s.s. cool dude

Mom Deals With Local Traffic

When I was a wee thing, my parents moved out the the Highly dubious condo in East Palo Alto and into a relatively nice suburban neighborhood, into a house immediately across the street from my new elementary school.  Immediate, as in, less than 40 feet from the traffic circle.   Mom would wave at me from the driveway sometimes while I was in class.  This should have made getting me to and from school easy, but there was an issue:

I still had to cross the street, and because I was living in the over-caffeinated heart of silicon valley at the time, that meant dodging the local commuters barreling through the school zone at upwards of 40 miles per hour with no regard for the stop signs.

The flashing “School Zone” signs were ignored.  
The city refused to put in speed bumps or devote extra patrol cars.
One of my classmates grandmother’s volunteered as crossing guard, and some jackass in a BMW ran over her foot on the first day.

Now, mom declared as we drove Mrs. Manchez to the hospital her foot in a beer cooler full of ice, Would be a good time to take the law into my own hands.

So after dropping Mrs. Manchez off at the hospital, we drove to the thrift store, where my mom found a navy blazer, aviator sunglasses, a pilot’s cap and an old, clunky-looking hair dryer.  

The next morning, mom went out to the sidewalk in her new “uniform”, with the hair dryer and a legal pad so she could write down the grocery list.  Every time a car would come roaring down the road, Mom would look up, point the hairdryer at them, and, and write something down.  

I remember listening to brakes squeal all day the first time she tried it, Mercedes and BMWs screeching to a crawl as they passed the school, glaring at her.   By that afternoon, cars were creeping along at an over-cautious 10mph, and I was able to get home without taking my life into my hands.

After that, Mom went out “in uniform” every couple of days, because intermittent re-enforcement is what REALLY gets a change in behavior going, and point the hair dryer at anyone speeding through the school zone, usually while writing down grocery lists or short stories, or drawing unflattering caricatures of the other PTA moms.

Eventually, however, one of the cars that came through was a patrol car, and he slowly pulled to a halt in front of mom, glaring at her though his own reflective glasses.

She smiled an waved the hair dryer.  “Good afternoon!”

“…What’re you doing?”  he groaned, 3 in the afternoon entirely too early for this shit.

“Writin’ a grocery list.”  She beamed, and when that failed to satisfy him, she explained about the speeding problem and that if they couldn’t send a partol car out here to ticket people regularly, she figured that a hair dryer would be the next best thing.  Working like a charm so far.  They didn’t even notice the little airplanes on the Pilot’s hat.

The officer stared at her for a moment longer before his face broke out into a slow grin.  “Y’know, when we’re out of a car, we usually wear visibility vests.  So more people see you and your… Phaser.”

And that’s the story of how Mom and Officer Brown met and started the neighborhood watch program.

The Bourne series has a weird place in the action genre. Most series that have lasted this long (The Bourne Identity came out in 2002, and death will come for us all one day) go through some period of reinvention. Fast & Furious went from a street-racing orgy to a parade of increasingly ludicrous heists. The X-Men series introduced a cast of mutants, and then introduced those mutants again but younger and in a different timeline … maybe? But The Bourne Awesome Noun has always been about Jason Bourne and the various ways that he’s committed tax evasion and murder.

It’s a cool concept: A dude slowly unravels his memories of being part of a giant CIA conspiracy, and uses that knowledge, along with his sweet punching skills, to try to take the multitude of evil programs down. But it’s also alienating after the second hour. Because never once do the Bourne films try to start from scratch. No, they go the anime route, wherein you have to remember years of history, but also: You know that guy whom you thought was the big bad guy? Well, there’s ANOTHER guy who’s even bigger than him, and HE’S the guy we now need to be worried about. It turns the films into a montage of actors in suits reacting to Jason Bourne with their best “I knew it …” faces on.

And it can only go deeper, as long as they stay on their current path. Jason Bourne can never say, “Well, that’s it. I stopped the CIA. The whoooole thing.” And that aspect doesn’t need to be dropped totally. The lingering shadow of his past should always hang over him, preventing him from any kind of normal career in banking or YouTube. But remember 2008’s Rambo, the movie in which Stallone grabbed a gun on the back of a jeep and mowed down nameless people for nearly a day?

Remember how that movie didn’t necessarily bring up the plot points of the first few Rambo movies, but definitely still made it clear that Rambo had seen some shit? Jason Bourne needs that kind of fresh start.

