santa cat in the hat

Christmas to Andrew Minyard is chocolate shaped like a bearded man, cold weather, and an excuse for people to preach about love while practicing intolerance. He can’t say he’s a fan of any of the above. Even the chocolate - he’s more of an ice cream kind of guy.

He hasn’t celebrated it in years. At a few of his foster homes he tolerated the trees shedding leaves and glitter and the lights that threatened to give him a headache if he looked too long, at Cass’ he’d even help put them up if she needled him long enough (he wasn’t much help, given she was taller than him, but he was an extra, almost willing pair of hands). The cleaners at Fox Tower wrapped tinsel around the bannisters but his room remained untouched, despite Nicky’s best attempts at coercion. (“Andrew, the tinsel only cost a dollar!” “These lights change colour!” “It’s only a small tree!”) (Andrew had never been impressed by Nicky’s persistent energy, optimism, or continued faith.)

Songs professing what a magical time it was or movies reminding you how wonderful family is are ignored and turned over. Andrew wouldn’t even admit to appreciating a break in the monotony of class and practice.

But maybe there’s something to it.

Maybe.

The cats fighting baubles on a small plastic tree was at least mildly entertaining until the noise threatened to keep Andrew awake. Neil plying Andrew to let him put the small tree up with reindeer-shaped chocolates and an assortment of ridiculously-flavoured candy canes was annoying, but a better bribe than Neil’s usual fare, and held a faint sense of humour. Wrapped presents coming in the mail was definitely infuriating, as were the colourful jumpers they contained, but with some catnip the cats were persuaded to open the presents for him, and they certainly enjoy the jumpers as blankets.

The cold is unforgivable, but at least it’s to the point that even Neil admits it’s cold and turns the heating up. He goes so far as to come back from practice one night with a large, fluffy blanket with a repeating pattern of candy canes, gingerbread houses, and stockings.

He looks at it, as though for the first time, as he wraps Andrew in it like a burrito. “Oh, hey, do you like gingerbread?”

Andrew doesn’t interrupt the glare to say, “Yes.”

The next day Neil comes back with premade kits and suggests they decorate gingerbread houses together.
“This isn’t becoming a twelve days of Christmas thing,” Andrew says, and eats a corner of a gingerbread wall.

“Huh? Is that about buying gifts or something?” Neil asks, ignoring Andrew’s blatant attempt at annoying him.

“And human trafficking,” Andrew says, squeezing some icing directly into his mouth.

“Then no. I just saw them,” Neil shrugs. He’s becoming used to having money that can be spent without worry.

“You planned this,” Andrew accuses without any real heat. Neil’s poking his tongue out slightly to focus on icing a window.

He should have known Neil would take that as a challenge.

The next day’s pretty innocuous, he goes out and comes back half an hour later with dinner. Andrew doesn’t comment, but levels Neil an accusatory look.

“Hey, I brought dessert too,” Neil says, as though dessert forgives all sins. And maybe it does.

On the fourth day, Neil digs out some Santa hats they’d been given when they’d been to Matt and Dan’s for Christmas the previous year. (Now the older Foxes are starting to have children, and Christmas is less for their so-called found family and more for their offspring, no matter how young and unappreciative.) Neil tugs one down over Andrew’s eyes, then pulls it up to right it. The fluffy white ball dangles enticingly, and Sir jumps up to bat at it.

“If I get scratched, you’re paying the hospital fees,” Andrew warns Neil, who’s still definitely in his personal space.

“It’s your money,” Neil replies, which isn’t strictly true. He retrieves Sir though.

The fifth day is the 23rd, and even Neil is aware that’s the last day shops will be open. He returns with a bag that he makes a big deal of not showing Andrew and then puts on a Christmas movie from a DVD. “You’re gonna like this one,” he says. “It reminded me of you.”

It’s Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

“Did Nicky make the joke?” Andrew asks, as soon as he sees the title card.

“Yup,” Neil replies, and takes a small mint candy cane from Andrew’s stash. Insult to injury. “We’re still watching it though.”

It’s not the worst movie he’s ever seen.

On Christmas Eve, they’re doing some kind of promotional thing with the members of their team that don’t have prior obligations. Neil has some garishly bright hat with a bobble on top, and he wraps a matching scarf around Andrew’s neck before they leave. “Don’t pretend you’re not cold. I can see your hands turning blue from across the room.”

Andrew glowers as he puts gloves on.

The kids at the event love Neil’s hat. It’s almost endearing, but they’re too loud.

The seventh day of Neil’s makeshift Christmas is Christmas Day. “You know you’ve got your twelve days wrong,” Andrew says. “Aren’t you the one with the Math degree?”

