rule no. 1: the doctor lies

Moffat Era Rewatch: The Doctor’s Wife

Neil Gaiman writes Doctor Who and this viewer couldn’t be happier…

Warning: Spoilers Sweetie 

  • I love this episode so much. It is one of those episodes that you want to wrap your arms around and snuggle and keep it safe from all the bad things this world has to offer.
  • When this episode first aired Suranne Jones was probably still best known for being in Corrie. Now she’s probably the biggest actress on British television. And deservedly so.   
  • This episode is very… green.
  • I really like Auntie and Uncle. They’re a fun little pair of evil minions. 
  • I wonder who Idris was before all this or how she ended up down the plughole of the universe. 
  • Amy is still rockin’ the plaid. 
  • What’s great about this episode is that it is clearly written by a fan, but one who understands that fan service is no substitute for a good story. So all the little references to the show’s past (such as those psychic messaging containers) are all used in service of the narrative. 
  • “Didn’t feel like himself unless he had the tattoo. Or herself, a couple of times.” The road to Jodie Whittaker started here. 
  • I hope that one day Gaiman finds time in his busy schedule to write a novelisation of this episode. 
  • “So we’re in a tiny bubble universe, sticking to the side of the bigger bubble universe?” "Yeah. No. But if it helps, yes.” 
  • The Doctor can now cross “Making out with the TARDIS” off his bucket list.
  • “Biting’s excellent. It’s like kissing, only there’s a winner.”
  • I love an Ood too, but i wish we’d got to see Gaiman original, more horrific, idea for Nephew 
  • House (brilliantly voiced by Michael Sheen) is such a great villain, one of my favourites from this era and probably the best one off villain of Matt’s tenure, which is all the more impressive considering because he is just a voice. 
  • “You want to be forgiven.” “Don’t we all.”
  • Rule 1. The Doctor lies.  
  • “It’s just what they’re called. It doesn’t mean he actually knows what he’s doing.” Amy has got the Doctor all figure out by this point. 
  • The little boxes have made him angry. 
  • Matt and Suranne is one of those pairings you wish you could see more off, but known that is probably better than you don’t because it makes their scenes together in this episode all the more special. 
  • “Are all people like this?” “Like what?” "So much bigger on the inside.”
  • “You were thinking you could build a working Tardis console out of broken remnants of a hundred different models. And you don’t care that it’s impossible.” It’s not impossible, Sexy. I can tell because ‘I Am the Doctor’ is playing. 
  • This is the second time in NuWho where we see other parts of the TARDIS. Sadly, budget limitations mean we only get to see the same bland corridors over and over again. 
  • “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.” 
  • It’s great that the TARDIS thinks of the companions as strays. Sahme there wasn’t time to hear her personal opinion of each and every one. 
  • Why didn’t Amy and Rory just stay close together so House couldn’t separate them? 
  • This makeshift TARDIS was design by a young fan who won a Blue Peter competition to design their own TARDIS. You just gotta love that Doctor Who is the kind of show that does stuff like that. 
  • Love how she just randomly adds a coat hanger, like the whole thing won’t work without it. 
  • House’s torture of Amy is really difficult to watch. Amy just did not have a good time this season.  
  • Of course Rory is the pretty one. Was there really any doubt? 
  • No, don’t split up again. Dammit. Amy and Rory are basically trapped in a haunted house and are making all the classic mistakes. 
  • Delight for Amy is her wedding day. *shipper joy* 
  • Hello, RTD era console room. 
  • RIP Nephew. Another Ood the Doctor failed to save. 
  • “She’s the TARDIS and she’s a woman.” “Did you wish really hard?” Like I said, Amy knows him so well at this point. 
  • “Always liked it when you called me old girl.” Me too. 
  • Farewell, RTD era console room. 
  • He may not have read the manual, but no one knows his TARDIS like the Doctor. 
  • “Fear me. I’ve killed hundreds of Time Lords.” "Fear me. I’ve killed all of them.” There’s a boast he can’t make again  
  • Rather appropriate that the TARDIS is the one who gets to kick the bad guy’s arse in this episode. 
  • This is so sad. I mean, the TARDIS doesn’t really die, but this will be the only time they will ever talk. I’m assuming. Who knows.
  • “I just wanted to say hello. Hello, Doctor. It’s so very, very nice to meet you.” *gross sobbing*
  • “The only water in the forest is the river” As foreshadowing goes, that is a little on the obvious side. 
  • Aww, Rory. You are too adorable. 
  • “No, bunkbeds are cool. A bed! With a ladder!”
  • The Doctor doesn’t need a room, the entire TARDIS is his room. 
  • ‘The Madman with a Box’ is one of Murray Gold’s best themes and a big reason why he will be so deeply missed if he does indeed leave after ‘Twice Upon a Time’ . 
  • Eleven excitedly running around the console and doing his little twirl never fails to put a smile on my face. This is pretty much the perfect Eleventh Doctor story. I’m sure it could’ve been made to fit any Doctor, but I don’t think it would’v worked quite as well as it does with this Doctor. 

