santa calls

But why are so many musicals centered around the idea of getting out of the big city and moving to a small town??? Like,,, my guy,,, have you ever been to a small town??? it’s not cute and peaceful everyone’s racist and there’s nothing to do and you feel more stuck there than you ever could in a city,,,


Dub Poetry 

Artiste: Victoria Santa Cruz

Poem: Me gritaron negra (They called me black (woman))

Victoria Eugenia Santa Cruz Gamarra was an Afro-Peruvian choreographer, composer, and activist. Known as “the mother of Afro Peruvian dance and theatre.” Along with her brother, Nicomedes Santa Cruz, she is credited as significant in a revival of Afro-Peruvian culture in the 1960s and 1970s. They both came from a long-line of artists and intellectuals. For her part she is said to have had “Afrocentrism” influences in her view of dance trying to discover “ancestral memory” of African forms. She helped to found the Cumanana company.

Taehyung as your boyfriend

Originally posted by jeonthegreat

  • if u get to date this beautiful creature then i think you saved planet earth in your past life because honestly he is the good in the whole world compressed into a human bean being
  • yo i think he could fall in love at first sight but it wouldn’t really be love because it happens to me too and i believe that taehyung just sees the good in people and believes that everyone does only positive things
  • this isn’t a bad thing and i’m not saying he’s very naive or anything, just that he is very open in front of people in general and believes in everyone and thrusts everyone
  • i love him for that
  • so yeah i see him seeing you as a nice person the first time he sees you but in my opinion he would also fall in love with his best friend
  • i dunno why, maybe it’s just me, who knows, but i don’t really see him attaching so very deeply to someone he just met 
  • but he would be worse than kook
  • he would also be like “hyung aren’t they amazing” but in addition to that he would also say “i wanna date them”. like. not just one time. like 50 times. every day. the members are going crazy
  • also, there’s another problem
  • taehyung loves skinship
  • not as much as hobi but tae l o v e s being around you and touching you
  • it comes natural, so he doesn’t even realize it, but when the boys start to point out that he is very close to you he starts to realize that he is, in fact, kinda dating you but without the honorifics and the kisses and other good stuff
  • so guess what
  • he thinks that
  • say it with me
  • he is in the friendzone
  • it’s a harsh place that i’ve been to but like
  • he doesn’t know you like him back
  • so you kinda have to confess bc he isn’t going to he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship
  • or the boys have to tell you to confess because they don’t want to hear tae whining about how you aren’t his every day
  • so you do confess and tae is very very happy because he doesn’t have to hold on anymore
  • and he just picks you up and spins you around while hugging you and when he puts you down he kinda pecks your lips but he acts like nothing happened but his ears are red and his cheeks feel warm and he has that cheeky cute big boxy grin on his face and his eyes twinkle and he looks so happy cuz now he can call you his
  • so yeah, now that you guys are now a couple nothing really changes
  • the cuddles are still there but they are cuter now with lil kisses and giggles and puns and everything is cute with taehyung
  • he says that he wants to have a family with you and he says he is already prepared and he gets a tiny puppy out of thin air and just
  • taehyung u dork
  • unless u are allergic to them (he will whine a little bit but will totally get a kitty or some rabbit or a fish or something he really loves animals)
  • when he does something very well and is proud of himself (like get the choreography perfect or write a full verse for a song or even doing a very hard puzzle) he will yell your name and start running to where you are to show you sO CUTE MY HEART
  • whenever you enter the room he gets all flashy eye-smiled eyes and a big big smile gets on his face and his heart just does the thing and this will forever happen, no matter how long you’ve been together
  • he would also give good hugs and it doesn’t matter where you guys are, if he wants to hug you 15 minutes, he’ll hug you 15 minutes. maybe 20 because why not
  • his kisses would be the same
  • he will kiss you until he will get out of breath or you push him away because you gotta breathe and he will just be like “i’ll be your air from now on” and he thinks he’s all manly and stuff but before you can giggle at his words he just goes back in to kiss you again
