because im sad again and this makes me fleetingly happy
sparatus is from a family of doctors. he’s jokingly referred to as the family disappointment, because he was too squeamish to stick with medical school and switched to law and politics instead.
valern reads tabloids for fun. he thinks their blatant bad journalism and not-quite-libel is hilarious. he almost died laughing when they broke the story of shepard’s resurrection a month after the council had already been informed.
tevos’s office is where the three of them hang out after hours. it’s soft and comfortable, and good for relaxing after a long day. she has blankets for anyone who needs to take a nap, and herbal teas in both levo and dextro for whoever needs a warm (non-alcoholic) drink.
the three of them rotate who buys lunch. there’s an unofficial “rookie buys” rule that they gleefully abuse whenever the new human councilor says anything stupid, because even mature and responsible tevos is secretly five. once udina’s councilor, “anything stupid” is generalized to simply “anything.”
valern worked very hard to become councilor, as salarian politics are dominated by femme-presenting salarians, and as such he had a distinct disadvantage as masc-presenting. he’s very touchy about his gender as a result, and anything that to him seems like it’s invalidating the effort he put into getting to where he is. his grudge against udina is in part due to udina having made an ignorant comment regarding valern’s gender back when they were both fairly new to their respective embassies and never apologizing satisfactorily enough.
sparatus lets his grandchildren visit him at the embassy. there are several pictures floating around the extranet of him attempting to work without disturbing the baby turian sleeping in his cowl.
valern is also that one jackass tall friend. you know the one. the one who teases his friends for being shorter than him and needing assistance reaching things that are too high. tevos tries to be mature about it and not let it get to her. sparatus does not. his favorite method of payback is to take valern’s food out of the salarian embassy fridge and eat it while maintaining direct, unflinching eye contact.
tevos likes to go jogging around the presidium early in the morning for exercise. sometimes, valern will swim alongside her in the lake. she keeps swearing she’ll get sparatus to join her one of these days, but he keeps playing up his heart condition as an excuse. tevos knows he’s exaggerating and just likes to sleep, but she lets it slide.
A little pjo mass effect au for @anxiouspineapples‘ fantastic art of Annabeth she did over here that I told her I’d write a thing for like a month ago. Reposted and edited and here have it please, I can’t look at it anymore, I just love this AU too much.
A journalist makes it relatively unharmed to the FOB, armed with a stolen assault rifle and a camera drone and absolute dumb luck. Soldiers hurry about the camp, seemingly well-organized despite the general chaos and sense of panic, despite the giant, roaring nightmares bearing down from above. She waves her press pass and steps past the barricade into some semblance of safety and exhales.
Her name is Lacy. She is now, officially, a wartime correspondent. Days and days ago, she’d been in the middle of sitting a Xeno Pub Affairs exam when the tall glass windows of the classroom exploded inward and the world started shaking. A huge red eye hanging in the sky swung toward her, hummed, fired, and she thought–
They should have listened.
The beam sliced through the concrete and rebar of the building easy as air. Mitchell had pushed her down. Mitchell had gone down with her, rolled her underneath a desk, asked her if she was alright, if she could move, if she could breathe, and god, it is easier not to think of him now, impossible not to think of him at all. Mitchell and his still, unseeing eyes. The still, unmoving bodies of her classmates as she clawed her way out of the rubble.
She clutches her press pass and her gun as she walks through the base. Nobody has time for her. She walks. The camera drone she managed to recover from the old Humanities building trails behind her, recording the bruise-dark sky, the looming clouds, the towering monstrosities laying waste to the world. London is a disaster of stone and dust; London is a reflection of every city on every planet, burning alive.
Lacy walks past a medical station set up in an open storefront. IV bags hang on exposed bars of jagged metal, and the wounded and dying lie on the ground. She walks past a makeshift canteen made up of stacked crates of rations. An armory in the back of a lifted Hammerhead, and a pair of engineers lying underneath it, tools littering the ground around them. A flat patch of dry grass and a stretch of sleeping bags and resting soldiers. Lacy walks, and she watches. Soldiers and medics. Civilians who have become a bit of both.
She walks. Further in, she starts to see faces she recognizes.
ME3, is essentially a story of one woman’s insane quest to save the asses of as many “competent and important” men as possible.
Are you sitting comfortably? Shall we begin?
General Corinthus: “Shepard, Shepard we can’t fix this antenna thingy! HALP?"
Shepard: *sigh* "Yes General of the entire fucking Turian Hierarchy, I will help with DIY"
Garrus: "Oh hey Shepard! Glad you popped by and were able to fix that tower!"
Shepard: *growls* "Garrus you were here all this time?!?!? And the comm tower wanted calibration?!?!? AND YET I STILL HAD TO GO?!?!?!"
Wrex: "SHEPURD! The Salarian and the Turian are being mean”
Primarch Victus: “Hey, he started it!"
Shepard: *rage* "You are two grown ass men! SORT IT OUT!"
Wrex: "But Shepurd :(”
“Yeah Shepard, I’ll tell on you to Garrus. He won’t be your friend any more!"
Shepard: "We’re married you asshat! But fine lets me help you through this difficult relationship you two are having! If it shuts you the hell up”
“Shepard, my son, the son of the Primarch of Palaven that is, got his ass handed to him for trying to be clever. Do you mind popping off? Could do with a hand down there."
Shepard: "And you can’t send the Blackwatch or something because…?”
Wrex; “SHEPURD! Your son in in danger!"
Shepard: "GRUNT NO! NOT MY BABY!… Though on second thought he is like 10 times my size and strength… Really?"
Wrex & Co: "SHEPURD! We can’t decide what to eat for lunch, Mordin’s liver or eyes?"
*Bakara and Shepard synch die on the inside*
Shepard: "Wrex and other fellow idiots. GENOPHAGE TO CURE! Move it! Lunch can wait"
Shepard: "In one fell swoop, I’ve just saved the Salarian Councilor from being made into a pin cushion, Commander Bailey from looking incompetent as fuck, saved the Citadel single handedly and stopped Kaidan from putting a foot in his mouth… Asari Councilmember person, can I have some troops?"
Councillor Tevos: "Hell no, you have to earn it"
*Quarians arrive on the Normandy*
Shepard: "Let me guess Admirals, some important King of Quarians got himself marooned somewhere so I have to go get him or else we all fail?"
Admiral Raan: "So insightful commander how did you know?"