Next Time: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People

A Little More Than A Splinter

Ship: 11XClara



  Clara. The impossible girl. Of course, to the doctor, however, how many times he would tell her how confusing she is…or how impossible she is…he always knew everything about her. Her likes, her dislikes, her…sass…control. She did happen to have a lot of that, didn’t she? Even her weaknesses. For one, she would go hyterical while watching any kind of sad movie. Or…how if you said her full name, she would pinch you everytime you called her by that. The doctor had learned after about…18 or so pinches. But everyone has their secrets, yeah?

    It all went down in accident of course. The Doctor was trying to remove a stubborn little splinter on the right side of her torso when it happened. And normally it wouldn’t have been an issue but…she just had to bump into a poison datral branch tree.

   “Doctor this is getting quite annoying.”

   “It’s been in you for too long, Clara. Are you still feeling alright?”

   “Just a headache from you talking so much.”

   “Oi! Shut up! I’m trying to help you here!”

   “Have you got it out?”

   “I’m working on it.”

   “Then you haven’t helped!”

    With a frustrated sigh, he threw his head back and pulled out the sonic screw driver, putting it to the spot where the little intruder lurked. After holding it there for about 5 seconds, he pulled it up and looked at it, probably only about 5 centimeters from his face.

   “It hasn’t administered any poison into you. But why?”

   Clara shrugged. “Maybe the part I touched didn’t have any poison.”

   “Not possible. I’ve been to that planet a number amount of times. All the braches, all of the sticks on that tree have a decent amount of toxin. But why haven’t you taken any in?”

   “Immunity? H-how amy I supposed to know, you’re the time traveler here!”

   “Just…hush for a minute, yeah?”

   The splinter was almost removed but Clara had started shaking with muffled laughter the minute the small, cold, metal plyers touched her ribs. The doctor looked at her in confusion, not being able to hide the smile creeping upon his lips. “Is something funny, Clara?”

    “N-no. You, uh…just…do whatever you have to do to get it out.”

    “Well you have to hold still for me to accuratly get the little bugger out without harming you in any way shape or form. Now Clara, hold. Still.”

    “I don’t think harming would be the right word.” Clara muttered.

    “Are you really in that much pain?”

    “I’m not in pain, Doctor. Just get the damned thing out!”

    “Okay okay!”

     Clara squirmed uncomfortably on the TARDIS floor, laying down on her back, letting the Doctor poke and prode her with some kind of metal plyer thingies. But they weren’t really plyers…more like big shiny pointy-ish things on sticks that would opens and close. Of course, no one would be comfortable with that, right?

    The Doctor dragged the metal tips across her ribs, sending her into silent hysterics again.

    “Clara, you need to hold still!”

    “Well it’s hard to do that when you keep tickling me!”


    The Doctor looked at her with curiosity. “Sorry.” But only returned to his work.

    Clara hadn’t expected the lack of interest in the man. Most humans would have exploited this…and took control but- Well, he wasn’t human. Different interests maybe? Maybe not? He still confused her even to a point where she didn’t understand.

    “So…that’s one thing I’ve never really figured out.” The Doctor said suddenly.


    “Humans and their sesnitivity to touch. Their much more…ticklish than others.”

    “Other what?”

    “Other aliens. You humans have too many nerve endings.”

    “It’s not our fault, you bloke. We can’t help it a-and don’t talk like we’re some…alien.” It sounded cooler in her head.

    He chuckled.

   Clara noticed something a bit stranger from that point on. It had been about 20 minutes since the start of the ‘procedure’ but ever since their little conversation about nerve endings, the Doctors touches had become more slow and feather like, making Clara squirm more than ever.  The Doctor poked Clara’s side, making her jump.

    “Oi! Stop that!” She scolded.

    He smirked. “Stop what? This?” He said with another poke. Her body lurched again.

    “Yes that!”

    “Just try and keep still.”

    Without another word, the Doctor sat up and sat on top of Clara’s waist placing the sonic screw driver right next to them.

    “What exactly are you doing?” Clara asked, amused.

    “Getting a better position.”

    “For what? You had a good enough position when you were by my side.”

    “Oh, the splinter? I removed that approximately 18 minutes ago.”

    “So…then what were you doing all that time?”

    “Well, until we got onto the subject of being ticklish, I was exracting the venom but by that time, I was finished so I was simply testing.”

    “Testing for more venom?”

    “No…testing for this.”

   His fingers latched on to Clara’s sides, sending her into a wild panic.

