He looked so pretty with his brown eyes staring up at you with innocence, and you just looked at your boy with admiration. His lips were swollen from the brutal kisses you awarded him with out of anger, and his tongue poked out to wet them. He looked so damn pretty and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t want to just sit on his face to have his mouth on you- treating you like the absolute queen that he thought you were in his eyes. However, you were in charge here, and he hadn’t been a good boy earlier that night when you went out to a party and the topic of your sex life magically came up. Not only did he openly allow for some other girl to flirt with him, but he claimed that he was the dominant one in the bedroom; this caused you to become upset with him and he could tell by the tension on the car ride home that he’d upset you.
So no, you refused to crack so easily, no matter how tempting it was to just push him back and ride his tongue.
“Please- I just want to please you. I.. I’m sorry,” He begged with wide eyes as he sat on the bed, his feet touching the floor as he gripped your waist in his hands- pulling you closer. He didn’t need to be told as to what he did wrong because he knew. You had your arms crossed over your chest, and Calum wishes that you’d run your fingers through through his hair in the calming way you always did before you’d purr that he’s a good boy.
“You don’t deserve to touch me,” You removed his hands from your body and you move to unzip your dress in front of him. He’s only wearing his boxers, and it was obvious that he was already beginning to get worked up. The dress falls to the floor and you’re wearing a matching bra and underwear set as you step out of the pool of clothing on the floor. “You deserve to watch me touch myself.” You whisper in his ear, straddling him for a moment before moving your body up towards the head of the bed, letting your hair splay out on the pillows.
“Wouldn’t you like that, baby boy?” Your voice is wicked while sliding your hand down your body, letting your fingers disappear below the waistband of your underwear, your other hand gripping onto your left breast. Your eyes bore into Calum’s as he’s now fully on the bed, looking at you with a pleading look.
“What if I say no?” He chokes out, watching you slowly tease yourself.
“You don’t have a choice, you lost that choice when you forgot who was in charge.”
But I kinda want to make a check-in. Talk about what things have been like since the story I told last year.
I have met incredible people at my college ministry. People so deeply rooted in the Bible and it’s history and I have done nothing but learn and learn and learn. A couple of girls in the leadership invited me to join them in a Bible Study plan to read the entire Bible in a year, and I’m so thankful for the drive God has given me, because I have never had an interest to read my Bible as much as I do now.
I think the thing that interests me the most in my growth is that I’m not afraid to search the depths and history of Christianity anymore. Like I said in my post last year, I was terrified to challenge the Bible out of fear that it was feeble and false, because I was so comfortable in my Good Little Christian bubble that finding out it was wrong would be a blow straight to my gut and my heart.
But the thing about Christianity is that it’s so rich and deep, and the more I look and dig into it, the more I find, and the more my faith solidifies. And in my slow, rough days, going to Him and the Bible brings me comfort, because I know it’s true. It’s not like I don’t struggle anymore; there are still days where I fall back into my past darkness, but it’s got nothing on the joy I’ve had rediscovering my faith and making relationships with the amazing men and women of my college ministry.
I’m still learning, and my God is with me every step of the way. Out of my struggling and fears He showed Himself to me and blessed me with amazing people that help lead me to Him. I could never be thankful enough.