I honestly didn’t know I was negatively
affecting people that much. I know I’m a bit too abrasive and harsh
for some people and I’m slowly starting to realize it can actually
hurt them. It is all unintentional though. I genuinely feel bad, and
Ziegs, I wish you and everyone I’ve accidentally hurt the best.
And please know that I would never, absolutely for any reason try and stop someone from pursuing any kind of career. I’m not sure how I even feasibly would and I don’t know how you came to that conclusion, but know that that is not the kind of person I am.
I am also NOT the type of person to push someone to suicidal thoughts. I am not. Where this lie (and I don’t mean to invalidate what Ziegs felt, I don’t. I simply mean this as the lie that I am intentionally someone who would do this) came from, I’ve no clue but I wish to stop it here and now.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression. I know what it is like to be at the brink and I find myself there far too much. And to think there are people that actually believe I am some type of monster to push someone there as well – I just can’t find myself wanting to go on knowing that such a blatant lie exists. Please, whatever you think of me – be it “rude” or “bitch”, that’s fine. But, I am begging you to believe, I am NOT someone who would ever put someone to even begin thinking of taking their life.
Had I ever known or ever been told that’s what I was apparently doing, I would have immediately stopped.
sorry that I was so detrimental to you, I am. But I was never
made aware of my actions. Not once was I ever told about how you
once. You spoke
to Cry once and then left. You gave him an ultimatum and expected him
to be a miracle worker. There’s no excuse for that. In no way,
through text or through speech, did you try to get to me to tell me
what I was doing.
I can understand your reasoning, I can. But it isn’t fair to him or to me how you went about this.
I am being yelled at, harassed, insulted, and threatened for doing something I was never told I was doing.
Ziegs, I wish you had actually come to me about how you felt about me or about how I was affecting you, because it is hard to word things right now without seeming insincere or defensive. But if that is how it had to be, then I suppose it’s how it has to be. By going public with private affairs, you chose the hard way for everybody, and I wish things were different. It isn’t fair to any of us now.
I am sorry. I hope you realize that I’m not whatever horrible thing you think I am; I’m a person.
I am a person who is trying.