summary: dan’s a tired sports reporter, phil’s a friendly vampire with no real sense of boundaries and a propensity for bad dracula jokes as well as leaving his unconscious victims in dan’s kitchen. this isn’t how dan thought courtship goes, but he’ll take it.
notes: wanted to write something about modern city vampires for a long time - and then an anon talked about my angst and said, i challenge you to write something absolutely ridiculous, and of course i have a secret folder of ridiculous prompts waiting around to be written, so… i did.
based on the sentence prompt you need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen
, although no one really dies. full title reads: be sure to ring the doorbell (before you climb in through the window). enjoy. (warning for: blood and vampires-related business. no character died in the making of this story.) also read on ao3.
Dan finds a passed out woman bleeding onto the kitchen
floor at two in the morning, sighs, then flicks the light switch on.
“All I wanted was a bowl of cereal,” he tells the
woman who’s only just waking up, clutching her head between two palms and
looking around in confusion. “Like, seriously. Some respect for people’s
midnight snack schedules, right?”
The woman looks at Dan like he’s mental. She’s got a
point, maybe, sitting on a stranger’s kitchen floor smudged with her own blood
while the stranger’s talking to her about midnight snacks. Dan hands her a
glass of water and a prescription bottle of iron tablets and can’t help but
think that the last one was more polite.