s

Dear T,

How are you? It’s been so long, I almost forgot that we used to talk all day, every day, late into the night before one or both of us inevitably dozed off. Telling each other secrets, coming up with inside jokes, making plans for the future.

And then you said those words that tore everything apart. I was falling for you when you said those fateful words. When you told me I should “probably start hitting the gym a lot more because it’s getting out of hand." I wasn’t even overweight. I was at a healthy weight. I wasn’t eating too well but I was eating small portions of the unhealthy stuff and exercising some to compensate. But you hurt me. A lot.

It’s been almost four months since that. I still abhor what I see in the mirror more than I ever did when I was in middle school. I still look at myself and see the fat you pointed out. All the "problem areas” your disgusting eyes saw. I still cringe every time I think about going to the pool and wearing a swimsuit.

But here’s the thing. I’m now down 15 pounds and a few pants sizes. Because that pain I felt? That anger? I turned it into motivation. So that when we did inevitably run into each other again, you’d realize you lost out. And oh man have you lost out. I’m with a man who loves me, flaws and all. Who encourages me and holds me accountable but still will curl up on the couch with a pint of ice cream late at night to watch a movie right before we go bed. Who for the first time in years, makes me feel beautiful. A man who I hope to one day marry and have a family with.

We talk all day, every day, late into the night before one of us either needs to sleep or go to work. We tell each other secrets. We have inside jokes. We have plans for the future. In some ways he’s not so different from you. In others, he’s worlds different from you. With him, I can see that future. We’re partners. We’re not unequal, unlike you and I. He takes care of me, I take care of him.

So here’s to you hurting me and making me make a change in my life that led to me meeting the man of my dreams. Good luck with your life. I guess.

S.

Word of the Day

Sthenia, n. /s’then-ē’a/ - Unusual energy; excited force: said of diseases that manifest excessive excitement of action.

       Source: Funk & Wagnalls New Standard Dictionary, 1953