Noctis: It was funny at first, but it’s getting out of hand, Gladio. You should probably stop walking around shirtless. Gladio: Why? I’m fresh and comfy like this. Prompto: I mean, not that I agree with Noct, but…it’s Altissia and people stare. Gladio: There’s no shirt that’s worthy of my body. Noctis: There’s none you like? Gladio: None that looks greater on me than my body does on its own. Ignis: … Ignis: You know what do would look great on you, though? Noctis: Ignis, no. Ignis: Me. Gladio: Ignis yes.
i was tagged by ultimate babe @beyondmythought-s
for the five things i don’t fanfic
1. love triangles
won’t write it, won’t read it. i’ve been completely turned off this trope by my irl experiences, which have taught me there is 0% romance involved and 100% total bullshit
i will, however, write from an unrequited third party’s pov like i need to do so to live
2. angst w/o a happy ending
first off, lbr, my angst boils down to “mutual pining where nobody knows what the fuck is going on until suddenly they’re making out roughly 2-4k words later” bc i am not here for the slow burn
second: i don’t subscribe to the bs notion that your writing can only be ~deep and ~meaningful if it ends in some level of tragedy. full offense but fuck off. i don’t write to give myself MORE anxiety. so what if you slip into fan service or “unrealistic” happiness? (wtf does that even MEAN, by the way? do y'all really think that everything just sucks all the time? no, it doesn’t. fight me, nicholas sparks)
absolutely no hate intended @ those of you who do write it, enjoy it, etc. i’m just tired of this philosophy that ultimate suffering is the only way to make your work resonate with your audience. there is a LOT to be said for stories of hope and triumph, and in fact i think they’re wildly underappreciated
alluded to above, but i just don’t have the time and i’m antsy by nature
4. first-person pov
if i want to self-insert i will do so privately (unintentional innuendo, but i do feel that first-person is a way to self-insert w/o actually having to call it that)
5. rated g
if somebody doesn’t at least reference dick by the end of it, then it’s probably not me (the exception to this rule would be my swan princess au, bc referencing dick in a children’s tale remix is fuckin’ weird)
i’m tagging: actually i think most of you have done this–but if not, do it up and tag me so i can see!
Anaheim Ducks: You turn on a Ducks game. The screen is white. It must be Ryan Getzlaf’s bald head, you think. You’re probably right.
Arizona Coyotes: You accidentally call them the Phoenix Coyotes. No one corrects you. You’ve never encountered someone with them as their favorite team.
Boston Bruins: Chara checks someone into the boards. That someone disappears into thin air. You wonder if they keep a list of people Chara has made disappear like that.
Buffalo Sabres: You constantly forget about their existence. Would they be more relevant if they had won the draft lottery and had gotten McDavid, you think sometimes. You forget about them again.
Calgary Flames: A Flames game gets interrupted. Someone yells that there’s a child on the ice. It turns out to be Johnny Gaudreau. Gaudreau eats a Snickers on the bench, and scores.
Carolina Hurricanes: The Canes are down 6-0. Jeff Skinner smiles at a ref. The Canes are up 6-0.
Chicago Blackhawks: Chelsea Dagger starts playing in the distance. Oh no. You start running. The music gets louder. Someone yells: “3 cups in 6 years”. You’re crying. You can’t hide.
Colorado Avalanche: Someone on their roster scores. You must be dreaming. They get a win. This can’t be real, you think. The world must be ending.
Columbus Blue Jackets: You blankly stare at the TV. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve heard the cannon by now. You stopped counting after 10. Your team still hasn’t scored.
Dallas Stars: There’s a fan crying. “Our goalie situation is shit,” they sob. Another fan rubs their back. “At least Tyler Seguin is still hot,” they say. You roll your eyes.
Detroit Red Wings: You hear someone cursing Dylan Larkin. “Why can’t he score,” you hear them say. Crying, they cuddle up to their Yzerman hugging pillow.
Edmonton Oilers: “McDavid sucks,” someone says. Ten Oilers fans and Milan Lucic appear from nowhere. “You suck,” Lucic says and punches them.
Florida Panthers: There’s a ceremony before the game. Jagr is turning 70. Jagr scores the OT winner.
Los Angeles Kings: You make eye contact with Anze Kopitar. He looks dead inside. You nod at each other. What is Kopitar losing fate in, you think. You still relate to him.
Minnesota Wild: The Wild has a 10 win streak. It ends in a 0-1 loss to an irrelevant team. They start a new 10 win streak.
Montreal Canadiens: Carey Price breaks all his limbs. Therrien doesn’t pull him. Shea Weber positions himself on the ice. Al Montoya tells Weber to take the shot while maintaining eye contact with Therrien. Weber shoots. They hire their rivals’ old coach. You wonder if god is real.
Nashville Predators: You meet a fan. They’re crying. “How are you?” you ask. They keep sobbing. You notice they’re wearing a Weber jersey. You understand.
New Jersey Devils: You watch a Devils game. You can’t remember the score after it. You’re only convinced that Adam Henrique is not real.
New York Islanders: John Tavares gives an interview. He’s more plain and boring than you remembered. You can’t stop watching though.
New York Rangers: Henrik Lundqvist stops the game to have a photoshoot. The play continues. He’s not in the net. He makes a save. You don’t understand.
Ottawa Senators: “Ottawa Senators,” someone says. You have to think for a while. You remember Erik Karlsson. That’s it.
Philadelphia Flyers: No one has seen Jakub Voracek’s face in five years. His beard and hair just keep growing. No one knows how to stop the growth.
Pittsburgh Penguins: Someone accidentally says “Crosby.” In a minute, there’s someone with a peach emoji. You hear the words Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion at least once a day.
San Jose Sharks: Someone on their roster scores four times. Joe Thornton is somewhere, stroking himself. Despite the lead, Martin Jones sits on the bench with dead eyes.
St. Louis Blues: Tarasenko scores. Tarasenko scores again. You wonder if anyone else ever scores for them.
Tampa Bay Lightning: No one has seen Steven Stamkos in years. People wish for his return. No one expect nothing though.
Toronto Maple Leafs: “Matthews is better than Laine,” someone says. You keep quiet. It doesn’t matter if you agree. You’ll get attacked either way.
Vancouver Canucks: Henrik and Daniel Sedin have assisted each other in every goal they’ve scored. You don’t believe they’re two different people until you see them in person. Even after that you’re doubtful.
Washington Capitals: Ovechkin is in his spot. Everyone sees him, no one defends him. He shoots, he scores. In the distance, someone says: “Crosby is better.”
Winnipeg Jets: “Laine is better than Matthews,” someone says. You keep quiet. It doesn’t matter if you agree. You’ll get attacked either way.