Human AU where England is a police officer and Ivan is a member of the Russian mafia who keeps hitting on him and will only accept arrest without a fight if Officer Kirkland is the one putting on the handcuffs. Try as he might, Kirkland and the rest of the police force can never seem to find enough evidence to convict Braginsky so they have to keep letting him go and he does stuff like leave his phone number for Arthur in his cell or bring his own pair of (fuzzy) handcuffs when he gets arrested.
England and Russia met at the Yalta Conference, they discussed their hobbies. England told Russia that he collected jokes people told about him. Russia said he collected people who told jokes about him.