sally sews

2

This year hasn’t been the best, we’re afraid to report. Not that Jack didn’t try his hardest, it’s just that people are a little too hard to scare at the moment. There always seems to be something rotten taking our spotlight the rest of the year.

Oh well.

With Christmas upon us, our local seamstress aspires you to look your worst while the world burns around you. She’s been designing and creating new Halloween outfits. Feel free to stop by, she needs the money to hire a model.

i was listening to the epilogue track from the nightmare before christmas CD and something horrible occurred to me. it says that jack and sally have “no fewer than 5 skeleton children running around”. awww, that’s so cute! babies! but.. wait. does that mean that a SKELETON and a RAG DOLL have functional genitals?

because if so, that means that jack skeleton has an uncomfortably fleshy crotch region. i mean, i guess we never SAW his pelvis, so anything is possible. but sally? sally was made by her not-a-dad. which means that either

a) dr. finklestein sewed a vagina into her. this brings into question the motives behind her creation in a MASSIVE way. after all, he wasn’t really designing her to be much more than a slave and.. oh god, it’s better not to think about that too hard.

or b) sally sewed herself a vagina and ovaries when she and her semi-skeletonized lover decided to get busy. how on earth does she know what a vagina even looks like? who is making vagina sewing patterns? is this a regular thing in halloween town? or like is there halloween town porn?? (my datemate pointed out that it would def be super gore and horror based, which is pretty awful in and of itself).

still, that theory has holes in it too. after all, we know that the halloweentown characters are basically immortal. they don’t age, like ever. so that means that EVEN IF jack and sally managed to conceive with weird, putrid genitals, their offspring would be infants forever. the narrator specified that their five children were “running around”. so that puts them all at least over three years old. and here is where things get uncomfortably sinister.

we know that the halloweentown people have some weird morals and don’t mind kidnapping “for the greater good”. they are also super devoted to their pumpkin king. in the opening song, which is a revel for jack, they point out that serving him is “their job” although “they’re not mean”. so… the children were probably kidnapped and killed by jack and sally. did the town know about it? i mean, they might have. they’re just following orders, and thus turn a blind eye to the goings on with halloweentown’s most prominent power couple. or they don’t know. either way.

how many children are these two planning to steal?? where did they get them??? were they already dead or were they killed for the greater good???? is this the start of the SKELETON WAR??????????????