rubber brothers

Things Bruce has definitely said to his boys

“No. You can not wear your boxers around the house. We are not barn animals.”

“It is not okay to draw obscenities on your brothers forehead with lipstick while he’s sleeping.”

“Do not bake churros in the kitchen at four in the morning ever again.”

*doesn’t use intercom, yells from kitchen* “DICK!! Bring the thirty six cereal bowls down from your room, NOW!”

“You spent $3000 at Mc Donald’s in the past week? How, is, that, even, possible?”

“Where did all the decorative pinecones in the front entrance go?”

“Alfred told me he washed an entire wall in one of the upstarts washrooms that was covered with piss. Who and how?

“Using your brothers mattress as a sled to slide down the stairs is not acceptable. Nor are actual sleds.”

“Stop blasting Ariana Grande in the bat cave. I’m sick of hearing ‘Can’t a princess be a bad bitch,’ when I come home after patrol.”

“No, it is not okay to pee out your window. There’s twelve bathrooms in this house. Use one.”

“Is that a Metropolis State jersey? Take it off.”

“Why is there a butter knife sticking from Tim’s door? How did you even stick it in there, this is solid oak.”

“Do not dress up as a clown and stalk through the house at three in the morning again. Are you trying to scare your father to death?”

“Why is there satanic runes written with Nutella across the floor of the den?”

“There are twenty tubs of ice cream in the freezer. Get rid of them.”

“I do not want to catch you cussing at your brothers in Arabic, Mandarin, or any other language ever again.”

“Pizza is not considered an adequate meal. Nor is Taco Bell, taco Tuesday is not a holiday in this family.”

“Why are you wearing your sisters Lululemon leggings? …I don’t care if it was a bet. Take them off.”

“No, you can’t dump lukewarm coffee on your brother.”

“Go for a run before I shave your hair off in your sleep. You’re driving me mad with your complaining.”

“No, you can not shoot your brothers with rubber bullets…. even if they deserve it.”

“I pay for your adventures, you pay me with silence after five o'clock.”

“No, we can not put a freezer dedicated to ham in the bat cave.”

“Send me a picture of a clean room and Alfred will restore the wifi. And don’t even think about hacking or you won’t see the light of day for a week.”

“You bought fifteen boxes of Lucky Charms. I don’t even know what to say to that.”

*whispers* “For fucks sake.” *louder* “Why is there ground beef in the dryer!!”

“Did you actually put that Cheeto you found on the sidewalk in your mouth? Be thankful I have the money for healthy care.”


John Belushi arrives un-announced at WBCN in 1979. 

DJ: Let’s play “Rubber Biscuits,” OK? What a song!

John: Well that’s Danny, this is Danny, this is Elwood. 

DJ: I know, but I mean he’s your bro, you know?

John: He, he’s great. 

DJ: Yeah, how did you find the Chips song? I mean nobody had heard of that.

John: He used to sing that to me in the car, to drive me crazy!…And when we got the band together I said, “You’re doing this song, Aykroyd!” 

DJ: John, what a hit, that’s going to be a hit. Call your local AM radio stations, folks, and request the Blues Brothers…

John: That’s Danny, that’s…he’s, he’s great…

DJ: You too, though. 

John: Oh, it’s Danny too, it’s not me. :)

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