Star Wars Minus The Force: 5 Series That Need To Branch Out

So I have to put it out there.

Yesterday I met the husband of my partner’s cousin for the first time. He’s a super cool dude who worked on Hannibal, the TV series.

When he tells me that, I get super excited, expecting him to tell me that he did montage or something but NO he straight up worked on the set and directed Mads Mikkelsen…during a shower scene. He also told me that he was a super chill dude and they took numerous smoke breaks together. Oh and he didn’t realize until afterwards that Mads Mikkelsen was sort of a “big deal” in Europe and just thought that he was a cool guy with a funny accent. 

So yeah, long story short, this is how I ended up hitting this poor guy repeatedly while screaming “LIFE IS NOT FAIR!!!” But hey, welcome to the family, guy who spent a whole day with Mads Mikkelsen in super tight flesh coloured undies. 

anonymous asked:

Imagine Pink Guy accidentally stumbling into a gay pride parade. He was just out getting some stuff and now he's in a parade dancing around with a rainbow painted on his cheek. He doesn't know what it's about but it's super cool and there's two dudes making out next to him. He goes home covered in glitter and a huge smile on his face

Frank is mad cause Pink didn’t get the eggs but is less mad when Pink shows him the rainbow stamp he got and is giggling like an idiot as he stamps everything in the apartment with it.

Saf stumbles in a little later with a rainbow kiss mark on one cheek and the pan flag painted on the other. He got shirts of all orientations and he’s wearing a pan coloured version of his regular one. His smile nearly splits his face when he sees all the rainbows on everything. And he’s pretty sure his cheeks are stuck in that smile when Frank kisses him on the cheek and stamps a rainbow on the back of his hand.

Posts on this hellsite dot com
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Some blogger:</b> Hey look at that article ! [ Link / picture of an article where some dude gets any sort of social penalty because he was racist/homophobic/transphobic etc ] Looks like we got some justice! That's so cool!<p/><b>A dude with a pony icon who's probably wearing a fedora unironically in his moms basement:</b> Hm. How unsightly. Do you not think the reaction of the authorities in the situation was a little exaggerated ? Such drastic measures were not needed. Have they not considered the feelings of the so called aggressor ? I wouldn't expect you to understand... after all... you are a tumblrite...<p/></p><p/></p>

anonymous asked:

I know you just got back from your holiday so you probably haven't heard it but in the latest episode of NTIP Jason says that they're going to reveal a new character and that it's going to be a major villain. Do you think they could be preparing people for Kylo's redemption as in "hey look at this big bad evil dude who's also cool looking" so there's still a threat if kylo leaves? as in snoke as someone else to pawn around?

Ooh, potentially! If Kylo returns to the light that certainly does leave a big gaping void in terms of the villain landscape. He’ll need to be replaced.

sadiebarrigaofficial  asked:

yo im still alive despite tumblr cucking me from posting but lets talk larsadie. you know in the new lars when they were watching "fangs of love" and the werewolves kiss... i think 1 of them looks half-wolf??. do u think its foreshadowing what could potentially happen to lars n sadie, that is, sadie not necessarily becoming like lars but... half - like lars? so extended lifespan maybe so they can be together IF it turns out lars's lifespan will b longer

No it’s cool!

DUDE I was actually talking to @saphruikan about the werewolf thing and at the very least I believe it foreshadows Sadie accepting Lars for what he is now (voodoo/zombie/revenent/strawberry) and them being happily ever after, but I DID think about the possibility Sadie could become empowered somehow. I mean, she’s already badass af so why not add to it since she already meets the base qualifications? I want her to have more central relevance like Lars has now and that would be just PERF.

anonymous asked:

If you are not LGBTQ+, is it acceptable to draw pride art (not ships... just... art... ) I'm planning on doing some but I'd rather not get on anybody's nerves...

Dude it’s cool if straight people do too, pride is amazing!! I’m talking about the straights™ that use it as a pat on the back for being such a great ally, they’re usually fetishist and lesbiphobes/transphobes.

Anyone can draw for pride!!!!!

anonymous asked:

Would it be bad if I made an ask blog for a character that already had one (actually two)? I mean I don't wanna step on anyone's toes...

((no no, it’s totally cool dude!! be who u want :D