“I’m sure you care so much about the traditions of Christmas,” Neil says.

“Yes,” Andrew replies. “And if we have turkey, I’ll gut you and that will be my meal for tonight.”

Neil smiles, “Funny you should mention dinner.”

It’s not.

“I found Christmas ice cream. I figured that would do for dinner.”

Sometimes Andrew can remember why he hasn’t yet murdered Neil.

The next day, Neil checks his phone and says, “What is boxing day?”

“Ask Matt,” Andrew says.

Neil snorts. “So it’s about fighting to the death. Probably your favourite holiday, then.” He tries to swing out of bed, but hisses, “Fuck me, it’s cold.”

Andrew can feel it in the tip of his nose. “Turn on the heating then.”

“Nope, we’re staying here,” Neil replies and burrows into the blankets. “I’m putting my feet on you,” he says, and does.

“What are you going to do about the eighth day of Christmas?” Andrew asks. Not because he cares.

“I’m your present,” Neil mumbles.

“Shit present.”

On the ninth day, they have to go back to practice. There’s almost no point, as they’ll stop again around New Year, but their Coach says something about “Pros” meaning “professional” as though that’s new, and everyone turns up, bleary-eyed and in new outfits.

Neil hands him a black jumper with a ridiculous Christmas-themed pun. “It’s not Christmas anymore,” Andrew reminds him.

“No, but I forgot that I’d gotten it,” he says. “I got it in your favourite colour.”

Andrew wears it to practice. At least he gets to take it off to put on his goalkeeper gear. Neil wears the shit-eating grin for the whole of practice.

On the tenth day, Kevin turns up at their doorstep. Andrew looks at Neil accusingly, but he shrugs. “I was in town,” Kevin says.

“Merry Christmas,” Neil says.

“You’re three days late,” Kevin replies with a frown.

After an hour or so of what Dan would have called ‘catching up’, Neil swerves the conversation to the new Exy gear the local dedicated shop has and offers to take Kevin. He doesn’t offer to take Andrew.

“Peace is definitely a theme of Christmas,” Neil says to Andrew quietly. “Right?”

Andrew raises his eyebrows.

“You’re welcome,” Neil says, and leaves.

On the eleventh day, Andrew says he’s looking forward to this being over. Neil smiles and puts King in his lap. “I’m regifting.”

Andrew supposes the cat is warm. He doesn’t argue.

It’s the last day of Neil’s attempt at Christmas, and Andrew isn’t sure, but Neil might be the type to have a triumphant finale. Somehow, though, schedules have aligned so that Andrew has to meet with their team’s long-suffering dietician, and Neil has the day to himself.

When Andrew gets back, though, all that’s changed is that the small Christmas tree is gone. Andrew glances at where it was, and Neil shrugs and says, “It’s the last day of Christmas, right?”

“Are you claiming that your gift to me is this being over?” Andrew wouldn’t be disappointed, but there’d be something.

“Of course not,” Neil says. He throws a gift in garishly bright paper covered in cats wearing Santa hats, which Andrew catches, but reluctantly.

Andrew stares at Neil.

“Open it,” Neil replies.

It’s a DVD for a film whose name is obscured by the pictures of candy on the front.

“Matt says I’m bad at gifts,” Neil says.

“You are.“

“That’s unfair. I just ran out of ideas after the second day.”

Andrew stares at Neil, and puts the DVD box down slowly. Into the trash can.

“Merry Christmas, Andrew.”

Scrooge Howell

Summary: Dan Howell absolutely hates Christmas. Although maybe he should’ve warned his new roommate before Christmas came, as now he was in the metaphorical equivalent to Christmas Bootcamp.

Word Count: 3.3k

Contains: Christmas

My other chirstmas oneshots:

-malevolent mistletoes: enemies to lovers drabble

-mistletoe miracles: christmas smut

-christmas can’t be cancelled: also christmas smut

-snowdin: not really christmas but totally cold be

-fireplace cuddles: same as snowdin

Keep reading

MC’s Christmas with the RFA + V and Unknown

Requests are currently opened!