  • and his kisses would be great he’s a great kisses and a playful one and he’d totally lick ur nose or cheek when you are alone before you kiss but when he’s out he wants to show the others how manly he is and he keeps one hand around your waist and the other on the back of your head or he’s holding both of your cheeks but you know he’s still a nerd so you find it kinda funny
  • until you actually find it hot
  • bc serious taehyung is my weakness and it’s yours too don’t lie
  • anyway, your dates would be cute and simple and he wouldn’t be one to try and impress you with fancy dates because he wants to be transparent and it just isn’t him and you are probably okay with it
  • he would take you to parks just to walk and talk and he is vv good with deep talk because he is also very intelligent??? am i the only one seeing it??????
  • he would also take you to dog cafes and you would probably drink ur drink and pet a doggo and then you see taehyung with like 20 puppies over him being the happiest man alive honestly what is he even
  • he isn’t weird tho and people think he is but you realize after spending some time that he just has such an open-minded mind and he thinks such complex thoughts that when he speaks everything seems weird but when he explains why he said that it all actually makes sense someonE PLEASE MAKE THIS CANON
  • k i think i’m ready for da smutty smut
  • so this fucker will have no problem with initiating sex
  • but he’d be s o awkward the first time
  • he doesn’t know where to put his hands the first times
  • i mean he is a sucker for the booty but he’s too afraid to touch it in this situation
  • he’d be pretty playful though, no matter how many times it happens
  • i mean, the only time he won’t be playful is when he’d be gone for long
  • wow ok so we’re not doing the smut because i’ve been stuck on it for idk three months? rose kind of started the list and i continued it but i just stopped here but don’t worry i’ll make a separate post later i promise
  • no more smutty smut for tae i just can’t imagine him in a sexual environment i’m sorry
  • ok 
  • wow he’s not jealous?? he loves everyone and anyone and every stanger is his friend but strangers aren’t strangers for tae it seems like everyone knows him and he knows everyone
  • and when someone flirts with you he trusts you enough and he knows that you will send that person off
  • he isn’t possessive either, just very clingy and protective
  • he’ll walk on the outer side of the sidewalk
  • he’ll hold your hand tightly when you are in a crowd
  • he’ll give you his jacket if you’re cold
  • if you have to check something on your phone or in your purse or outfit and you’re outside, he’ll protect you from the wind
  • he’d totally braid your hair
  • “i want to already know everything i have to know when we have our first babygirl”
  • and then silence but he has this content smile while he smoothly combs your hair
  • he’s so sweet and ethereal wtf
  • sometimes he’ll drop everything, go to you, stop whatever you are doing and hold you and gaze into your eyes
  • because woah he just thought about how you are his and he got all emotional and soft and he can’t believe you’re real and actually his so he has to treasure you until you both can’t see without glasses and have white hair and he doesn’t want to shave anymore and his grandchildren call him santa claus and your hands look old and your face is full of wrinkles
  • so that, even when you two are old and grumpy, he can still call you his before you go to bed
  • someone hold me i just got emotional just
  • bruh
  • get yourself a taehyung
  • and if you have one fucking treasure him with all your might because he’s a keeper do not hurt him just don’t
  • he deserves love and i’m sure you do too


i’ll rewrite it in the future, i’m sure about it. but not right now.

so, uh, enjoy this piece of shit?? please????

~admin alexa

Don’t Care About the Presents (M)

Originally posted by holy-yoongi

Summary: It’s that time of year again, and for your friend group’s annual secret Santa this time, Namjoon has you. Which means that this year, his gift has to be perfect. However, sometimes it’s not the material gifts that are the best ones.

Member: Namjoon

Word Count: 6.2k+

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warning: Smut, Painfully cheesy fluff to the point that characters call themselves out on it

A/N: Part of the Christmas collab with @cremesuga, @jungkxook, @haniwritesbtsstuff, @jiminniemouse, @inktae, and @jungblue! I also have an unhealthy obsession with those damn Ryan pajamas help me. Also I hope no one’s lactose intolerant because this is filled with cheeseeeee.

