s. italy aph

  • America: 9:01! Germany is officially late for the first time ever. All right let's do this, who's got theories?
  • Japan: Uh... his alarm didn't go off.
  • America: All three alarms? All with battery back up? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?
  • Russia: Ooh, he was taken in his sleep.
  • America: That's what I'm talking about. Super dark, Russia, but way more plausible than Japan's idiotic alarm clock theory.
  • Italy: I bet he tucked himself into bed too tight and got stuck.
  • Romano: Hmm, maybe he fell into another dimension where he’s interesting?
  • [Britain sees the group huddled around the door.]
  • Britain: It's 9:00 AM, why hasn’t the world meeting started?
  • America: Germany is a few minutes late, and we're all trying to guess why.
  • Britain: I'd like to play. I'd say he’s... in line at the bank. This is fun.
  • America: It is fun. But you're all wrong. He clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man.
  • [Germany runs into the room.]
  • America: There he is! Germany! Where have you been? We've been worried sick, do you care to explain yourself?
  • Germany: I'm just 70 seconds late. It's not a big deal, don't worry about it.
  • Britain: Germany, you will tell us, and you will tell us now.
  • Germany: …There was a problem at the bank.
  • Britain: *claps his hands together* HOT DAMN!
How Extra™ Hetalians and their 2ps are

N. Italy: slightly above average extra. increases when doing his infamous seizure dance 6/10
2p N. Italy: very extra, somebody stop him 8/10

Germany: not extra at all, a very straightforward boy. unless he’s proposing to feli 1/10
2p Germany: a good soft boy, occasional extra 4/10

Japan: don’t let his calm demeanor fool you, he is an Extra Boy 5/10
2p Japan: so extra, yet…so subtle about it 10/10

S. Italy: smidge more extra than his lil bro 7/10
2p S. Italy: the Queen of Extra himself. the ruler of the extraworld. You will not find another quite as extra as this one 11/10

Prussia: *puts on sunglasses* brace yaself for extra 10/10
2p Prussia: a good Soft Boy™, extra rating nonexistent 0/10

America: tone it down a bit alfred 8/10
2p America: a tame boy, only extra around crushes or his friends 3/10
edit: i have seen the error of my ways: vegans are always so fukin extra and 2p america constantly acts like he’s had 15 red bulls 8/10

France: calm your shit francis 10/10
2p France: haha nope not this lazy fucker 0/10

England: he’s got the magic thing going on which is kinda extra tbh 6/10
2p England: a soft boy, very extra sometimes 7/10

China: this senile old man,,,, so extra 9/10
2p China: 4000 years and still hoeing 9/10

Russia: kinda extra with the whole “i’m going to kill you but with a pipe” like lmfao just use a gun or something 5/10
2p Russia: cease this tomfoolery at once 0/10

Allies/Axis and the Nordics reacting to accidentally touching the s/o's chest

america

England

France

Russia

China

Canada

Germany

Italy

Japan

Romano

Prussia

Denmark

Norway

Iceland

Sweden

Finland  

The signs as hetalia quotes

♈ Aries: “Looks like someone needs a spanking.”

♉ Taurus: “That was my mother’s cup you fool!”

♊ Gemini: “I guess Germany’s asshole isn’t all that cozy.”

♋ Cancer: “Magic metal pipe of pain!”

♌ Leo: “Suck ball! I knew fortune cookie was bad luck!“ 

♍ Virgo: "No rikey.”

♎ Libra: “Its a matter of gay or death.”

♏ Scorpio: “What the crapola happened here?!”

♐ Sagittarius: “Japan digs my sexy cat ears.”

♑ Capricorn: “I want to pet cats.”

♒ Aquarius: “You stop that potty talk this instant!”

♓ Pisces: “Fuck that spoon!”

  • Japan: *spins around on his chair to face Germany* How long have you been sleeping with Italy?
  • Germany: That’s disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get– why would– I’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It’s none of your- you have- the nerve, the audacity. Italy is my friend, technically. And he is terrible, face-wise. And how- how- do I know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with him? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off? Hmm, check and mate.

unoriginal human au in which the beilschmidt brothers are personal bodyguards for the wealthy vargas brothers, who live with their weird sexy grandfather (he owns several wineries or something idk). for the sake of comedy, feli probably gets kidnapped all the time and ludwig has to rescue him. basically it’s like mario and princess peach switch nationalities.

even more for the sake of comedy, lovino and feliciano aren’t always together and each has to always have a bodyguard. which means either ludwig or gilbert have to endure many insult-filled hours with the combative and irritable lovino.

definite gerita, potential prumano. however if you’re like me, you prefer an aromantic gil and like the relationship lovi has with the vargas family’s dopey and smiley gardener