don't snap


And just like that it seemed the veil of lies he had worked on tying tightly around himself dissipated almost immediately. “But… I am okay.”

And just like that his gaze darkened, casted towards the Bluebird though it seemed more like he wasn’t staring at anything at all. “… I am fine…”

“Why… why would you say that? Why!? I am fine! I’m okay! See? I’m fine!” He was getting hysterical now. The thought of this particular person ever saying something like that to him had never crossed his mind before… 

Well, maybe he did deserve it. Jun was right though… this would happen sooner or later.

—Shut the hell up.“ And just like that, he snapped. "Night… after night he’d tell me you would say this… he was right… you don’t think I’m fine, do you? You think I’m a fuckin’ freak, don’t you? YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND EVERYONE FUCKING LOVES YOU THAT YOU’RE SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER, DON’T YOU!?”

He punched a nearby wall and laughed loudly. “Aaah… haha… ahaha… of course… monsters who’ve never been in hell always think like this…~ Why the hell should I have ever trusted you in the first place… you’re just like all of them.”

   Who was Kaoru not to notice those finely woven little lies? that net wrapped around Shigeru made out of pretend? He was good, he had to give him that–for a while, he had almost fooled the Bluebird, as well. But Kaoru himself was too damaged to not see through something like this. He always saw through Ryouichi, Izumi, Naoki, and he saw through Shigeru, as well. if one paid attention, he thought, it wasn’t even that difficult.

   Maybe his choice of words had been too harsh, judging by the other’s sudden change in demeanor, the way his eyes simply stared, but remained unfocused…but this kind of reaction was exactly what he had wanted to coax out, or not? Still…he wasn’t sure if he was prepared for whatever was to come. Small hands balled into tight fists on either side of Kaoru’s body, and he watched, silently, teeth biting into the inside of his bottom lip as the other’s voice turned hysterical.

   The Strain immediately froze in place at the complete change in attitude, and he had to muster so much self-control to not let the other see how shocked he actually was. he had always known there was something underneath that clumsy, socially awkward facade. But until now, he had always tolerated the other shoving that side away. 

   Those times were over now.

The punch to the wall made him flinch, and Kaoru immediately scolded himself for reacting so strongly, struggling to regain his composure despite those spiteful words, despite the venom dropping off every syllable. And finally, the Bluebird spoke, his voice surprisingly calm, contrary to how much his chest already hurt, how dry his throat already was.

   "No, I don’t think you’re fine. I know you’re not fine. I don’t know who you think I am that I’d be this blind. But you’re wrong with everything else. I don’t think you’re a freak, or a monster, or anything of that sort. And I don’t think I’m better than you–if anything, I’m far worse.“ But Kaoru wasn’t the subject here, was he?

   "You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. You know exactly why you trust me, Shigeru. And you also know that I’m nothing like the people who called you freak and monster. You wouldn’t have allowed me to get so close if I was like them, right?”

anonymous asked:

What is the meaning behind your OTP's tag names?

Ooh, lemme see…first of all, most of the tag names I chose are more or less from my Muse’s pov.
Like the tag i have for IzuRin, OTP: piece me together is mainly because of a conversation these two had where Izumi told Rin that nobody ever took the time to piece him together again after being broken, and then he realized that Rin is doing exactly that finally–that’s why I chose that tag.
Then there’s the tag I have for ZakuKiyo, OTP: I won’t betray you, which is more or less something that has to do with both of their previous relationships. Zakuro’s girlfriend cheated on her and Kiyo’s ‘girlfriend’ wasn’t really much of a girlfriend, so i thought that tag would be accurate.
The OTP: lost in you tag for ShunAki is a little allusion to both of their tendencies to get lost in thoughts and daydreams.
OTP: smile for me for DaiRui means exactly that–smiling for each other. I think both of them are the happiest when they see each other smiling, after all, especially when they’re the reason, you know?
KinYuu’s OTP: irresistible is kind of self-explanatory–they couldn’t resist each other and now look where they are.
OTP: all the sweet things for ShigeKao refers to their shared love for cake and sweets, tbh. And also how sweet and adorable their relationship is in general.
OTP: devious serendipity for SakEry is also kind of self-explanatory–Sakuya didn’t ever expect to meet someone like Xakery, and he also never expected to fall in love with a person he can very well describe as 'devious’, but he is more than happy that everything went the way it did. See?
Ah, NaoHina’s tag OTP: you fascinate me is also just…exactly what the tag says? Naoki was, first and foremost, incredibly fascinated at first–Hinata was such an interesting person that he couldn’t help himself but try and get to know him better. And he’s still very fascinated, rest assured.
ToshiAtsu’s tag OTP: to love a broken boy is yet another self.explanatory one? From Toshi’s POV, anyways. He never asked or spoke to Atsu about this, but he just already knows that something isn’t right, that he’s…well, a broken boy. The love part is gonna come soon, shh.
IkuYoshi’s tag OTP: it was always you is just, you know, a thing that happened because we more or less gave them a relationship pre-rping, where Ikuto had always had a bit of a crush since Yoshi joined and after Ikuto came back Yoshi suddenly felt the same.
And OTP: give me love for RyoHaji is…well. Give me love, like it’s written there. It’s something they both want from each other, even though they aren’t too aware of it yet.

