‘Love Me Like Sand’
I want you to love me like sand.
I want you to find me in your pockets
A week after you’ve been to the beach.
I want to fill your hourglass
And pour myself out
To count our time apart.
I want you to build castles
From my shattered pieces;
To build a temple
From this ruined frame.
I want you to make me hotter than I’ve ever been;
To touch me with pressure so hard
I turn to glass.
I love her, Nick. I love everything about her, and I’m not a guy who says that lightly. I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life, I’m a guy who thought love was just something idiots felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to. And there have been times when I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling, and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I’m hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.
Scott and Stiles weren’t sandbox buddies after all...
I came to a realization earlier, and because of @youfancymemaddearie I’m about to inflict it upon all of you
Scott and Stiles didn’t know eachother when Claudia died
Now to some this isn’t surprising, but to most the assumption is that they’ve been freinds since diapers, Dylan’s origin story for the Sciles freindship is that Stiles peed on Scott’s sandcastle one day at the beach and then boom, bros! I always took that as a headcanon, alot of people do, but it isn’t possible, there are plenty of hints about it canon but now we finally have SOLID. PROOF. that they’ve known eachother for at most, five years, and I’m about to explain why, but first, we have to remember Teen Wolf’s timeline, since it might be hard to keep track otherwise:
Claudia died in November, 2004- Stiles was nine
Paige died in November, 2004
The Hale fire was in Januarary, 2005
Teen Wolf begins in Januarary of 2011
Scott and Stiles are sophmores in highschool in 2011, they’re both 16
With that being said, onwards to our proof that Stiles and Scott didn’t know eachother in 2004
In season six, the sheriff reveals that Stiles went by the name Mischeif until Claudia died, wich is when he switched to “Stiles”, Scott is unaware of this
Weather Scott truly remembered Stiles at that point or not is under some debate, but we know that remembering Stiles’ name is a big deal so if Scott had known Stiles as “Mischeif” he would have shown SOME sign of recognition, either when Lydia wrote it or when his father said it, but Scott looked pretty much like a deer in the headlights, hearing this for the first time, why would Scott have not recognized this as his best freind’s name if they knew eachother back then?
Now to be fair, Lydia didn’t recognize Stiles under the name Mischeif either, and we KNOW that the two of them knew eachother when he was younger, but they probably weren’t freinds, and it’s reasonable to believe that Lydia wouldn’t remember the name of someone she barely- if ever- talked to when she was just a kid, it’s NOT reasonable to believe that you wouldn’t remember that your best freind used to go by a different name, mostly because you would remember having to go through the transition of calling them by their new name, sure, maybe Scott wouldn’t remember that Stiles used to go by a different name if it was something he mentioned in passing, but if they were close freinds and Scott had to essentially relearn Stiles’ name- LEARN to call him “Stiles” instead of “Mischeif”, that would have made an impression big enough that Scott would have remembered it at some point
That means that the longest they could know eachother would be about seven years, but wait! There’s more!
