rubuskusu

(aijin 愛人lover )

As a lover, she feel drowned then thought “maybe we will meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and i will be right for you and you will be right for me. But right now, i am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.” My darling, we will meet again. ✴

2

You are like Istanbul. Crowded, full of misery, pain, melancholy, loneliness, suffering, dirt, betrayal, judgmental everything bad. But when I across the Bosphorus with boat on that sea-I find myself starting to fall in love with Istanbul again in the middle of the sea. I mean it. Its happens each time. There are many reasons to hate Istanbul. Istanbul makes me nervous, Istanbul prevents me to go on, Istanbul makes me feel upset. But that sea is enough to love Istanbul. I just cant control my love for Istanbul. For you. You are definitely Istanbul. I hate Istanbul. And I love Istanbul.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jH_WehcMYro

2

“Who did that to you? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you’ve completely shut down anyone who tries to help you. You don’t talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative people in. You refuse to open up and let someone love or care about you. Who fucking did that to you?”

http://1bardakkahve.tumblr.com/post/94335424474/who-did-that-to-you-who-fucked-you-up-so-bad

2

In 2011.
I went that church. I dont know why but I stole one candle. I also did lit another candle but I took one with me.
I saved this candle in one of my bottles. I always thought “I can lit it up for important thing later. ”
05/04/2014 today.
I just did it.
I tried to write my whole pray. And then I keep hold this candle in my hand until its gone. I let pour the candle drops on black praying paper.
It was good.
I felt good somehow.
Maybe you dont even think about me right now. But thinking about you all I can. 6 months. Still thinking about you.
I prayed for us again.
But this time I have proof.
You have to come.
You have to come.
You just have to come.
Please come.
Its enough.