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Zen:

  • Christmas cards for days 0_0
  • You two will send out at least seventeen different Christmas cards to the RFA members
  • Jumin is ready to kill him
  • Jaehee is adding them to her Zen collection
  • MISTLETOE IS EVERYWHERE 
  • Hot chocolate till your both sick
  • Blanket cuddles for when you get sick :3

Jaehee:

  • Tea, coffee, hot chocolate, anything hot
  • Gettin’ them Jaehee cuddles
  • Constantly watching movies with Zen in them and his old recorded plays
  • You listen to her complain about Jumin while giving her a shoulder massage
  • Nightly cuddles
  • Fangirls with her over Zen in red boxers and a santa hat

Yoosung:

  • Christmas. Lights. Everywhere.
  • You and Yoosung decided to decorate the apartment for Christmas
  • The failure cringe is real X3
  • Yoosung got wrapped in the light four times
  • The tree fell on you nearly twice
  • The two of you almost broke every single ornament 
  • Day ends with hot chocolate, lazily hung up lights, a sloppily done Christmas tree, and a nice night of multiplaying LOLOL

Jumin

  • So. Many. Holiday. Wine. Tastings
  • You’re drunk after your sixth glass
  • “MC you’re not suppose to swallow the entire glass of wine.” Jumin sighs
  • “It’s expensive alcohol in my mouth so I’d rather have it go down then back up.” You drunkingly reply.
  • At home the apartment is decorated to the 9′s
  • Very formal Christmas cards of Jumin, yourself, and Elizabeth 3rd are sent out to everyone
  • annual holiday party where the RFA members are only invited
  • You’re to make sure 707 doesn’t touch Elizabeth 3rd
  • Secretly you have a hella lot of allergy medication at the ready for Zen

707:

  • You decorated the chair he sits in while he was sleeping
  • Chair has tiny lights all around it 
  • Loves when you walk around the house with cat ears and a santa hat on
  • RFA chat room is spammed with holiday pics taken all around the house
  • Dr. Pepper and Honey Buddha Chips by the fire
  • Nightly cuddles
  • As a gift he takes a break at night to sleep with you and cuddle
  • Constantly watching Christmas specials on TV
  • Photoshop Christmas pictures of Long Cat to surprise 707 with
  • Snow ball fights
  • You two both end up sick by the end of the day 

V:

  • Holiday photos
  • Decorating the house together
  • V breaks two ornaments, and you have to make sure he doesn’t step on them
  • He LOVES taking pictures of you in winter scenery 
  • Matching sweaters X3
  • Slow dance to slow Christmas music in the living room
  • The two of you fall asleep watching old Christmas reruns
  • Holiday scrap booking X3

Saeran/Unknown:

  • Christmas? What is this Christmas?
  • Used to celebrate Rika day
  • You force him to watch Christmas movies for an entire day
  • You wake up the next morning to see the fire place blocked off
  • Maybe Christmas movies weren’t such a good idea.
  • The two of you run out of hot chocolate within two days
  • Constantly has to buy more hot chocolate 
  • Whenever you two go to stores and see a santa, he quickly pulls you the opposite direction
  • Visits with Saeyoung
  • Santa hats everywhere X3

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according to santa claws, here, all the young kittens want a red dot and to be internet famous this christmas …. start working on it, humans.

Christmas AU Prompts

these are incredibly long prompts I came up with at 2 am, feel free to use them.

• It’s freezing outside and I didn’t wear a heavy enough jacket but you are letting me wrap my arms around you under your VERY WARM jacket and now I don’t want to leave so let’s just waddle around like this and now we’re laughing like idiots. People are looking. WHO CARES I’M WARM AU

• We’re at an ugly christmas sweater party and your santa hat cat sweater is actually incredibly cute so I feel the need to disagree with your idea of an ugly sweater and now we’re arguing but okay you’re really attractive and now we’re just shouting compliments at each other AU

• We’re at this lame christmas party but holy cow WHO IS THAT OVER THERE they are so attractive, I’m gonna trick them under the mistletoe and wait for my kiss. It’s gonna happen. I just KNOW IT AU

• I thought I was the only one working over time at the office on christmas eve so I was singing jingle bells at the top of my lungs incredibly off key while making hot chocolate in the break room but you surprised me and I dumped it all over your pants. hello nice meeting you for the first time lemme dab your wet pants with this napkin AU

• I made an extra big snowball to throw at my friend but I missed and accidentally hit you in the face instead and you slipped and fell and I ran to your help but also slipped and fell on top of you and we can’t stop laughing. Wow your eyes are pretty AU

• I picked your name for secret santa at work but I don’t even know you or know what to get you but since it’s a secret I just bought a cheap #1 dad shirt cause I thought it was funny and you opened it and are now on the floor cry laughing and your laugh is so cute I think I’m in love AU

• I want to go christmas carolling with this charity group but you don’t want to but I force you to do it with me anyways but waIT YOU’RE DRUNK? YOU SECRETLY POURED ALCOHOL IN YOUR EGGNOG I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! Now you’re drunk carolling and your singing the words inappropriately wrong and the group hates us now, thanks AU