Scott mentions that he lived with his dad in 2004
and that they moved to Beacon Hills when he was 11-12
can probably tell you the episode) wich means the absolute longest they could have known eachother at this point is
But wait, what about Stiles knowing Agent Asshole’s secret? Why would he know that if he wasn’t Scott’s freind when it happened? Good question but an easy answer: His father is the sheriff- and one with loose lips at that
It would have put alot of stress on him, that incident, to learn that another lawman hurt his son like that, and Beacon Hills is a small town so it was probably not the sort of thing that happened often, it likely stuck with him and I’m sure Stiles just overheard the events, or hell, maybe the sheriff flat out told him at some point, either when he was drunk or tired or just… anything, after all it would be FAR from the first time that the sheriff let slip information his son shouldn’t have
There’s more to it too:
-Scott doesn’t remember the Hale fire, wich would make sense if he wasn’t present in 2005 when it happened
-Stiles mentions he had a boa constrictor one summer, implying Scott didn’t know that, I HIGHLY doubt the sheriff would have let a first or second grader have a giant snake (I’m surprised he allowed it at all) so this was likely after Claudia died but before he met Scott
-Stiles mentions that he was babysat by atleast one of the deputies at one point, and with how at home he seems to be at the station it makes sense that he stayed at the station sometimes after Claudia died- meaning he easily could have found out about what happened to Scott wile he was there
-Stiles has relationships outside of Scott … but not POST-Scott, this is admittedly sketchy because we’re working mostly with charectors who don’t have names but, everyone seems to know Stiles, wich makes sense as he’s the sheriff’s kid, and he’s often seen socializing more and knowing more people in town than Scott is even aware of, this is most prominant in the first two seasons, especially season one*
*This doesn’t mean it was Scott’s fault that Stiles didn’t have those freinds anymore, it’s HIGHLY possible that he went through social hell after losing his mom or just plain because of middle school
Not sad enough yet? Realize this: If Scott didn’t know Stiles when Claudia died, Melissa probably didn’t either, wich explains why she always acted like Claudia’s death was some distant thing she had never paid much mind to and part of why Melissa is very hot and cold with Stiles, we do get moments of warmth from her, like her taking care of him during 3B, but we also get some oddly cold moments too, especially in the beginning of season one when she assumes Stiles illegally made a key to their house instead of, you know, assuming Scott GAVE him a key, or in season five when the sheriff was shot and she couldn’t be bothered to give him a hug or any words of encouragement or sympathy, long story short, Melissa and Stiles seem to be closer on STILES’ behalf (as with pretty much all of his relationships) and not as much on Melissa’s, this is no longer (in fandom) a kid she more or less raised, who she helped struggle through after his mom died and took under her wing, this is now a teenager her son met up with a few years ago who takes him on crazy adventures and comes into their house unannounced, and the “Affectionate” tough love we thought she was giving wasn’t really that affectionate, just tough
This adds an entirely new layer to how Stiles acted when Scott pushed him aside for Allison, this is no longer just the best freind he’s had all his life putting him second for once, this is yet another person possibly abandoning him, a person who he HASN’T had for over a decade, who DIDN’T struggle with him through his mom’s death, and who really never gave Stiles any proof that he WOULDN’T take off when it was convenient like Stiles’ other freinds did, Stiles wasn’t just jealous and angry over Allison- he was scared too
Now acknowledging that Stiles hasn’t had Stiles as that 10+-year-long constant in his life, his abandonment issues make even MORE sense when they already made plenty to begin with, and perhaps most upsettingly of all, we get a hard slap in the face of just how fragile Stiles is emotionally, because, wile it isn’t really unusual to develop such a close freindship in five years that you call someone your brother (I had a freind who I considered a sister after five years myself) to only know someone for that long and cling as hard as Stiles does to Scott- to consider Scott as closely and as deeply as Stiles does, and much more importantly, to express as much affection towards MELISSA as he has when he clearly hasn’t known her as long or as well as we may have thought before, we see even more proof than we already had that Stiles is VERY desperate for love and affection, because, to be honest, for him to get as freaked out over the idea of going to a college far away from Scott as he did in 5A when he only knew Scott for around seven years at that point (versus closer to twelve like we thought) clinging that hard is … almost frightening, no matter how much they’ve been through
Somehow, Teen Wolf manages to keep making Stiles more and more tragic, as if the poor boy wasn’t tragic enough as it is (that’s ok, I’ll just go throw up now)
Stiles’ issues are clearly immensely deep-seeded, and it makes each instance of him clinging, begging, or reaching for attention that much harder to watch, and it also continues to make the sudden 180 he does in the 6A finale’ that much more suspicious as proof that the finale’ was a fake- yeah, if you thought you were getting a Teen Wolf meta without THAT sneaking in there pre-6B you were sorely mistaken
Gryffindor: fireworks; mountain climbing; watermelon; cold popsicles; splashing around at the beach; long bike rides in the country side; canoeing; scuba diving; paint-balling; concerts; sitting around a fire telling stories; road trips; outdoor parties; rope swings; loud music
Hufflepuff: picnics; lying in hamocs; walks on the beach; ice cream cones; picking flowers; nature hikes; balloons; face painting; sunflowers; baking; acoustic music; cotton candy; festivals; laughing with friends; pineapples; sun dresses; flip flops; playing acoustic guitar
Ravenclaw: snow cones; star-gazing; birdwatching; smoothies; cooking colorful dishes; movie marathons; reading while sitting outside; reorganizing bookshelves; shooting stars; iced tea; berries; sandcastles; fishing; breezy days; sun hats; floaties in a pool; swings; flower crowns; pool parties
Slytherin: horseback riding; tall glass of cool lemonade with a straw; swimming in a lake; apples; crickets chirping at night; naming constellations; walks in the forest; drying flowers; board games; close group of friends; staying up all night; watching the moon move across the sky; camping; parties at the peer; water balloon fights
Hunk and Pidge are making a sand castle (Pidge’s side much more elaborate and thought out)
Keith and Lance are dunking each other under probably and at some point, Lance tries to teach Keith how to surf.
