Blaine says, a laugh still on his voice as he flashes the fashion writer slash actor a warm smile. “Bas was at the office late last night and I didn’t get to talk to him until today. He didn’t know our story til now.”

Sebastian, for his part, has started coughing from his laughing fit. It seems that adding Kurt to the mix just made it even worse. “Is he going to make it?” Kurt asks, not actually looking all that concerned. The middle finger shot his way answers his question, though, and Kurt simply motions for his own beer and helps himself to a potato skin. “Did you tell him how you ended up at my place with a broken bike and a sore ass afterward? Or how I rubbed out the muscle spasm in your thigh?”

The grin that curls on Kurt’s face is absolutely evil while Sebastian wheezes for air. Blaine kind of loves it. “Oh my God!” Sebastian exhales, glaring at both of them. “How in the hell do you go from threatening lawsuits to fucking?!”

That was loud. Blaine winces as half the bar turns to stare at them, while Kurt starts to go red and Bas just keeps staring incredulously at them.

“Nobody said anything about fucking!” Blaine squeaks, while Kurt responds at the same time with “I’m just that good, I guess.”

Oh, and Blaine is sure he’s red enough to make a tomato jealous, but he’s also so turned on he might die. Shit. And Kurt and Bas are getting along like old friends, sparring verbally without any issue. It’s actually amazing. Bas doesn’t get along this well with, well, anyone!

“So, anyway,” Blaine says once he can speak again. “Thanks for making me help you get through law school I guess? And, uh, don’t expect to see my bike around the apartment any time soon. It kinda died, and I don’t think I want to tempt fate twice.”

Blaine got his accidental chance at love or whatever Kurt might be. He doesn’t think he’d get so lucky next time. Best to leave the biking to ruthless people who would have taken out the stroller.