sarcasm what is sarcasm

3

So basically, I wanted to really surprise Seán with his gift, and hear him yell ‘Toriko’, so I was like ‘oh I’ll ask him to close his eyes, yell Trico, and then ask him to open his eyes, and like BOOM! Trico.’ As soon as I asked him the words ‘close your eyes’, I knew it sounded really creepy (fuck), but he humoured me, and it was lots of fun. I’m really happy he likes it! 

This is that moment:


I hope derka-derk is happy in Ireland with @therealjacksepticeye!

(also I’m almost 27 so it’s fine that he called me a girl, you think I’m an adult yet, hell no)


(and can I just say that I love that Seán’s voice for Trico in the unboxing video is the same voice Felix gives Edgar his pug, LOL)

the batb tag rn

50% of the fandom: 😍😍😍DAN STEVENS'😱😵😰GROWL 😷😷 🙌👏👏🙏🙏🙏🙌🙌 G OT ME PREGNANT💦💦🤰👼👼😩😩🔥🍼 🍼IT WAS THE 🔥🔥🔥HO TTEST 🤤🤤🤤😷😰😰THING EV E R📣📣‼️❗️ ‼️ ❗️❗️💘💘I D I E D💀💀⚰️⚰️ 😵😵😵NO DISNEY MO VIE🙅🙅🚫 🎬🏰👑 HA S EVER👀🗣🗣😱 MADE ME 😤😤😤SO SE XUALLY😜😛 💦💦🍌🍆 🍑🍑🍑FRU STRATED 😤😤😫😫 😷🔥🔥💧💯IM R EADY DAN 🤤🤤😜 😜💦 💯 🍌🍌BEAS T DADDY😫 😫😫🍑 🙌👉👌💯💯

the other 50%: 😭😷🎶🎶🎶🎵🎵🎵EVERMORE😭😭😫🙌🙌 DESTROYED😫😫💥☄️ 💣🕯 ⚱️M YS OUL☠️☠️ ☠️I H AVE🤧🤧DR OWNED😭🌊🌊⚓️ 🙌🙏IN A PO O L😭😭😫 O F MY OWN🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ T EARS 😭😭💧😫😫💧💧AN D🙏IF IT DOES N T🙅🙅‍♂️😫😫🗣👂WIN 🏆🏆😫🏆 🏆🏆🎗 🥇🥇A D AMN😡😡📣📣🗯O SCAR🎻 🎻💰💎🏆🏆 🎬🥇I WILL😡 😤😤FUCKING F IGHT 🤺🤺😤🗡 🏹🥊 🥊📣🔫🔫🔫🔪⚔️⚔️ ALL YOU😡😤😡👀 H O E S🖕🖕💪🤛🤛❌❌™

Okay so humans are weird. But how?

Let’s think about the masses. Music? Try sound waves that are blasting the delicate tissues of one of their senses, they can even hear better than most species, as if it wasn’t enough of an insult! They appear to respond to certain sounds and disregard others, so far no largely noticeable pattern has been found. Some adult, nurturing specimens call this specific occurrence ‘selective hearing’ in their young offspring.

Physical wellbeing? Hah! Try torture. Daily, many humans injure their muscles lifting considerable weight and running large distances for physical fitness in the civilian sectors, nevermind the military requirements. Some military requirements have need of the recruit to loft their own body weight - and perhaps more - over two hundred times.

Speaking of physical fitness - healing. It seems to vary between the individual, their accumulation of genetics, and their physical wellbeing. Depending on the variables, humans can survive the removal of major organs, limbs, even their soft, squishy exoskeleton (note: this is actually an organ that prevents a large majority of external bacteria and infections in muscles and generally vital tissue). Some humans will peel and eat their skin and soft nails, or just pluck their twenty extra appendages (note: hands-fingers feet-toes) if they are anxious or in an extremely testing situation. While it is not encouraged, it is not a large hazard.

Eating habits? It has been recently discovered that human beings are actually herbivores that adapted to gain nutrients from flesh. A portion of the population deny eating certain foods (such as meat, animal products, etc) for religion, personal preference, and other reasons. Apparently, there is an odd share of control over food. Instead of distributing food everywhere, equally, certain higher-ups prefer to keep food to themselves while others share it. Humans seem to argue on this, and it doesn’t seem to be fully resolved.

