rw: portal

headcanon: rick was originally built to be an assistant robot for aperture’s short-lived natural biology department. he would have been carried on field expeditions and come with a large internal databank for storing observations of natural phenomena, and also a pretty big pre-existing stock of field/survival knowledge (how to make a shelter, what animals and foods are safe, etc.). for the scientists out on expeditions, he would have his funny, friendly personality to keep away loneliness, an internal heater to (supposedly) keep everyone warm without causing forest fires, and an extremely energy efficient battery, that can be solar-powered if needed. rick would’ve basically been a field scientist’s best friend. sadly, cave was the asshole he is and decided “who cares about nature!?” and defunded the whole program, so rick got stuck with just the personality but none of the cool stuff he would have had. he’s also never been on a real adventure.

anonymous asked:

Chell being called pet names in languages she doesn't understand and when she asks what they mean, Glados pretends she doesn't do it

(( I can’t speak any other languages than english, fair warning, so hopefully this isn’t too bad. ))

Chell was fluent in two languages.

She understood perfect english and could speak it- despite only actually speaking when she really needed to- and she knew sign language.  That was her primary form of communication.

Knowing two languages came in handy, but that knowledge paled in comparison to a certain Queen of Aperture.

Of course Chell should’ve expected the core to flaunt her abilities somewhat, she was a supercomputer, and a rather proud supercomputer at that. She had access to information and skills that would take humans years and years to fully understand, and she could do it in seconds.  That involved insanely advanced and-in Chell’s opinion-pointless math, a tediously in-depth knowledge of very specific events in history, and of course, being able to speak every language known to man.

And that was incredibly hard to keep up with.

It wasn’t like the core was constantly speaking in foreign languages, for the most part GLaDOS spoke english.  But there was… the occasional exception.

Pet names.

Or, what Chell could only assume were pet names, she had no idea what the hell they all meant, only the tone of voice used to speak them, and the context of which they were used.

She had never expected the core to be one for affectionate names, but ever since the two of them started seeing each other in a romantic light, she was proven wrong.

One in particular stood out to Chell, as she had heard it before.

If the AI was in a good mood, she’d often address Chell as ‘Cara mia,’ a term she had heard in the turrets’ farewell song to her nearly a year ago.  She could tell it was Italian, but that was it.

She had no access to books on the subject, and every time she had asked the core, GLaDOS acted completely oblivious.

It annoyed Chell to not know something, but GLaDOS used the words in an agreeable manner, and it seemed affectionate enough, so she let it go.

But that wasn’t the end of it.

She was leaning against the core on a couch in her room, snuggling up to the android’s warm body and nearly falling asleep. GLaDOS had been running her hands through Chell’s hair, massaging her scalp and humming softly. It was enough to nearly knock her human out cold, as she was already exhausted from a long day of jumping from test chamber to test chamber. But one thing shook her back into the waking world.

“Hm… Ma bella.”

The core purred these words out, her voice as smooth as silk.  Despite how pleasing they were to the ear, that didn’t change the fact that this was something completely new, and still, something completely alien to Chell.

She shook herself awake, shifting to face the core and raising her hands to hastily sign,

‘See! That was what I’ve been trying to ask you about! What did you just say?’

Her expression was somewhat exasperated, though still a bit dazed and sleepy.  She was determined to get an answer out of GLaDOS, as curiosity bubbled in her chest.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

GLaDOS smugly responded, a grin on her face that rivaled that of the Cheshire cat.  She knew exactly what Chell was asking, yet still refused to answer.  She enjoyed this.  She took extreme pleasure in taunting Chell.

And while Chell was far too tired to get properly angry, she puffed out her cheeks in annoyance, hoping that shooting the AI a pout would get her to break.

…It didn’t. All it earned was an amused chuckle from the core, who moved to stand up.

“Don’t worry so much. You can’t understand everything, that’s my job.”

Chell still frowned, though allowed GLaDOS to pick her up and move her to the bed.  She was definitely still annoyed at the core for dodging the question, but… maybe it could wait until tomorrow. This bed was seeming quite comfortable, and sleep sounded very good right about now.

Maybe… maybe this was just how GLaDOS showed affection, and how she was most comfortable. If so, who was Chell to be getting annoyed with the core?  Perhaps she really should just let it go…

“See? You ought to get some sleep. You humans tend to need that.”