Namjoon is glad that there are websites that do secret Santa drawings for you now, because if he had drawn your name while in the same room with you, there’d be no hiding how he felt about this current situation. Which was a complete mess. Hands shaking, heart racing, red in the face kind of mess.

However, now he has to deal with his roommate judging him as he flails in front of his computer screen, which now displays you name. And Min Yoongi knows how to judge.

“Calm down. You look like one of those things they put outside car dealerships.” Yoongi flicks the back of Namjoon’s head as he passes behind him, on his way to flop down on the couch.

“You don’t understand, man.” Namjoon lets out a groan before burying his face in his hands. “Like, I know I can’t tell you because it’s supposed to be secret Santa—"

“You got Y/N, I knew it the second I heard you squealing from my room.” Yoongi’s tone is flat, almost bored, as he picks up the remote and starts flipping through the channels.

“Squealing, what? I wasn’t squealing.” Namjoon’s arms cross over his chest as he lets out a huff of air.

“I mean, that was the highest I’ve ever heard your voice go.” Yoongi sighs as he shuts the TV off, unable to find anything to watch. “So, when’s the wedding? I know a ring is probably outside of the price range for a typical secret Santa but…”

Keep reading

Nightingale (Part 2) [Slade’s Daughter!Reader x Damian Wayne]


Damian slashed the dummy before him in two; grunting and panting as he jabbed his sword through its head before kicking it back, sending it flying into the wall as he instantly unleashed his rage onto the next dummy. He’d been training for hours since he’d woken earlier around three that morning, somewhat suggestive dreams waking him in a frenzy and forcing him to stay awake to wash his sheets.

He’d been in this state for two days; panicking and practicing extra due to his recent decline in combat whenever he was on patrol with Bruce, and frustration overtaking him because of this.

He cursed under his breath in his mother tongue, something along the lines of “Fuck” in Arabic, one hand gripping his forehead as his other hand plunged his sword through the dummy’s chest. He was planning to pull the sword from the dummy’s chest and use it to slice off its foam head, but he stopped. His eyes were fixed on the dummy’s head as his mind blanked; pausing and closing his eyes as he stood quietly.

Sparkling (Y/E/C) eyes plagued his memories; the thought of pink, plump, soft lips numbing him as every fiber of his being tried to shake the thoughts. That girl. That girl from the warehouse, with her flaming fists and big (Y/E/C) eyes, her warm (Y/S/C) complexion and petite frame, the messy wisps of (Y/H/C) hair that fell on her face, the rest of her hair loosely collected into long braid that swayed as she fought…

He realized how long he’d been standing there thinking about you, grunting in frustration before pulling his sword from the dummy’s chest to then plunge it through the dummy’s head.

It had been two days since you’d kissed him, two days that you’d been unconscious in the bat infirmary, and two days since his thinking was clear and coherent…

“Stupid harlot and her dumb promiscuous approach” He muttered out as he pulled his sword from the dummy’s head.

“Mind still fixed on the girl?” A mocking voice he recognized as Dick said from the corner of the training room.

Damian whipped around to see Dick, Jason and Tim standing not far behind him in the training room, face burning as he realized he’d been heard.

“Perhaps that’s the reason your sheets are in the washer?” Jason mocked before having a laughing fit.

“THEY WERE DIRTY! THEY- THEY HADN’T BEEN WASHED IN AWHILE… THAT’S ALL!” he protested in rage, his face brighter that the color red itself.

“Not as dirty as your thoughts recently…” Tim managed to choke out between hysterical laughter joining in.

“Enough! All three of you had the same problem when you were Damian’s age. He’s seventeen; he’s already going through enough without you three pouncing on him.” A stern voice said as Damian jumped back to realize his father had joined in.

With his face still red he looked down; slapping his hand onto his forehead with a loud grunt before yelling at all of them.

“What are all of you even doing up here?! I thought you were all investigating Slade’s files in the cave?” He questioned as Dick walked over to stand beside Bruce.

