And just like that it seemed the veil of lies he had worked on tying tightly around himself dissipated almost immediately. “But… I am okay.”
And just like that his gaze darkened, casted towards the Bluebird though it seemed more like he wasn’t staring at anything at all. “… I am fine…”
“Why… why would you say that? Why!? I am fine! I’m okay! See? I’m fine!” He was getting hysterical now. The thought of this particular person ever saying something like that to him had never crossed his mind before…
Well, maybe he did deserve it. Jun was right though… this would happen sooner or later.
“—Shut the hell up.“ And just like that, he snapped. "Night… after night he’d tell me you would say this… he was right… you don’t think I’m fine, do you? You think I’m a fuckin’ freak, don’t you? YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND EVERYONE FUCKING LOVES YOU THAT YOU’RE SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER, DON’T YOU!?”
He punched a nearby wall and laughed loudly. “Aaah… haha… ahaha… of course… monsters who’ve never been in hell always think like this…~ Why the hell should I have ever trusted you in the first place… you’re just like all of them.”
Who was Kaoru not to notice those finely woven little lies? that net wrapped around Shigeru made out of pretend? He was good, he had to give him that–for a while, he had almost fooled the Bluebird, as well. But Kaoru himself was too damaged to not see through something like this. He always saw through Ryouichi, Izumi, Naoki, and he saw through Shigeru, as well. if one paid attention, he thought, it wasn’t even that difficult.
Maybe his choice of words had been too harsh, judging by the other’s sudden change in demeanor, the way his eyes simply stared, but remained unfocused…but this kind of reaction was exactly what he had wanted to coax out, or not? Still…he wasn’t sure if he was prepared for whatever was to come. Small hands balled into tight fists on either side of Kaoru’s body, and he watched, silently, teeth biting into the inside of his bottom lip as the other’s voice turned hysterical.
The Strain immediately froze in place at the complete change in attitude, and he had to muster so much self-control to not let the other see how shocked he actually was. he had always known there was something underneath that clumsy, socially awkward facade. But until now, he had always tolerated the other shoving that side away.
Those times were over now.
The punch to the wall made him flinch, and Kaoru immediately scolded himself for reacting so strongly, struggling to regain his composure despite those spiteful words, despite the venom dropping off every syllable. And finally, the Bluebird spoke, his voice surprisingly calm, contrary to how much his chest already hurt, how dry his throat already was.
"No, I don’t think you’re fine. I know you’re not fine. I don’t know who you think I am that I’d be this blind. But you’re wrong with everything else. I don’t think you’re a freak, or a monster, or anything of that sort. And I don’t think I’m better than you–if anything, I’m far worse.“ But Kaoru wasn’t the subject here, was he?
"You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. You know exactly why you trust me, Shigeru. And you also know that I’m nothing like the people who called you freak and monster. You wouldn’t have allowed me to get so close if I was like them, right?”