sang africa obnoxiously loud in the middle of my therapy waiting room.
filled a watergun with vinegar just to spite my brother after he kept spritzing the water in his mouth.
rickrolled my best friend 5 times in the same day.
sold a kid a baggie of powdered sugar and said it was cocaine, he came in pretending he had the biggest high of his life and i couldn’t stop laughing.
ate a whole six pack of chocolate pudding cups with just my tongue.
deepthroated a glass bottle just to prove that if i wanted to, I could fit a dick in my mouth.
purchased weed socks off amazon with overnight shipping.
searched up ‘spider porn’ on my dad’s computer just so that it showed up in his search history.
ran purposely into a girl taking selfies in the hall.
made a wall out of nothing but cans my grandpa gave us to block the entrance to our kitchen.
stole a trump sign from someone’s yard and beat the shit out of it with a hammer.
made dickedoodle cookies for christmas - which was literally just snickerdoodles cut out to look like distorted dicks with sprinkles.
chugged a whole bottle of chocolate syrup just for the hell of it.
woke up my entire family because I was singing toxic at 3 in the morning.
bought a santa doll for 5 dollars, and pushed it around town in a baby stroller.
told my sister that her cat ran away from home, because she ate my last granola bar.
liked a bunch of minecraft vore on my brothers youtube account so he had nothing but that in his reccomedations.
camped out in my closet for four days with 2 month old halloween candy and a six pack of soda, my mom still thinks i was at a friends house that weekend.
talked in nothing but pig latin for a week straight.
changed the vowels to a different vowel for every word i said because i had the opples and banonoos song stuck in my head.
stole my neighbors newspapers for a month and returned them with every single coupon and comic clipped out.
called up my uncle pretending to be the police and told him that his house had been robbed because he called me the q slur two nights beforehand, and he was gone for the weekend.
wrapped myself in cellophane and butter and skidded down a slip n slide, busting my head open on the fence.
ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich i found in my moms glove compartment, I still REALLY don’t now how old it was.
yelled nice tits at guys walking down the street out the back window of my moms car.
used my moms new panties as slingshots.
ate five warheads at once and drooled literally fucking everywhere.
told my best friend that all i wanted for christmas was to be exploited naked on the street painted as a Christmas tree, and for a hot second genuinely considered doing it before realizing that it was illegal.
gave my dad a package of dental dams for Christmas to eat my mom’s ass with because I overheard them whispering about it. they weren’t mine, I stole them from my friends side drawer.
donated ten individually wrapped gay pins to the Salvation Army because their homophobic.
told some kid I knew a real life porn star and photoshopped fake conversations with her to prove it.
catfished one of my friends girlfriends because they were cheating on him, but she found out because I said I wanted to eat mayo out of her cookie hole. anyways they broke up.
filled my basket up with hot water but later realized the laundry basket had literal holes and I got it fucking everywhere.
greeted the mailman by singing the lyrics of mr. mailman, give me my the mail in the tune of sandman for five months, and he quit our route.
convinced a little girl that i was vampire because my two front teeth are spiky as hell, she believed it instantly.
dropped my step moms playboy magazines in the library return bin so she could never find them.
literally stole somebody’s entire pencil case because they said that trans people are faking everything and she was stupid enough to leave 20 dollars in there.
wrote myself detention slips so i could go hang out in the mountains with my friends.