Coran is probably wearing shades and sipping on a fruity drink.
Allura is sunbathing and Shiro is sitting close, both are watching their space children play at the beach.
At the end of the day, everyone is tired. Pidge is sitting on a beach towel, very drowsy. Coran probably fell asleep in the sun and is crying over his sunburn (If Alteans can get sunburned?) Keith and Lance are asleep together woops on a beach towel because they are tired from their beach activities. Hunk is tired but hungry and eating some snacks that mom and dad brought along. Allura and Shiro are trying to get the children up and back to the ship while cleaning up the mess they’d made throughout the day–abandoned sandcastle-making tools, a stray surfboard, probably a frisbee and a beachball, snack wrappers, you name it, space mom and dad are picking it up.
After my first cup of tea on ‘Lemonade’, I had to really
consider if I wanted to give another queer read on a visual from the album.
Recently, attending FORMATION: World Tour gave me no doubt though, yall gon get
Firstly, I think I should give a little context of what I’m
talking about when I say I’m giving yall a queer read on ‘Lemonade’. While
queer is a word that some folks use as their sexual or gender identity meaning
anything non-normative or non-binary, queer is also a theoretical framework.
How I understand queerness, it is not only who I am, but also how I understand
things. Think of queerness as a pair of sunglasses. It colors the ways in which
I see the world. Therefore my queerness is my lesbianess, but it is also the experiences
I’ve had as a lesbian that allows me to see things even the most intersectional
heterosexual feminists don’t see. My read is queer because I am queer… so all
of that pulp from lemonade got caught up and sifted through my lesbian cheese
cloth filter. Now, allow me to fill you in on what these queer shades revealed
in ‘Hold Up’.
‘Hold Up’ is the second song on the visual album and comes
after “Pray you Catch Me”. This is important in the way that Bey kills herself
at the end of “Pray You Catch Me” by jumping off of a building. The first time
I watched Lemonade, I readied myself to see Bey slam into the concrete beneath
her (chiiiiile talk about a heart attack!) But instead she drowns. In almost an
out-of-body visual, she sheds her black hoodie, head wrap, and skirt and
watches herself. Drowning. Asleep in a bed. This visual starts the conversation
of survival in ‘Lemonade’. Bey is watching as parts of herself die in order to
fulfil other parts of herself. Fulfilling the role of ‘wife’ is drowning her,
especially in the bedroom. Other parts of her look on as she drowns under the
pressure to perform in the bedroom scene, even though she looks like some sort
of goddess mermaid.
As Bey watches parts of herself drown and disappear, she
realizes she has to let go, and as she releases the bed, she levitates. This
scene reads so clearly to me that all of the heteronormative expectations of
how and what a woman is to perform in the bedroom are drowning them. All of
those ideas of what a woman ought to do – everything from ‘surfboarding’ to
sanctifying their sexuality – leaves no room for women to actually explore
their sexualities. I’m thinking about this in of course a physical way of
discovering what feels pleasurable, but more so in a self-defining way of
naming for ourselves what our desires are. Not to beat the water metaphor to
death, but sexuality is also fluid. Too often though, the fluidity of femme* sexuality is confined to a fishbowl of the male gaze and isn’t truly given room
to, well, be fluid. Bey’s releasing of the bed frees her from the duties of a
wife and the fishbowl and she swims out of the bedroom, no longer confined.