Chell nodded sleepily, nuzzling her face into her pillow and yawning. She watched the core walk towards her door, her metal hand resting on the lightswitch before she looked over her shoulder at Chell, a twinkle of amusement gleaming in her optics.

“Sleep well… Liebling.”

And without missing a beat, GLaDOS turned the lights off, left the room, and closed the door behind her.

The result was a very rare, muffled yell of frustration coming from Chell’s room, and a supercomputer trying her hardest to contain her laughter as she walked back to her chamber.

anonymous asked:

when glados says "i hate u" to chell quickly pull out a lie detector.... i can imagine what happens...

(( Fear not anon, you don’t need to imagine it, for I have written it. ))

“I hate you so much.”

GLaDOS’s voice came out as a low, irritated hiss, and she pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance as she stared at the human in front of her.

She had just been informed that Chell had been exploring around Old Aperture once more, and had accidentally triggered a chain reaction of multiple things falling apart. According to her, it started with a rusty old catwalk that SEEMED safe, and only got worse from there.  Because of all this, a large chunk of Old Aperture, that GLaDOS had been looking to further study, was currently buried under rubble and other broken items.  And since she had no control of the facility down there, she’d have to send Orange and Blue to go clean it up, which would take time.

To Chell’s credit, the girl had apologized, and moved as much of the stuff as she was able, but some of it was simply too dangerous for a human to move on her own, and despite her annoyance, GLaDOS was thankful Chell hadn’t been stubborn enough to try, and harm herself in the process.

‘I did find some stuff while I was down there, so it wasn’t a total waste.’

Chell signed this before gesturing to her shoulder bag, which did seem relatively full.

The girl had taken to finding old trinkets while she explored, so GLaDOS had asked her to pick up anything that might be of interest for the core as well, while she was down there.   It was a fairly good deal, so the android couldn’t really complain.  But… she was going to.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I hate you.”

She snipped, golden optics narrowed.  To an outsider, her words would seem overly harsh. And perhaps they were, in concept.  Her relationship with Chell had progressed to the point that the words had little sting, and she was fairly certain the girl was simply amused by them.  Like she saw GLaDOS as a cat with no claws. No matter how much she hissed, she was harmless.

However this time, Chell’s response wasn’t to simply chuckle or roll her eyes.  Instead, she grinned, and reached inside her bag, pulling out something that appeared to be nothing but more junk.

“…What is that?”

In fact, it looked like… a child’s toy?  It seemed to be made rather badly, out of once brightly colored plastic that had been dulled with dirt and time.

‘Lie detector.’

Chell mouthed this, seeming quite proud of herself as she brushed it off and turned it on.  She must’ve already put new batteries into the thing, as it flickered to life almost instantly.

“Surely you know those things don’t work, right? They’re little more than a toy to waste childrens’ time.”

The ex-test subject only smiled. Seeming as if she was waiting for the core to say something in particular.  GLaDOS had a pretty strong idea as to what.

“Oh you want me to test it? Fine. I hate you.”

She snapped, trying her hardest to glare the girl down.

Instead, Chell responded by looking down at the device in her hands, grinning like a moron.

Smugly, she held it up, showing the screen to the core.

‘LIE,’ was written across the screen in bright red text.

GLaDOS puffed her chest out, her eyelid twitching somewhat.

“That thing is clearly broken!”


“I still hate you!”


“Oh shut up!”

Chell looked up, a sheepish grin on her face.

‘I wasn’t talking,’

“I know you weren’t, you mute lunatic. But I swear if I see that thing one more time, I WILL break it.”


GLaDOS raised an eyebrow at the machine, catching the text on the screen as Chell put it away, a satisfied grin on her face.

Maybe that thing was a little more accurate than she wanted to admit.


(via The Chapel Passage, Balliol College, Oxford | Scott D. Haddow | Flickr)

To all of you who like Portal 2, I recommend this awesome musical parody of the game by Geekenders. It’s hilarious with a ton of parodied musical songs to fit the game. Plus the Wheatley is really cute…

It’s an actual full length musical! Watch it here!

Here’s some screenshots:

They use portals…

There’s an entire music number and dance CENTERED around the portals!

Wheatley is honestly the best thing in this entire musical.

Plus the GLaDOS is killing it too.

Seriously, I recommend watching it.