Ten Things That Are 500% True About Dean Winchester and Classic Rock Radio Stations
He can tell what part of the country he’s in by which bands get the most play. Sam thought he was making it up until Dean actually showed him an article on FiveThirtyEight about it. Sam didn’t even know Dean knew what FiveThirtyEight was. (“Apparently it’s a tool for proving you wrong, Sammy.”)
He will judge a station harshly for censoring Steve Miller Band’s “Jet Airliner.” (”Funky kicks? What the hell is that?”)
He wonders sometimes if radio stations realize that they’re incriminating themselves when they play Rush’s “Spirit of Radio,” or if they’re idiots like people who play The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” at political rallies. (”Or people who think R.E.M.’s ‘The One I Love’ is romantic.” “What?” “Nothing.”)
He has almost zero patience for most morning radio “talent” because they never. shut. up. (”If I wanted to listen to some douche talk shit all day I’d call Crowley.”)
He understands why the original Springsteen version of “Blinded By The Light” never gets any airplay – it’s terrible – but he wonders what kind of deal Manfred Mann made to get the cover version played all the goddamn time. Like, the dude is still alive, so it can’t be standard crossroads fare, but something is going on there. Maybe he should ask Cas.
He will also judge any DJ who mispronounces Led Zeppelin’s “D’yer Mak’er.” (”It’s supposed to be a joke, Sam!” “I know. You’ve told me, like, five hundred times.”)
He has a soft spot for the trivia and/or “name that tune” type call-in contests. He almost never gets to play them – he’s always just passing through – but one of the best meals he’s ever eaten was paid for with a win from a station in Nebraska. (”That’d be ‘Wild Horses’ by The Rolling Stones…”)
He wishes fervently that stations would play almost any Warren Zevon song that is not “Werewolves of London.” It’s catchy. We get it. For fuck’s sake, at least throw us a “Lawyers, Guns, and Money,” or even “Excitable Boy” now and again. (”Hey, you want Chinese? I think I saw a place a couple miles back…”)
He remembers when “We Will Rock You” didn’t automatically segue into “We Are The Champions" and misses it. Yeah, they go together, but they’re also meaningful on their own. And yeah, he knows that a single came out the year before he was born with the two of them together, but come on. (”Fucking digital libraries, man…”)
He wonders if all these ads for tractor companies are actually selling any tractors, because that’s fucking wild. Chainsaws he can see, sure, but large farm equipment? He’s got no points of reference for that. He wishes Bobby was still around. Bobby’d probably know.
Bonus Thing: There’s a “modern rock” (or whatever) station up in Montana called The Moose, and it’s awful. Every time they catch a case up there, he gives Sam shit about it. (”Hey Sammy, I think somebody found your iPod.” “You realize that’d be more insulting if I didn’t like Pearl Jam, right?”)
“Percy, I don’t know if you can hear me… but… that day in Syngorn was one of the best moments of my life. And not because of what you think. It wasn’t because of my father, or the title. It was because of Whitestone. It was because of you. You allowed me to be a part of the thing that you hold dearest, and I’m so proud… but I don’t want to be here if you’re not. Whitestone still needs you, darling. I still need you here.” And I lean down, and I kiss him. And I say: “I should’ve told you: it’s yours.”