saint claus

Name: Krampus
Area or Origin: Germany

In contrast to Saint Nicholas who rewards well-behaved kids with gifts, The Krampus is a demonic figure that deals with those who aren’t so nice. Krampus are described as having dark hairy bodies, goat legs, hooves and pointed horns and oddly, a human foot on one leg. In many variations, their sharp pointed tongue may be sticking out, but not in all cases. They carry chains, thought to symbolize the binding of the Devil, and wield a bundle of birch branches to swat children with. They are also often seen with some sort of basket or tub on their back to carry off naughty children who’d promptly be eaten or punished in some way.

Religious traditions often insist that the only true charity is anonymous—in other words, not meant to place the recipient in one’s debt. One extreme form of this, documented in various parts of the world, is the gift by stealth, in a kind of reverse burglary: to literally sneak into the recipient’s house at night and plant one’s present so no one can know for sure who has left it. The figure of Santa Claus, or Saint Nicholas (who, it must be remembered, was not just the patron saint of children, but also the patron saint of thieves) would appear to be the mythological version of the same principle: a benevolent burglar with whom no social relations are possible and therefore to whom no one could possibly owe anything, in his case, above all, because he does not actually exist.

David Graeber, Debt: The First 5,000 Years



Befana, a typical Italian figure, is an old hag who delivers gifts on Epiphany Eve (night between 5th and 6th of January) throughout Italy.

She usually rides a flying broomstick and visits Italian children to fill their socks, hung by their chimney, with candy and gifts (and with coke for the bad ones), taken into her wicker basket on her shoulders. Also, she usually sweeps the floor with her broom before she leaves. All good children who believe in her, leave some food and a glass of wine for her on their table.

And now that there are almost no more chimneys in Italian houses? Dunno, but how are you curious! Mind your own business! If you believe that a person can take with him (Santa) or her (Befana) millions of gifts, delivers them all in a single night, eats tons of food, drinks rivers of wine, you can even trust that he/her can break into houses without any problem and without a trace of how he/she got in. Well, guess what kind of followers I have! Don’t ever bother me again with these tosh!

Seriously, Befana figure should derive from the Roman pre-Christian traditional festivity of Strenia (or Strenua).

In recent decades, this traditional figure is gradually disappearing, replaced by the very more iconic “Babbo Natale” (Santa Claus), that would give gifts to children on Christmas Eve, only a few days before.

Anyway, it’s a fact that the two characters have coexisted together since forever; better, only from the 1960s, with the arrive of TV and its ads in most of Italian houses. Before, Jesus Child was the one to take gifts, but without any iconic representation. Besides, everyone knew who he was and that he was being born on that night.

It’s also be said that Santa Lucia (St. Lucy) was the one to take gifts to children in several Italian cities, instead of Jesus Child or Santa Claus, on the occasion of her celebration (13th of December).

All above is a little tricky for you, my non-Italian followers? Don’t worry! Not even Italians understand Italy …

Yaşamayı başarmış çocukların olacağı bir “Ülke” dileğiyle…..
“Ülkemizde çok zor ama . Dilek işte….”

Kimisine Göre Yılbaşı….

Noel ve Yılbaşı üzerimize doğru geliyor yine,,, O mide bulandırıcı ikili,,, Televizyon mağaralarından çıkan bütün o kalabalık,,, Aile toplantıları,,, Hiçlik,,, Sahte sarhoşlar,,, Sahte gülümsemeler,,, Sahte insanlar,,, Bir şekilde atlatırız umarım,,, Bir kez daha,,,

Charles Bukowski

A Brief History of Names My Students Have Given Me

Not sure what you could call this guy, other than beautiful

I am a public school teacher. You probably already knew that because of the title of the thing you are reading, or because you follow me on social media, or maybe because you have been in the same room as me for longer than four minutes, which is about the amount of time that it takes me to casually bring up my heroics as an educator of America’s youth. As a teacher(which is what I am), I have to put up with a bunch of bullshit. Everyone knows it’s a thankless job with horrible pay and long hours. What I didn’t anticipate, however, is the ridiculous amount of horrible nicknames students would come up with for me. What follows is a small selection of those names from over the last four years, with pictures for reference. Because there are so many, they have been broken into four categories: Chubby Bearded White Guys, Fictional Characters, Inanimate Objects, and Wildcard.

Chubby Bearded White Guys

Zach Galifianakis  
Also: Alan, The guy from the Hangover

This is the first, and most obvious thing a student has ever called me. I have worked at three different schools in two different states and it has never taken longer than three weeks for a group of students to make this connection. The first time it ever happened was before I was even an actual teacher. In fact, I had only been working in a classroom for three days at that point. I was walking through the halls during passing period of the school in South San Francisco where I was doing my student teaching. While I was walking to the break room, I glanced into a classroom and locked eyes with a student that I had never seen before in my life. He immediately shouts “HEY!”, gets out of his seat, and starts charging towards me.

