Growing up, I know we all heard the saying “first love never dies” from all sorts of form or instances. Like for me, I still quite remember the first time I heard that quote was from a Filipino classic romantic comedy film (tho I can’t remember the title). It was good, if not the best, hearing those words being said by those characters and it felt so real yet superficial in a sense because I was just a kid back then. But it got stuck on my mind and I wondered for a while if it is even true. I can still remember the pessimist in me saying that love isn’t eternal. Love fades. Love dies. But then, love came knocking at my door, and gave me the answer to my question.
“Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here ‘till the moment I’m gone…”
That’s the opening lines of the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Gravity, in mechanics, is the universal force of attraction acting between all matter. Gravity is the word associated with the reason for “what goes up, must come down.” And in these opening lines, it is associated with the feeling of holding back all the things in life, even though you know that it is time to let go. You know that you should let go of those feelings but in all instances, you can’t. You tried almost everything to forget and move on but still it’s not enough. Because he still has you, he still has your heart.
“You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign…”
And like gravity, he’s not beside you yet you always feel his presence. Just the mere thought of him being beside you makes you forget every effort you’ve done just to move on. But then again, you’ll realize that there’s no “two” in the equation anymore. It’s just “you” now. On these moments, you’ll realize the power of love. It’s intangible power or force that holds your heart even without physically holding it back. It’s a crappy feeling yet you still hold on to that love you have, or at least you had. Because you know, deep within your heart, love is the only thing that makes you live thru each day, and you just want to feel it again.
“You loved me 'cause I’m fragile. When I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone…”
In loving, you will be vulnerable. Maybe because you know that there’s someone out there who knows you even more than you know yourself. You tend to lose yourself in the feeling of having someone by your side and not even bother about your flaws, your faults and all the mistakes that you’ve done. It’s a great feeling, yet you’re afraid of it. You’re afraid of the thought of losing the one that you love. You’re afraid of having no one to be there when you needed it the most. You’re afraid because he is your weakness. He still holds you. That’s the irony of love, it keeps you high and takes you to places but it also drags you down and makes you feel alone and lost.
“I live here on my knees as I Try to make you see that you’re Everything I think I need here on the ground. But you’re neither friend nor foe though I Can’t seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down…”
Even with all the hurt and hate you feel, you keep on coming back to him. You’re trying to let go but when you’re love starts fading, a memory or a phone call or just a text from him brings you back quickly. You fail. Back to zero. Because he stole a huge part of your life, and that’s the thing that you can’t seem to let go. He is a part of you.
“Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be. But you’re on to me and all over me…”
It’s true, he will always have that special place in your heart, but that’s the truth that you don’t want to think about. The regret of losing your passion and your love makes it even harder for you to move on. It is frustrating, especially when you know that you still love him. But you need to move on. This time, do it not for him, but for yourself. He does not deserve you, and you deserve better.
It is inevitable. There will always be goodbyes in our lives. But you got to remember that with every goodbyes, comes new opportunities. Opportunities of meeting new friends, having new experiences, or even better, finding new love. Memories of those you loved will always be there. But rather crying over them, try to get some strength and learn from them. Overcome that gravity that holds you back, and love again like you’ve never been hurt before.
“Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long.”
Gravity was written on my dad’s old upright piano, one summer when I was on break from school, around a year after the breakup. I remember late-night composing, trying not to wake my sleeping father, crying over the piano keys. - Sara Bareilles, Sounds Like Me
Your fear of jumping without a net is so valid, and the trick that you haven’t learned yet is that that’s life, always and everywhere. There are no nets. Life is a big, long free fall, and the sooner you can embrace what is beautiful about that, the sooner you will start to enjoy the ride.
So into you - tamia
Never too much - Luther Vandross
The real thing - Gwen stefani
Down for you - taku
Rare - Gwen stefani
Livewire - oh wonder
Ask - the smiths
I would do anything for you - foster the people
Gravity - Sara Bareilles
Boats & birds - Gregory and the hawk
True - spandau ballet
Distance - Emily King
Wonderwall - oasis
Lucky - Jason Mraz
With or without you - U2
Waste - foster the people
Bizarre love triangle - new order
If I ain’t got you - Alicia keys
Independent woman - destiny’s child
Free Fallin - John Mayer
Yellow - Coldplay
Make you feel my love - Adele
The end of the world - Skeeter Davis
Friday I’m in love - the cure
How long will I love you - Ellie Goulding
Latch (acoustic) - Sam smith
Time after time - Eva Cassidy
Moon river - frank Sinatra
Let’s stay together - al green
No ordinary love - Sade
Any time, any place - Janet Jackson
Requiem for a dream - the London ensemble
I choose you - Sara Bareilles
For your precious love - Jerry Butler
In my veins - Andrew Belle
Somewhere only we know - Keane
I caught fire - the used
Lovesong - the cure
I will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie
Oh my heart - R.E.M
Junk of the heart - the Kooks
One and only - Adele
Hello - beyonce
Stardust - Duo Gadjo and her hot friends
Can’t help falling in love - Haley Reinhart
Pieces - cider sky
Tiny Dancer - Elton John
Vienna - Billy Joel
A playlist for those that ship Veronica/J.D., like me. We are all trash. Complete and utter trash. But at least we have good taste in music.
blank space - taylor swift / fight for me - heathers / little red riding hood - amanda seyfried / funhouse - p!nk / need you now - lady antebellum / ex-lover’s lovers - voltaire / crazy kids - ke$ha / i know where you sleep - emilie autumn / please don’t leave me - p!nk / devil’s backbone - the civil wars/ dead girl walking - heathers / poison and wine - the civil wars / liar - emilie autumn / candles - hey monday / off to the races - lana del rey / as long as you’re mine - wicked / curl up and die - relient k / bedroom hymns - florence + the machine / style - taylor swift / our love is god - heathers / drumming song - florence + the machine / kinda outta luck - lana del rey / gravity - sara bareilles / e.t. - katy perry / stuck with you - voltaire / true love - p!nk feat. lily allen / every breath you take - the police / trust me - the devil’s carnival / judas - lady gaga / seventeen - heathers / my bloody valentine - good charlotte / dead! - my chemical romance / toxic - britney spears / i never told you what i do for a living - my chemical romance / criminal - britney spears / nobody needs to know - the last five years / hot - avril lavigne / animals - maroon 5 / we are young - fun. / bad romance - lady gaga / disturbia - rihanna / teenage dream - katy perry / going to hell - the pretty reckless / meant to be yours - heathers / she is the sunlight - trading yesterday