sarcastic and fantastic


Flume’s collaboration with Dave Bayley of Glass Animals has been released!

I don’t think it would be out of place on How To Be A Human Being. It sounds like another character that Dave made up.

Knight-Captain Rylen’s age

Because I talk to the wife ( @siriusdraws ) a lot about the Rylen/Haylan otp, I surmised Rylen’s age the best I could with what little dates were given. I shared it with her, so I thought I’d share my thoughts with fellow Rylen fans.

Here’s what I gathered from World of Thedas Vol. 2

  • The youngest of five of a Starkhaven stonemason, Rylen joined the Order at fifteen.
  • In his almost fifteen years in the Order, Rylen had acquired a reputation among his fellow officers as “the one who fixes things.” 

Rylen spearheaded the relief efforts at Kirkwall in 9:37 Dragon. So that would put him around 29-30 years of age. Lord Seeker Lambert’s annulled the Navarren Accord three years later in 9:40 Dragon. 

The conclave, and the rebirth of the Inquisition, occurs the next year in 9:41. 

So, doing the math, I’d pin Rylen’s age to be around 33-34 years old when Inquisition starts. He’s older than Cullen by a few years then as Cullen is said to be “roughly thirty” according to his writer.

Didn’t Think I’d Get A Response || Part 2

Prompt: Tom, Reader, Zendaya, Harrison, Jacob, and Laura have to leave Earth because of a deadly radiation. There’s only one ship left to board. But there’s a catch only 2 out of the 6 of you don’t have a suit.

Warnings: Fluff, Sad, Language, Implying Laura’s a bad person (Lots of love to Laura), mentions of cheating, mentions of dying.

Word Count: 2,386

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

A/N: So the story continues! New character! :)

~part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 

 ~D.T.I.G.A.R Masterlist~


“…Y/N?” You glanced at the walkie talkie on the counter, you immediately grabbed it pressing the talk button.


“Yea, its me, you can turn the power on now, I’m on board.”

“Copy that” You pressed the button. Hoping that it worked.

“Good job Y/N” Tom said. It did.

“Thanks, may we meet again Tom”.

“May we meet again” You put down the walkie talkie.

Tears started pooling in your eyes. You observed the room you were in, it was quiet. The only noise was the sound of your beating heart and sniffles. It was empty and you were all alone. You didn’t want any of this! You changed your mind…you were getting the heck out of here. You frantically started trashing the whole room as fast as you could. Tearing everything apart. There was a couple boxes but you couldn’t find a suit.

Just when you were about to give up you saw a safe. The same safe that you and Tom tried opening, but the only problem was that you didn’t know the pass code. You picked it up and threw it across the room. It pried opened.

You ran to it and looked to see what was inside, and what do you know, there was a fucking suit. Who keeps a suit in a safe?!

You didn’t even hesitate to put in on. Making sure everything was securely on you glanced at the timer on the projector and saw that you had 2 minutes remaining. That’s usually how long it look for a rocket or ship to launch. You grabbed the walkie talkie and sprinted to the door, you took a deep breath and swung it open. 

The ship was still there thank god!

You ran as fast as you could. You really should of thought ahead of time because how the hell were you going to get in. Every door was closed off. You looked everywhere and noticed an emergency exit door on the left side of the ship. You bolted to the door and started banging on it with your fist. 

“LET ME IN!” You cried out

“PLEASE” You knocked harder.

Just as you said that the ships rocket blast went off.

“Oh no” You thought. The ship was launching into the sky. There was a small 6 inch wide floorboard you were standing on. You were probably 100 feet in the air. You were holding on for dear life.

“SOMEBODY LET ME IN” You started crying. 

Keep reading

  • Misa: Lately there's always something more important than going on dates.
  • Misa: We have to go buy a meat freezer. I have to dissolve the dead guy in the tub. I gotta go find the femur I lost in the driveway.
  • Light: Things have been a little stressful lately... Apparently enough for you to lose a human bone in the front yard??
  • Misa: It rolled under the car. I found it.
  • Light [sarcastically]: Fantastic.
Imagine Carisi seeing your childhood abuse scars 

(A/N Mentions of childhood abuse)

Imagine Carisi seeing your childhood abuse scars 

Three diagonal scars of equal length positioned on the centre of your back. It was the only thing your uncle had ever left you with and the only evidence you had of what he had done to you. Not that you were planning to do anything with it. Most of the time it escaped your mind but from time to time you’re reminded of what he did to you. Usually by a case involving child abuse but sometimes even by a distressed mother in the supermarket who grabs their child a little to hard in an attempt to control them. Every time you did think about it you felt your back sting as you remembered what he had put you through. 