And in a gust of water a la (re)birth, Queen muva edge
snatcher emerges from the house, feet first. The gush of water surrounding her
feet made that moment feel like a breech (re)birth – atypical, uneasy, worked
for. Bey was also draped in a yellow gown that gained a lot of attention for
its designer and its striking resemblance to the attire of Oshun, the orisha of
water, sexuality, and love. Many have
wrote on the comparisons, but as a savant in all things Solange, I couldn’t
help but notice how this dress was a nod to Bey’s baby sister. That dress in
that color was SO Solange post sandcastle disco days. Not to mention that weeks
later Solo wore a similar fanned yellow dress to the Met Gala. In my head I
imagine Bey telling her in the way that older sisters do to their younger
sisters to wear the dress, and Solo putting her own spin on it through
incorporating the latex tights. Another obvious nod to Solo came when Bey
innocently smiled at a surveillance camera (oddly with the same angle as the
infamous elevator tape), then smashed it with a baseball bat. Why would Bey nod
to her brilliant little sister in ‘Hold Up’? Because not even two years ago the
media was calling her little sister BOTH jealous and crazy. Bey told us what
went down in that elevator through this acknowledging of her sis. Solange wasn’t
crazy, she was turning up for her big sis – in the same way that so many
sisters do when the suspicions of their partner’s infidelity are confirmed.
And just like baby sis, Bey showed us that she could pop off
too! She borrows a baseball bat from a lil boy on the block (come thru lil
homie with non-Basketball sport dreams!) and starts to smash the row of muscle
cars on the block. No words I type here will do justice to the sound I made
watching Bey demolish muscle cars. First of all, the narrow block as the
backdrop – with everybody kickin it in front of the corner stores and riding
4-wheelers looked so familiar to me as a Queens native. I immediately drew the
connection to a New York City block which stands out given that most of the
other scenes are so clearly deep south. The Big Apple is full of lemons that
Bey has made lemonade from – including her hubby (all shade intended). Secondly,
the muscle cars are out of place. Point blank period! Aint nobody on the block
pushin’ no muscle car! In this way the cars became a representation of
masculinity taking up space, juxtaposed to the fluidity of femininity. Bey shows that while masculinity is visibly
powerful – muscle cars being known for their high performance and endurance –
femininity is just as powerful smashing through windshields and storefronts.
My favorite take away from the car smashing was by far the
first reaction we see of the folks on the street. This reaction was a Black girl,
jaw dropped in shock, but also in a “oh no she didn’t!” expression.
I loved this reaction so much because it said
what Beyonce did with the “Hold Up” video. Her rage gave other Black girls
permission to be unapologetically rageful in public. Violence is often brought
up when folks talk about this scene. The violence – both interpersonal and
institutional – that Black women experience daily should be the only violence
called out here – and Bey reminds us of that “What a wicked way to treat the girl
that loves you”. While some might read her rage as violence, I read it as
liberating in the way that it allows Black women to experience a full range of
emotional experiences, from fury to glee. Throughout ‘Hold Up’ these range of
emotions are highlighted and the fire hydrant scene is another example of this.
Ohhhh how shady muva Bey is! The last time we saw her in a fire hydrant, she
was kicking it open in the ‘Crazy in Love’ video serving slim thickness for Jay
Z. In ‘Hold Up’ she evokes that ’03 scene, but opens the hydrant with a
baseball bat, smashing the remnants of the younger her who was crazy in love.
She doesn’t wallow in the shattering of that hopeless romance though, she
dances with a newfound bliss of a realistic kind of love – one that isn’t
always perfect. This realistic love also makes room for others as the kids from
the block join her in dancing in the water. Her rage birthed a shared moment of
Black bliss. And that’s the real tea of ‘Hold Up’: give space for Black girls
to be mad as hell (be it through tears or a baseball bat), and we’ll all get
free in the process.
a little 1.6k ficlet based on shine by benjamin francis leftwich. (i really recommend you listen to it if you don’t know it - it’s such a beautiful song!)
I could wait with you by the water I could wait with you for the winter to come I could stand with you with your snow boots on
I hope you find the love that’s true So the morning light can shine on you I hope you find what you’re looking for So your heart is warm for ever more
Harry’s never felt calmer than when he sits at the ocean, remembering times when he and Louis were younger and would stay out playing all day, mums sitting at the top of the beach with their too big sun hats and wine coolers, laughing the day away as they read and soaked up the sun.