My first thought was: Hm. Maybe teaching was a bad choice. My second thought was: guess I have to fight this kid now.

He comes straight towards me at full speed, stops no more than six inches from me and barks: “MAN, YOU KNOW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ALAN FROM THE HANGOVER?!”

This is a 100% true story and this shit has been happening to me ever since. Children don’t really get enough credit for being straight up the goddamn worst.

Action Bronson  
Also: The Guy from that Chance Video, The Guy from F*ck That’s Delicious

This has only happened like twice, but I remember it because it’s such a solid ref for an idiot teenager to make. I disagree with it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect it.

Fictional Characters

Daddy Pig  
: Peppa’s Dad, Peppa Pig, PE-PA-PIG!

OKAY FINE, IT’S A GOOD ONE. I had never even heard of this cartoon, but as soon as he said it, the whole class cheered in agreement. What’s worse: This kid only refers to me as Peppa now. Sometimes he will just shout PE-PA-PIG! In the middle of me giving a lesson, for no reason at all. He has half of the senior class calling me Peppa. If you were wondering, this absolutely qualifies as bullying.

: Lumberchaun

Lazy. Offensive. Inaccurate.

Captain Redbeard
: Captain

A whole group of kids used to address me as Captain Redbeard, and whenever they saw me they would stand at attention and salute. Even if it was sarcastic and made basically no sense, it was the most incredible three months of my life. I’ve never felt more powerful. Then those kids went to college and it has been all downhill from there.

Also: Santa Claus, Saint Nick

Every year when December rolls around some bozo kid thinks he’s a genius by drawing the connection between me and literally the most famous chubby bearded white guy. I wish I could fail kids for having hacky, unoriginal jokes.

Inanimate Objects

: White bread, White bread with a tomato on top

I recently started teaching at a school that is mostly comprised of Spanish speakers learning English as a new language. This has significantly altered the things that I am called by students, and I have become quite familiar with different ways a Spanish speaker might refer to a white person. The literal translation is “bread roll.” I personally don’t see the resemblance.

Also: McGrizz, McGrizzath

This has less to do with the sandwich and more to do with the alleged similarity of our names. Either way, unacceptable.

: N/A

Student: *Points to the word hamburger* ¿Qué significa?
Me: Hamburguesa.
Student: *Points to me* You! Hamburger!
Me: No I-
Student: You hamburger! Hamburger!


My sincerest apologies to the Buscemi family. Mr. Ugly is not real and this is the closest thing. 

Mr. Ugly
Also: Ugly, Uglyuglyugly

This girl basically speaks no English at all. Ugly might be the first English word she learned (she definitely knows what it means) and she pronounces it oogly. Sometimes in the halls she will just point at me and yell “OOGLYOOGLYOOGLY”. Do you understand that it is a regular part of my job for teenagers to just point at me and insult me? And I’m not allowed to do anything about it. The kids are almost worse than the fact that teachers get paid in seeds and berries.

Mr. Cagón
Also: Cagón

I’m not completely certain on the translation for this one, as I have heard conflicting reports, but it’s something along the lines of “Mr. Shitty” or “Mr. Big Shit” or “This Big Shit Guy”. Not a huge fan of any of those, tbh.

 Which one is the real me

Mr. California
Also: N/a

Hey! An objectively sort of neutral thing to call me! It only took literally this entire list to get to something that wasn’t a direct or implied insult! Someone started this when they couldn’t pronounce my last name. I don’t see how “California” is easier to say than “This Big Shit Guy”, but whatever works.

Also: Mr. Gringo, My Favorite Gringo

I am one of only four white staff members at my school. I am the only staff member at our entire school who isn’t fluent in a language other than English. I have a stupid red beard. I have an ironic tattoo of a regionally specific ice cream sandwich on my arm. When they’re right, they’re right. Soy un Gringo.




I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season so far and that those of you who are celebrating Christmas today get lots of coal…. er I mean cool presents like Mountain Dew, Doritos, and games… from Mister Fat Giantdad Wannabe, Santa Claus!


honestly!! i can’t believe smithers is actually mr claus!! saint nicholas!!! he’s ready for christmas and he’s been working so hard!! don’t worry he has had plenty of rests to make sure he makes no mistakes and plenty of food for energy!!! he’s super excited to surprise you all with gifts and says his workshop is really crazy at the moment and is even looking at hiring more help for next christmas because christmas spirit is forever getting stronger and greater!! everyone loves giving and his heart is exploding and wants to wish everyone a safe christmas!! i can’t believe he’s santa!!! wtf!! this is so crazy!!! merry christmas everyone!! he’s excited to see all of you on the 25th!!!