“Bruce asked us to check to make sure you didn’t sneak out again, but to our surprise you were just training to err… Clear your thoughts…” Dick said trying to be serious as Tim and Jason continued laughing, Bruce walking up to stand in front of his youngest son who was now the same height as him.

“Did you find anything on Slade? Or perhaps on the girl?” Damian asked trying to change the conversation for his own sake.

“Quite a few things actually.” Bruce stated, tapping his watch and sliding through the holographic files as his four protégé’s gathered around him.

Bruce began swiping through her files downloaded from the bat computer; Dick looking up at Damian and wiggling his brows mockingly before Damian gave him a hard punch to the shoulder.

“Owww” He huffed out rubbing the now black and blued spot.

“I swear to god I run a nursery.” Bruce sighed while shaking his head, his adopted sons and biological son discontinuing their shenanigans for the time being.

“Her name is (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), a sixteen year old girl from east Gotham. She was born in (W/Y/L) but moved to Gotham with her mother when she was eight. Her mother was (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), a federal agent and rumored first class assassin. She passed away when (Y/N) was nine; there is no documentation of (Y/N)’s father, he is documented as “unknown” in her birth certificate. She was abandoned on an Orphanage doorstep in Gotham as a child; Santa Maria’s home for girls, currently the worst group home in the state. Her files show numerous attempts for adoption, but every family ended up bringing her back… without comment…”

Bruce was silent; tapping his watch turning it off wondering what was so awful about you that forced every family to bring you back. And even so, why would Slade want anything to do with you?

“Perhaps she wasn’t a good kid?” Dick questioned

“Not so, her grades are high honors, she’s an exceptional student in school and in the Gotham Academy orchestra, she has a crystal clean criminal record and no affiliation with crime whatsoever… She appears to be a good kid…” Bruce’s voice faded in confusion before Damian suddenly remembered what you’d told him before fainting back in the warehouse two days ago.

“Back when we found her, she told me something on the lines of her being a monster… Perhaps her abilities with fire cause others to think of her this way?” Damian asked.

They all turned to him in silence; surprised by the fact that Damian was even interested in your case, let alone having concern for how others “felt about you”

“I- I suppose that’s a valid motive.” Bruce stated.

“Well when is she leaving?” Damian questioned as he crossed his arms in annoyance.

There he is, there’s the jerk son I know. Bruce thought

“She can’t go back to her group home with Slade already knowing where she resides, and she’d pose as a threat if she went back to Gotham Academy, putting not only herself but others in danger as well… ” Bruce grabbed a small remote from his pant pocket and pressed the button on it and calling Alfred through its speaker.

“Alfred have you called Santa Maria’s director yet?” Bruce asked into the remote.

“Indeed master Wayne, the home’s director was practically pleading that we take the girl, arrangements have been made to pick up her belongings in the morning sir” Alfred stated through the remote speaker before Bruce confirmed and hung up.

“Wow you all are really tall… ” said a feminine voice coming from the back of the room; causing them all to turn around at once in shock to see the girl they hadn’t expected to be awake yet.

You stood against the training room back wall; your arms crossed as you looked on at them with curiosity in your eyes. You were freezing cold in the medical nightgown that only went down to your mid thighs; unaware of your somewhat provoking attire while looking up at the men that towered over you like giants.

You scanned the dropped jaws of the room, recognizing two as the batman and robin from two nights ago except without their masks, however the other three men you couldn’t identify. Meanwhile Damian was frozen; with a stare fixated on every inch of you as he felt his heart beating in his throat. Jason was the first to notice this and snickered as Tim tapped Dick on the shoulder pointing and laughing at the gawking boy. Once Dick was brought to the attention of Damian’s staring, he slapped Damian on the back causing him to realize he was staring; loathing himself immensely for it.

Damian growled in anger as he crossed his arms grudgingly; his father and brothers looking on as he huffed out towards you angrily.

“You!” He spat out at you.