Your uncle was made your guardian after your parents died. You’d always found that name ironic. He never guarded you from anything. Any pain you felt as kid was always inflicted by him. He was smart though. Much smarter than the scumbags you dealt with on the job. When he hurt you he did it with precision which made it much worse. He never hit you randomly he did it in the same place every single time. Whenever you did anything wrong he’d wait till you were alone. Then he’d drag his ‘special knife’ in the same place every single time.

That was all in the past though. The nightmares stopped and the therapy helped. You had moved on. You were okay about talking about it but never did. You never wanted anyone to treat you like a victim, you were a surviver.  It’s what you told all the people you helped on the job.

You wondered into the locker-room. Yawning and stretching as you went to the locker. You were half way through a twenty-four hour shift and needed to change clothes. Letting out a missive sigh you yanked of your blouse. Standing in only your skinny jeans and bra. Rubbing your eyes you aimlessly searched for your NYPD hoodie and t-shirt. 

The door swung opened.

“Sorry, Y/N. I’ll wait” apologised a surprised Sonny.

“Nah, it’s fine.” you reassured without thinking.

You heard his footsteps walk in. His locker was a few down from yours. He began unbuttoned his shirt and glanced back at you.

“You look awful.” Sonny commented with a chuckle.

“Thanks Sonny. You really know how to make a girl feel real good.” she retorted letting yet another yawn. 

“Think about it this way Y/N. Only twelve more hours to go.” he informed sarcastically.

You narrowed your eyes, “Fantastic.” you commented bitterly.

Finally your flailing arms landed on your sweatshirt, pulling it out you slammed your locker and turned away from Carisi.  

“Y/N… Who did that to you?” Sonny asked his voice laced with a mixture of concern, sadness and rising anger.

You froze and immediately knew what he was talking about. You kicked yourself mentally for being so careless.

“Sonny…” You began.

“Y/N who did that to you?” he repeated his voice now filled with anger.

You pulled the sweatshirt on quickly in an attempt to hide it. Closing your eyes you turned around to face Sonny. 

“It’s nothing.” you stated in attempt to reassure him. 

“Y/N,” he began stepping closer to you, “Someone hurting you isn’t nothing.”

“No one has hurt me for a long time.” You admitted grabbing his arm in an attempt to comfort him. 

“But somebody did, didn’t they?”he questioned sadly.

“The person who did them is exactly where he belongs. So you don’t need to worry. He can’t hurt me anymore.It was a long time ago.” you told him honestly.

You looked at his face and you saw that it had clicked. He knew your parents had died and he knew you had lived with your uncle until you were eighteen. He also knew that your uncle had died a few years ago. 

“How old were you when it started?” he inquired grabbing hold of your hands.

You sat down on the bench dragging him down with you. 

“I was thirteen and it happened everyday until I was eighteen.” You admitted sadly.

His face was filled with sadness. 

“Can I see?” he asked. 

You said nothing as you pulled your shirt up and positioned yourself so you faced away from him. He placed his hand on your back. His hand was warm against your cold back. You felt it travel up right by your scar.He hoovered momentarily before lightly tracing your scar with his finger. You shivered under his touch and he jerked away.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” he apologised immediately. 

“No, no your hand just warm.” You joked.

“Oh Y/N.” He sighed before pulling you close and embracing you, “I’m so sorry.” 

“Why are you apologising?” you mumbled into his chest.

“I don’t know. I just can’t believe why anyone how anyone could do that to you. You’re just so amazing. I don’t understand how anyone could do that to you, Y/N. You’re just so amazing.” he said hugging you even tighter. 

You clung on, burying your face into his chest. You don’t know how long the hug lasted. Sometime through it you looked up at his face. His eyes were closed tights as his arms were wrapped around you. You smiled up at his face and knew this is what safe felt like.

Jersey Decisions - Jamie & Jordie Benn #5/#2

Originally posted by brosillustrated

about/request: could i get a imagine where you’re best friends with the benn brothers and they both want you to wear their jerseys at a stars vs. canadiens game

warnings: none

authors note: i dont know what number jamie wore in high school i think it was 16 tbh but whatever, again this was kinda short but it’s cute. i gave it a little twist at the end, hope you liked it!!

word count: 904

Keep reading

 With me, thewheezingwyvern, as your sarcastic host!  Ever found that fantastic fanfiction that you just loved?  And you want to tell them how much you loved it so they can continue to churn out the pieces that you adore?  Well just follow these examples on how to review fanfiction to ensure that your favorite author keeps churning out chapters like a writing machine!