Whoops, this got a little long! But I hope it makes sense to you uwu

Okay, I’m no good at the whole picture thingy, but anyway… I decided to give this a shot, but I’m pretty sure I’ll either miss people or wind up being completely confused by this whole process.

This is for the 404 people who put up with my bs every day on their dash and the 687 more people I follow and bother who ALSO put up with my bs.

Such as the mint anon.

People I’ll probably haunt until the day I die (in the good way, these are people I tend to follow everywhere or have followed for a long time):

kusanagis-bar | dog-of-homra | f1r3y-3y3s-of-just1c3 | fidelis-cor | dewa-masaomi-of-homra | ryoko-of-scepter4 | ardentesvoix | greenkingsproctor | frivolousbartender | ombresinistre | carefree-vassal | sapphireseduction | fractumxinnocentiae | kalamackxoxo | metatrolls | pragmatic-yellow-rabbit | sadistfushimi | sadisticbluemasochist | yatamisaki-chan | zweilttoko | voiceless-stars | ao-no-heika | ao-no-eishi | daisanokensha | churitsujosei | runningxrabbit | lilredspitfire | casswhy | homraspup | magician-ofthe-street | blue-ice-eyes | blue-letter-h | lackofrhythm | mama-yata | memoryxdealer | memoryofredhomra | the-serene-flame | indistinctheart | infernusregem | sayakai | tyrianghost | enomoto-tatsuya | nomorewings | icehot-addiction | sekeolath | godcomplex-informant | homrasphatboy-rikiokamamoto | gravesradium | noblessedenightingale | akai-denki-hime | queenofhomra | akagenki | shrapnelthoughts | sugoiyato | blackenedorchid | skirtinghabits

People I genuinely enjoy seeing on my dash or people who inspire me with their writing (people I’ve talked to in small amounts or torment on anon or people I’ve followed for a long time already and/or miss):

ghostmuchie | skating-and-skirts | skateboardingyatagarasu | ikebukuros | whimsical-hobbyist | homrafighter | g-garasucanusincendia | achromaticxcheria | naked-neko | silverkuroh | greendeathwizard | fukuroruri | redeyes-ofdestruction | isana-yashir0 | yat0gami-kur0h-kun | unrequitedlovelust | royal-red-siblings | the-fab-blue | thethirdking | ao-no-utsukushi-sa | sebby-kun | eexsto | ask-yuuzan | silverheartedking | lecherousflea | kittyoftheking | scarf-in-blue | elsa-queen-of-frozen | bleep3 | vakonktra | ancientlily | the-devilish-diner | euphoriatist | fiery-blue-crow | the-blue-echo | mischeifbanded | adventurous-fire-starter | crimson-strain | ignitethecigarette | sarucheeko | the-lost-messenger | the-protective-sword | rubberyross | restless-arrogance | homra-no-joshi | valley-of-roses | soulless-musicbox | red-everywhere | illuminate-obscuritatem | crimson-delusions | swirlspill | violet-ayame | sexyassglasses | believetheotakuwhobelievesinyou | lucian-silvestris | akiko-kusanagi | iraescriptum | nagisa-hazuki | the-hearts-shutter | asksurutoeric | thesilverkingyashiro

UHH. I think that’s it… Though, honestly, I don’t think I’ll unfollow anyone. Ever. Like, unless Tumblr does it somehow. So, I kind of technically think you’re all on my follow forever even if you go inactive… I cut some inactive blogs I loved out of here because I’m not sure if they’ve moved or otherwise, but I’ll tell you. Unless it’s out of my control, I can’t see me unfollowing anyone, really. 

Anyway, a formal thanks AND apology for all of you who put up with me one way or another… whether it’s following me, getting asks or anons from me or just anything else. Thanks. It’s really nice to watch you guys day to day while you do what you do.

For those things people do about people their closest to… I think I’ll put that somewhere else and make a different post for that.

runningxrabbit replied to your post: runningxrabbit said:[for the bird…

“Energy renewal.” Believe it or not he’s dead serious about this. “Give me love and strength and the power of holding back to not punch out an idiot…. and maybe a kiss.”

   "Y‘think I’m a good person t'help with that~?“ the Bluebird responded with a giggle, auric hues peeking up into the other’s face. "Ah, greedy Shi-chan.” Not that he minded that. “Who’s the idiot y'wanna punch out?” he inquired as he leaned up to press a few feathery kisses to the Rabbit’s jawline. “Y'better not get yerself into trouble.”