“You stupid little girl and your pathetic harlotry and your god awful STUPID… FACE!” Damian yelled in frustration as Bruce barked at him, causing his brothers to watch on in amusement. You stepped back somewhat dumbfounded, your eyes narrowing as she felt your fists grow hotter; making sure to restrain yourself by keeping them at your sides.

Listen you disreputable, arrogant, bloodthirsty little- wait… what? Harlot? As in like, whore?” You took a confused step back; fists no longer hot as your head tilted while raising a brow in confusion. Bruce’s eyes widened preparing his mind for the burning destruction that would probably come as Dick, Jason, and Tim stepped back from you; knowing very well how explosive this could turn due to their own bad experiences with women. The only person to stand close to you was Damian, refusing to back away, yet still preparing for an outburst from you any moment as you stood with your head slightly tilted.

You really don’t know me bird boy. I have the sex appeal of a moldy potato; I’ve never kissed anyone, let alone had intimate relations with anyone… So I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You replied in all honesty as Damian scoffed before stepping closer to you.

“Really Liar? Never kissed anyone? That wasn’t the case back at the warehouse when you kissed me!” Damian spat back at you; watching the blood completely drain from your face as your eyes widened like a deer in headlights.

“I did what?!“ 


my hometown still calls the Santa Cruz river a river.
the Santa Cruz river calls itself a Dust Death. Only Full
When God or Satan or Jan Brewer Says So. Only Alive
When It’s Considered A Monster. monsoons are no joke—
i watched a flash flood swallow a sedan whole when i was
eight years old. i watched purple-black clouds give birth
to a whole river-ful of water every summer for 17 years,
and i don’t think i soaked in any of it. i think i was born
dehydrated. always greedy for the basic necessities.
always slow-dancing with people that were trying
to turn me into the wash behind the house i grew up in.
look at all the dirty coins still in my mouth. all the
snake skins and broken beer bottles in my hands.
i left the Southwest six and a half months ago,
and i am still a shrine to everything the heat leaves behind.
i live a mile away from another river now. i’ve only
ever seen it once. the locals tell me it’s fun to float down
every summer. you just need a tube and a little bit
of bravery—the current can carry you so fast
it feels like you’ve stopped being real for a minute.
it feels like everything is trying to swallow you whole.
—  one more poem about rivers (after Leon Bridges) by Lydia Havens
Perception vs. Reality - The Girl Meets World Story

Other than “Meeting the World” and “Belgium 1831,” perception v. reality is arguably one of the most important themes in the show. It is more or less talked on throughout the entire show. We see this theme play out in multiple episodes with multiple characters, especially throughout the triangle arc.

So without further ado, let’s get it!

First, let me start off by defining the two words:

Perception (noun):

a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.

Reality (noun): 

the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

Now that’s out of the way, let’s move on to how these two ideas are juxtaposed in the show. 

So throughout the show, we are met with many instances of how things that we perceived may not be how they actually are. And while I could do the usual thing and spend ages going into excruciating detail about every scene where this is the case, I would rather keep this one short. 

So, instead, I’m going to talk about two people, and how their relationship has affected almost everyone on the show. 

Enter… Cory and Topanga. 

Now, what we have seen throughout the show is that Cory and Topanga have been idealized and conceptualized by almost every main character on the show. Cory and Topanga, and their relationship, really affected how the kids perceived romantic relationships. 

However, there are a few caveats to this:

1. We have to keep in mind that the writers often used Cory and Topanga as a plot point to illustrate how this story (Girl Meets World) is not the same as Boy Meets World. Ironically enough, this was really emphasized in the episode Girl Meets Cory and Topanga. 

2. While Riley did compare herself to her parents quite a bit in the earlier seasons, we see her start to move away from that as she begins to mature and make the world her own. 

Moving on, we see that Riley compares herself to her parents and often stresses about finding her “prince” or her “Cory” so to speak. This poses a fundamental problem for her throughout the series. Because Riley deems her prince to be Lucas, even though there is a lot of evidence that speaks to him not being the prince she needs - it causes her to enter into a relationship with Lucas that isn’t beneficial for either of them. 

