THE CONTEXT: I’m currently DMing for the first time and we’re totally doing a run through of the lost mines of Phandelver, We have finally made it to the red brand ruffian encounter at the sleeping Giant, my little troop decimated them but left one alive to interrogate. After getting the information they needed, my rogue decides to break their neck.
Rogue (OOC): So I’m going to snap their neck.
Me: Okay, roll a strength check I guess?
Rogue: [rolls a 1]
Me: Okay, So you gently choke him and he jizzes in his pants.
Earlier the Rogue had received some Ale from the Sleeping Giant
Rogue: (OOC): I roll to drink my ale
Me: You don’t ha-
Rogue: [rolls a 1 AGAIN]
Me, rolling with it: You miss and dump the whole thing on your face, you are now covered in jizz and ale
After several minutes of my team trying and failing to put the poor sod out of his misery, (a constant array of poor rolls, all 1’s!!) the Rogue finally manages to roll a nat 20.
Me: Okay,,, You snap their neck so hard it ends up turning to mush, just a total crumpled flesh soda can. Yuck. There is now jizz, ale and blood, everywhere
Rogue: I walk into the sleeping Giant and say “Clean up on aisle porch” Mic drop.