edward benz, 27 times // I carry your image, your grandfather’s coffin. and Ed, if you hear me, I think of you often. that’s all I can offer, that’s all that I know how to give.
you and I in unison // but if I still hear you singing in every city I meet. after I blur it all out, our every memory, if you never fade with the days, your shape still haunting me then, should I not just sing along?
harder harmonies // And when you sing the wrong thing it all starts collapsing. starts to ring out and feedback, starts lapsing and crashing, on notes that don’t clash, but that never quite feel like they match. and I never quite feel like mine match.
edit your hometown // and now my friends have all left. or it’s been me gone all along. I guess we all part one day and drop like leaves into the breeze. and ain’t it wild? ain’t it bitter? (didn’t it carry you from me?)
a poem // see, lately I’ve hated me for over-playing pain. for always pointing fingers out at everyone but who in fact is guilty and for picking at my scabs, like they could never break but they can and they will
a letter // I’ve never spent a lot on finding a remedy. I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason. I guess that’s why I’ve always turned to writing it down. not just in stories, but the letters in between. and I guess that’s why it haunts the pages of everything - to self-examine.
the most beautiful bitter fruit // after sundown, before sleeping, I am the worst of me. I am a mess of these old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and stage scenes.
I see everything // no, I will never forget you, now six or seven years later I’m devoid of all faith. I am empty of comfort and I am weary of waiting, though I’ve felt nowhere what you have, I see nothing at all. though I’ve felt nowhere what he did, my eyes are closed.
a broken jar // I know I knocked the table over because I watched the jar break, and I’ve been trying to repair it every single stupid day, but won’t the cracks still show no matter how well it’s assembled? can I ever just decide to let it die and let you go?
king park // I want to know what the colour of the blood was spilling out from the tarp onto the concrete. I want to write it all down so I can always remember. if you could see it up close how could you ever forget how senseless death, how precious life. I want to be there when the bullet hit.
safer in the forest/love song for poor michigan // last snowfall left splinters and some winters never end; neither wane nor wear. and sunshine is like lovers and some summers just pretend; only warm the air. it’s that I’m tired of the feeling here.
st paul missionary baptist church blues // made me wonder if there’s anyone like that for you and me, and anybody else who broke and lost hope.