    “Doctor no. No. Stop.”

    “I haven’t even done anything yet!”

    “Doctor this isn’t a good idea.”

    “And why not, dear Clara?”

    “I…I don’t…”

    His face was drawn in mischeif. The second he realized she couldn’t come up with an answer, his fingers raced up her sides and down, spidering his hands all over her beautifully shaped figure. Clara burst out into laughter, desperately trying to grab the clawing hands away from her sides. But in a counter attack, the Doctor simply grabbed both of Clara’s wrists and forced them abover her head, the other hand tickling and pinching every inch of her torso he could. It was at one point where she was squirming around so much that she had managed to bring up her shirt. Her ribs, sides, and stomach were now fully exposed and the Doctor…oh, did he take full advantage of that.

    “D-Doctor!! Stahahahahaaaappppppp!”

    “I don’t know…you seem to be enjoying this. And I’m having a bit of fun, myself!”

    She gasped for air in between her involuntary giggles. “This isn’t fair!” She managed to squeek out in the limited breath she had.

    Unable to move or squirm away, Clara was helpless and getting desperate at a fast rate. She tried turning over to escape but the Doctor pinned her arm to the TARDIS floor, not letting her go anywhere. She spewed out giggles like a fountain. The Doctor stopped to let her breathe.

    “Please…get off…” She heavily breathed out.

    “Are you turning into a tomatoe? You face is quite red.”

    “I…wouldn’t…have  guessed…” Even though she was out of breath, she still had the ability to be her normal sassy self.

    The Doctor resumed his attack, but to a minimum this time, not wanting to hurt his dear companion or start a feud between them. She restricted himself to small pokes which still sent Clara into giggle fits, but she had more time to breathe as he carefully touched and proded her torso and ribs.

    There was one spot though. Right on her highest ribs, almost directly under the armpit, she would get squirmier whenever he approached there, so why not save it for last, right? The Doctor poked the exact spot and Clara’s giggles grew louder. Momentarily, he stopped the poking and placed his hands on her ribs, his finger tips right where 'the spot’ was, waiting for her  to assemble herself.

    Clara took this chance to push him off of her with surprisingly amount of force. She hopped up, and dusted off her skirt, glaring at the Doctor with a slight smile tugging at the corner of her mouth that she refused to show. She still muffled a few giggles. The Doctor pushed himself off of the ground, still smiling like the madman he was.

    “You know, that wasn’t nice at all.”

    The Doctor smiled. “Oh well.”

    “How would you like it if someone did that to you?”

    “Wouldn’t effect me, Oswald. I’m not ticklish.” As the conversation went on, he got bored and started fiddling with the TARDIS main controls. Clara however, was still interested if he was telling the truth. Rule number 1…the Doctor lies.

    Clara circled the controls, gliding her fingers across joysticks, buttons, and small thingies scattered accross the mainframe. She reached the Doctor who was staring at a small screen. He was too infatuated with what ever symbols were there to even notice that his companion sat right next to him. And ut of curiosity, Clara poked the Doctor’s side. He flinched but gave no other reaction.

    “Do you need something?” He mumbled, typing away at a keyboard.

    “No, nothing. Just…mucking about.”

    The Doctor smiled with a care-free grin as he reached for her and squeezed her side. She 'eeped’ and ran off to the bedroom inside the TARDIS to hide from anymore attacks.

    The Doctor really wasn’t too interested in what he was doing; he really just wanted to see what Clara would do when he told her that. He grinned to himself. Yeah, he was ticklish. But not enough to spark a reaction.

    In fun-fear, Clara peaked out from the hallway of the TARDIS and waited for the Doctor to notice her presence. He immedietly did…

    The two of them spent the rest of the day chasing eachother throughout the halls of the wonderful time traveling device, them laughing happily throughout every second.

thanks @naminethewitch!!!!

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The Ten Rules of Doctor Who

Rule #10: When the Doctor says “run”, you run.

Rule #9: Always sing along to the theme.

Rule #8: Be on the lookout for references.

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Rule #7: Crossovers are always awesome.

Rule #6: Always be accepting towards the new Doctor.

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Rule #5: Don’t you dare skip Nine.

Rule #4: Old Who is still cool.

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Rule #3: Forgive them for this:

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Rule #2: Bow ties will forevermore be cool.

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Rule 1: The Doctor lies.”

Just to show how much Moffat has twisted the core values of The Doctor and therefore the show. How can Eleven expect, “Trust me, I’m The Doctor” to have any worth if rule one about him is, the fact that he lies??! I don’t know if Moffat is intentionally trying to make The Doctor into an untrustworthy sexist dick, and pass it off as ‘character development’ or what…

(sorry you have to click to see full gif, sizing is off)