The perception was that Riley and Lucas were meant to be… But the reality is that they hardly interacted while they were dating, and arguably had a better relationship when they weren’t dating. They also fought less and got along more when they were not romantically involved. 

Now, to make matters worse, after Lucas and Riley got together, it caused more harm then good. And there are a few factors that played into this: 

1. Lucas not being able to actually voice his decision about who he chose after making his choice the “right” way. See @cowboyandshortstack‘s post for more details —> (x).

2. Because of the nature of Lucas and Maya’s relationship, it caused them to drift apart and no longer be able to talk to one another… which culminated in Maya replacing Lucas’ role as the protector with Farkle. 

3. The length of time it took Lucas to make a decision put a good strain on Riley’s friendship with Maya, which was compounded by Riley insisting that Maya had “become her” and that she “needed to go back to Mayaville.”

Look. I’m not saying that the Riley and Lucas relationship was the worst thing ever. It wasn’t. But the truth is that the perception of what their relationship would be never aligned with reality. When your boyfriend goes to a different state to avoid playing a simple Secret Santa game - it calls into question the validity of that relationship. The perception that Lucas was always meant to be this hero and that him and Riley would have this amazing, Corpanga-esque relationship just doesn’t align with the reality of their relationship. 

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them. But they, along with idealizing Corpanga, are a great example of what inaccurate perceptions can do to your reality. 

And the Corpanga idealizations didn’t just happen with Riley. They also occurred with Shawn as well. Throughout the show, when we are graced with Shawn’s presence on-screen, we see that a big struggle he faces is trying to “keep up” with the idea of Cory and Topanga. 

It’s the reason he originally left New York and travelled the world. 

It’s the idea that most fans originally thought the show was going to be about:

Riley = Cory

Maya = Shawn

Riley & Lucas = Cory and Topanga

And while Riley and Maya do share traits from Cory and Shawn, ultimately they are not Cory and Shawn. They are Maya and Riley. And while if you take this show at surface value, I can understand why someone would have that interpretation. But, the reality is that Riley and Maya are unique individuals who share similarities with their predecessors, but they are not their predecessors, which means that their story won`t be exactly the same as their predecessors. 

And looking at Shawn`s life, we see that he had somewhat of a Corpanga idealization when he was in a relationship with Angela. I know that most Shawngela fans will disagree with this, but that is the topic of another post, so I digress. 

We even hear this from Shawn directly when he starts to have a bit of an identity crisis in Girl Meets Upstate:

“Do you know what it’s like to go to school with Romeo and Juliet?”

Now, if you don’t have a fundamental understanding of Cory and Topanga’s relationship, you might take what Shawn is saying as truth. But, the reality is that Cory and Topanga broke up multiple times and their relationship was very rocky at different points of their teen years. 

Shawn’s way of understanding Cory and Topanga (i.e. perception) may be a bit clouded due to his misunderstanding of what made their relationship great, and it is at this point in Shawn’s life that I think this quote from MJ (which I can’t find the link to the actual interview) fits well:

“You don’t get to have a relationship like Cory and Topanga by trying to be Cory and Topanga.”

What we perceive may not always be what’s real. 

I’ll end off with this quote from MJ about what he wanted to do with love in Girl Meets World and a scene from Girl Meets Sweet 16 which really explains this aspect of relationships well:

“Everyone will be brought into the equation. To answer this as simply as I can without giving anything away, the “Girl Meets” angle has always been a very important part of the show. Every episode is titled “Girl Meets” something.

If we did “Girl Meets Love,” it would not be one episode. It would be a sustained series of episodes in an attempt to explain, for this generation, what the perception of love is, versus what love may actually be, versus are we ready for that at all? Something that is so important cannot be something we tell in one story. But the understanding of how to grow and what’s valuable to these kids will manifest itself over these episodes.” 

Farkle: So regular friends are stronger than boyfriends and girlfriends?

Smackle: Or, are those types of relationships simply so new to us that we don’t understand them yet?