Behaviour? Adolescents can hold grudges well into their adulthood. All of the species seem to be capable of disliking someone or something and acting against them, despite general outlook or behaviour. Some display this behaviour more than others. There appear to be enough of the human population to have a large diversity in behaviour, melanin, intelligence, preference, and a variety of other things. (Note: Terran population was last counted to be seven billion. The planet has estimated to only hold ten to eleven billion max, so expect them to be venturing into unexplored territory in search of resources soon).

Verbal conversation? Terrans have a total of six thousand five hundred languages, and are still capable of communicating across their planet in mere fractions of their daily rotation (Note: this is…frightening. This scout shall endeavor to explore less…advanced races). Translators are something to be feared, as each language can have different sounds, number of letters, different way to spell and say a certain sound, different words in certain situations, and a dizzying amount of information used without thinking of it. Words can be abbreviated and can be stressed to give a different meaning to the recipient. Sarcasm is very hard to explain. This scout will leave the…troublesome explanation to Scout 54P1. If asked, please recite this; ‘the idea of Sarcasm (that is saar-cah-suh-mm) is foreign to most races. Please excuse it’.

Senses. Human senses (taste, touch, smell/scent, hearing, sight) are fairly advanced for a species who has domesticated most of their planet’s species. Please refer to Scout 73B2 for a deeper explanation, as I have no idea where to begin.

And military? Forget the idea. Military organizations regularly converse with others, sharing Intel and general knowledge, a professional form of gossip.

In general? Human beings/Terrans are not to be trifled with, despite their modernization. Sheer determination, stubbornness produced by hormones and protective instinct, and dulled senses will kill you, take caution.

  • Sirius: JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER
  • James: what?
  • Sirius: how dare you not tell your BEST FRIEND
  • James: what is it oh no what did i do?
  • Sirius: you KISSED that BEAUTIFUL hufflepuff GIRL last night?
  • James: the one everyone says she's the most beautiful girl in the school? why yes!
  • *later*
  • James: alright did evans hear that?
  • Remus: her and the entire common room, yes
  • Sirius: how did she react?
  • James: did she look jealous?
  • Sirius: was i convincing?
  • James: do you think it'll work?
  • Sirius: how was my dramatic face?
  • Remus: yes james, i totally believe that now that the supposedly most beautiful girl in school was supposedly into you, lily will now fall madly in love with you. brillant plan. no flaws. and sirius are you for real

“it’s for children, what are you expecting?? stop criticizing it!!”

yeah, you’re right. my bad. because children obviously can’t be non-white, children obviously can’t be anything other than straight, children obviously can’t be victims of abuse or be mentally ill, children obviously can’t be trans, children obviously can’t be fat. we don’t want children to see themselves portrayed positively in the media because who knows what that’ll do to their self-worth am i right?? we’re all greedy sjws who want all the representation tailored for us and only us. you’re right we should all just shut up  

10
  • Maryse: Okay so-
  • Alec: Oh sorry just got this text from my boyfriend, Magnus Bane
  • Maryse: Well we're going to-
  • Alec: Oh this is so funny, sorry just got a message from my boyfriend, Magnus Bane
  • Maryse: Izzy can cover the-
  • Alec: Wow my boyfriend Magnus Bane is so f-
  • Maryse: JESUS CHRIST SHUT UP I GET IT

please, my darling inej, treasure of my heart,

won’t you do me the honor of acquiring me a new hat?

Lego Batjokes Prompt #146

*Batman bangs open the manor doors, cape on fire*

Batman: OKAY. I’M 100% DONE WITH HIM! FORGET THE JOKER!

*couch plop, cape fire fizzles out*

Batman: Do you hear me, Alfred? I’M TOTALLY OVER HIM. OVER!

Alfred: Yes, Master Bruce. And I’ll also accept this as your decision to give up your vigilante life all together so that we may transform the batcave into my own, personal gym, sir.

*Batman grumbling*

Batman: I hate him…just…just hate him so much…

Alfred: That’s exactly what it is, sir. It couldn’t be anything else.

Batman: Did you say something?

Alfred: No. Nothing, sir.

-

Submitted by Anonymous