ruffian red

NSFW

THE CONTEXT: I’m currently DMing for the first time and we’re totally doing a run through of the lost mines of Phandelver, We have finally made it to the red brand ruffian encounter at the sleeping Giant, my little troop decimated them but left one alive to interrogate. After getting the information they needed, my rogue decides to break their neck.

Rogue (OOC): So I’m going to snap their neck.

Me: Okay, roll a strength check I guess?

Rogue: [rolls a 1]

Me:

Me:

Me: Okay, So you gently choke him  and he jizzes in his pants.

Earlier the Rogue had received some Ale from the Sleeping Giant
Rogue: (OOC):  I roll to drink my ale 

Me: You don’t ha-

Rogue: [rolls a 1 AGAIN]

Me, rolling with it: You miss and dump the whole thing on your face, you are now covered in jizz and ale

After several minutes of my team trying and failing to put the poor sod out of his misery, (a constant array of poor rolls, all 1’s!!) the Rogue finally manages to roll a nat 20.

Me: Okay,,, You snap their neck so hard it ends up turning to mush, just a total crumpled flesh soda can. Yuck. There is now jizz, ale and blood, everywhere

Rogue: I walk into the sleeping Giant and say “Clean up on aisle porch” Mic drop.

Ladies, Meet Ruffian Red

By Jauretsi

You know you’ve arrived in the fashion world when M.A.C. cosmetics names a color after you. The designer duo, Ruffian, newly launched the ultra cool ready-made manicures and lipsticks inspired by their runway vibe. Brian Wolk and Claude Morais describe the crescent nail set as “inspired by the phases of the moon”. Then there’s the red ones, which “one-up” your average signature red with a gothic French manicure in a talon shape, gold tipped square nails and demure black and créme ovals. We’re obsessed. 

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The Ruffian Red masterminds now join the eponymous legion of personalized nail names such as “Yves Klein Blue” and “Titian Red”. How did it all get started? "Isabella Blow was the woman who gave us our first break" gushes the designers who take a moment to reflect on the guardian angel who is the focus in London this week. “She introduced us to Nadja Swarovski who sponsored our first show” they say with a smile. “We have very fond memories of her”. In respect of Isabella’s legacy, check out the Isabella Blow Foundation

The M.A.C. Ruffian Collection retail for $18 for lipsticks and $25 for nail sets (24 pre made) on MacCosmetics.com

Last night in DnD

The charming bard, Alejandro Piña, arrives at the sleeping giant inn. He takes a swig of his potion of fire breath and then bursts through the door. He begins playing a sick metal riff as he launches balls of fire at the notorious red brand ruffians.

The building catches ablaze. The immediate threat to Phandalin has been stopped.

“That was lit,” our warlock on the matter.