Simula nung nawala siya sa buhay ko, nagsimula akong magkaron ng trust issues sa lahat ng nakapaligid sakin. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano pa bang mararamdaman ko. Parang nung nawala siya, sirang-sira ako. Hindi na ako buo. Hindi na ako yung masayahing nakilala nila. I started building walls aroung me. Pushing people away from me. Distancing myself to them. I’m so afraid of getting hurt again. But one day someone just broke the walls I built. And hindi ko naman pinagsisihan kasi narealize kong hindi ko dapat nilalayo sarili ko sa iba na kayang punan yung nawala sakin. We became best of friends. Umabot kami ng 3 years of friendship. I was so happy with her. And became dependent to her. We always go to school and home together despite the distance of our home. Every time that I’m with her, I forget all the problems I had been through and good news, I’m starting to build up, not walls anymore but friendship with other people. I trust them. I had never been that happy. I was so thankful that she came into my life and help me gain myself.
But you know, life is just so stupid. She betrayed me. She made me untrust her. She broke our friendship. Nagsisimula na naman ako harangan yung puso ko. Kasi ayoko ng masaktan ulit. Lahat ng mga naging kaibigan ko nadamay. I lost my trust on everyone in just a blink of an eye. I was so broken that I became the emotionally numbest person. Anyone who tries to approach me, I hurt them with my words as sharp as knives. I lost my care with every damn thing.
Someone helped me again. I’m so stupid, too. Letting people walk in my life again. But this time, it’s different. I don’t trust her so much… But I do trust her. Still, I was so scared that she might leave me broken. But I left the country, yet she promised me she would still be there for me. Pero umalis lang ako ng bansa para mag-aral abroad… she replaced me… and never tried to reach me. She cut our communications.
…and I was left dumbfounded, broken and full of hatred, anger, sorrow and pain.