re-imagined citadel dlc photo because bioware, you can’t give me a dlc specifically dedicated to proving how much this ridiculous ragtag group of buddies love each other like family, and then give me their drunken houseparty photo… where they’re all standing in strict lines at military attention not touching each other????? like, I get it, making people interact in video games isn’t easy, but that weirdly awkward photo did break my game immersion somewhat. I haven’t been to a drunken houseparty in about five years but I can tell you, they’re gonna cram as many people as possible onto that sofa, and most of them are gonna be distracted well before the photo gets taken. 

TOP ROW: steve and vega are on krogan-wrangling duty. steve is better at it. zaeed wants wrex’s drink umbrella but wrex is watching him closely to make sure he puts it the fuck back. jack’s just…jack. miranda was meant to be looking kind of disgusted like “ugh really?” but I realised as I was colouring it looks like she was about to say something and got, um, distracted by jack’s tongue soooo……… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  its definitely canon that samara L O V E S babies and excited-daddy-to-be jacob would deffs have baby scans to show anyone and everyone. 

BOTTOM ROW: kaidan “biotic beefcake” alenko unfortunately ends up next to garrus “unreasonably bulky armour” vakarian, and is torn between “YES FRIENDS :D” and “dear god shepard your feet s t i n k” (she fell through a fishtank yesterday kaidan give her a break). sam is tipsy enough to find this all hilarious. shepard’s the only sober one there but she’s still bein a little shit and lounging over everyone because drunk garrus is handsy garrus. liara’s trying to point out that javik’s passed out to tali but its a miracle that tali’s even sitting upright after being blasted on the bathroom floor for like an hour, so its not very effective. kasumi’s trying to convince joker that his hat would make a lot on the merch market and he’s saying that if she tries it he’ll sic edi on her (edi won’t do anything but her Disappointed Face is absolutely Devastating). javik passed out like five minutes ago and let me say, if all he gets is a bit of paper taped to his head, he gets off INCREDIBLY lightly.

mass effect is honestly such a wild ride bc you have the serious side of it, Reapers coming back to harvest all organic life in the galaxy

but then you have the Citadel DLC and I honest to god never thought someone could look badass while holding up a toothbrush, but in comes Samantha fucking Traynor, holding up her 6000 credit toothbrush and looking incredibly badass

I have a lot of emotions about mass effect ok

Traynor’s romance is fantastic and adorable and I love it and her.

But if you DON’T romance her, and still play as femShep, it’s hilarious.

Because you can be sitting in the next room, talking to her while she showers, and the galaxy’s best space marine is just completely oblivious to all of Samantha’s flirting.

“Depends on if she’s interested!” Traynor says, wet and naked in your private shower.

“That’s great, good luck!” Shepard says, ten feet away and waiting patiently to play totally platonic chess.

I have this reoccurring thought about the Normandy crew playing Dungeons and Dragons and Joker is the DM and the rest of the crew is purposely doing stupid things to piss him off

  • Garrus comes up with the idea to be twin (identical) brothers with Wrex and the krogan just goes along with it.
  • Wrex being the warrior and Garrus being some type of ranged attacker (maybe an archer) and also a bard so he sings and charms people and shit
  • Shepard is the only one who honestly can’t follow the rules (ie. The chess scene with Traynor) but tries to either solve the problem diplomatically or punches everyone and everything/Or Shepard is a total nerd for D&D like Joker and is just letting the crew have fun
  • Nobody is really enforcing rules with Grunt and is just letting him play to play (he meets both Shepard’s character and their LI and keeps trying to find his battlemaster a mate)
  • Liara has difficulty at first, she chooses a support role (like a healer or mage) but she gets too analytical, eventually easing into her role
  • Traynor is absolutely estatic to play D&D and the only one who’s taking it seriously, much to Joker’s fortune
  • James is just the super buff tank barbarian who keeps flashing his muscles and tries to flirt with every female npc and tries to duel most of the enemies solo
  • Cortez is James’ partner and is almost always healing him/pulling him out of fights
  • Kaidan vaguely remembers playing a round of D&D when he was younger but he can’t quite get his mind in the right place to really enjoy it
  • EDI is constantly pulling up statistics for her attacks and trying to calculate the moves until Joker tells her gently that she can just have fun
  • Tali is the closest thing the game has to a tech and she is living
  • “I want to blow up the bush.” “Tali it’s a bush” “I lost my pouch in it”
  • Oddly enough the crew gets really good rolls each time they want to do something stupid
  • Like Garrus will be like, “I want to sing to the Orc and invite him to dinner at my place” and rolls a 20
  • Shepard would be like, “I would like to punch the rock/Can I reason with the frightened dwarf for some food?/"I’m going to tell it I’m ____ Shepard and they need to give me some mutton”
  • James would say, “Can I roll to flex and hypnotize the dragon with my biceps?” And rolls a perfect score
  • At the end of the round (which literally takes eight hours because of their foolishness) Joker feels drained and reconsiders being their DM but thinks about how the crew was all together and having fun and realizes he didn’t regret a thing