Oh what’s this?  Your favorite author just updated!  Welp here’s a great way to encourage them, praise their work!

This is a solid way to let them know that you liked their stuff and you are ready for the next update!  So what if you just got a 14k-17k chapter?  You’re ready for the next one, right?  Right!  That’s what the author is here for!  To write for you!  They have to start working on the next chapter IMMEDIATELY.  And seeing this is a fantastic way to get them moving and writing the next chapter!

But what about those of you who have been waiting for a bit on your updates?  Did your encouragement not work on getting a timely new chapter for your tastes?  That’s alright that brings me to the next step!

Remind them that it’s been a while since their last update.  Never mind the fact that the author probably already knows. You have to MAKE SURE.  How else are you going to get your updates?  This is a nice, friendly way to remind them that you are still waiting!

Still not working?  Well it looks like it’s time for the gloves to come off!

Cuss at them.  Never mind the fact that the writer probably has a life of their own.  You know like, school, a job, a possible family life and social life.  None of that is real for them!  They have to keep writing for you!  They can’t have a life, they must only sit and write.  If they have a job then they have to quit it!  But let’s not get crazy here, if they do that you aren’t going to PAY them anything.  Pffft, paying for fanfiction, can you imagine?  Your reading and attention is all they need.  

But what about those that aren’t smutty?  I mean come on, isn’t that what EVERYONE wants to write?  Just give the author a gentle reminder!

Hold it over their head!  Constantly remind them that smut is a must have in the story!  Don’t worry about the fact that the author may not feel comfortable writing it, just let them know that it’s a requirement for your continued patronage!

Oh but look!  Your favorite author updated TWICE in one day!  Awesome right?  Well don’t give them too much praise now or they might get lazy!  Give them a nice dose of condescending attitude with a dash of pretentious assholery!

Perfect.  I mean two updates with two chapters around 15k words a piece?  Gotta make sure they know that now this pace is expected of them!  Chop chop, writers!

Another step you can take is to always message them privately!  Check on their progress!  Ask for their school schedule so you can remind them when they can write!  Stalk their other social media while you’re at it!  Can’t let anything get by you!

And always remember to remind them to update?  Already did?  Well remind them again!  Can’t let the author forget now, can we?

Really just scream “MORE” at the top of your capslocked keyboard’s capabilities and you have done a perfect review! Oh but I almost forgot! There is one more VERY important thing to do in your review!  When you leave them a comment urging them to review, make sure you don’t mention ANYTHING about what you liked or any good points.  Just go in there, show that author what you are made of and DEMAND an update!

It’s fool proof, I promise.

We don’t want to beg..

But @therealjacksepticeye @sarcastic-pasta-games made a fantastic game called The Boss and we as the community encourage you to look at it and possibly play it. It is really really good. Like amazingly good. Just give it a look. We aren’t trying to pressure you, we just genuinely enjoyed it and think it would mean a great deal to you amd the community!

Originally posted by black-jackal-on-blog

  • Roxy: What about me?
  • Eggsy: [chuckles] You're really going to make me say it.
  • [Roxy smiles]
  • Eggsy: Wow, okay. Fine. All right we'll play it your way... A girl like you, or more appropriately, a woman like you. Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a smart one too. Not to mention, cool... and extremely beautiful. And - and - you can stop me any time with the compliments if they're becoming... you know...
  • Roxy: No, that's very... sweet.
  • Eggsy: "Sweet?" Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm 8.
  • Roxy: [slight chuckle] You're not so bad yourself.
  • Eggsy: [sarcastically] Please. I'm fantastic.
  • Roxy: [seriously] Yeah. You are.
  • Pepper: What about me?
  • Tony: You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?
  • [Pepper smiles]
  • Tony: Wow, okay. Fine. All right we'll play it your way. A girl like you, or, more appropriately, a woman like you. Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a smart one at that. Not to mention, cool...and extremely beautiful. can stop me any time with the compliments if they're know...
  • Pepper: No, that was, uh, very...sweet.
  • Tony: "Sweet?" Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm eight.
  • Pepper: [slight chuckle] Well, you're not so bad yourself.
  • Tony: [sarcastically] Please, I'm fantastic.
  • Pepper: [seriously] Yeah. You are.