santa dollar

THINGS IVE DONE: RICHIE TOZIER EDITION

  • sang africa obnoxiously loud in the middle of my therapy waiting room.
  • filled a watergun with vinegar just to spite my brother after he kept spritzing the water in his mouth.
  • rickrolled my best friend 5 times in the same day.
  • sold a kid a baggie of powdered sugar and said it was cocaine, he came in pretending he had the biggest high of his life and i couldn’t stop laughing.
  • ate a whole six pack of chocolate pudding cups with just my tongue.
  • deepthroated a glass bottle just to prove that if i wanted to, I could fit a dick in my mouth.
  • purchased weed socks off amazon with overnight shipping.
  • searched up ‘spider porn’ on my dad’s computer just so that it showed up in his search history.
  • ran purposely into a girl taking selfies in the hall.
  • made a wall out of nothing but cans my grandpa gave us to block the entrance to our kitchen.
  • stole a trump sign from someone’s yard and beat the shit out of it with a hammer.
  • made dickedoodle cookies for christmas - which was literally just snickerdoodles cut out to look like distorted dicks with sprinkles.
  • chugged a whole bottle of chocolate syrup just for the hell of it.
  • woke up my entire family because I was singing toxic at 3 in the morning.
  • bought a santa doll for 5 dollars, and pushed it around town in a baby stroller.
  • told my sister that her cat ran away from home, because she ate my last granola bar.
  • liked a bunch of minecraft vore on my brothers youtube account so he had nothing but that in his reccomedations.
  • camped out in my closet for four days with 2 month old halloween candy and a six pack of soda, my mom still thinks i was at a friends house that weekend.
  • talked in nothing but pig latin for a week straight.
  • changed the vowels to a different vowel for every word i said because i had the opples and banonoos song stuck in my head.
  • stole my neighbors newspapers for a month and returned them with every single coupon and comic clipped out.
  • called up my uncle pretending to be the police and told him that his house had been robbed because he called me the q slur two nights beforehand, and he was gone for the weekend.
  • wrapped myself in cellophane and butter and skidded down a slip n slide, busting my head open on the fence.
  • ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich i found in my moms glove compartment, I still REALLY don’t now how old it was.
  • yelled nice tits at guys walking down the street out the back window of my moms car.
  • used my moms new panties as slingshots.
  • ate five warheads at once and drooled literally fucking everywhere.
  • told my best friend that all i wanted for christmas was to be exploited naked on the street painted as a Christmas tree, and for a hot second genuinely considered doing it before realizing that it was illegal.
  • gave my dad a package of dental dams for Christmas to eat my mom’s ass with because I overheard them whispering about it. they weren’t mine, I stole them from my friends side drawer.
  • donated ten individually wrapped gay pins to the Salvation Army because their homophobic.
  • told some kid I knew a real life porn star and photoshopped fake conversations with her to prove it.
  • catfished one of my friends girlfriends because they were cheating on him, but she found out because I said I wanted to eat mayo out of her cookie hole. anyways they broke up.
  • filled my basket up with hot water but later realized the laundry basket had literal holes and I got it fucking everywhere.
  • greeted the mailman by singing the lyrics of mr. mailman, give me my the mail in the tune of sandman for five months, and he quit our route.
  • convinced a little girl that i was vampire because my two front teeth are spiky as hell, she believed it instantly.
  • dropped my step moms playboy magazines in the library return bin so she could never find them.
  • literally stole somebody’s entire pencil case because they said that trans people are faking everything and she was stupid enough to leave 20 dollars in there.
  • wrote myself detention slips so i could go hang out in the mountains with my friends.
The Signs As Bass Section Things
  • Aries: ♪ If you love me, let me GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ♪
  • Taurus: WROOONG
  • Gemini: *keeping score of how many times the tenors mess up*
  • Cancer: Fixing each other's bow ties before concerts
  • Leo: *piggy-back-rides too far down the row* "NOO I DON'T WANNA BE A TENOR"
  • Virgo: "I spilled my coffee all over my music...it all smells like pumpkin spice now..."
  • Libra: Are you a bass? Or are you a baritone? You'll never know unless you have a solo in the concert
  • Scorpio: *constantly trying to out-low-note each other*
  • Sagittarius: "We bought matching Santa hats at the Dollar Store."
  • Capricorn: "We were gonna get em at Target, but we got kicked out."
  • Aquarius: *shows up to rehearsal 15 minutes late with a plate of mocha brownies*
  • Pisces: The whole section trying to sing the soprano part
  • Squidward: So little girl, tell Santa your name
  • Miss Rechid: Rechid
  • Squidward: And what do you want Santa to bring you, Rechid?
  • Miss Rechid: A cool pair of wings so I can fly!
  • Squidward: Yes and Santa wants another dollar fifty and hour, but apparently he's not getting that either!
  • Mr Krabs: *slams door*
  • Squidward: Just remember, Rechid: disappointment is a present too!