sail out

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stay up with me
afraid to say  “i’d like it very much if…. you’d stay and ….. lose sleep with me tonight” not my misery needing company…. it is just me …. i might,  not feel lonely on most days….. but tonight reminds me of Summer. reminds me that i have and am not a kid now, and that i am missing a brother.  go to call a sister… his name is right with hers,   i haven’t deleted his number. i don’t want to tell you all that he meant to me… and have you say how you wish you’d met him .  i don’t want to cry  and confess “ now i feel…. as time passes by   i’ll forget him “  and you look at me like  “I wish I could help" but your father was there  and you’ve always had help and your brother’s still calling and you’ve always been dealt   with  aces and  high hands and  silver  fucking  platters the audacity the nerve to ask me “whats the matter?” and if i were really in the mood to discuss…. i would tell you how i never felt like enough how i was the ugly one hated the mirror and took lots of pills that one night  trynna kill her  if i had the energy i’d tell you the truth that i haven’t been happy  since I was in school like, elementary even then…  shit was crazy i was the youngest  but the toughest i was never the baby so i don’t want your pity or your words or advice i’d just like it very much if you lost sleep with me tonight  - Jhené Aiko Efuru Chilombo