Zay: Well maybe, that’s why we take up a whole lot of high school trying to figure it out. 

- Girl Meets Sweet 16

So, I hope that explains a little bit of the perception v. reality well! I know this post was a little bit all over the place, so please forgive me for that!


Mini Matchmaker Pt. 1 (Steve Holiday Mini Series)

Hi, my lovelies!! I’m still trying to ease myself off hiatus (you can read about that HERE ), but work got crazy again so I’m not sure when it’ll be official. BUT. I had this idea during my long day at work and I just thought it was so cute so I had to get it out. I hope you like it!! Any feedback or comments is appreciated. :)


Mini Matchmaker (Steve Holiday Mini Series)

Characters: reader, Steve, OC Justice, Sam (mentioned) [modern au]

Summary: Your awful temporary holiday job takes a turn for the better when a handsome stranger enters your life. 

Warnings: none? Super duper fluffy!! A super tiny mention of death, but that’s it.

Word Count: 2436 (yeah this was supposed to be a drabble. oops.)

Tag list is below (LIST IS CLOSED I’M SO SORRY)

Part One  Part Two>>>


Originally posted by forassgard

“These tights are the worst,” you muttered to your co-worker while still maintaining the fake perma-smile required for your temporary job. You tried to covertly pull up the tights that threatened to sag down to your knees while simultaneously resisting to scratch your itchy legs.

“Just remember, it’s almost over and think of the extra cash you’ll have for all the presents you’re going to buy me,” smirked the redhead, handing a cane cane to an obviously underwhelmed child.

“You wish, Nat,” you replied before ushering the next kid forward to take a seat on Santa’s lap.

With a frustrated huff, you considered your current situation. In addition to the awful red and white striped tights that were the bane of your existence, you wore a green velvet dress that fell to mid-thigh, a pointed green hat, and of course, the curly-toed shoes with bells attached. Just to add a festive touch of humiliation.

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Once on the long drive from Pueblo,Colorado, where Edmund Kemper had called Santa Cruz police from a phone booth and confessed to murdering his mother and her friend Sally Hallett, back to Santa Cruz, California, the officers transporting Kemper decided to stop for lunch.  At that point, two attractive women happened to walk past the police car, and catching sight of them, Kemper vomited copiously.  He explained to the officers that this was a common reaction for him when he saw women he thought were appealing.

  • Aries & Taurus: Pick out the Christmas tree together, bring it home, set it up, and decide they’ve done enough work for the day.
  • Gemini: Puts up weird decorations, including half eaten popcorn strings and blinking lights.
  • Cancer: Tears up as they put up ornaments that have been in the family for generations and remembering previous Christmases.
  • Leo & Libra: Sits on top of the tree because they’re the stars. A fight ensues.
  • Virgo: Sighs and cleans up the pine needles on the floor
  • Scorpio: Fixes the lights that Gemini broke and tries to break apart Leo & Libra
  • Sagittarius & Pisces: Running around the house, drunk on egg nog & crashes into the tree
  • Capricorn: Runs out to the store to buy another Christmas tree
  • Aquarius: Decorates it with tin foil and glitter since other ornaments broke
  • Cancer: Tries to glue the ornaments back together
  • Leo: Sits on top of the new tree
  • Libra: Pushes the tree over
  • Aries: Punches Libra in the face
  • Sagittarius: Drunkenly declares war on Aries
  • Taurus: Sleeps through the whole thing
  • Scorpio: Leaves the house for the night
  • Virgo: Sobbing in the corner
  • Gemini: Comforting Virgo, while egging on the fight
  • Aquarius: Baking cookies for Santa, oblivious to the noise because they have headphones in
  • Pisces: Passes out
  • Capricorn: Calls Santa, tells him to not bother stopping by their house
Funny Zero Escape thing my friend said #2

(after she was asked to describe Aoi Kurashiki): “Calls himself Santa but I can name at least one chimney he didn’t fit through when he needed to.”

Another friend: “oooh, burn!”