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I wanted to do something in order to celebrate Zero Escape’s release on steam but it somehow turned into a showcase of my FAVES from each game

“Ted... I’ve got a serious question.”

Ted the Animator: “Huh? Wait, what’s wrong?”

Carl the Animator: “Nothing huge, just… do you have a second?”

Ted the Animator: “…I’ve never seen you like this before. Did someone die?!”

Carl the Animator: “No, no, chill, I’ve just got something bugging me right now. Can we talk?”

Ted the Animator: “Yes! Yes. The pen’s down, just say it… goodness, you’re freaking me out, here.”

Carl the Animator: “Ok, well, here goes…. I think I can do it. Deep breaths, staying calm… just need to–”

Ted the Animator: “JUST *SAY* IT!”

Carl the Animator: “…speaking of staying calm.”

Ted the Animator: “Sorry, sorry… suspense about seemingly-bad things always freaks me out.”

Carl the Animator: “Well, uh… to put it simply… when I was a kid, I’d watch Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and–”

Ted the Animator: “…wait, what?

Carl the Animator: “In Rudolph, they have this song, and–”

Ted the Animator: “What on earth does this have to do with anything?”

Carl the Animator: “The song the elves sing… why do they sing abou–”

Ted the Animator: …wait, all that wind-up was for a question about freakin’ Rudolph? I thought you were seriously traumatized over something!”

Carl the Animator: "This is a very serious and traumatizing matter.”

Ted the Animator: ”…huh?”

Carl the Animator: “Have you seen Rudolph before, Ted?“

Ted the Animator: "Like, meaning the ‘60s Christmas special? Uh… yes?”

Carl the Animator: “Do you remember the elves’ song?”

Ted the Animator: “l think? Sorta?”

Carl the Animator: “Have you ever really thought about it?”

Ted the Animator: “…no. No, Carl, I haven’t.”

Carl the Animator: "I envy you. There are darker implications hiding just under the surface.”

Ted the Animator: ”…”

Carl the Animator: “Part-way in, the elves perform their big song for Santa. Not just any song, mind you – one praising and extolling the virtues of Santa, and how their lives revolve around him.”

Ted the Animator: “…uh-huh?”

Carl the Animator: "Doesn’t it seem just a little weird to sing a song like that directly to the subject? Either they have an unhealthy adoration of their employer, which is creepy, or Santa requires them to sing it, which is even creepier.”

Ted the Animator: ”…hm.”

Carl the Animator: “And it doesn’t end there. Oh no, that’s just the beginning.”

Ted the Animator: “Uh-oh.”

Carl the Animator: "During their song, we see all these reactions where Santa’s irritated…” 

Carl the Animator: ”…even unwilling to mask his disappointment and boredom.”

Ted the Animator: “Not exactly his jolly old self, huh?”

Carl the Animator: "Not at all, Ted… not at all.”

Carl the Animator: "And to top it all off, at the end, he just says ‘Well, it needs work. I have to go’…”

Carl the Animator: "And just leaves, slamming the door on his way out.

Ted the Animator: ”…oh.”

Carl the Animator: “No thank-you given. No ‘Gee, elves, I really appreciate this tribute you’ve practiced all year for me.’ Santa gives them nothing but a reminder that they don’t hold up to his standards, and further neglection.”

Ted the Animator: "That… wow.”

Carl the Animator: "In that moment, as a kid, I realized the true villain of the story wasn’t the Bumble… it was Santa all along.

Ted the Animator: ”…I had no idea Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was an allegory for emotionally-abusive relationships.”

Carl the Animator: “We can only guess as to what Yukon Cornelius and his sled dogs might represent.”

who would win in a fistfight: you vs. characters from 999

ace: he would probably win due to his strength and size advantage, but you should challenge him to a fistfight anyway, just on the off chance that you win. also, he is easy to confuse if you just wear different clothes. if you do that, then you would win the fistfight handily 

snake: if you’re punching him for no reason, you would probably win since he can’t fucking see you. if you’re punching him after hurting his sister in any way, you would lose the fist fight within 0.005 seconds

santa: has a six pack and a secret gun and is very angry. you would not win in a fistfight

clover: might be small, but is full of unbridled rage at all times and will immediately sock you in the jaw without thinking first. you would not win in a fistfight

junpei: hands down, you would win a fistfight against junpei, as he is a weak and scrawny nerd. you wouldnt even have to fight him, you can just tie his shoelaces together when he’s not looking

akane: though you would almost definitely win in a fistfight against her if you’re in a timeline where she has not fought you before, she will probably just jump to another timeline after beating you and use all your tactics against you. you would probably not win in a fist fight, unless you expose her to fire, in which case you would still probably not win in the end even if you win the fistfight because she will trap you on a boat and threaten to kill you

seven: he’s a fucking cop. you would not win in a fistfight

lotus: though her big bazongas might seem to get in the way, she is actually angry constantly and is ready to punch out anyone, at any time, for any reason, especially if you threaten her. you would not win in a fistfight 

9th man: he dies if you look at him wrong. you win the fistfight with little to no effort

Esposa :
Y ahora que puta historia me vas a contar ¿por que llegaste tarde? ……

Esposo :
Pos ya venia para acá pero de repente en plena calle se andaban agarrando a madrazos unos rusos… y no crees que el hombre araña solo estaba observando, pero de repente llegó Batman y le empieza a tupir unos chingazos con todo al pobre Spiderman que no pudo ni meter las manos … haa pero en eso apareció Santa Claus a salvar al hombre araña… se descontó al Batman y le dio dos que tres chingazos hasta que Santa hizo correr al Batman

Ah.. no me crees…?