• My friends saw me staring at you while we were christmas shopping and they dared me to go up to you and ask if you were a present because I want to unwrap you and I never turn down a dare so I did it but you actually thought it was funny, let’s get married ok AU

Kuroo Tetsurou: Christmas Miracles

Christmas, a time of cheer and joy. Religious or not, the festive holiday spirit spreads like a viral infection among different communities. For some, it’s a delight, the gift of giving and the love of togetherness. For others, it’s a nightmare that gave birth to hell, a time of year in which quantity over quality is evident and despite being a time of year which was supposed to encourage love and respect, it really didn’t. Kuroo Tetsurou was the latter of the sort.

With a long exaggerated sigh, he slouched as his partner rolled their eyes at the sight of him and continued to sift through clothes. Being ignored aggravated him more, he sighed longer and louder this time.

“Could you actually stop?”

(Name) was answered with another sigh.

“Weeeell, (Name)-chan, I want to gooooo hooooooome.”

“We will, as soon as I pick out a suitable gift.”

“We got everyone something, I’m tired, you look nice, let’s go celebrate that at home, in bed.”

“I haven’t got a Christmas jumper

“Are you serious?”

Tetsurou half smiled and half sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Oh come on, I just want a nice holiday jumper!”

“Urghhhhhh”

“Tetsurou, please.”

“I just haaaaate Christmas… We’ve been here for like 10 minutes and more in other shops. For a goddamn JUMPER. I waaaaant toooo gooooo hooooome”

“Oh give over, you wanted to come.”

“I never thought it meant having to look for tacky jumpers, getting shoved around by middle aged women looking for a bargain and near being bulldozed by sugar hopped children.”

“You love it”

“I love you”

Laughing, (Name) nodded giving him a kiss on the cheek.


“It’s been. An hour. An hour. A goddamn hour since you told me about this hellish quest.”

“I want to find the best Christmas jumper, alright?”

“And I want to like, go home”

“Fine. How about if you can find a great Christmas jumpe-”

“-In this shop.”

“Okay, Tetsurou, in this shop… Then we can go home.”

“Sweet, give me 5 minutes.”                                                                          

Raising a brow, (Name) was about to accept when he dashed off in another direction. Shrugging, they continued to browse through some shirts, picking out a few other pieces. Just as they turned around to look for a certain spikey haired boyfriend of theirs, he had lurked up behind them.

“Hiya.”

He said, a large smile plastered on his face.

“Hello.”

“You ready for the best jumper in this store – nay, in this world?”

“Go for it”

He presented a red jumper with a black cat wearing a Santa hat, large white letters saying, ‘Have a Puuuurfect Katmas’ to which (Name) smiled at.

“That is wonderful.”

“Isn’t it just? So, (Name)-chan. Home time?”

“Do you really like it, for real? Also, I need it in a different size, show me where it is.”

“I really do, surprisingly…”

“It’s a Christmas miracle.”

“Pff, Christmas miracle, bullshit.”

(Name) held back a loud laugh as he guided them to where he found the monstrous jumper. They listened to his rant as they found the right size and went to the counter to pay.

“I mean this whole Christmas thing, what absolute torture, you know? Like I love Christmas sometimes, sorta, well not really, ish. But for real? I mean this whole idea that you have to like give people presents and pretend you don’t have an ulterior motive. Bull. And this whole, ‘Christmas miracle shit?’ I mean hello it wasn’t a Christmas miracle that made Timmy walk again, it was perseverance, medical insurance and medicine. Like come on, every good thing that happened is simply thrown to Christmas. I love the whole, bringing out the best in people at Christmas time… But it’s like, why is it only one time a year? Like I love the lights, food, hot chocolate etc but it’s all pretty superficial. I mean I near got cleaned out by some granny cause I was in her way. Like enjoy that coffee bitch, it’s gonna be your last.”

“You done?”

“Not really.”

“Well, here you go.”

(Name) handed Tetsurou the bag with the Christmas jumper. He looked at them, dead pan and confused.

“It’s for you…”

They explained slowly, a smile on their lips.

“Wait… what?”

“As in, it’s the miracle of Christmas, you found a Christmas jumper you actually like… And it is the season of giving, so here you go.”

“Oh… Okay… So… What I said…”

“About ulterior motives? That you know, you haaaaate Christmas? Oh or that you juuuuust waaaant to goooo hoooome?”

Laughing, Tetsurou scuffed his shoes, embarrassed.

“Thank you, (Name).”

“I love you, Tetsu.”

“I love you too, Merry Christmas”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Scrooge”