sad-poetry

they never told me that falling in love would feel like falling off of a 24-story building if it goes wrong, that you are always the heartbroken, never the heartbreaker, that “i love you” and “im lonely” are more often than not the same thing. they don’t tell you that most nights you won’t sleep, and if you do, you’ll wake up screaming his name, or that you will stop eating, because you think maybe if you lost weight you’d be worthy of his love and attention. they tell you that falling in love is special, and amazing, like nothing else you will ever experience. but how special and amazing is it when im lying on my bedroom floor, numbed by the pain he left in his wake, with blood stained wrists and the effects of alcohol clouding my thoughts? they tell you the first time you fall in love, you won’t ever forget it, and maybe they’re right about that, because it’s been over two years and i still haven’t forgotten the way your hands burned my skin when you touched me.
—  the things they don’t tell you about love
you’ll never realize that you’ve fallen in love until you sit and think about everything that’s changed.
a few months ago his voice was just a voice and his smile just a smile and his laugh just a laugh, but today, and now, and for a long time coming, his smile makes you feel warm even if it’s 39 degrees and he’s nowhere near and his voice becomes your favorite sound and his laugh can pull you from your unhappiness and suddenly you’ve stopped drowning.
you’d rather have your own best friend 5,000 miles away from you than have him be anywhere but in your arms and you start to forget why you were ever unhappy in the first place because the universe managed to shove millions of stars and an entire galaxy into a single body and that body isn’t yours but it’s close enough.
you stop wanting to be asleep all the time because being asleep means being away from him even if he’s already on the other side of what feels like the entire universe and you want to spend every waking moment thinking of him and talking to him.
you stop drinking because you don’t need fake happiness anymore because the alcohol will wear off in the morning but at least he won’t.
you don’t realize you’re in love until you’ve noticed that you could spend the rest of your life looking at him because his smile is as bright as the sun and his laugh as warm as it and his eyes as blue as the sky, if not more, and he’s not just a person anymore but the epitome of perfect and he has all the power to ruin your life with your heart in his hands.
—  but you trust him anyway
1. Do not call him. While it may be hard for you to sleep at night without hearing his voice, I can promise you that it is not hard for him to sleep without hearing yours.
2. Cry. It is okay to cry, it doesn’t make you weak. Keeping it bottled up makes you weak, letting it out makes you stronger.
3. Love. Love the flowers, love dogs, love cats, love those stupid fucking raisins that you hate, love everything that he hates. Love your life while you still can. Love yourself. While he may have been able to leave you, you cannot. You have been stuck with yourself from the moment you took your first breath, and you will be until the moment you take your last. Embrace that truth with open arms.
4. Take care of yourself, take care of your friends, take care of your family, take care of strangers. If you feel as though you have a heart full of love with no one to give it to, give it to the world. It needs it a whole lot more than he does.
5. Don’t be afraid. Let people in, trust people, stop being scared of your own shadow because of him. Not everyone is going to lie to you and abandon you, but not everyone is going to tell you the truth and stay with you. Be careful, but do not be fearful.
6. Stop listening to his favorite songs or his favorite band, stop listening to those stupid songs that tug at your heart strings and make you think of the first time you held his hand, stop torturing yourself over something that you had no control over. It really wasn’t you, it really was him.
7. Please remember to eat. If he doesn’t love you now, he will not love you if you lose 40 pounds in a month, and you won’t love you either.
8. Stop trying to be enough for him and learn how to be enough for yourself. I promise you that no one will ever love you more than you can love yourself, and I can promise you that nobody deserves your love more than you do.
9. Learn to appreciate the little things about yourself that he couldn’t stand, like the way you pick at your nail polish when you’re nervous, or the way that you twirl your hair around your fingers when you’re trying to focus, or how you tug at the collar of your shirt when you don’t know what to say. Appreciate the little things about yourself that make you different, because they are the only things that make you, you. Never let anyone strip you of your individuality, especially some stupid, hormone crazed, teenage boy who still needs his mother to dress him at 17 years old.
10. Talk to new people and make new friends, you can never have too many. Have a conversation with the quiet girl in your class who disappears to the library by herself at lunch, and then invite her to come have lunch with you, or ask her if she would mind your company at the library. Make everyone feel at home.
11. When he leaves, don’t isolate yourself or turn your body into a walking shrine of all of the memories that you two created. Get out of bed, brush your teeth, brush your hair, put on a nice dress, for no reason other than the fact that you want to look good for yourself. Step outside of your front door, sit on the porch, sit in the grass, take a walk, soak up the sun, fall in love with the world. It is so much more beautiful than he ever will be.
12. Reinvent yourself for the better, and turn yourself into someone you would fall in love with, and then do it.
—  A 12-Step Program on How to Get Over the Boy Who Broke Your Heart