You don’t have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant. And you don’t have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero. You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. So I’m going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.
CAPTAIN SAM OF THE SPACE PIRATES said oh jesus Christ the parliamentary space police are cathing up to us. OH FNOOOOOOOOOOO sais SAM. “THOSE BITCHES BETTER STAY BACK!!!!!!!!an not get up in our pir8 8uisniess. Cos we’re better at it. Then they are.”
“Yeah!” said SAM,who was clutching the steering wheel in ocncentraiton. “But SAM! Wat will we do if we have………….. A FIGHT ON OUR HANDS??????”
“well then…….. WE’LL 8EAT THEY ASSES AND THEY WONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!!!!!!!!:”
“OKAY IF YOU SAY SO “ said SAM. “I trust you vriska o wwe’re moirails and you always know mwhats best for meeeeeeee!!!!!!!!”
Hahahahahahahaha!”msaid SAM. “IS URE DO.”
Meanwhile ON THE H.C.S. MC LEADING THE WITNESS VICTORYEXBOX STRIDER PUYROTE SHIP:
Oh wh4t douc3b4gs!! Said SAM,wathing the Flyig Arachind zoon through space. 1 TOT4LLY S4W TH3M ST34L TH3 C4RGO FROM TH4T TOT4LLY L3G4L M3RH4NT SP4C3 SH1P. TH3Y 4R3 B31NG SOOOO 1LL3G4L. L3TS T4K3 TH3M TH3 FUCK 1N, SAM!!!
said SAM. Relaly coolly. Co he’s cool its like the main thing about his fhcaracter guys don’t you get it god.
SAM and SAM are also moitrails and oirals often like to be on the same crew toger cos theure BEST FRIENS and WATCH OUT FOR EACH OTHER.
Said SAM while he leaned on the wall. “Why don’t we hit warp drive to catch uwith them even more?”
“GOOD 1D314, SAM!!” saisd SAM. “1 KN3W I1 K3PT YOU AROUND FOR 4 R32AON!”
“its totally not cos of y awesome fashion sense or y sweet ass.”
“H3H3H33H3H3H3H3H3OF COURS3 NOT. >:]”
And so SAM hit WATRP SPEED naad they CAUGHT UP with the pirate spaceship1!!
“uh, SAM, can you look at this…???” SAID SAM, worridyilly looking at the ships screens.
Oh, shit!!!!!!!!” said SAM. “they’ve…. Caught UP TO US????????”
“Uh oh” said SAM.
THEN THEIRS SHIP WAS STOPPED BECAUSE OF A FORCEFIELD HAPPENED AROUNDIT AND THEY OULDNT EVEN MOVE AT AL!!!
Y33333h4!! YELLED SAM cos they totally got them.
“well I guess we’d better board their vessel if you know what I mean” said SAM with many a sexual innusedndo.
“H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HH3H3H3H OH SAM W3 4R3 TH3 B3ST Y4OIS!!”
“we sure as fuck are” said SAM
Then they literally boarded their vessel.
“Shit, th8y’r8 8or8din8 8or v8ss8l!!!!!!!!” shouted SAM with more 8s than nessesary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“oh no!” said SAM
:0H Y3S” said SAM “YOU B1PTCH3S BOUT TO G3T L3G1ST3R4T3D!!!! H3H3H3H3HH3H3H3H3HH3H3H3”
“don’t even try to run.” Said SAM leaning agianst something in the standard mating stance of the coolid. “SAM ere can smell fear:
“Ha!!!!!!!! Ju8t tr8 t8 t8k 8s d8wn!!!!!!!!!” yelled SAM
THEN SUDDENLY SAM A LUNGED AT SAM WITH HER MOUTH SHE HAD!! Cos shes a SEXY!!!! And so SAM and SAM got locked in a TOUNGE BATTLE.
EVEN THOUGH SAM HAS A SWORD BUT DAVE TRUSTAED SAM TO TTAKE CARE OF IT WITH SAM’S TOUGE!!!!
So instead of worrying about SAM, SAM turned to SAM.
“so we meet again or something” said SAMM at SAM. They had met before???
“yes. “ dsaid SAM. “ we were childhood friends but sendedup on … OPPISODEITE SIDES OF THE LAW!!”
“well… I guess this the part where we sword battle,SAMMU.” Said SAM pullig out his broken VAGINA.
“I suppose so “ said SAM, but instead of a VAGINA, he pulled out…
‘welp” said SAM.
“yes look at my magicnicificnent cock” aid SAM, twirling itw around a lttle.
“goddamn” said SAM.
That uure was another SAM’S cosck.
And SAM was looking at it.
AND THEN SAM BEAT SAM AND SAM CUT OFF SAMS COCK WITH HIS SWORD.
AND SAM AND SAM WENT TO SPACE JAIL FOR THEIR SPACE CRIMES.